Alternate Universe
I'm wasting away at work again... tough to not get down here. It's funny how I act so differently here compared to how I normally am. I'm on-the-go, man! I get one thing done and I'm already headway into the next one. No time for breathers, no time for stops! Lord, I gave myself a bit of a break to watch Fringe last night with a couple of friends, but that's all I can allow myself! Funny thought though there, alternate universes? That one tiny little thing goes differently, and the whole world ends up different? Meh, I don't believe it, but it's fun to think about.
And speaking of distractions, it's so nice to have the distraction of Easter coming up this weekend. It's funny how I can feel so old sometimes, worried about work and careers and if my life's on the way down rather than up, but then put me back in the old environment and I revert back to the me I was, the me I like. Funny how a setting and a person can do that, eh? One step on the treeball field with Alex and I'm a kid again.
To think I've been playing this dumb sport with him for nearly seven years now. Seven years. We made it up when I was... gosh. Twelve. So he was eleven... nope. Ten. 'Cause it was between our birthdays. Yowzers. And now here we are, nineteen and eighteen, one a sophomore in college, one a senior in high school, still playing the same silly game that started because head-to-head wiffleball got boring. It's interesting, I wonder a lot if Alex likes it now or thinks it's stupid. There's a very good shot it's the latter. But I think he knows how much the game means to me... after all, I still show him the latest iterations of the trading card game when we hang out. He always shows an interest, even makes the occasional suggestion. Is it 'cause he's being nice to me, or 'cause he's interested? I s'pose both are good things, right? If he's interested, that's kinda sweet, it'd make me sad if the game that's ours was becoming more and more just mine. And if he does it to be nice to me, well, it's kinda cool to think he's nice enough to not wanna hurt me?
That's the thing about Alex. Sometimes I can't read him. I feel like anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit of an open book. They know I don't drink or do drugs, they know I put myself into schoolwork, they know I'm a hard-worker, a good kid, cares about people. And because of all those traits, not exactly "cool." Although as I get older I'm finding people seem to find me cooler in a refreshing sense... but if we go back to that high school definition of it, then no. Alex... he blends in a whole lot better. It hurts me to say it, but he could be doing drugs or alcohol right now. I really don't know. When he's with me, he seems perfectly happy and able to have fun doing silly things. But I can see the signs, just from the stories he tells or the clothes he wears, that there's a shot that the Alex I know isn't the one that everybody knows. I can't be THAT naive. But it's things like when he shows an interest in treeball that give me hope. Because it's cool that he doesn't just stomp on the idea.
I often wonder how long we'll keep playing this game. I mean, we're nearly twenty now. What's the age when you stop "playing" when you hang out? When you get together and just watch a sport and talk, rather than go outside and play sports? I have to think I'm getting close to that age, but I wonder if I'll be different. I mean, when I go home this Saturday, I'm sure I'll go outside and shoot the basketball. Pretend I'm the Celtics. Taking on the Heat. Imagination running wild. Per usual. Will that ever stop? Does it stop when you have kids? Will I pass it on to my kids? Probably. Will Alex pass treeball on to his kids? Is that the big hope of the sport? That it becomes a way of me bonding with my kid? Fancy that thought.... kinda scary. Can't wrap my head around it now though. Just glad it'll be Alex vs. Me on Easter.
Our communication has decreased a lot recently. I remember back when I was about sixteen or so we'd talk on the phone for about an hour once a week. Guess that's not really a guy-ish thing to do though, is it? Man I love the kid though. Just talking sports was fun. It'll be fun when he gets here on Sunday. Video games, sports, all that stuff. I'm sure he'll have a good rant on the Red Sox. He's funny when he gets into that "woe is me" phase. Guessing he's not feeling to great about the Celtics either. Hey, I'll find out. It does make me a little sad that we don't talk as much. And when he comes over, he doesn't stay as long. Goodness, when we were younger he'd be over for a week. Now he generally just comes over for a day or two, especially since he can drive. Doesn't really bother me, I know he's got a lot of friends back home that miss him. I think that's where he and I differ, he's got friends to go back to. When he leaves me though, I'm alone. We have those different styles though.
