Random thoughts

[robbiefry]

Being proactive
Being socially accepted
Being a productive human
Being positive

Where's the balance?
Why the constant contradictions?

Being stable
Being considerate
Being self assertive
Being happy

Not feeling apathy
Not giving in to what is easy

Being in a better state of mind
Being stronger
Being of better use
Being in a higher place

Why all the choices?
To do or not to do?
What is the next step?
Is there a next step?

What the hell am I even talking about?
I think I even have myself bewilderd
Listening to people and their choices
Their riddles, when i have my own to work out

Maybe I should stop and look
Or maybe that is exactly what I'm doing
What is proactive exactly?
Is it what I'm tolda it is?
Sometimes I just don'e believe that
Other times I don't believe in myself

That is just me being me though,
Feeling apathy, feeling numb, feeling tired
Decisions decisions, decisions
Too many to make, or maybe not enough
Yet another contradiction to ponder

Do i even care anymore, and if I dont, why is that?
Is it because I think everyoneis full of shit,
I'm, sick of trying to read through people's masks
When I cant even see through my own

I don't even know why I continue to type
Random thoughts on to a computer screen
My brain is about to go into meltdown
if not, my computer will soon
Do I really see things differently
Or do I just like to think I do

One day, i will work out all of my contradictions
I will work out what i truly what to say
what the inner voice inside of me actually means
For that though I need a dictionary
A foreign language one
I' still not sure what language i need
And how to decipher it

Till then this will do