Them Other Fuckers Don't Know How To Act.
I apparently take all of leupagus's fic suggestions as a direct challenge to my authoritah and end up writing ridiculous things just to make her respect me. So this is for her: 5,700 words of Kono/Steve/Danny porn with drunken shenanigans, hopefully funny banter, and a distinct lack of respect for Steve's house or his issues.
Many thanks to charliehey for reading this and gently patting my shoulder when I flailed my hands at her at my lack of porn ability. You deserve a medal, bibi! :-*
Roll Like A Team
Kono's been in a lot of situations involving two guys and booze (there was once a goat involved, but it was a rival mascot 'Animal House' sort of thing and she wasn't involved with that part of it, and none of the participants ever talk about that anyway), but not one of them has ever ended up as an honest-to-God porn movie until she met Steve and Danny. It's really not something she'd ever thought she could say about her life, but then again, she'd never thought that New Jersey gangsters and smuggling rings would be the normal part of her life either. Sometimes, shit just happens, and if Danny or Steve are around, she'll usually end up involved, whether she wants to be or not.
She doesn't even know how it starts. Wait, that's a lie, she does know.
It starts because Steve has been a raging asshole all week after his sister leaves Hawaii, snapping at Kono and Chin for every little thing that doesn't go right, and driving Danny crazy to the point where the man had genuinely threatened to quit the force and sell shaved ice for a living just to get away from Steve's assholery. Chin had been silently mad all day and had gone home to beat up his punching bag because "it's either that or his face," he tells Kono seriously before he drives off on his bike while Kono stands in the parking lot and wonders if this is her punishment for sneaking out of the house when she was fifteen to go make out with Mark Squire, despite being grounded.
When she gets back into the station, Danny's dragging Steve out by his elbow, a determined look on his face and a clenched set to his jaw that means he's probably threatened Steve with a gun to get him to go along with whatever he has planned. "What's up?" she asks neutrally as they pass her.
"Danno's being--" Steve starts, but Danny cuts him off with just a look, which is impressive when you consider that Steve's almost half a foot taller than him and has probably been trained to kill with just his pinky.
"Get in the car," Danny tells her with a tilt of his head toward his Mustang. "We're taking McJerk over here to his place for drinks."
Steve squints down at Danny, disapproval and disappointment writ large on his face. "Really? McJerk? Are you stealing all your lines from TV shows now?"
Danny shrugs carelessly. "Hey, at least it's a show about the Navy. I figured you'd appreciate that."
"Well, I don't," Steve snipes, his face looking pinched and tired and entirely too human. Kono would feel sorry for him if he hadn't been such a dick to her all fucking day.
"Would you rather I pull a CSI?" Danny reaches his hand up to his sunglasses, but before he even touches them, Steve narrows his eyes at him and says, "So help me God, if you take off your shades--"
Danny grins meanly and holds his hands open in front of him, a dare written in the tense line of his shoulders, his mirrored shades showing nothing but Steve's angry face. "What? What are you gonna do to me, sunshine? Tell me."
"I will come at you with everything I've got," Steve rages, his finger pushing at Danny's chest while Danny shoves his face into Steve's, both of them resembling nothing more than combative, angry dogs in a fight for dominance.
Kono's had enough of the Steve and Danno show by this point. She's tired, she's in a pissy mood because of Steve's pissy mood, and she just wants to go home and lie in a bubble bath and maybe jerk off before trying to get a full night's sleep. She doesn't have time for their relationship spats and the way they pretend they're not into each other and all their other bullshit that basically means that she and Chin always get the ass-end of their shitty moods. "Guys, seriously," she says peevishly, each word spit out like a bullet, "go home and have your fights and make-up sex there. You're making me crazy."
Danny looks at her like she's lost her mind, his eyes wide and his mouth open in shock, but Steve just looks at her speculatively like he's heard something else underneath the irritation and fatigue. Kono pushes her hair back and tries to maintain her pissy look, feeling heat rising in her face when his gaze lingers. He looks at Danny like that, she thinks, when he thinks no one is looking. That same intensity in the eyes, the tight line of his jaw like he's trying to keep himself in control, all banked heat and strategic denial and hidden vulnerability, and he's aiming it all at her instead of Danny this time.
Okay, no, just no. The day has been tough enough without having to deal with Steve's sudden mood swings and this seemingly sudden need she has to put him between her legs and keep him there. She has enough bad-date stories, relationship woes, and one-night-stand cautionary tales to last her a lifetime, she doesn't need to add to that by having a thing with her boss and her colleague. She already committed career suicide by publicly being on Chin's side, a decision she will never, ever fucking regret, so this, this whole heart-fluttery, stomach-clenching lust she's feeling when Steve looks at her? When Danny leans into her and smiles flirtily at her? That shit has got to stop.
She focuses on Danny's flummoxed expression because it's easier than dealing with McGarrett and the way she feels when he looks at her. "Booze," Danny finally says to her when he recovers the power of speech, clearly deciding to go with the tried and true method of ignoring what he doesn't want to hear before bulling onto the next topic. "Lots of it."
"We are not getting drunk at my house," Steve says tiredly, sounding as if he's been saying it for a while, and that, more than anything else, decides Kono. At the very least, maybe she can wrangle an apology out of him if he's drunk and tired enough; she's earned a night of drinking at his expense for all the shit he's put her through today.
"I'm in," she agrees, leading the way to Danny's car while Danny rolls his eyes at Steve's continued bitching and shoves at him, pushing him through the door.
Which is how they have ended up here, here being McGarett's house, which is entirely too big and empty and silent. Kono explores the house a little when they've finally gotten Steve inside and found out where the alcohol was kept, and every room and knick-knack in Steve's house explains so much about him and breaks her heart a little.
There is a cabinet in the study where all his football trophies are kept, a boy's bedroom that looks like it stalled in the '90s and never figured out how to grow out of it, a small cherrywood desk with a few framed family pictures where everyone looks too stiff and serious, a guest room that seems stripped bare of anything personal except for a large, obscenely decadent four-poster bed in it, and a scrapbook of his accomplishments left on the bed in a master bedroom that looks like it hasn't changed much since the '80s, everything in it a silent shrine to his parents and their collective losses.
It's creepy and sad and explains way too much about Steve and his inability to relate to people on any kind of personal, intimate level. She goes to find Danny and Steve, almost hoping that they're bickering again because at least that will distract her from her certainty that Steve is more fucked up than any of them realize.
In the living room, there are an assortment of bottles on the coffee table with limes, a salt shaker, and shot glasses littering the table. Danny is carefully measuring out drinks for everyone while Steve sits on the floor and glowers at him, like he's trying to kill Danny with the power of his mind. "Hey, you're back," Danny says cheerfully, ignoring Steve's attempted Jedi mind tricks in favor of holding out a glass of something clear and potent to Kono. "Tequila," he explains helpfully as Kono throws it back and makes a face at how strong it is. "The good shit."