Of course, I also compare the two of us as if we're the same age, just because I consider us equal in just about everything. SO odd to think he's two years behind me in school though. Senior in high school! He's got graduation coming up, final grades (oh boy) and the like. His grades have dropped a bit, not horrendously low, but still low. He was always an "of the moment" type person. So if he could skateboard "this moment" he would, even if it meant fail the test tomorrow. My mom gets on me a lot about trying to get his grades up, hoping I can motivate him. That's tough... it's his choices, and he's a stubborn kid. Mom says he'd listen to me... eh. I dunno. I s'pose I never think that I could be a role model for him, I just see us as on the same plane. I do forget the fact I'm further ahead of him in school. He'll be going to UNH next year, gonna try to do something with computers. He WOULD be good at that, and I hope he sticks with it, though I'm not sure. College may not be good for him. I really can't predict it, how he'll do making new friends. He's been with the same ones for twelve years. I wish I had advice for him, and I suppose I do, but I hate preaching to him. He'd have to ask me, and I doubt he'll do that. To think he might look up to me though as my mom says, I can't imagine that. I guess it's a real shot. Hey, I'll never know.
It's funny, I was scheduled to commentate a baseball game on Saturday, but I actually chose not to work it because Alex will be coming down. He says he'll be here early Saturday afternoon... I doubt he'll be here before the sun goes down. But merely having that chance, hey, I'll go home for that. Work's worn me down so much that I've kinda decided I need to enjoy life more. I really never did stop, did I? From high school when I did the school play and baseball, to college trying to run a TV station with volunteering and Candlepin for Kids and all that... I always placed importance on the things I need to do. Work's shown me, if it's shown me anything (fat chance!), to take it easy a little bit. I have a whole life of work ahead of me, and I need to enjoy the "play" moments a bit more. When you work forty hours a week and add in seven and a half hours of driving, it wears you down. So weekends like this, where I can get away from the world, be distracted by figuring out whether I should dodge or shoot out on the treeball field... they're more important than I may have ever realized. So I best enjoy 'em! After all, with college coming up and us getting older, I s'pose you never now which match between us could be the last one.
And speaking of distractions, it's so nice to have the distraction of Easter coming up this weekend. It's funny how I can feel so old sometimes, worried about work and careers and if my life's on the way down rather than up, but then put me back in the old environment and I revert back to the me I was, the me I like. Funny how a setting and a person can do that, eh? One step on the treeball field with Alex and I'm a kid again.
To think I've been playing this dumb sport with him for nearly seven years now. Seven years. We made it up when I was... gosh. Twelve. So he was eleven... nope. Ten. 'Cause it was between our birthdays. Yowzers. And now here we are, nineteen and eighteen, one a sophomore in college, one a senior in high school, still playing the same silly game that started because head-to-head wiffleball got boring. It's interesting, I wonder a lot if Alex likes it now or thinks it's stupid. There's a very good shot it's the latter. But I think he knows how much the game means to me... after all, I still show him the latest iterations of the trading card game when we hang out. He always shows an interest, even makes the occasional suggestion. Is it 'cause he's being nice to me, or 'cause he's interested? I s'pose both are good things, right? If he's interested, that's kinda sweet, it'd make me sad if the game that's ours was becoming more and more just mine. And if he does it to be nice to me, well, it's kinda cool to think he's nice enough to not wanna hurt me?
That's the thing about Alex. Sometimes I can't read him. I feel like anyone who knows me knows I'm a bit of an open book. They know I don't drink or do drugs, they know I put myself into schoolwork, they know I'm a hard-worker, a good kid, cares about people. And because of all those traits, not exactly "cool." Although as I get older I'm finding people seem to find me cooler in a refreshing sense... but if we go back to that high school definition of it, then no. Alex... he blends in a whole lot better. It hurts me to say it, but he could be doing drugs or alcohol right now. I really don't know. When he's with me, he seems perfectly happy and able to have fun doing silly things. But I can see the signs, just from the stories he tells or the clothes he wears, that there's a shot that the Alex I know isn't the one that everybody knows. I can't be THAT naive. But it's things like when he shows an interest in treeball that give me hope. Because it's cool that he doesn't just stomp on the idea.
