Secrets.
I figured out what's been dragging my life down so much:
Bluestockings.
If I'd known how much work I would put into the group, how much I dislike practices, and how much I just don't give a shit about the other Bluesox, I wouldn't have auditioned. It's difficult to say, especially after giving so much of my time to the group over the years. I just can't say that I enjoy being in the group.
I think what happened is that KB left. When she left, I started not really caring about the other members. It shows. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate anybody. I don't dislike anybody. I just have a lack of affection for them. There might be maybe 2 exceptions to this. But it's gotten to the point where the majority of the time in rehearsal I'm thinking "What do we need to do next? When should I get them to quiet down so we can rehearse? When can we go?"
When I'm doing RC stuff, even telling my residents to quiet down at night, I still enjoy my job. I like the party planning. I like asking people about how they're doing. I LOVE the other RCs this year. But when I sit down and do Bluestockings stuff, I'm all business because I have no joy in it. Even the singing is joyless to me.
Ugh. Someone please help me snap out of this.
Love, A
Bluestockings.
If I'd known how much work I would put into the group, how much I dislike practices, and how much I just don't give a shit about the other Bluesox, I wouldn't have auditioned. It's difficult to say, especially after giving so much of my time to the group over the years. I just can't say that I enjoy being in the group.
I think what happened is that KB left. When she left, I started not really caring about the other members. It shows. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate anybody. I don't dislike anybody. I just have a lack of affection for them. There might be maybe 2 exceptions to this. But it's gotten to the point where the majority of the time in rehearsal I'm thinking "What do we need to do next? When should I get them to quiet down so we can rehearse? When can we go?"
When I'm doing RC stuff, even telling my residents to quiet down at night, I still enjoy my job. I like the party planning. I like asking people about how they're doing. I LOVE the other RCs this year. But when I sit down and do Bluestockings stuff, I'm all business because I have no joy in it. Even the singing is joyless to me.
Ugh. Someone please help me snap out of this.
Love, A