Steve mutters something vile under his breath and takes his glass, throwing back the shot and making an appreciative sound as it goes down. "Enjoy poking through my house?" he asks Kono seriously, his eyes never leaving her as she flops down on the couch next to Danny.
"No," she admits bluntly, an inadvertent shiver running down her back as she remembers the master bedroom. "It's like a haunted house, only your family's haunting it, and it freaks me out."
Steve gives her a pained look, half-joking but something a little wounded underneath it. "At least wait until you're shitfaced to tell me things honestly, Kono."
She sends him an apologetic glance. "You asked, Commander."
Danny takes his shot and makes the tequila face, which is actually kind of an adorable face, although Kono is never admitting that shit out loud, and asks, "Have you seen his room yet?"
"Shut the fuck up, Danno," Steve cuts in, but as usual, Danny ignores him entirely.
"It's like he's still sixteen," and Danny sounds incredulous about the whole thing. She wonders when he'd had time to go looking through Steve's house and whether Steve let him and or he just took the initiative and pushed his way into looking through Steve's personal belongings, the way he does with every other aspect of Steve's life. "I expected to still find porn mags and GI Joes under his bed."
"My mom sold all my Joes," Steve says sadly, and pours himself another shot like he can't talk about even this without alcohol. "Said I was too old for them. At least I got to keep my Thundercats."
The look on Danny's face at that statement almost makes Kono wish she'd thought to bring her camera. She's never seen him so torn between amusement, horror, and second-hand embarrassment. "I am." He stops, the words caught in his throat as he looks at Steve in horrified amusement. "I am never going to stop making fun of you," he tells him seriously, and Steve just flips him off and holds out his glass for more another shot.
Half a bottle of tequila later, Steve has loosened up enough that he can actually talk about high school without looking like a fucking tragic documentary subject and actually laughs when Danny tells Kono about his shitty basketball skills. "Seriously," Danny's telling her earnestly, like she won't believe him unless he leans in and pantomimes just how bad Steve was. "He was just fucking embarrassing himself and ruining the name of good cops everywhere."
"Fuck you, Danno," Steve grins as he leans back against the couch behind him. "I told you, football was my thing."
Danny flips him the finger. "I'm telling the story here, asshole. Stop interrupting my flow."
"Your flow?" Steve laughs, leaning his head back into the couch while he blatantly eyes Danny.
Kono watches Danny watch Steve, his eyes on the line of Steve's throat as it's thrown into sharp relief when he bends his head back. "My fucking flow," he retorts easily like he didn't just check Steve out, his hand held up to Steve's face in a 'stop' motion that unfortunately makes Kono think of the Supremes song. He turns to Kono and she has to stop herself from giggling at the mental image of Danny in a silver dress singing the song to Steve. She's maybe a little more drunk than she'd thought she was.
"So anyway," he tells her, giving Steve a look that just dares him to say something, "he was terrible at it and we were going to lose our only lead--"
"You suck at telling stories, Danno," Steve says casually, licking at his hand and shaking some salt over it.
"Oh, like you're so much better," Danny snaps back, but Kono can see that his eyes are riveted to Steve's mouth and all the things he does with it. God, they're so fucking obvious, it's almost embarrassing. "And since when did we move onto body shots?"
Steve takes the shot and squeezes a lime into his mouth, his face going into a brief spasm as the tequila and lime hit his system. "Since you decided to tell the story all wrong," he says with a faint slur, handing the salt shaker to Kono. "Your turn, Kono. Don't leave me hanging."
"Do you ever actually hear yourself talk?" Danny asks seriously, and Kono laughs at the look on his face and takes the salt shaker from Steve.
"Both of you," she sighs, following the ritual for body shots that she remembers from college, "it's like being stuck in The Odd Couple with you."
Danny ponders that. "I always saw us as more of a Doyle and Russo kind of thing." He waves his hands in a 'you know' gesture. "French Connection? Classic movie with Gene Hackman and Roy Scheider?"
Steve watches as Kono does her shot, absently licking his bottom lip when Kono gasps a little from the lime. "I always thought of us as Grumpy Old Men," he admits after a moment, his voice catching slightly when Kono turns and gives him a curious look.
"No, no, no," Danny groans, grabbing the salt for his turn. "That isn't even in the same category of good that we're talking about. We're talking sharp '60s comedy and gritty '70s drama," he moves his hand to one side of his body to emphasize where he and Kono are, "and you're talking '90s slapstick comedy," he moves his hands to the other side to show Steve where he is in relation to them. "What is wrong with you?"
Steve shrugs loosely, looking as relaxed and carefree as Kono has ever seen him. "I don't watch a lot of movies," he says easily, watching with a slightly open mouth as Danny throws back his tequila in one gulp. "They don't interest me much," he adds quietly as Danny wipes his hand across his mouth.
"Seriously, you guys," Kono says for what feels like the eightieth time, "please tell me that you've at least kissed. Because this is getting really old."
Danny turns and looks at her incredulously, his face all pinched and squinty from the force of his disbelief. "What is your deal with the whole kissing thing?" he asks in a register that sounds like he caught his balls in his zipper.
Kono bursts into laughter. "What, really? You two don't see it?"
"See what?" Danny asks impatiently, but across from them on the floor, Steve is quiet and still, like he can go unnoticed if he just doesn't move.
Kono shakes her head at him and looks at Steve. "McGarrett, tell him. Christ, it's not like everyone doesn't know already."
"Know what?" Danny explodes, his hands flashing out like a frantic SOS. "Does everyone think that me and Steve are--"
"--doing the beast with two backs?" Kono points out helpfully. "Hell, yes."
"But we aren't," Danny says forcefully, as if saying it loud enough will make people stop thinking it.
Kono finds it interesting that he isn't freaked out by people thinking he's doing a dude, just that they think he's doing this with Steve. Her first-year Psych professor would've had a fucking field day with these guys. She holds up her glass in counter-argument to Danny's denial. "But you could."
Danny looks over at Steve with a dubious cast to his features, tilting his head this way and that as if examining Steve from every angle. Steve just sits still and lets him do it, the only sign that he's not comfortable with this being an occasional twitch of his hand as it rests on his thigh. Finally, Danny looks back at Kono and says, "I don't know, he's not really my type."
"You have a type?" Steve blurts out, the first words he's spoken since they'd detoured onto this subject.
"Yeah," Danny says with an eyeroll that means he thinks Steve is an idiot, "I like people who aren't trigger-happy lunatics with a death wish. Call me crazy."
