[Closed]

[badlyobstinate]

WHO: Sam Winchester [badlyobstinate], Claire Bennet [oww_pavement]
WHAT: Claire is a little upset at what happened to her, Sam goes to try his hand at cheering her up.
WHERE: Outside Claire's house
WHEN: Last night

Comments

[fuckingblondie]

She saw him approaching from the window already when he came, and, jumping up from her seat, she walked out, arms instinctively going around her as she shielded herself from the cold.

"Hey," she said, voice a bit weak. "I'm... really glad you showed up."

Swallowing hard, she looked back at the door--

She really didn't want to go in there right now. Not with Peter and the whole rest of the world in there now because Peter was just too damn nice.

"Here, let's... walk," she said, nodding her head in one direction to start them up as she put her hands in her pockets and stared at the floor.

[badlyobstinate]

Sam glanced up quickly at the sound of a voice. The suddenly jerk out of his own thoughts had startled him just slightly. "Yeah. It's no problem at all," he assured her softly. She sounded like she wasn't doing well right now, and that was a bit worrisome. Should she really be going that far from her home if...?

It wasn't like he was going to walk with her all over the island. They'd be within close enough range he could carry her back quickly if something happened to her. Besides, with accelerated, supernatural like healing she'd probably be alright. He hoped she would at any rate.

"Sure," he agreed, waiting a little for her to start the course. He'd walk, let her talk and lead the way until she felt better. Unless she wanted his input on something, he wasn't sure what to say right now. Maybe even just the presence of someone else was what she was looking for.

[fuckingblondie]

And it wasn't like she wasn't with Sam. If she was going by herself, that'd be one thing, but...

Starting up a slow sort of pace, she took a deep breath.

"Have you ever had feelings for someone who no one else approved of and who probably didn't even have feelings back?"

That was a good place to start, right? There was so much to talk about. Things were a mess right now, and...

She really needed to get them out, one way or another.

[badlyobstinate]

"Uhhh," Sam said a little uncomfortably. His mind instantly flashed to a dream he'd had of Bela. Dean certainly wouldn't agree with that, but it wasn't really feelings. That was just...

Clearing his throat a bit, Sam shook his head. "Not really, no," he said. "All the girls I've liked have been pretty well like by other people. There have been a few..." he paused for a moment trying to think of a good word to describe Ruby. "Friends I've had that aren't exactly favorites of my family. I think they're over that now though." His face clouded over for a moment as a few questions he'd been trying to keep at bay raised their heads again.

"Why?" he finally asked, banishing the thoughts that threatened to keep plucking away at his brain until it broke down. "Is there someone that...?" Was he really allowed to ask this?

[fuckingblondie]

"Am I a terrible person?" she asked him, looking quite miserably as she turned to face him

[badlyobstinate]

That question didn't even need reflection for Sam to answer it. "Of course not," he stated. "It's not a bad idea to keep in mind that people don't like this person, but liking someone doesn't make you terrible." He paused. To be a hypocrite, or not to be a hypocrite. In the end, hypocrisy won out. "Even if you like them, if enough people feel they're trouble, you can't afford to completely ignore their opinions. Form your own, but make sure to keep in mind what people are saying." As if Sam usually let what other people said influence his decisions

[fuckingblondie]

"It wasn't even that stupid. I was just out. If it was up to Peter, I would never leave the apartment. I can't live like that! Everyone is always wanting to treat me like I'm a porcelain doll that needs to be kept locked up in glass case! And then they tell me it's for my own good so that other people don't get to me so they can't lock me up! How is that not contradictory

[badlyobstinate]

Sam shook his head thoughtfully. It was, she was right about that. "They can't keep you locked up," Sam agreed. "But here." He paused. He actually didn't know how much worse than it was than her home. He vaguely remembered being told something about a company that... "Here is dangerous. Especially when you're alone. If you went out with someone, especially someone who could defend themselves and you, it shouldn't be a problem, should it?" he said. The solution seemed reasonable enough in theory, but

[fuckingblondie]

"Yeah, I know, I just... I wish for once I didn't have to worry about what people thought of me, what would happen if I did this or that-- I love who I am, what I can do, but sometimes I just wish I could live a normal life, I don't even know whether that makes any sense."

She hiccuped then, her breath catching in her throat when she tried to get a hold of herself again.

God, she was pathetic.

"I... don't know." Licking her lips, she scrunched her face up as she sighed, very softly, trying to figure out the answer to his question. "I guess. I guess it makes me feel alive. Like I'm actually in control of my life."

Some people cut. Or threw up their food.

Claire made rash, stupid decisions. Like jumping out windows and punching out people.

"What's the... stupidest, rashest decision you've made? I mean. Don't you have things like that? What's the craziest thing you've done lately?"

[badlyobstinate]

That made a painful amount of sense. Who didn't want a normal life when they could have one? After all, Sam had no real problems with himself, he was pretty comfortable with who he was. He'd been that way pretty much all his life, but with a childhood so screwed to hell, he'd been lusting after a normal life since before he could remember. "It makes perfect sense," he assured her in a soft voice.

