Prevenience
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Ensconced in my cushy desk chair and looking fixedly at the title of my blog, I realised that i haven’t really written anything introspective to justify my use of the words “labyrinth of thoughts” and Introspection. I always believe that words should not be chosen in a spurt of vanity as part of the blog title but rather, they should be used to serve as an indication of the type of content that is archived within the blog.
Hence, i reckoned that i should start archiving my musings, no matter how ludicrous or callow they are. If there are any readers who happen to chance upon my blog, do take my musings with a pinch of salt and other condiments you fancy.
***
Although im generally a deferential and accommodating person ( and many people can attest to that), there is one particularly thing that will never fail to tick me off.
And that is being ignored by people whom i thought i was important to.
I contemplated about the source of the catalysis of my eventual chagrin and i came to an eventual conclusion that perhaps, i crave for attention like many others and am simply acerbated by the notion that the significance of my existence is ebbing away. Instead of pledging vendetta against those who has ignored me, i tried to swap perspectives with these people and inquire into the source of my growing inadequacy. And i came to a very dismal conclusion.
I am just not important enough for people to invest their attention in. And i realised that i am not so much different from them.
Humans belong to the animal kingdom after all and when placed in an increasingly competitive society that is a microcosm of the predator-hunts-prey natural wildlife environment out there, innate survival instincts surface.
For eg. people invited to a social event will pick the most interesting and influential person to talk to in hope that they can augment the progress of their lives and interests and climb a notch higher in the social ladder. By talking to the Mr Influential, people also deny others the chance to socialise with him and this is akin to climbing up the social ladder and removing the rungs along the way. The faster one climbs, the faster one can emerge at the top of the “food chain” and claim the rewards of his efforts.
This is true even in everyday interactions with people and is not only exclusive to social events.
“Why should i reply this Mr Moronic’s SMS when i should be saving my SMSes for Mr-I-so-wanna-get-his-attention-so-that-i-can-get-promoted? In fact its not that i do not want to waste my SMSes but rather, by replying to his SMS, im augmenting his delusion that i am keen to invest my attention and time in him. So yeap, the next best thing to ask him to sod off is to well, don’t reply.”
This train of thought is by no means congruent in the people who has ignored me and has sent me a strong signal that i should just get out of their lives and preferably, help them get out of mine too. But i daresay that their train of thoughts rests somewhere on the very same spectrum when they decided to ignore me.
Detractors argue that perhaps there may be unforeseen circumstances involved that resulted in them being unable to communicate with me effectively at that point of time and as a rational and reasonable human being with a self-sufficient level of intelligence and emotional quotient, i do take that point into consideration as well. However, it’s their lack of initiative to explain why they ignored me that sent those signals to inform me that i should just sod off and carry on with life with or without their presence whatsoever.
Nevertheless no matter how it seems like it, this is not an incessant diatribe against these people because every homosapien or even animal is bound to behave in such a manner due to the very fact that attention is a scarce resource.
The scarcity of attention is the very foundation of the Theory of "Relativity" in Human Relationships. In a group conversation of three, one cannot converse simultaneously with two people at the same time and hence, one has to rank and choose a person to talk to first based on how worthy that person is of his attention relative to the other person. People whom we deem more important and worthwhile of our investment of attention due to a multitude of factors such as looks, talent, wealth and personal interests make us more keen to accede to their most farcical request or to even influence them to invest their attention in us, relative to the rest of the human population which is just wallpaper.
I’ve read an article that says that attention is like a transaction whereby when A has accepted B’s attention, A is also obliged to offer its attention to B. Perhaps by ignoring other people’s SMSes for example, it is an indication that we do not accept their attention and hence there would be no need for us to offer our own time and attention to them as well.
However, what people have overlooked is the process of offering one’s attention to others.
Shouldn’t one’s effort and time in crafting an SMS message be awarded with at least a reply, even if the reply says “SOD OFF and JUST DIE! Bitch!” ? At least that person would be able to know that she is no longer important in the guy’s life and should just move on with life and drop any further plans to invest her feelings or attention in him, instead of waiting endlessly and having delusions about the deformed relationship.
Even if that guy just so happened to be caught up in tragedy whereby his mother’s friend’s father’s pet kitten died when it fell into a strawberry patch, he should still take the initiative to explain his lack of reply the moment he has recovered from his intense grief. Otherwise it just shows that he reeks of irresponsibility and discourtesy.
Which is why i’ve always tried my best to reply an SMS message that demands my reply and have always replied to people’s comments/tags on this blog because i believe that i should always reciprocate the time and effort spent by others to invest their attention in me. Its really a basic principle. No more, no less.
As humans, the primacy of self has made us demand respect and attention whenever we are expected to offer them to others as well. If people were to deny us respect and courtesy, we would find it entirely equitable to reciprocate in the same manner.
Should a person ignore his friend’s SMS messages from time to time, his friend would eventually do the same to him and his level of importance to his friend would no doubt be diminished very rapidly.
Humans in general, have vulnerable egos that they seek to protect and hence, when their egos’ are threatened, they will defend it offensively by withdrawing their observation of the conventions of good manners too. The consequence of this is misunderstandings that will spiral into the vicious circle of petty hatred.
Hence, only by being generous and sensitive to the basic emotional needs of our fellow human beings will such a consequence be hampered from materialising.