"Crazy," Steve says obligingly, and smiles when Danny leans back in his seat and thumps his head against the couch.
Kono lets out a frustrated breath, thinking that she should've followed Chin's example and gone to the gym to punch out her irritation. "See, this is exactly what I mean," she tells them curtly, giving up on booze for the moment and putting her glass down in front of her. "You do all this couple stuff and then pretend like you're not into each other, and you get all fucking pissed off with each other because you're pretending you're not into each other, and you're driving me crazy, and you're driving Chin crazy, and oh," she cuts Steve off with a hand wave before he can even try to argue with her, "you are so apologizing to Chin for being an asshole today or I swear--"
"I know, I know," he winces, has the decency to admit that he's at fault here, holding up his hands in surrender. "I'll apologize, I swear."
Danny brings the attention back to him by simply slamming his glass against the table a few times. "Back to the original topic of everyone in the station thinks we're fucking," he says calmly, and Kono isn't sure if it means that he's pissed or plotting something since 'calm' and 'Danny' never really show up together in the same sentence.
"No," Kono says pointedly, "back to the topic of why aren't you fucking considering how into each other you are?"
"I'm not into him," Danny says emphatically, looking over at Steve for confirmation. "You're not into me, right?"
Steve shrugs silently as if words will incriminate him. Kono lets out a triumphant noise while Danny continues to look at Steve, his face a study in surprise and some unknown emotion that Kono's willing to bet is confused lust. She may not know Steve all that well, but she's been able to read Danny since she met him, which is easy to do since Danny's emotions are written in crayon all over him. He doesn't hide what he feels, probably can't hide what he feels, and Kono knows it's only a matter of time before he gives in to the fact that he wants Steve as much as Steve wants him, and maybe then Kono won't feel like she's stepping into an emotional minefield every time she's around them.
"If it'll help you deal with your feelings quicker," she offers helpfully, and not at all because she's drunk and a little reckless and trying to pretend she isn't into them either, "since you're both emotionally stunted on some fundamental level, we can play Truth or Dare and I can dare you into kissing each other."
Steve makes a rude sound that's half-laughter and half-dismissal. "Thanks, but I'm not a thirteen-year-old girl," he says thickly, and Kono flips him off for being an asshole.
"No, you just act like one," she retorts, and Danny laughs at the irritated look Steve shoots her.
"So wait," he says, holding up his hands and focusing all the attention on him, "let me get this straight. You," he points at Kono, "want us to kiss, and you," he points at Steve, "want my ass. Is that about right?"
Kono shrugs and Steve holds his thumb and forefinger a few inches apart. "Kind of right," he says in that lazy, easy drawl he seems to have acquired as he gets more drunk. "I want you both, actually."
Kono feels like her eyebrows are going to shoot off of her face, she's so surprised. "What?" she asks dumbly, not really sure she's heard what she's heard.
Steve's smile is wicked and a little nasty, and she's trying not to find that hot and failing miserably. "Come on, Kono," he says knowingly, "you really haven't thought about it?"
"No," she says primly, which is a complete fucking lie, but no one has to know that. "Unlike you, I don't spend my time thinking of pornographic sexual situations I could be in--"
"Liar," Steve says cheerfully, doing another body shot and grinning as she helplessly watches the way his throat works as he swallows. "You've thought about this."
"I feel like maybe I've hit my head and am hallucinating all of this," Danny says faintly, his eyes darting between her and Steve, a faint flush of color creeping up his throat as Steve looks back at him. "Please," he begs Kono, his hands stuttering out a broken Morse code of confusion and denial, "tell me this is some kind of fucked-up Alice in Wonderland porn nightmare and not reality. Because seriously, this shit only happens in porn," he says with noticeable aggravation when no one says anything, "this does not happen in real fucking life."
Kono's too busy watching Steve stretch out in front of her to reassure Danny, trying not to make any kind of humiliating noise when his shirt rides up to show her the lean strip of muscle and tanned skin at his belly. She feels like she should be disappointed in herself for being this easy, and with McGarrett, of all goddamn people, but mostly she's incredibly turned on by the way Steve's looking at her and Danny, like they're brightly wrapped presents and he's a kid at Christmas. Plus, the fact that once he's loosened up, Steve is a hell of a lot more fun than he lets on. Still a danger to life and limb, but fun.
"C'mere," he tells Kono, beckoning her with his finger, and she finds herself smiling and mocking herself even as she moves toward him, sitting on his lap and making a soft, pleased sound when he presses his face against the hollow of her throat and just holds her for a few minutes. "You smell amazing," he whispers against her skin, and she grabs his hair and pulls his head back so he can look up at her.
"Oh my God, seriously," she laughs, leaning in to teasingly nip at his mouth, "you have no game at all." She kisses him then, tasting lime and tequila and salt as she licks into his mouth, his hands clenched convulsively against her waist as he kisses her back.
"Christ," she hears Danny exclaim and a few more unintelligible words that probably mean the exact same thing, which is that he is really turned on and doesn't want to admit it. "Hello," he says sarcastically when they don't respond, and she's willing to bet he's waving his hand at them to catch their attention. "Still in the room, assholes."
Steve reluctantly moves away from Kono's mouth and looks at Danny over her shoulder. "You should be over here then," he tells him with his usual bluntness, his hands reaching down to cup Kono's ass and pull her even more tightly against his hips. She makes a low, needy sound as he grinds against her, and she can hear Danny's harsh breathing as he takes in the tableau they make.
"Dammit, Danny," she moans, her fingers clenched tightly against Steve's shoulders, "get your ass over here now."
"Hey," and she turns to see Danny holding up his hands in denial, "this is not my thing--"
"Oh, fuck you," she yells impatiently, letting out a sharp sound when Steve pushes up her blouse and gently bites her nipple through her bra. "If this wasn't your thing, you would've fucking left when Steve said he wanted us both, and since you didn't, you need to get your ass over here before I lose my fucking mind, oh, Jesus, Steve..."
Steve's pulled down her bra and is licking and sucking at her breasts, his hands at her back carefully working off the hooks. Each movement is deliberate and conscientious, like he's going slow until he figures out what she wants and likes. "Please, Danny," she begs in between gasping for air and reaching out her arm to him in a silent plea for him to come to her.
When he finally moves off the couch, she considers it a personal triumph, and when he moves the coffee table away and sits behind her, pushing her hair to the side so he can kiss the soft skin of her neck, she considers it a goddamn miracle. His stubble scrapes at her skin and his teeth are sharp against her shoulder, a marked contrast to Steve's gentle, careful exploration of her, and she reaches back to grab the back of his head and push him closer to her. With a muttered curse, he turns her face toward him so he can kiss her, his mouth obscenely needy and rough against hers. He kisses like he does everything else in his life: openly and aggressively until she's pushing up into him, his hands cleverly undoing her shorts and skimming the soft skin of her inner thighs as he pushes her pants down. He slides his fingers into her, making her shake and arch up into him while Steve pushes himself down onto the floor and pulls her down onto him.
