might as well face it, i'm addicted to.... everything
--my bed, tyler--
it's 4 a.m. i can't sleep. i, unfortunately, thought it a good idea to drink coffee at 11 p.m., knowing good and well, i wouldn't be able to sleep.
caffeine - my number one addiction. tonight, the waiter brought this silver carafe to the table, coffee-flavored steam emanating from the lip, and i was thinking, 'don't do it, rhiannon. you'll be awake all night.'
i did it. and now i'm awake all night.
last night, the girls and i discussed addictions. kristi and lindsay both denied any known addictions. i, however, was made highly aware of my own.
i'm not just physically addicted to caffeine (even though, sans coffee it's headache central over here) but emotionally addicted as well. i like the way caffeine makes me feel. not jittery, per se. but, clear-minded, focused, alert, and, well... happy.
that feeling is what i'm addicted to. and i don't just get it from caffeine overdoses.
it's the damn addictive personality that runs in my family. my mom and smoking, my brother and his nail-biting, my sister and her hand-washing. and me, with, well, everything, it fucking seems.
i'm addicted to attention. what sonia would call an attention whore. arguably, we all are, i suppose. but, it's that feeling that someone is watching me, someone is paying attention, someone is noticing. it's not even necessarily positive, i think. it's humor, or shock, or awe or sympathy. it's what hinders me from maturity. it's not something i'm proud of and it's hard to write.
i'm addicted to journalism. sad, very sad, but true. i love the rush. i love the story. i love seeing my byline. i love watching the news. i love the date in bold on the pages of the print copy. i love newsprint on my fingers. i love interviewing. i'm a complete nerd.
i'm addicted to unavailable men. it's something i picked up in college, i think, with sonia and nikki. what we would call innocent crushes. it's bothersome. it's what i can't stop talking about with lindsay and megan. fuck, I'M even tired of hearing about it. it's just, well, i've always just shut down when it came to unavailable guys. i've been cheated on. i would never do that to someone, never. but, it seems like i attract these guys. ugh. i'm becoming increasingly frustrated. i'm sure it's some sort of component of my commitment phobia. it has to be. or else i'm just a bad person.
i'm addicted to talking about nothing. i spend hours at jake's, at lindsay's, at kristi's, at shonda's just talking. that's all. nothing ever comes to fruition because of these lengthy gab-sessions. ever. but it's that communication, that human interaction. and it's pointless, quite honestly, but yet, so incredibly... real.
i'm addicted to blogs (thanks sonia!) i'm addicted to cottage cheese. i'm addicted to cheese, in general. i'm addicted to jake's and hummus. i'm addicted to gmail. i'm addicted to talk radio. i'm addicted to pumpkin-flavored substances. i'm addicted to spanish music. i'm addicted to british accents.
and, well, it seems, i'm addicted to addictions.
disgusting, yes?
it's 4 a.m. i can't sleep. i, unfortunately, thought it a good idea to drink coffee at 11 p.m., knowing good and well, i wouldn't be able to sleep.
caffeine - my number one addiction. tonight, the waiter brought this silver carafe to the table, coffee-flavored steam emanating from the lip, and i was thinking, 'don't do it, rhiannon. you'll be awake all night.'
i did it. and now i'm awake all night.
last night, the girls and i discussed addictions. kristi and lindsay both denied any known addictions. i, however, was made highly aware of my own.
i'm not just physically addicted to caffeine (even though, sans coffee it's headache central over here) but emotionally addicted as well. i like the way caffeine makes me feel. not jittery, per se. but, clear-minded, focused, alert, and, well... happy.
that feeling is what i'm addicted to. and i don't just get it from caffeine overdoses.
it's the damn addictive personality that runs in my family. my mom and smoking, my brother and his nail-biting, my sister and her hand-washing. and me, with, well, everything, it fucking seems.
i'm addicted to attention. what sonia would call an attention whore. arguably, we all are, i suppose. but, it's that feeling that someone is watching me, someone is paying attention, someone is noticing. it's not even necessarily positive, i think. it's humor, or shock, or awe or sympathy. it's what hinders me from maturity. it's not something i'm proud of and it's hard to write.
i'm addicted to journalism. sad, very sad, but true. i love the rush. i love the story. i love seeing my byline. i love watching the news. i love the date in bold on the pages of the print copy. i love newsprint on my fingers. i love interviewing. i'm a complete nerd.
i'm addicted to unavailable men. it's something i picked up in college, i think, with sonia and nikki. what we would call innocent crushes. it's bothersome. it's what i can't stop talking about with lindsay and megan. fuck, I'M even tired of hearing about it. it's just, well, i've always just shut down when it came to unavailable guys. i've been cheated on. i would never do that to someone, never. but, it seems like i attract these guys. ugh. i'm becoming increasingly frustrated. i'm sure it's some sort of component of my commitment phobia. it has to be. or else i'm just a bad person.
i'm addicted to talking about nothing. i spend hours at jake's, at lindsay's, at kristi's, at shonda's just talking. that's all. nothing ever comes to fruition because of these lengthy gab-sessions. ever. but it's that communication, that human interaction. and it's pointless, quite honestly, but yet, so incredibly... real.
i'm addicted to blogs (thanks sonia!) i'm addicted to cottage cheese. i'm addicted to cheese, in general. i'm addicted to jake's and hummus. i'm addicted to gmail. i'm addicted to talk radio. i'm addicted to pumpkin-flavored substances. i'm addicted to spanish music. i'm addicted to british accents.
and, well, it seems, i'm addicted to addictions.
disgusting, yes?