Ensconced in my cushy desk chair and looking fixedly at the title of my blog, I realised that i haven’t really written anything introspective to justify my use of the words “labyrinth of thoughts” and Introspection. I always believe that words should not be chosen in a spurt of vanity as part of the blog title but rather, they should be used to serve as an indication of the type of content that is archived within the blog.
Hence, i reckoned that i should start archiving my musings, no matter how ludicrous or callow they are. If there are any readers who happen to chance upon my blog, do take my musings with a pinch of salt and other condiments you fancy.
***
Although im generally a deferential and accommodating person ( and many people can attest to that), there is one particularly thing that will never fail to tick me off.
And that is being ignored by people whom i thought i was important to.
I contemplated about the source of the catalysis of my eventual chagrin and i came to an eventual conclusion that perhaps, i crave for attention like many others and am simply acerbated by the notion that the significance of my existence is ebbing away. Instead of pledging vendetta against those who has ignored me, i tried to swap perspectives with these people and inquire into the source of my growing inadequacy. And i came to a very dismal conclusion.
I am just not important enough for people to invest their attention in. And i realised that i am not so much different from them.
Humans belong to the animal kingdom after all and when placed in an increasingly competitive society that is a microcosm of the predator-hunts-prey natural wildlife environment out there, innate survival instincts surface.
For eg. people invited to a social event will pick the most interesting and influential person to talk to in hope that they can augment the progress of their lives and interests and climb a notch higher in the social ladder. By talking to the Mr Influential, people also deny others the chance to socialise with him and this is akin to climbing up the social ladder and removing the rungs along the way. The faster one climbs, the faster one can emerge at the top of the “food chain” and claim the rewards of his efforts.
This is true even in everyday interactions with people and is not only exclusive to social events.
“Why should i reply this Mr Moronic’s SMS when i should be saving my SMSes for Mr-I-so-wanna-get-his-attention-so-that-i-can-get-promoted? In fact its not that i do not want to waste my SMSes but rather, by replying to his SMS, im augmenting his delusion that i am keen to invest my attention and time in him. So yeap, the next best thing to ask him to sod off is to well, don’t reply.”
This train of thought is by no means congruent in the people who has ignored me and has sent me a strong signal that i should just get out of their lives and preferably, help them get out of mine too. But i daresay that their train of thoughts rests somewhere on the very same spectrum when they decided to ignore me.
Detractors argue that perhaps there may be unforeseen circumstances involved that resulted in them being unable to communicate with me effectively at that point of time and as a rational and reasonable human being with a self-sufficient level of intelligence and emotional quotient, i do take that point into consideration as well. However, it’s their lack of initiative to explain why they ignored me that sent those signals to inform me that i should just sod off and carry on with life with or without their presence whatsoever.
Nevertheless no matter how it seems like it, this is not an incessant diatribe against these people because every homosapien or even animal is bound to behave in such a manner due to the very fact that attention is a scarce resource.
The scarcity of attention is the very foundation of the Theory of "Relativity" in Human Relationships. In a group conversation of three, one cannot converse simultaneously with two people at the same time and hence, one has to rank and choose a person to talk to first based on how worthy that person is of his attention relative to the other person. People whom we deem more important and worthwhile of our investment of attention due to a multitude of factors such as looks, talent, wealth and personal interests make us more keen to accede to their most farcical request or to even influence them to invest their attention in us, relative to the rest of the human population which is just wallpaper.
I’ve read an article that says that attention is like a transaction whereby when A has accepted B’s attention, A is also obliged to offer its attention to B. Perhaps by ignoring other people’s SMSes for example, it is an indication that we do not accept their attention and hence there would be no need for us to offer our own time and attention to them as well.
However, what people have overlooked is the process of offering one’s attention to others.
Shouldn’t one’s effort and time in crafting an SMS message be awarded with at least a reply, even if the reply says “SOD OFF and JUST DIE! Bitch!” ? At least that person would be able to know that she is no longer important in the guy’s life and should just move on with life and drop any further plans to invest her feelings or attention in him, instead of waiting endlessly and having delusions about the deformed relationship.
Even if that guy just so happened to be caught up in tragedy whereby his mother’s friend’s father’s pet kitten died when it fell into a strawberry patch, he should still take the initiative to explain his lack of reply the moment he has recovered from his intense grief. Otherwise it just shows that he reeks of irresponsibility and discourtesy.
Which is why i’ve always tried my best to reply an SMS message that demands my reply and have always replied to people’s comments/tags on this blog because i believe that i should always reciprocate the time and effort spent by others to invest their attention in me. Its really a basic principle. No more, no less.
As humans, the primacy of self has made us demand respect and attention whenever we are expected to offer them to others as well. If people were to deny us respect and courtesy, we would find it entirely equitable to reciprocate in the same manner.
Should a person ignore his friend’s SMS messages from time to time, his friend would eventually do the same to him and his level of importance to his friend would no doubt be diminished very rapidly.
Humans in general, have vulnerable egos that they seek to protect and hence, when their egos’ are threatened, they will defend it offensively by withdrawing their observation of the conventions of good manners too. The consequence of this is misunderstandings that will spiral into the vicious circle of petty hatred.
Hence, only by being generous and sensitive to the basic emotional needs of our fellow human beings will such a consequence be hampered from materialising.