At Least There's Humor
Things are getting kind of weird around my house. Here are some choice quotes:
"Jim, I think I may be having a heart attack. Get your stethoscope. Ok, check my pulse. There's Vitamin C there, see? There's a method to my madness. You know, I really like Crystal. Ok, can you go upstairs and pee in the bathroom? GO UPSTAIRS AND PEE!"
-
"Dad, why's there a $100 bill under the chili sauce?"
"... I'm not even going to get into it now."
-
((Past midnight, my bedroom door opens, and I hear shuffling feet, then silence.))
"Mom? Mom, are you in here?"
"Yes, honey."
"... what are you doing?"
"Yoga."
"On the floor?"
"Yes."
((I gather a pillow and blanket, step carefully over my mom lying on the floor in the dark, and go upstairs to sleep, shutting my door behind me.))
-
((Mom finishes talking to someone at the front door.))
"Katie, you were completely inappropriate to that man."
-
"Ok, I'll go back to sleep if you hug me. I promise I'll sleep if you promise to hug me. Ok, hug me. Wait. Do you know who you are? Are you a man, or what? Ok, I'm sorry. Walk me to my room, bring me food and a drink."
"Jim, I think I may be having a heart attack. Get your stethoscope. Ok, check my pulse. There's Vitamin C there, see? There's a method to my madness. You know, I really like Crystal. Ok, can you go upstairs and pee in the bathroom? GO UPSTAIRS AND PEE!"
-
"Dad, why's there a $100 bill under the chili sauce?"
"... I'm not even going to get into it now."
-
((Past midnight, my bedroom door opens, and I hear shuffling feet, then silence.))
"Mom? Mom, are you in here?"
"Yes, honey."
"... what are you doing?"
"Yoga."
"On the floor?"
"Yes."
((I gather a pillow and blanket, step carefully over my mom lying on the floor in the dark, and go upstairs to sleep, shutting my door behind me.))
-
((Mom finishes talking to someone at the front door.))
"Katie, you were completely inappropriate to that man."
-
"Ok, I'll go back to sleep if you hug me. I promise I'll sleep if you promise to hug me. Ok, hug me. Wait. Do you know who you are? Are you a man, or what? Ok, I'm sorry. Walk me to my room, bring me food and a drink."