(no subject)
Funny how I still come back here occasionally when I'm struggling a bit. So, after 9 months off meds and going really well, I started back on them today. When I think about it I have come so far since I started this journal. Got myself out of being very agoraphobic after 18 months or so, pushed my way through 2 and a half years of uni. I get to my student placement after 8 months of being the most well i have being in a long time and I break down. Anxiety and all of that OCDish bullshit back.
Now I have 5 weeks or so off placement to get my shit together. Back on meds from today, Zoloft this time after having being on Lexapro, Aropax, Effexor xr, and Luvox and nothing for ages. Not sure if i should be going back on meds but need to be functional for this placement.
Weird bitching about my lot when I see the teens I'm working with. Foster care is a tough gig. Most of the kids have been abused physically or sexually, most have being in countless foster placements. First client I saw, arrested two hours later, was on Crimestoppers on the weekend as well. The highlight so far has being teaching a 14 yo boy to read. He gets frustrated in class, lashes out and the school suspends him. He gets frustrated cause he can't read so the school suspends him, yea, sure that's going to help him a lot.
So, need to get my shit together if I'm going to be useful at all. I'm also there to learn, not to save the world quite yet. At least the staff there were so understanding when I told them about my anxiety and that I need to take some time out to get myself right. Funny today being the first day I haven't had anywhere to go for ages. Feel really down in the dumps. As full on and stressful as it was I kinda already miss the place. Miss having people to talk to too. No uni friends around at the moment, no uni to go to, no people to call. Maybe it's the zoloft. Whatever it is I feel really down
Now I have 5 weeks or so off placement to get my shit together. Back on meds from today, Zoloft this time after having being on Lexapro, Aropax, Effexor xr, and Luvox and nothing for ages. Not sure if i should be going back on meds but need to be functional for this placement.
Weird bitching about my lot when I see the teens I'm working with. Foster care is a tough gig. Most of the kids have been abused physically or sexually, most have being in countless foster placements. First client I saw, arrested two hours later, was on Crimestoppers on the weekend as well. The highlight so far has being teaching a 14 yo boy to read. He gets frustrated in class, lashes out and the school suspends him. He gets frustrated cause he can't read so the school suspends him, yea, sure that's going to help him a lot.
So, need to get my shit together if I'm going to be useful at all. I'm also there to learn, not to save the world quite yet. At least the staff there were so understanding when I told them about my anxiety and that I need to take some time out to get myself right. Funny today being the first day I haven't had anywhere to go for ages. Feel really down in the dumps. As full on and stressful as it was I kinda already miss the place. Miss having people to talk to too. No uni friends around at the moment, no uni to go to, no people to call. Maybe it's the zoloft. Whatever it is I feel really down