Things get a little hazy after that. She remembers riding Steve's face, the way he'd moaned and jerked as he'd eaten her out, oral sex apparently being one of those things he did like a fucking pro and enjoyed even more than arguing with Danny. She remembers making some sort of embarrassing sound when she'd come on top of him, her fingers clutched so hard in Danny's hair that she'd been afraid she'd torn a chunk out of his head. She remembers Danny carefully moving her aside so he could kiss Steve and lick the taste of her out of his mouth, and the way that her stomach had clenched at the sight of them kissing easily, openly, like all they'd needed was permission to indulge themselves.
She remembers stripping Danny naked and Steve's joyous laugh when she'd finally ripped that stupid tie off of him and thrown it somewhere far away, ignoring his shout of "Hey!" in favor of licking him all over and finding out which spots would make him speechless when touched. It turns out that there's a soft patch of skin just at the small of his back that, when licked, will make him jump and let out a high-pitched keening sound, but no actual words. It also turns out that when Danny gets his dick sucked, he turns into a writhing, helpless mess of jumbled words and half-uttered curses and comes with his legs wrapped firmly around Steve's shoulders, shameless in his ecstasy and looking entirely too good for Kono's self-control.
It turns out that despite his complete lack of people skills and emotional spatial awareness, Steve is amazing at knowing how to fuck Kono stupid. He pushes her hard, just the way she loves, his body tight against hers as she clutches him between her legs and sinks her nails into his back, leaving thin, red lines that will later remind her how good it felt when he was inside her, whispering sweet, filthy things to her until she's mindless with need. Danny catches her when she falls, kissing her gently as she shakes and whimpers, Steve still moving inside her as he wrings every last twitch and jerk from her.
"You're beautiful," Steve whispers in her ear when he collapses beside her, his body still trembling like he's been broken open and doesn't know how to put himself back together.
"You're sweet," she tells him gently, sitting up and leaning over to cup his face and kiss him firmly.
"My turn," Danny says with a sharp little grin, flipping Steve onto his back and kissing him like it's a challenge and Steve had better keep up or Danny was going to leave him behind.
And it also turns out that when Danny and Steve fuck, it's better than anything Kono could have ever thought up herself. They fuck like they fight, loud and mean and rough, but with an underlying affection that makes Kono's heart skip a beat, even as she gets turned on watching them. The first time, Danny fucks Steve, his mouth leaving angry red marks all over Steve's back while Steve shoves himself back into Danny and bites his fist so that he doesn't scream when he comes. The second time, Steve fucks Danny, and it's slow and lazy and drives Danny mad, making him shudder and beg, making him say Steve's name repeatedly like it's the only word left in the English language.
When he finally comes, he's silent and tense, his whole body an unyielding line as he shivers and falls apart in Steve's arms. Afterwards, he keeps his arm wrapped tightly around Kono's waist, his forehead resting against her shoulder while Steve presses his face against the curve of Danny's neck and holds them both. It feels strange to be lying on Steve's floor, naked and fucked out and vulnerable, but Kono thinks that it also feels right. She has no idea where they're going to go after this, but she's not sorry to be here with them right now, naked and wrapped around them like puzzle pieces perfectly locked together.
"You gonna be less of a dick now?" Danny finally asks after long moments of silence, his voice rough with everything he's not saying.
Steve lets out a quiet huff of laughter. "No promises, no guarantees," he says softly, his fingers tracing random patterns from Danny's hip to Kono's waist, lifting his head up to look at them and smile.
The look on his face is heartbreakingly open, making him look ten years younger than he actually is, and Kono wonders if Steve McGarrett has ever had a moment where he's gotten exactly what he wanted without any strings attached. She thinks this may be the first such moment, and it's a sharp pain in her stomach to realize just how damaged Steve really is. Sure she and Danny aren't perfect and have their own emotional wounds to deal with like everyone else in this life, but she thinks that it's maybe worse for Steve who's never had the kind of family support that she and Danny take for granted, and has just had to say goodbye to the only living family he's got left.
"I need a bed," she says carefully, not wanting to break whatever fragile truce there is between them. "Your floor isn't that comfortable," she adds pointedly, smiling back when Steve grins at her.
"Everyone's a critic," he says with a mock sigh, slowly and carefully lifting himself up off the floor and helping her and Danny to their feet. There are little groans of pain and the creak of joints as they all stand up, a faint look of embarrassment on Danny and Steve's faces as they catch sight of their nudity and remember what they did to get this way.
"You can freak out later," Kono tells Danny before he can say anything, wincing as she feels the muscles in her back pull when she stretches. "Right now, I want a real bed and some sleep so I don't feel like ass tomorrow."
"Anything else?" Steve asks curiously, no sarcasm in his voice as he leads them forward to the stairs for the second floor and gestures them upward.
"Breakfast," she says with a wide yawn, her feet slapping against the hardwood floor as she makes her way up the stairs, Danny's arm a reassuring weight around her waist while Steve holds her hand and gently tugs her up the stairs. "By the way, we're not sleeping in your room, are we?"
Danny makes a face. "Please, God, no. I can't take the football posters and the hamburger phone. I have standards."
Steve shoots Danny a dirty look. "I do have a guest bedroom with a big bed," he says in a highly prissy tone that makes Kono giggle. "And you don't have standards, you just have a series of bad judgement calls and poor lifestyle choices."
"This being one of them," Danny retorts as they head into the plain-looking room that Kono had seen before, the one with the ridiculously large bed that apparently Steve sleeps in alone. He pulls the blankets back and lets Kono crawl under them, sliding in after her and covering her up while Steve slides in on the opposite side and wraps his arms around her and shoves Danny down onto the bed when he sits up to argue with Steve.
"Oh, like you were saying no," he tells Danny irritatedly, and Kono can already hear the familiar cadences of their usual argument starting up. So much for hoping that sex would fix that, she sighs, and pulls the pillow over her head to block out the sound of Danny emphatically stating that "I did say no, you asshole, I said it, like, five fucking times. But did you listen? Oh, no, not the great Steve McGarrett, nobody can resist you..."
Whatever else happens, she thinks, grinning when she feels Danny get hard behind her, knowing that it will only be a matter of time before Steve follows him, at least they're not pretending they're not into each other anymore. Whether this will be a good thing or an unmitigated disaster remains to be seen, but at the very least, she now knows she can head off nuclear war between them with a well-placed kiss, although she'll still default to the ass-kicking if they're really being dicks about it.
