If tears cleanse the soul...
Mine must be getting pretty squeaky clean! I have had the hardest two months of my life. It started with a miscarriage, and snowballed from there. Grandfather had a double bypass and valve replacement , other grandfather injured, mother in law ill with something permanent, car left me stranded, dog has heart disase, discovered father needs heart surgery... amongst other annoyances... leaky roof, chimney issues etc. And all of this comes along with finacial struggles. I find I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad and when I'm angry. Especially when I'm angry.
It seems the small things cause such mental upset. It's that time of year as well, days are shorter, and I get seasonal affective disorder. Sometimes it feels as though I'm doomed, and I get upset for feeling that way. I try to look forward to my favourite tme of year, but realize I have no financial room - and I have been unable so far to find employment. Not that I have time to work, with the running around and worrying I am doing for the family. I am heart broken, feeling beaten down and drug out. This week has been a struggle since mycar has cost an exorbadent amount to repair, it'sold.. and we need a new vehicle...unfortuantely the repairs came suddenly and not at once- sowe're paying forthose and are unable to buy a new car now.
I feel like I can't vent my problems through my normal channels, as they are ailing and I don't want them feeling they need to fix my problems, but I do need someone to listen. I am stressed. All I wanted to be was a mom. Amazing how life can seem so perfect and then feel like the worst struggle ever, within a period of 60 days. Maybe it's good I"m not pregnant and trying to deal with these stresses - but maybe if I was still pregnant, I'd have a more positive outlook? Guess we'll never know.
Within a month, we will be able to attempt conceiving again... but do I want to? I'll answer that another time. So much tied to it right now.
I'm spending a lot of time praying to St. Michael. I don't know much, other than he's the one you ask to remove negatviity from your life and inrease positivity..and he's the protector. Just exactly what I need right now. Life will be good again, just have to push this boulder over that hill...