SOMEONE SLAP ME!!!
I feel like I'm dying today. I have no energy, my head retains the sensation of being slowly compacted, my eyes, throat, and nose are in so much pain I can't believe I'm still conscious.
One of my microphones broke today. That more than pissed me off. I hate it when my mics break. I think I can fix it, but.... I dunno. Maybe with some spit and duct tape. Spit and duct tape cures all ailments, I've found.
I think I'm going to survive my mini-schnauzer-induced finger wound. It's healing, and it doesn't hurt anymore.
Damn... I was kinda hoping I would need an amputation or stitches or something. You know. Add some more spice and drama to my life. Throw more gas on the flames.
And speaking of flames, I still feel bad about my "Burn The Shop Projects Party" that I never had. We were going to have so much fun with that. Oh well.
I want to be the pope... if not a pope, I'd like to be a saint.... nah.... not a saint. That's negative publicity. I can do better than that. The whole reason I want to be the pope in the first place is because of my afterlife plans.
I want to bring Limbo back. It's my best and only option. I mean, what else am I supposed to shoot for? Heaven? Yeah right! What do I have to look forward to there? Naked babies with wings serve you whatever you desire on a silver plater, and you don't even have to leave them a tip. Endless green fields with wild running streams that taste like cherry tequila. Clouds that sparkle and rain gold coins instead of rain. Why? Like you can't get any of that in Vegas. :P
I have nowhere else to go, save Hell, which I'm not impressed with either. It's hot, it's smelly, and the living conditions are unbearable with dangers around very corner. Hell sounds like one giant biker bar.
So, it's Limbo for me. It's great, and it used to be so EASY. Unbatpized people that were too sinful to go to heaven, but too good to go to Hell would wind up in Limbo. And if we WANTED a second shot at life or a few more years on the Earth, we could slide back down to earth, be reborn and ride the carousel again!
Now choosing your afterlife is alot like choosing a college. Depending on what you do with your time before you make the transition, you may or may not get in to the eternity of your choice. The reason Limbo was so great was that as long as you weren't baptized, you didn't have to do anything! See, baptized people actually have to work. Limbo-goers will live their life as they will, and as long as they don't rape or kill anyone, they're okay to go. Some live sinful lives, others, like me, chose to do good anyway simply because it makes the earth a better place and it feels good. But that's a whole 'nother Theological banana.
My original point, sometime in the 21st century, Pope John Paul II and the rest of the church caught on to our Limbo plot, and decided to end it before their regulars decided to cut the contract and leave.
On April 22, 2007, Limbo's gates were closed.
So myself, and millions of others are doomed to choose between Heaven or Hell... and neither sound all that great. And it SUCKS... so if no pope brings back Limbo within 50 years... I'm going to have to do it myself.
And just to say that I've been pope. I'd like to be able to say that. After all, Vatican City is pretty neat. The history and the architecture run deep into the history of humanity, and I'm huge on history and... and just THINK of all that vintage wine!
The only problem is.. (and it's not the fact I'm a woman, because a female pope has been done before.) Is that in order to become pope, I'd have to become a Catholic. And in order to become Catholic, I'd need to be baptized... and then my plans to go to Limbo are all shot to Hell. (Literally) Even if I do bring Limbo back.
Oh well. *sigh*
I guess I'll have to settle for lousy Sainthood. ;)
One of my microphones broke today. That more than pissed me off. I hate it when my mics break. I think I can fix it, but.... I dunno. Maybe with some spit and duct tape. Spit and duct tape cures all ailments, I've found.
I think I'm going to survive my mini-schnauzer-induced finger wound. It's healing, and it doesn't hurt anymore.
Damn... I was kinda hoping I would need an amputation or stitches or something. You know. Add some more spice and drama to my life. Throw more gas on the flames.
And speaking of flames, I still feel bad about my "Burn The Shop Projects Party" that I never had. We were going to have so much fun with that. Oh well.
I want to be the pope... if not a pope, I'd like to be a saint.... nah.... not a saint. That's negative publicity. I can do better than that. The whole reason I want to be the pope in the first place is because of my afterlife plans.
I want to bring Limbo back. It's my best and only option. I mean, what else am I supposed to shoot for? Heaven? Yeah right! What do I have to look forward to there? Naked babies with wings serve you whatever you desire on a silver plater, and you don't even have to leave them a tip. Endless green fields with wild running streams that taste like cherry tequila. Clouds that sparkle and rain gold coins instead of rain. Why? Like you can't get any of that in Vegas. :P
I have nowhere else to go, save Hell, which I'm not impressed with either. It's hot, it's smelly, and the living conditions are unbearable with dangers around very corner. Hell sounds like one giant biker bar.
So, it's Limbo for me. It's great, and it used to be so EASY. Unbatpized people that were too sinful to go to heaven, but too good to go to Hell would wind up in Limbo. And if we WANTED a second shot at life or a few more years on the Earth, we could slide back down to earth, be reborn and ride the carousel again!
Now choosing your afterlife is alot like choosing a college. Depending on what you do with your time before you make the transition, you may or may not get in to the eternity of your choice. The reason Limbo was so great was that as long as you weren't baptized, you didn't have to do anything! See, baptized people actually have to work. Limbo-goers will live their life as they will, and as long as they don't rape or kill anyone, they're okay to go. Some live sinful lives, others, like me, chose to do good anyway simply because it makes the earth a better place and it feels good. But that's a whole 'nother Theological banana.
My original point, sometime in the 21st century, Pope John Paul II and the rest of the church caught on to our Limbo plot, and decided to end it before their regulars decided to cut the contract and leave.
On April 22, 2007, Limbo's gates were closed.
So myself, and millions of others are doomed to choose between Heaven or Hell... and neither sound all that great. And it SUCKS... so if no pope brings back Limbo within 50 years... I'm going to have to do it myself.
And just to say that I've been pope. I'd like to be able to say that. After all, Vatican City is pretty neat. The history and the architecture run deep into the history of humanity, and I'm huge on history and... and just THINK of all that vintage wine!
The only problem is.. (and it's not the fact I'm a woman, because a female pope has been done before.) Is that in order to become pope, I'd have to become a Catholic. And in order to become Catholic, I'd need to be baptized... and then my plans to go to Limbo are all shot to Hell. (Literally) Even if I do bring Limbo back.
Oh well. *sigh*
I guess I'll have to settle for lousy Sainthood. ;)