Help me find the way through all my fears… [Complete - AIM log]
Who: Susan (sensibly) and Harry (aboywhosliving)
What: Meeting for magic practice
Where: Susan’s house
When: Day 134 (backlogged a day)
aboywhosliving: Harry walked along the streets, to the house he’d dropped Susan off at after tea. His wand was a comforting feeling as he clenched it, ready to defend himself if he was attacked. Granted, he hadn’t yet, but you never could be cautious enough. Susan had wanted the magic practice, and he was more than willing to get out of the crazy household and spend time with someone around his age that wasn’t from his world.
Habitually, his fingers ran through his hair as he walked up to the door. He released the wand in his jean pocket and rapped on the door. He resisted the urge to adjust the glasses slipping down his nose, vivid green eyes tracing the wood grains. He hoped she was home; it always was awkward to not get an answer.
sensibly: A week had passed, and coping wasn't getting any easier.
She didn't know what was supposed to happen- that one day she'd suddenly stop having nightmares and flashbacks- images of his body burnt nearly permanently into her retinas? They said time was supposed to heal, but- patience had never been her strong point and Susan would very much liked to know where the hurting stopped and said 'healing', whatever it was, began. Susan sat curled up on a couch inside the house she shared with her brother, close to dozing off- which would be a relief; a good night's sleep without nightmares would be more than she would ask for. Until there was a knock at the door and she froze. Edmund had a key- so, who was it?
As usual her mind flitted to the most horrible conclusions- that it was Shira or 'Travis Woods', if that was his name, or the other man- the one who had said he'd kill her siblings. She grabbed the bow and quiver on the table beside her and went to the door, taking a peek through the window to see who it was and then opening it, giving a smile of relief.
"Harry!" she smiled in genuine happiness, something that really hadn't occurred since that day. Strangely enough it had been with him that she was happy then, and now it was the same.
Well, stranger things had occurred, had they not?
aboywhosliving: He gave her a smile. She was a friend that didn’t blame him for keeping himself secret for so long, a friend who didn’t run around the house yelling. Harry found himself returning the smile, keeping the blame and doubts within his mind, and never noticing a brief flicker of depression flicker across. James had come and gone. At least they hadn’t found a body. From what he read, even that wasn’t a good sign.
Harry shoved his hands in his pockets, withdrawing the wand in his right hand. “You wanted practice.” Another smile. She relaxed and disconcerted him, stronger than the last time he’d seen her, on the doorstep. He kept the smile on his face, “I try to keep all my promises.” But he had failed at keeping his future father safe, hadn’t he? Would he exist if he went back? How did Rivelata affect the timelines of others’? As his mind wandered through all the questions, most of which hurt to think about, his face fell slightly, betraying the inner concentration.
He ruffled his hair absently. “You still up for it?”
sensibly: She acted on impulse.
Susan stepped forward, tentatively at first and then more and more sure until she reached him and hugged him tight. For a moment she thought she might sob but stayed away from that temptation, letting him go with one squeeze. "Well, thank you! I'm quite looking forward to it, really," she said. What she really didn't mention was that she was looking forward to it because he made her happy, made her forget for just a few moments.
But did she want to forget, and possibly betray Caspian's memory? That was the question that plagued her.
"Come in, please!" she said, hanging up the quiver quickly to the side and opening the door wide for him. "Oh, if I'd known I would've bought biscuits or something at the market. But we do have tea, so that's a relief." she quickly went into mother mode as she went into the kitchen and quickly grabbed two teacups and set the kettle to boil, just like Mum had always taught her. After all- it was important to treat your guests well.
She brought some fruit on a plate along with two forks and set them down on the table. "Please, sit. Make yourself at home." Susan smiled, the very image of a perfect hostess, really.
Pushing some stray hair off of her face she leaned in against the table. "So, where does one start? Isn't it confusing?"
aboywhosliving: Harry let his arms slide around Susan as she hugged him, and made no protest when she let go, following her into the house. He still stood when she came back with the fruit, and shrugged. It was going to be a new test of his skills to teach someone to cast magic. Even the DA was made up of witches and wizards who could already use magic.
“Not at all,” He reassured her. Thinking on what to start with he began, “Well… Lumos is pretty easy.” He held the wand aloft and whispered the incantation, a simple Latin word. The end of the wand shone brightly, though, because of the crystal’s interference, the wand flickered off and on before truly being a viable light. He whispered, “Nox,” and it flickered out, far quicker than normal.
But he wasn’t going to tell her that.
