Your not supposed to know if I'm reading yours and I'm not supposed to know that your reading mine! Get your own life and figure out what you want to do. Things would work soooo much better than. you need to be whole person (or most of one) for "us" to work. please try to become yourself, whoever that is, over the next few months. (NOT 2 years!) I still don't know who you really are. Don't become who I want, be who you want to be. Are you commin to the school on Mon. again?
grammar error, lol. Why do you ask if im coming again, do you want me to come next monday or something? Because i really need you to explain some things to me, so that i can actually calm down and use this time for myself too. I gotta go take some aleve though i hurt my back at work today. I hope youre on tonight though and you do reply, if not, ill probably catch your replies anytime before 3:00PM, because i dont have a class til 4. I DO love you though, and i am willing to do this for you, and be understanding, its just i need you to explain some things to me first, because my head and my emotions are a real mess from the past week.
Thanks, im not sure whether its at the outhouse itself or the VFW though, because i hear somethin from my dad about them moving the outhouse activities to the VFW, ill post when i know, or maybe if you find out from somebody at school. I was tryin to get ahold of ryan freid to find out, but he was at a Bob Dylan concert last night. I love you.
i guess you couldnt make it. birdwell's band was there too by the way, and apparently we were well recieved, because they wanted somethin different for a change.
and i am becoming myself, ok, its just the past week fucked me up bigtime. I am becoming who i want to be, and few months i can deal with, its just the idea of the next 2 years without any contact from you at all is what scares the shit out of me. I need to know whats going on though, you said you wanted to explain better, so please do. And i know who i want to be okay, and i also know that i want to be with you, and the me you fell in love with is the me that is real. I do have my own life, its just that it feels empty without you in it, like it doesnt have anywhere near as much meaning or purpose.
will you please add me back to your friends list, so i can actually contact you if anything really bad happens, and so i can read your journal, like you can read mine? and will you please undelete sexybitch4 so i can atleast copy the writing of yours that you posted into notepad, so you dont have to type it again, lol, and so i can read it, it would probably help a little bit. And i wont post in this journal ok, ill just post in rmiller, and ill leave the entries public so you can read them, and ill try not to mention you in them, other than saying i love you if thats okay. I dont wanna put pressure on you, i truly dont wanna, its just i need to know whats going on, so i can get my head straightened out because im still reeling from the past week.
get my own life? i do have a life, and you know what you can be part of it if you want to be. But the reason im goin through hell right is because i dont know what to think of last week. between the letter, and you apologizing and wanting to be with me, and then needing to talk to me, and then when i am there you left, and then you question whether i love you or not, and then say you need to drop contact. Whats going on? I need you to tell me, so atleast i can set my head on straight again, because im still stuck in last week, and still reeling from it. I dont know whats going on, what your reasons were for going back and forth so quickly, or what i mean to you after last week. I know you say you love me, but what does that mean to you, i need you to explain some things to me, because they just dont make sense, and im tryin to hang in there for you, because you are worth it to me, but i dont know whether you feel like everything is my fault, and maybe it is, i dont know, or what happened to change your mind so quickly, or what
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im already freakin out. thats why i need to straighten some things out with you. I love you too, but my head is all fucked up from the past couple weeks.
Are you commin to the school on Mon. again?
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