The frown deepened. Like emerging yourself in a hunt. Chasing off your issues by focusing on doing something else. Besides after his dad's death, Sam didn't really do things like that. If anything he spent too much time thinking on his problems, but that sounded an awful lot like...

His throat closed up. The rash things he'd done lately? That wasn't something he was anywhere near willing to share with Dean, much less a girl he only knew but so well. Staring straight ahead of him, Sam grew silent, an uneasy look settling over his features.

[fuckingblondie]

Human understanding could often mean so much more than anything else. It was so important to hear that one wasn't alone, that one was still sane, that other people could relate...

"Thank you," she whispered back, nodding.

It was a great substitute for actual control, just providing the illusion of it all, with double the consequences in the end than actual responsibility yielded.

In the end, she turned those consequences into giant problems when they really weren't to distract from the big ones.

And people called her overdramatic. Well. Yes.

In the end she was left to wonder whether she even had problems at all. Whether she was worth an ounce of anyone's time.

"Why does anybody put up with me," she choked out through a wash of tears coming to her eyes, shaking her head for a second before turning to bury her face in Sam's shirtfront, hands drawn up into fists, holding them close to her chest as if trying to make herself as compact and small against him as possible.

She really hoped he didn't mind.

[badlyobstinate]

"No problem," said Sam, relaxing for a moment at the drop of the topic of rash actions. The fact that she wasn't pressing the topic of why he hadn't answered was nice. Nice enough for just a second he let the tension in his muscles slacken before his back instantly stiffened at the sudden contact.

The unexpected clinging had him dumbfounded and gapping down at her. Looking much like a fish that was floundering about in the mud, his jaw dropped his eyes wide, he finally composed himself a bit.

"Hey, Hey," he said, trying to sound both comforting and authoritative enough to get her attention. "You're a good kid, Claire. You're a sweet girl who is concerned about people. You obviously care enough to want people to like you. They don't "put up with you", they like you for who you are."

Awkwardly, he gently wrapped an arm around her shoulder. It was a little strange, the top of her head just met his chest and he could feel his stomach getting damp from where the tears were leaking through his shirt.

[fuckingblondie]

It had been almost more rhetorical than anything else. Lucky Sam. But then--

If she had seen his face, she would have had to seriously wonder if all the men on this island save for Cross were terrifically socially awkward.

But she hadn't, too preoccupied with her own flood of emotions for the moment, all bubbling over as she leaned against him.

How could they like her if she did nothing but make mistakes?

When he half-hugged her, it almost sort of helped, however much it also served to remind her of just how short she was.

"Thank you, but I've had more people yell at me or... do horrible things to me no matter how hard I tried to make them like me and I wish there was something stable-- someone stable, someone who would consider me special and wonderful and would make me feel appreciated and loved, is that... is that so much to ask?" she asked, looking miserable as big, glassy eyes turned to stare up at Sam.

[badlyobstinate]

Stability was a nice thing. Sam couldn't begin the number of times he'd found himself wanting it. Every time he'd said something along the lines of 'Our lives are weird' or 'I miss conversations that didn't start with "So this killer truck"'. Hell, times where he'd been lying there in bed blankly staring at the ceiling, a huge slash mark down his side, patched up together quickly by Dean. All these occasions he'd had a similar line of thought. Something stable in his life to give him a sense of security and comfort.

"It's not," he said carefully. "Claire. I'm sure there are people that care about you. There are people that appreciate you for who you are. People get frustrated at others, especially when you care about someone and they're hurt. You get worried, and sometimes you react by taking it out on them. It's not right, but it happens. You're loved, believe me." A small pause. "Just because someone screams and yells... It doesn't mean they don't care." Speaking from experience here sort of sucked...

[fuckingblondie]

"No, no, it's--" she shook her head, biting her lip as she tried to figure out how to word it.

Because this was... awkward, on some level. On a lot of levels. This was the sort of thing that she couldn't talk to Peter about for obvious reasons.

"I don't mean that sort of loved. I know I have that. Sometimes I'm afraid I take that sort of loved for granted. I mean. I mean the other sort of loved."

The kind that kept getting her clobbered. The kind that she didn't-- couldn't-- take for granted. The kind where people didn't reluctantly love and care for her, as if they just had to, were required to out of pure obligation, whether by association or because of familial connections.

[badlyobstinate]

The situation suddenly went from solemn sadness to awkward in the blink of an eye. While he was okay with talking about family situations and friendship, relationships were another story. He would talk to Dean about them to some degree. He talked to his male friends about Jessica a bit when they'd been together. Then again, even that wasn't so much touchy feely as much as it was pretty basic, and sometimes sex oriented. This was well out of his comfort zone.

"You..." he started but trailed off.

Looking up at the sky he took a deep breath. Oh boy, this wasn't going to be fun.

"You'll find someone," he said finally. "Sometimes it takes awhile," he admitted with a little shrug. "My first real girlfriend I didn't get until I was in college. I didn't love anyone like that until I met her." It sort of hurt, talking about Jessica, even after all this time. Seemed like a good time to change the subject. "You're a great girl, Claire. You're kind, pretty, smart. Even if you make rash decisions. You'll find love."