I often wonder how long we'll keep playing this game. I mean, we're nearly twenty now. What's the age when you stop "playing" when you hang out? When you get together and just watch a sport and talk, rather than go outside and play sports? I have to think I'm getting close to that age, but I wonder if I'll be different. I mean, when I go home this Saturday, I'm sure I'll go outside and shoot the basketball. Pretend I'm the Celtics. Taking on the Heat. Imagination running wild. Per usual. Will that ever stop? Does it stop when you have kids? Will I pass it on to my kids? Probably. Will Alex pass treeball on to his kids? Is that the big hope of the sport? That it becomes a way of me bonding with my kid? Fancy that thought.... kinda scary. Can't wrap my head around it now though. Just glad it'll be Alex vs. Me on Easter.
Our communication has decreased a lot recently. I remember back when I was about sixteen or so we'd talk on the phone for about an hour once a week. Guess that's not really a guy-ish thing to do though, is it? Man I love the kid though. Just talking sports was fun. It'll be fun when he gets here on Sunday. Video games, sports, all that stuff. I'm sure he'll have a good rant on the Red Sox. He's funny when he gets into that "woe is me" phase. Guessing he's not feeling to great about the Celtics either. Hey, I'll find out. It does make me a little sad that we don't talk as much. And when he comes over, he doesn't stay as long. Goodness, when we were younger he'd be over for a week. Now he generally just comes over for a day or two, especially since he can drive. Doesn't really bother me, I know he's got a lot of friends back home that miss him. I think that's where he and I differ, he's got friends to go back to. When he leaves me though, I'm alone. We have those different styles though.
Of course, I also compare the two of us as if we're the same age, just because I consider us equal in just about everything. SO odd to think he's two years behind me in school though. Senior in high school! He's got graduation coming up, final grades (oh boy) and the like. His grades have dropped a bit, not horrendously low, but still low. He was always an "of the moment" type person. So if he could skateboard "this moment" he would, even if it meant fail the test tomorrow. My mom gets on me a lot about trying to get his grades up, hoping I can motivate him. That's tough... it's his choices, and he's a stubborn kid. Mom says he'd listen to me... eh. I dunno. I s'pose I never think that I could be a role model for him, I just see us as on the same plane. I do forget the fact I'm further ahead of him in school. He'll be going to UNH next year, gonna try to do something with computers. He WOULD be good at that, and I hope he sticks with it, though I'm not sure. College may not be good for him. I really can't predict it, how he'll do making new friends. He's been with the same ones for twelve years. I wish I had advice for him, and I suppose I do, but I hate preaching to him. He'd have to ask me, and I doubt he'll do that. To think he might look up to me though as my mom says, I can't imagine that. I guess it's a real shot. Hey, I'll never know.
It's funny, I was scheduled to commentate a baseball game on Saturday, but I actually chose not to work it because Alex will be coming down. He says he'll be here early Saturday afternoon... I doubt he'll be here before the sun goes down. But merely having that chance, hey, I'll go home for that. Work's worn me down so much that I've kinda decided I need to enjoy life more. I really never did stop, did I? From high school when I did the school play and baseball, to college trying to run a TV station with volunteering and Candlepin for Kids and all that... I always placed importance on the things I need to do. Work's shown me, if it's shown me anything (fat chance!), to take it easy a little bit. I have a whole life of work ahead of me, and I need to enjoy the "play" moments a bit more. When you work forty hours a week and add in seven and a half hours of driving, it wears you down. So weekends like this, where I can get away from the world, be distracted by figuring out whether I should dodge or shoot out on the treeball field... they're more important than I may have ever realized. So I best enjoy 'em! After all, with college coming up and us getting older, I s'pose you never now which match between us could be the last one.