Everything else can wait until tomorrow when she's damn good and ready to deal with it.
Ffffff, I am going to go hide and fake like I didn't do this. OMG.
Many thanks to charliehey for reading this and gently patting my shoulder when I flailed my hands at her at my lack of porn ability. You deserve a medal, bibi! :-*
Roll Like A Team
Kono's been in a lot of situations involving two guys and booze (there was once a goat involved, but it was a rival mascot 'Animal House' sort of thing and she wasn't involved with that part of it, and none of the participants ever talk about that anyway), but not one of them has ever ended up as an honest-to-God porn movie until she met Steve and Danny. It's really not something she'd ever thought she could say about her life, but then again, she'd never thought that New Jersey gangsters and smuggling rings would be the normal part of her life either. Sometimes, shit just happens, and if Danny or Steve are around, she'll usually end up involved, whether she wants to be or not.
She doesn't even know how it starts. Wait, that's a lie, she does know.
It starts because Steve has been a raging asshole all week after his sister leaves Hawaii, snapping at Kono and Chin for every little thing that doesn't go right, and driving Danny crazy to the point where the man had genuinely threatened to quit the force and sell shaved ice for a living just to get away from Steve's assholery. Chin had been silently mad all day and had gone home to beat up his punching bag because "it's either that or his face," he tells Kono seriously before he drives off on his bike while Kono stands in the parking lot and wonders if this is her punishment for sneaking out of the house when she was fifteen to go make out with Mark Squire, despite being grounded.
When she gets back into the station, Danny's dragging Steve out by his elbow, a determined look on his face and a clenched set to his jaw that means he's probably threatened Steve with a gun to get him to go along with whatever he has planned. "What's up?" she asks neutrally as they pass her.
"Danno's being--" Steve starts, but Danny cuts him off with just a look, which is impressive when you consider that Steve's almost half a foot taller than him and has probably been trained to kill with just his pinky.
"Get in the car," Danny tells her with a tilt of his head toward his Mustang. "We're taking McJerk over here to his place for drinks."
Steve squints down at Danny, disapproval and disappointment writ large on his face. "Really? McJerk? Are you stealing all your lines from TV shows now?"
Danny shrugs carelessly. "Hey, at least it's a show about the Navy. I figured you'd appreciate that."
"Well, I don't," Steve snipes, his face looking pinched and tired and entirely too human. Kono would feel sorry for him if he hadn't been such a dick to her all fucking day.
"Would you rather I pull a CSI?" Danny reaches his hand up to his sunglasses, but before he even touches them, Steve narrows his eyes at him and says, "So help me God, if you take off your shades--"
Danny grins meanly and holds his hands open in front of him, a dare written in the tense line of his shoulders, his mirrored shades showing nothing but Steve's angry face. "What? What are you gonna do to me, sunshine? Tell me."
"I will come at you with everything I've got," Steve rages, his finger pushing at Danny's chest while Danny shoves his face into Steve's, both of them resembling nothing more than combative, angry dogs in a fight for dominance.
Kono's had enough of the Steve and Danno show by this point. She's tired, she's in a pissy mood because of Steve's pissy mood, and she just wants to go home and lie in a bubble bath and maybe jerk off before trying to get a full night's sleep. She doesn't have time for their relationship spats and the way they pretend they're not into each other and all their other bullshit that basically means that she and Chin always get the ass-end of their shitty moods. "Guys, seriously," she says peevishly, each word spit out like a bullet, "go home and have your fights and make-up sex there. You're making me crazy."
Danny looks at her like she's lost her mind, his eyes wide and his mouth open in shock, but Steve just looks at her speculatively like he's heard something else underneath the irritation and fatigue. Kono pushes her hair back and tries to maintain her pissy look, feeling heat rising in her face when his gaze lingers. He looks at Danny like that, she thinks, when he thinks no one is looking. That same intensity in the eyes, the tight line of his jaw like he's trying to keep himself in control, all banked heat and strategic denial and hidden vulnerability, and he's aiming it all at her instead of Danny this time.
Okay, no, just no. The day has been tough enough without having to deal with Steve's sudden mood swings and this seemingly sudden need she has to put him between her legs and keep him there. She has enough bad-date stories, relationship woes, and one-night-stand cautionary tales to last her a lifetime, she doesn't need to add to that by having a thing with her boss and her colleague. She already committed career suicide by publicly being on Chin's side, a decision she will never, ever fucking regret, so this, this whole heart-fluttery, stomach-clenching lust she's feeling when Steve looks at her? When Danny leans into her and smiles flirtily at her? That shit has got to stop.
She focuses on Danny's flummoxed expression because it's easier than dealing with McGarrett and the way she feels when he looks at her. "Booze," Danny finally says to her when he recovers the power of speech, clearly deciding to go with the tried and true method of ignoring what he doesn't want to hear before bulling onto the next topic. "Lots of it."
"We are not getting drunk at my house," Steve says tiredly, sounding as if he's been saying it for a while, and that, more than anything else, decides Kono. At the very least, maybe she can wrangle an apology out of him if he's drunk and tired enough; she's earned a night of drinking at his expense for all the shit he's put her through today.
"I'm in," she agrees, leading the way to Danny's car while Danny rolls his eyes at Steve's continued bitching and shoves at him, pushing him through the door.
Which is how they have ended up here, here being McGarett's house, which is entirely too big and empty and silent. Kono explores the house a little when they've finally gotten Steve inside and found out where the alcohol was kept, and every room and knick-knack in Steve's house explains so much about him and breaks her heart a little.
There is a cabinet in the study where all his football trophies are kept, a boy's bedroom that looks like it stalled in the '90s and never figured out how to grow out of it, a small cherrywood desk with a few framed family pictures where everyone looks too stiff and serious, a guest room that seems stripped bare of anything personal except for a large, obscenely decadent four-poster bed in it, and a scrapbook of his accomplishments left on the bed in a master bedroom that looks like it hasn't changed much since the '80s, everything in it a silent shrine to his parents and their collective losses.
It's creepy and sad and explains way too much about Steve and his inability to relate to people on any kind of personal, intimate level. She goes to find Danny and Steve, almost hoping that they're bickering again because at least that will distract her from her certainty that Steve is more fucked up than any of them realize.
In the living room, there are an assortment of bottles on the coffee table with limes, a salt shaker, and shot glasses littering the table. Danny is carefully measuring out drinks for everyone while Steve sits on the floor and glowers at him, like he's trying to kill Danny with the power of his mind. "Hey, you're back," Danny says cheerfully, ignoring Steve's attempted Jedi mind tricks in favor of holding out a glass of something clear and potent to Kono. "Tequila," he explains helpfully as Kono throws it back and makes a face at how strong it is. "The good shit."
