Up, and Down
This post was written today! Anywho…
What… a… weekend.
*grins*
Life can be funny, can’t it? It has a funny way of throwing you a bone when you’re busy lying in the sweltering sun, scratching your fleas and bemoaning the fact that you’re eating Kibbles and Bits for the umpteenth day in a row. (Kibbles and Bits is dog food, correct? Not cat food? I probably should’ve checked my facts there.)
I’ve been a bit lost lately. And by mean a bit I mean pretty darn lost. It’s that transition to adulthood, man. It gets to you. And I feel like my choices have made it easier to get lost. I go back and forth on the impact friends make, really. Are they a big factor in life, or are they really critical to it? Again, I’m not really sure.
Believed friends were replaceable for a while. No doubt about that, and still do a bit. I mean, high school ended, my high school friends went away, but then I met college friends, and they filled the gap. They weren’t the same people, sure, but they filled the same gaps. I had the friend I could go play ball with, the friend that I’d listen to, the friend I could joke with, the random romantic interests that I sillily (not a word!) deemed had flaws but would flirt with anyway… the whole shebang. All made a bit of sense. I could see my life shifting to fit the new friends, the friends shifting to fit my needs, the world made sense.
Then, last summer happened, and I worked full-time and lived with a good friend. That caused a bit of a shift, as I had very few friends at work (it’s tough when you’re eighteen and all your co-workers are twenty-five-plus). Plus, where I was living was great, I got a lot of time with the good friend, but it was a bit isolating. I missed all the friends back home from high school. And I missed all the college friends, because they returned to, well, wherever they lived. So that was a shift. Then I went back to college, and my living arrangement was different, and I was forced to adapt again. And then after Christmas I started co-op, and went back to live with that friend I spent last summer with, and work isolates me again (there’s another intern here, two years older than me, acts six years younger than me, total bonehead, really can’t stand him). I love living with the friend, but it also does remain a little frustrating to miss the friends from home and the friends from school too. And it’s a big hassle to drive to those places.
What’s frustrating is the instability. Whenever I get used to a certain social circle or living somewhere, I move. Home, college, work, college, home… and it’s not ending any time soon. It’s taking a toll on me.
But this weekend was fantastic, because for a few hours, all was back to normal again. I went home to watch the high school play and spent time with about ten of my old high school friends. Honest, it was really, really wonderful. I do love how I can go so many months without seeing people, and then I go back and fit right in immediately. SO nice. I just… I feel like me when I’m around them, and even around the high school. There’s so many opportunities at a big college. Never would’ve made a different decision. Really love my university. But I can’t deny it’s very easy to get lost there, and since my school emphasizes the co-ops so much, the social circles are constantly shifting. I can’t get comfortable. It’s nice to go back to high school, where everyone knows you, and is saying hello, and giving you huge hugs and saying how great it is to see you and how missed you are. Certainly work and university don’t do that.
On top of all the fun high school stuff, I then had a ball doing Candlepin for Kids yesterday, then got to spend time with my brother and parents, then watch the Red Sox with Shoe. Honest, it was probably an ideal weekend. Haven’t had a better one in a great great while, just because of the versatility of it all. It is funny though, how I go back to high school and I go back home, and I feel like I belong so much, and I wonder why I can only get that happiness in small doses. It seems so easy to have it, if it lives there. Like all that joy is a friend that I can just visit. Of course, it doesn’t work that way. I’m only that happy because I’m doing it once in a good while. But boy does it make me a little sad to go.
My family-extended one, too-has been struggling lately, and for the first time in a long time I’ve felt able to help. What a nice feeling that is. Probably contributed to why I was feeling so good lately. I hate how life distracts me, y’know. It’s funny how big a deal ten minute phone calls and games of catch can be. And yet I let them go by. Hopefully I’m starting to figure out how important they are, and am prioritizing them more. There’s not enough hours in the day though, y’know. I guess an eight-hour job with two forty-five minute drives can do that. Though when I had more time I wasn’t either. Who am I kidding, it’s all excuses. It’s funny the way my mind works. If I wanna cheer someone up today, and I don’t, then I won’t tomorrow because I’ll feel bad I didn’t today. And then that builds. Oh does it build. And then when months and even years start passing (and gosh they seem to pass faster now that I’m older), it becomes near impossible to break the cycle. But if anyone’s strong enough to break it, I am.
