Comments | rivercrossing2: The Dark Night

rivercrossing2

The Dark Night

Apr 24, 2010 20:34

Prompt: #1: Taub's past suicide attempt.
Words: 3,507
Rating: R; see above and below.
Warning: Graphic desription of suicide attempt by overdose.
Spoilers: For Season 5 episodes: "Painless" and "Simple Explenation"
Summary: A week after Kutner's unexpected suicide, Taub meets a clinic teenager in the clinic who oddly reminds him of himself.
Beta: ( Read more... )

taub, sheila, round 1, kutner, season 5, simple explenation, painless, taubfest, oc

Comments 9

WOW! anonymous April 25 2010, 06:01:42 UTC

It was beautiful... ;-( I love the ending... ;-)

waylandsmithy April 25 2010, 07:37:49 UTC

Hi

You've obviously put a lot of work in to this story and I'm going on to the next part before commenting 'proper' but a couple of small typo points as you requested (!) - fainted not feinted in this instance and a too needed instead of a two. I'm surprised you made Taub 56; I'd have thought he was early forties at most.No wonder he's feeling upset at being under people younger than him (Lockdown) !

waylandsmithy April 25 2010, 08:04:00 UTC

Misread 'challenge part one' as part one of this story, oops, so on re-reading; I think you've tied up Taub's thinking well and his own guilt and feelings of inadequacy that he hasn't left behind. The girl has sufficient troubles, combined with her youth, to make her attempt credible. To be absolutely honest I'm not sure that I'm completely convinced by the ending (unlike anonymous above, so it's a matter of perception!)as I think the breakthrough is too soon. It suggests Taub is going to pursue this acquaintance, in which case I'd like to know a bit more. I understand the drive to finish writing; I often hurry my own little efforts to an end and I know you've a lot going on right now.
Do keep writing :)

cuddyclothes April 26 2010, 01:21:32 UTC

This was very good! My main criticisms, and feel free to take them or leave them. Since you're writing for a pre-existing House fandom, you don't need to put so much time into explaining how the characters are. It weighs down the beginning. Also, I didn't quite believe the ending. However, if you're going to have Taub continue the relationship (which I'm not quite sure is medically ethical), I'd love it if you wrote more about it, perhaps in another fic.

thelonemascot April 29 2010, 07:14:54 UTC

I know it's totally late on this, but I didn't even see this until a short while ago...then I saw that last episode of House and then decided Taub was a jerk ( ... )