Steve mutters something vile under his breath and takes his glass, throwing back the shot and making an appreciative sound as it goes down. "Enjoy poking through my house?" he asks Kono seriously, his eyes never leaving her as she flops down on the couch next to Danny.
"No," she admits bluntly, an inadvertent shiver running down her back as she remembers the master bedroom. "It's like a haunted house, only your family's haunting it, and it freaks me out."
Steve gives her a pained look, half-joking but something a little wounded underneath it. "At least wait until you're shitfaced to tell me things honestly, Kono."
She sends him an apologetic glance. "You asked, Commander."
Danny takes his shot and makes the tequila face, which is actually kind of an adorable face, although Kono is never admitting that shit out loud, and asks, "Have you seen his room yet?"
"Shut the fuck up, Danno," Steve cuts in, but as usual, Danny ignores him entirely.
"It's like he's still sixteen," and Danny sounds incredulous about the whole thing. She wonders when he'd had time to go looking through Steve's house and whether Steve let him and or he just took the initiative and pushed his way into looking through Steve's personal belongings, the way he does with every other aspect of Steve's life. "I expected to still find porn mags and GI Joes under his bed."
"My mom sold all my Joes," Steve says sadly, and pours himself another shot like he can't talk about even this without alcohol. "Said I was too old for them. At least I got to keep my Thundercats."
The look on Danny's face at that statement almost makes Kono wish she'd thought to bring her camera. She's never seen him so torn between amusement, horror, and second-hand embarrassment. "I am." He stops, the words caught in his throat as he looks at Steve in horrified amusement. "I am never going to stop making fun of you," he tells him seriously, and Steve just flips him off and holds out his glass for more another shot.
Half a bottle of tequila later, Steve has loosened up enough that he can actually talk about high school without looking like a fucking tragic documentary subject and actually laughs when Danny tells Kono about his shitty basketball skills. "Seriously," Danny's telling her earnestly, like she won't believe him unless he leans in and pantomimes just how bad Steve was. "He was just fucking embarrassing himself and ruining the name of good cops everywhere."
"Fuck you, Danno," Steve grins as he leans back against the couch behind him. "I told you, football was my thing."
Danny flips him the finger. "I'm telling the story here, asshole. Stop interrupting my flow."
"Your flow?" Steve laughs, leaning his head back into the couch while he blatantly eyes Danny.
Kono watches Danny watch Steve, his eyes on the line of Steve's throat as it's thrown into sharp relief when he bends his head back. "My fucking flow," he retorts easily like he didn't just check Steve out, his hand held up to Steve's face in a 'stop' motion that unfortunately makes Kono think of the Supremes song. He turns to Kono and she has to stop herself from giggling at the mental image of Danny in a silver dress singing the song to Steve. She's maybe a little more drunk than she'd thought she was.
"So anyway," he tells her, giving Steve a look that just dares him to say something, "he was terrible at it and we were going to lose our only lead--"
"You suck at telling stories, Danno," Steve says casually, licking at his hand and shaking some salt over it.
"Oh, like you're so much better," Danny snaps back, but Kono can see that his eyes are riveted to Steve's mouth and all the things he does with it. God, they're so fucking obvious, it's almost embarrassing. "And since when did we move onto body shots?"
Steve takes the shot and squeezes a lime into his mouth, his face going into a brief spasm as the tequila and lime hit his system. "Since you decided to tell the story all wrong," he says with a faint slur, handing the salt shaker to Kono. "Your turn, Kono. Don't leave me hanging."
"Do you ever actually hear yourself talk?" Danny asks seriously, and Kono laughs at the look on his face and takes the salt shaker from Steve.
"Both of you," she sighs, following the ritual for body shots that she remembers from college, "it's like being stuck in The Odd Couple with you."
Danny ponders that. "I always saw us as more of a Doyle and Russo kind of thing." He waves his hands in a 'you know' gesture. "French Connection? Classic movie with Gene Hackman and Roy Scheider?"
Steve watches as Kono does her shot, absently licking his bottom lip when Kono gasps a little from the lime. "I always thought of us as Grumpy Old Men," he admits after a moment, his voice catching slightly when Kono turns and gives him a curious look.
"No, no, no," Danny groans, grabbing the salt for his turn. "That isn't even in the same category of good that we're talking about. We're talking sharp '60s comedy and gritty '70s drama," he moves his hand to one side of his body to emphasize where he and Kono are, "and you're talking '90s slapstick comedy," he moves his hands to the other side to show Steve where he is in relation to them. "What is wrong with you?"
Steve shrugs loosely, looking as relaxed and carefree as Kono has ever seen him. "I don't watch a lot of movies," he says easily, watching with a slightly open mouth as Danny throws back his tequila in one gulp. "They don't interest me much," he adds quietly as Danny wipes his hand across his mouth.
"Seriously, you guys," Kono says for what feels like the eightieth time, "please tell me that you've at least kissed. Because this is getting really old."
Danny turns and looks at her incredulously, his face all pinched and squinty from the force of his disbelief. "What is your deal with the whole kissing thing?" he asks in a register that sounds like he caught his balls in his zipper.
Kono bursts into laughter. "What, really? You two don't see it?"
"See what?" Danny asks impatiently, but across from them on the floor, Steve is quiet and still, like he can go unnoticed if he just doesn't move.
Kono shakes her head at him and looks at Steve. "McGarrett, tell him. Christ, it's not like everyone doesn't know already."
"Know what?" Danny explodes, his hands flashing out like a frantic SOS. "Does everyone think that me and Steve are--"
"--doing the beast with two backs?" Kono points out helpfully. "Hell, yes."
"But we aren't," Danny says forcefully, as if saying it loud enough will make people stop thinking it.
Kono finds it interesting that he isn't freaked out by people thinking he's doing a dude, just that they think he's doing this with Steve. Her first-year Psych professor would've had a fucking field day with these guys. She holds up her glass in counter-argument to Danny's denial. "But you could."
Danny looks over at Steve with a dubious cast to his features, tilting his head this way and that as if examining Steve from every angle. Steve just sits still and lets him do it, the only sign that he's not comfortable with this being an occasional twitch of his hand as it rests on his thigh. Finally, Danny looks back at Kono and says, "I don't know, he's not really my type."
"You have a type?" Steve blurts out, the first words he's spoken since they'd detoured onto this subject.
"Yeah," Danny says with an eyeroll that means he thinks Steve is an idiot, "I like people who aren't trigger-happy lunatics with a death wish. Call me crazy."
"Crazy," Steve says obligingly, and smiles when Danny leans back in his seat and thumps his head against the couch.