So I should go get on that.
What… a… weekend.
*grins*
Life can be funny, can’t it? It has a funny way of throwing you a bone when you’re busy lying in the sweltering sun, scratching your fleas and bemoaning the fact that you’re eating Kibbles and Bits for the umpteenth day in a row. (Kibbles and Bits is dog food, correct? Not cat food? I probably should’ve checked my facts there.)
I’ve been a bit lost lately. And by mean a bit I mean pretty darn lost. It’s that transition to adulthood, man. It gets to you. And I feel like my choices have made it easier to get lost. I go back and forth on the impact friends make, really. Are they a big factor in life, or are they really critical to it? Again, I’m not really sure.
Believed friends were replaceable for a while. No doubt about that, and still do a bit. I mean, high school ended, my high school friends went away, but then I met college friends, and they filled the gap. They weren’t the same people, sure, but they filled the same gaps. I had the friend I could go play ball with, the friend that I’d listen to, the friend I could joke with, the random romantic interests that I sillily (not a word!) deemed had flaws but would flirt with anyway… the whole shebang. All made a bit of sense. I could see my life shifting to fit the new friends, the friends shifting to fit my needs, the world made sense.
Then, last summer happened, and I worked full-time and lived with a good friend. That caused a bit of a shift, as I had very few friends at work (it’s tough when you’re eighteen and all your co-workers are twenty-five-plus). Plus, where I was living was great, I got a lot of time with the good friend, but it was a bit isolating. I missed all the friends back home from high school. And I missed all the college friends, because they returned to, well, wherever they lived. So that was a shift. Then I went back to college, and my living arrangement was different, and I was forced to adapt again. And then after Christmas I started co-op, and went back to live with that friend I spent last summer with, and work isolates me again (there’s another intern here, two years older than me, acts six years younger than me, total bonehead, really can’t stand him). I love living with the friend, but it also does remain a little frustrating to miss the friends from home and the friends from school too. And it’s a big hassle to drive to those places.
What’s frustrating is the instability. Whenever I get used to a certain social circle or living somewhere, I move. Home, college, work, college, home… and it’s not ending any time soon. It’s taking a toll on me.
But this weekend was fantastic, because for a few hours, all was back to normal again. I went home to watch the high school play and spent time with about ten of my old high school friends. Honest, it was really, really wonderful. I do love how I can go so many months without seeing people, and then I go back and fit right in immediately. SO nice. I just… I feel like me when I’m around them, and even around the high school. There’s so many opportunities at a big college. Never would’ve made a different decision. Really love my university. But I can’t deny it’s very easy to get lost there, and since my school emphasizes the co-ops so much, the social circles are constantly shifting. I can’t get comfortable. It’s nice to go back to high school, where everyone knows you, and is saying hello, and giving you huge hugs and saying how great it is to see you and how missed you are. Certainly work and university don’t do that.
On top of all the fun high school stuff, I then had a ball doing Candlepin for Kids yesterday, then got to spend time with my brother and parents, then watch the Red Sox with Shoe. Honest, it was probably an ideal weekend. Haven’t had a better one in a great great while, just because of the versatility of it all. It is funny though, how I go back to high school and I go back home, and I feel like I belong so much, and I wonder why I can only get that happiness in small doses. It seems so easy to have it, if it lives there. Like all that joy is a friend that I can just visit. Of course, it doesn’t work that way. I’m only that happy because I’m doing it once in a good while. But boy does it make me a little sad to go.
My family-extended one, too-has been struggling lately, and for the first time in a long time I’ve felt able to help. What a nice feeling that is. Probably contributed to why I was feeling so good lately. I hate how life distracts me, y’know. It’s funny how big a deal ten minute phone calls and games of catch can be. And yet I let them go by. Hopefully I’m starting to figure out how important they are, and am prioritizing them more. There’s not enough hours in the day though, y’know. I guess an eight-hour job with two forty-five minute drives can do that. Though when I had more time I wasn’t either. Who am I kidding, it’s all excuses. It’s funny the way my mind works. If I wanna cheer someone up today, and I don’t, then I won’t tomorrow because I’ll feel bad I didn’t today. And then that builds. Oh does it build. And then when months and even years start passing (and gosh they seem to pass faster now that I’m older), it becomes near impossible to break the cycle. But if anyone’s strong enough to break it, I am.
So I should go get on that.