so take me, don't leave me. baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you.
my oh my... here I am and it feels like home.
I love London.
If it weren't for my family, I could live here for the rest of my life and I'm going to miss this place desperately when I go home. God, that's approaching so quickly and already I'm beginning to mourn it. So much has happened these two months... I've been to Edinburgh, Paris, Barcelona, Madrid, Morrocco... I've been to Africa! I'm proud of how well I'm doing with keeping a paper journal; haven't been as good with this one, but at least I have all of the really important things written down somewhere. I know I will look back on this as one of the greatest experiences of my life.
So not only am I having my first real college experience, in that I'm living in a dorm-like situation as opposed to my experience of being at a commuter college where no one speaks to anyone else and everyday we stare at the ground and all go our separate ways. It's weird having drunken boys living above me, amusing but totally surreal. It's strange knowing pretty much everyone in my classes. Having five other flatmates. I've met some really awesome people... the girls I live with are really great and despite some initial issues, I've come to know that they care a lot about me, which I just feel very blessed for. Megan is my favorite person. She's become my best friend here, my confidant and she also lives in my flat, so we're always staying up far latter than we should while the rest of our flatmates sleep and we just talk and talk. She's also a pusher... pushing me to get out of my protective little barrier. She's trying but it's not as easy as she'd like it to be. "Fly, Shannon. Fly." Particularly in regards to Kurt. "That's who I forgot! God bless, Kurt!" I am in the most intense state of like that I have ever experienced. I hesitate to say love, but I might soon get there. When he and I do actually talk, I am amazed at how much we have in common... how intelligent and hilarious he is... how he really would be a good balance for me, if we could only talk to each other without Megan being there to push us together. He's very protective of himself as I am, but in slightly different ways. I am so confused by him sometimes and I wish I could just say everything to him. I wish I didn't feel like I have to keep so much to myself. I wish I had the courage to just tell him how I feel... Kiss him and get over this weird little side-step thing we having going on and then maybe once the physicality has been broached I could say everything. Honestly, I don't have anything concrete that indicates he thinks of me as anything than an interesting classmate, and Megan tells me that I've really given him no obvious indications that I'm interested in him romantically. I don't know what to do... someone tell me what to do... I wish I weren't so paralyzed.
But you know, if all of this with Kurt comes to nothing, there's always EW. I met him at the beginning of October; gave him a mixed cd I made for him (full of love songs, some of which he already knew and loved) for which he gave me a hug... we stared into each other's eyes (so beautiful!) for a few moments before we said goodbye. Such a love; I could have kissed him.
I love walking these streets... just that simple act makes me so happy, I can't even describe it. I feel at home, that I belong here.
"If it's real what I'm feeling there's no make believe in the sound of the wings of the flight of a dove."
I love London.
If it weren't for my family, I could live here for the rest of my life and I'm going to miss this place desperately when I go home. God, that's approaching so quickly and already I'm beginning to mourn it. So much has happened these two months... I've been to Edinburgh, Paris, Barcelona, Madrid, Morrocco... I've been to Africa! I'm proud of how well I'm doing with keeping a paper journal; haven't been as good with this one, but at least I have all of the really important things written down somewhere. I know I will look back on this as one of the greatest experiences of my life.
So not only am I having my first real college experience, in that I'm living in a dorm-like situation as opposed to my experience of being at a commuter college where no one speaks to anyone else and everyday we stare at the ground and all go our separate ways. It's weird having drunken boys living above me, amusing but totally surreal. It's strange knowing pretty much everyone in my classes. Having five other flatmates. I've met some really awesome people... the girls I live with are really great and despite some initial issues, I've come to know that they care a lot about me, which I just feel very blessed for. Megan is my favorite person. She's become my best friend here, my confidant and she also lives in my flat, so we're always staying up far latter than we should while the rest of our flatmates sleep and we just talk and talk. She's also a pusher... pushing me to get out of my protective little barrier. She's trying but it's not as easy as she'd like it to be. "Fly, Shannon. Fly." Particularly in regards to Kurt. "That's who I forgot! God bless, Kurt!" I am in the most intense state of like that I have ever experienced. I hesitate to say love, but I might soon get there. When he and I do actually talk, I am amazed at how much we have in common... how intelligent and hilarious he is... how he really would be a good balance for me, if we could only talk to each other without Megan being there to push us together. He's very protective of himself as I am, but in slightly different ways. I am so confused by him sometimes and I wish I could just say everything to him. I wish I didn't feel like I have to keep so much to myself. I wish I had the courage to just tell him how I feel... Kiss him and get over this weird little side-step thing we having going on and then maybe once the physicality has been broached I could say everything. Honestly, I don't have anything concrete that indicates he thinks of me as anything than an interesting classmate, and Megan tells me that I've really given him no obvious indications that I'm interested in him romantically. I don't know what to do... someone tell me what to do... I wish I weren't so paralyzed.
But you know, if all of this with Kurt comes to nothing, there's always EW. I met him at the beginning of October; gave him a mixed cd I made for him (full of love songs, some of which he already knew and loved) for which he gave me a hug... we stared into each other's eyes (so beautiful!) for a few moments before we said goodbye. Such a love; I could have kissed him.
I love walking these streets... just that simple act makes me so happy, I can't even describe it. I feel at home, that I belong here.
"If it's real what I'm feeling there's no make believe in the sound of the wings of the flight of a dove."