Kono lets out a frustrated breath, thinking that she should've followed Chin's example and gone to the gym to punch out her irritation. "See, this is exactly what I mean," she tells them curtly, giving up on booze for the moment and putting her glass down in front of her. "You do all this couple stuff and then pretend like you're not into each other, and you get all fucking pissed off with each other because you're pretending you're not into each other, and you're driving me crazy, and you're driving Chin crazy, and oh," she cuts Steve off with a hand wave before he can even try to argue with her, "you are so apologizing to Chin for being an asshole today or I swear--"
"I know, I know," he winces, has the decency to admit that he's at fault here, holding up his hands in surrender. "I'll apologize, I swear."
Danny brings the attention back to him by simply slamming his glass against the table a few times. "Back to the original topic of everyone in the station thinks we're fucking," he says calmly, and Kono isn't sure if it means that he's pissed or plotting something since 'calm' and 'Danny' never really show up together in the same sentence.
"No," Kono says pointedly, "back to the topic of why aren't you fucking considering how into each other you are?"
"I'm not into him," Danny says emphatically, looking over at Steve for confirmation. "You're not into me, right?"
Steve shrugs silently as if words will incriminate him. Kono lets out a triumphant noise while Danny continues to look at Steve, his face a study in surprise and some unknown emotion that Kono's willing to bet is confused lust. She may not know Steve all that well, but she's been able to read Danny since she met him, which is easy to do since Danny's emotions are written in crayon all over him. He doesn't hide what he feels, probably can't hide what he feels, and Kono knows it's only a matter of time before he gives in to the fact that he wants Steve as much as Steve wants him, and maybe then Kono won't feel like she's stepping into an emotional minefield every time she's around them.
"If it'll help you deal with your feelings quicker," she offers helpfully, and not at all because she's drunk and a little reckless and trying to pretend she isn't into them either, "since you're both emotionally stunted on some fundamental level, we can play Truth or Dare and I can dare you into kissing each other."
Steve makes a rude sound that's half-laughter and half-dismissal. "Thanks, but I'm not a thirteen-year-old girl," he says thickly, and Kono flips him off for being an asshole.
"No, you just act like one," she retorts, and Danny laughs at the irritated look Steve shoots her.
"So wait," he says, holding up his hands and focusing all the attention on him, "let me get this straight. You," he points at Kono, "want us to kiss, and you," he points at Steve, "want my ass. Is that about right?"
Kono shrugs and Steve holds his thumb and forefinger a few inches apart. "Kind of right," he says in that lazy, easy drawl he seems to have acquired as he gets more drunk. "I want you both, actually."
Kono feels like her eyebrows are going to shoot off of her face, she's so surprised. "What?" she asks dumbly, not really sure she's heard what she's heard.
Steve's smile is wicked and a little nasty, and she's trying not to find that hot and failing miserably. "Come on, Kono," he says knowingly, "you really haven't thought about it?"
"No," she says primly, which is a complete fucking lie, but no one has to know that. "Unlike you, I don't spend my time thinking of pornographic sexual situations I could be in--"
"Liar," Steve says cheerfully, doing another body shot and grinning as she helplessly watches the way his throat works as he swallows. "You've thought about this."
"I feel like maybe I've hit my head and am hallucinating all of this," Danny says faintly, his eyes darting between her and Steve, a faint flush of color creeping up his throat as Steve looks back at him. "Please," he begs Kono, his hands stuttering out a broken Morse code of confusion and denial, "tell me this is some kind of fucked-up Alice in Wonderland porn nightmare and not reality. Because seriously, this shit only happens in porn," he says with noticeable aggravation when no one says anything, "this does not happen in real fucking life."
Kono's too busy watching Steve stretch out in front of her to reassure Danny, trying not to make any kind of humiliating noise when his shirt rides up to show her the lean strip of muscle and tanned skin at his belly. She feels like she should be disappointed in herself for being this easy, and with McGarrett, of all goddamn people, but mostly she's incredibly turned on by the way Steve's looking at her and Danny, like they're brightly wrapped presents and he's a kid at Christmas. Plus, the fact that once he's loosened up, Steve is a hell of a lot more fun than he lets on. Still a danger to life and limb, but fun.
"C'mere," he tells Kono, beckoning her with his finger, and she finds herself smiling and mocking herself even as she moves toward him, sitting on his lap and making a soft, pleased sound when he presses his face against the hollow of her throat and just holds her for a few minutes. "You smell amazing," he whispers against her skin, and she grabs his hair and pulls his head back so he can look up at her.
"Oh my God, seriously," she laughs, leaning in to teasingly nip at his mouth, "you have no game at all." She kisses him then, tasting lime and tequila and salt as she licks into his mouth, his hands clenched convulsively against her waist as he kisses her back.
"Christ," she hears Danny exclaim and a few more unintelligible words that probably mean the exact same thing, which is that he is really turned on and doesn't want to admit it. "Hello," he says sarcastically when they don't respond, and she's willing to bet he's waving his hand at them to catch their attention. "Still in the room, assholes."
Steve reluctantly moves away from Kono's mouth and looks at Danny over her shoulder. "You should be over here then," he tells him with his usual bluntness, his hands reaching down to cup Kono's ass and pull her even more tightly against his hips. She makes a low, needy sound as he grinds against her, and she can hear Danny's harsh breathing as he takes in the tableau they make.
"Dammit, Danny," she moans, her fingers clenched tightly against Steve's shoulders, "get your ass over here now."
"Hey," and she turns to see Danny holding up his hands in denial, "this is not my thing--"
"Oh, fuck you," she yells impatiently, letting out a sharp sound when Steve pushes up her blouse and gently bites her nipple through her bra. "If this wasn't your thing, you would've fucking left when Steve said he wanted us both, and since you didn't, you need to get your ass over here before I lose my fucking mind, oh, Jesus, Steve..."
Steve's pulled down her bra and is licking and sucking at her breasts, his hands at her back carefully working off the hooks. Each movement is deliberate and conscientious, like he's going slow until he figures out what she wants and likes. "Please, Danny," she begs in between gasping for air and reaching out her arm to him in a silent plea for him to come to her.
When he finally moves off the couch, she considers it a personal triumph, and when he moves the coffee table away and sits behind her, pushing her hair to the side so he can kiss the soft skin of her neck, she considers it a goddamn miracle. His stubble scrapes at her skin and his teeth are sharp against her shoulder, a marked contrast to Steve's gentle, careful exploration of her, and she reaches back to grab the back of his head and push him closer to her. With a muttered curse, he turns her face toward him so he can kiss her, his mouth obscenely needy and rough against hers. He kisses like he does everything else in his life: openly and aggressively until she's pushing up into him, his hands cleverly undoing her shorts and skimming the soft skin of her inner thighs as he pushes her pants down. He slides his fingers into her, making her shake and arch up into him while Steve pushes himself down onto the floor and pulls her down onto him.
Things get a little hazy after that. She remembers riding Steve's face, the way he'd moaned and jerked as he'd eaten her out, oral sex apparently being one of those things he did like a fucking pro and enjoyed even more than arguing with Danny. She remembers making some sort of embarrassing sound when she'd come on top of him, her fingers clutched so hard in Danny's hair that she'd been afraid she'd torn a chunk out of his head. She remembers Danny carefully moving her aside so he could kiss Steve and lick the taste of her out of his mouth, and the way that her stomach had clenched at the sight of them kissing easily, openly, like all they'd needed was permission to indulge themselves.
She remembers stripping Danny naked and Steve's joyous laugh when she'd finally ripped that stupid tie off of him and thrown it somewhere far away, ignoring his shout of "Hey!" in favor of licking him all over and finding out which spots would make him speechless when touched. It turns out that there's a soft patch of skin just at the small of his back that, when licked, will make him jump and let out a high-pitched keening sound, but no actual words. It also turns out that when Danny gets his dick sucked, he turns into a writhing, helpless mess of jumbled words and half-uttered curses and comes with his legs wrapped firmly around Steve's shoulders, shameless in his ecstasy and looking entirely too good for Kono's self-control.
It turns out that despite his complete lack of people skills and emotional spatial awareness, Steve is amazing at knowing how to fuck Kono stupid. He pushes her hard, just the way she loves, his body tight against hers as she clutches him between her legs and sinks her nails into his back, leaving thin, red lines that will later remind her how good it felt when he was inside her, whispering sweet, filthy things to her until she's mindless with need. Danny catches her when she falls, kissing her gently as she shakes and whimpers, Steve still moving inside her as he wrings every last twitch and jerk from her.
"You're beautiful," Steve whispers in her ear when he collapses beside her, his body still trembling like he's been broken open and doesn't know how to put himself back together.
"You're sweet," she tells him gently, sitting up and leaning over to cup his face and kiss him firmly.
"My turn," Danny says with a sharp little grin, flipping Steve onto his back and kissing him like it's a challenge and Steve had better keep up or Danny was going to leave him behind.
And it also turns out that when Danny and Steve fuck, it's better than anything Kono could have ever thought up herself. They fuck like they fight, loud and mean and rough, but with an underlying affection that makes Kono's heart skip a beat, even as she gets turned on watching them. The first time, Danny fucks Steve, his mouth leaving angry red marks all over Steve's back while Steve shoves himself back into Danny and bites his fist so that he doesn't scream when he comes. The second time, Steve fucks Danny, and it's slow and lazy and drives Danny mad, making him shudder and beg, making him say Steve's name repeatedly like it's the only word left in the English language.
When he finally comes, he's silent and tense, his whole body an unyielding line as he shivers and falls apart in Steve's arms. Afterwards, he keeps his arm wrapped tightly around Kono's waist, his forehead resting against her shoulder while Steve presses his face against the curve of Danny's neck and holds them both. It feels strange to be lying on Steve's floor, naked and fucked out and vulnerable, but Kono thinks that it also feels right. She has no idea where they're going to go after this, but she's not sorry to be here with them right now, naked and wrapped around them like puzzle pieces perfectly locked together.
"You gonna be less of a dick now?" Danny finally asks after long moments of silence, his voice rough with everything he's not saying.
Steve lets out a quiet huff of laughter. "No promises, no guarantees," he says softly, his fingers tracing random patterns from Danny's hip to Kono's waist, lifting his head up to look at them and smile.
The look on his face is heartbreakingly open, making him look ten years younger than he actually is, and Kono wonders if Steve McGarrett has ever had a moment where he's gotten exactly what he wanted without any strings attached. She thinks this may be the first such moment, and it's a sharp pain in her stomach to realize just how damaged Steve really is. Sure she and Danny aren't perfect and have their own emotional wounds to deal with like everyone else in this life, but she thinks that it's maybe worse for Steve who's never had the kind of family support that she and Danny take for granted, and has just had to say goodbye to the only living family he's got left.
"I need a bed," she says carefully, not wanting to break whatever fragile truce there is between them. "Your floor isn't that comfortable," she adds pointedly, smiling back when Steve grins at her.
"Everyone's a critic," he says with a mock sigh, slowly and carefully lifting himself up off the floor and helping her and Danny to their feet. There are little groans of pain and the creak of joints as they all stand up, a faint look of embarrassment on Danny and Steve's faces as they catch sight of their nudity and remember what they did to get this way.
"You can freak out later," Kono tells Danny before he can say anything, wincing as she feels the muscles in her back pull when she stretches. "Right now, I want a real bed and some sleep so I don't feel like ass tomorrow."
"Anything else?" Steve asks curiously, no sarcasm in his voice as he leads them forward to the stairs for the second floor and gestures them upward.
"Breakfast," she says with a wide yawn, her feet slapping against the hardwood floor as she makes her way up the stairs, Danny's arm a reassuring weight around her waist while Steve holds her hand and gently tugs her up the stairs. "By the way, we're not sleeping in your room, are we?"
Danny makes a face. "Please, God, no. I can't take the football posters and the hamburger phone. I have standards."
Steve shoots Danny a dirty look. "I do have a guest bedroom with a big bed," he says in a highly prissy tone that makes Kono giggle. "And you don't have standards, you just have a series of bad judgement calls and poor lifestyle choices."
"This being one of them," Danny retorts as they head into the plain-looking room that Kono had seen before, the one with the ridiculously large bed that apparently Steve sleeps in alone. He pulls the blankets back and lets Kono crawl under them, sliding in after her and covering her up while Steve slides in on the opposite side and wraps his arms around her and shoves Danny down onto the bed when he sits up to argue with Steve.
"Oh, like you were saying no," he tells Danny irritatedly, and Kono can already hear the familiar cadences of their usual argument starting up. So much for hoping that sex would fix that, she sighs, and pulls the pillow over her head to block out the sound of Danny emphatically stating that "I did say no, you asshole, I said it, like, five fucking times. But did you listen? Oh, no, not the great Steve McGarrett, nobody can resist you..."
Whatever else happens, she thinks, grinning when she feels Danny get hard behind her, knowing that it will only be a matter of time before Steve follows him, at least they're not pretending they're not into each other anymore. Whether this will be a good thing or an unmitigated disaster remains to be seen, but at the very least, she now knows she can head off nuclear war between them with a well-placed kiss, although she'll still default to the ass-kicking if they're really being dicks about it.
Everything else can wait until tomorrow when she's damn good and ready to deal with it.
Ffffff, I am going to go hide and fake like I didn't do this. OMG.