Again, the hesistation assaulted him as he handed over the wand. “’Lumos’ lights it, ‘Nox’ puts it out.”
sensibly: Susan took the wand, still slightly amazed at even the slightest bit of magic that he had done. This was probably the most basic spell of them all, so here's hoping she could do this. But really, it felt slightly ridiculous- she wasn't a witch or anything of the sort, she was just a normal girl. From Finchley, for Aslan's sake! But- no, no. Here she wasn't anybody's queen, she was just Susan, nothing more and the idea that she could do magic, well that was just strange in itself.
Waving it tentatively, she said the 'magic word'. It sounded like Latin; so perhaps all spell words were Latin? "Lumos." her voice was quiet, unsure. This was probably one of the things that required confidence, which she just didn't-
Wait. What- the tip shone weakly, with not very much power at all. In fact the light was so weak it was barely visible, and it flickered out quickly enough. But still- she had done magic. "Was that- perhaps that was just a trick of my eyes?"
aboywhosliving: The wand flickered slightly. He was impressed. It had taken him a few tries himself in Rivelata to get Lumos to work to the point where it stayed on until he spoke ‘nox’, but, then again, Susan wasn’t from his world. No, he was constantly reminded by that fact while he was around her.
Harry gave her an encouraging smile. “Not at all. Have confidence.”
It was already impressive what she could manage through the crystal’s influence. His green eyes met her blue ones, his stomach clenching slightly. “Try again,” he managed. She was pretty, he noted absently as he watched. Maybe more than Cho or Ginny. He was having trouble recalling their faces, many of the faces he’d left at home when he was taken.
The only friendly faces he could recall clearly were those of Ron and Hermione, his two best friends.
sensibly: She nodded, trying to concentrate more now that she knew she wasn't making a huge fool of herself. "I'll try." their eyes met and she held the gaze, looking into eyes so vivid they almost hurt. "Once more, then?" Susan said with a smile as she waved the wand once more. "Lumos!" with more conviction this time and she gasped, she really did, like a delighted child when the light grew stronger.
It was much more vivid this time, and it didn't go out within a few seconds. She held the wand tip close to her face, illuminating everything around her. This was simply amazing, it made her excited, was something to keep her mind off of everything that had happened. But she turned to look at him and noticed the slight grimace that crossed his face.
"Nox." Susan said softly, watching the light fade with a smile. "Harry? Is something the matter? You just looked- a little strange for a second there." then again, perhaps she was prying into nothing.
aboywhosliving: Harry gave her a nod when the wand lit. His face fell, but when she spoke, it immediately lost the grimace. “Hard time remembering faces.” He missed home, missed all its dangers and quirks. He gently took the wand and swished his hand, flicking it slightly. “Wingardium leviosa.” A piece of fruit floated upwards, his wand’s tip directing it. He only let it float for a little bit before letting it land on his plate.
“Your turn.” He handed his wand handle first and allowed his hand to slip over hers. “Swish and flick, just as I did.” A tingling sensation ran up his fingers as they guided her movements, running through them a few times before releasing her, stepping back, and letting her to do it herself.
But she’d been so close…
No. It didn’t matter. She had a long time before she’d stop blaming herself for Caspian’s death. He conveniently ignored his own blame regarding his father. He waited for something to explode, like Seamus had in Charms his first year.
sensibly: She watched him carefully, saw him use the same words and the same movements that he had in the tea shop. His hand slipped over hers and she flushed slightly before shaking her head vigorously. Concentrate. "Alright. I'll try, but, isn't this a fairly complicated spell?" she asked, still a little bit unsure. Without his guiding hands hers felt clumsy and shaky.
"W-Wingardium leviosa." she said, but tripped over the last syllable- these Latin words were strange to her tongue. So instead of the piece of fruit floating, there was an explosion instead. Susan was winded, knocked backwards into Harry, gasping for breath. There was a lot of smoke, soot on the bridge of her nose as she waved it away.
"Maybe that was too advanced for me?" she inquired, leaning back into him without realizing it.
aboywhosliving: Harry shook his head as he heard her stumbling over the words. Like it had in Charms, the fruit seemed to explode into fragments and Susan was knocked into him. His arms wrapped around her, just as it would if he’d been holding her this whole time. She was having trouble breathing, so he gently moved her away from the floating core of the fruit and the smoke.
Then she leaned against him. All the insecurities that plagued him around girls vanished in a split second. Everything seemed better in that instant. His arms tightened in response, not really of his own will. Already he was holding onto her, smelling the smoke still in her hair, a mixture of soot and fruit.
He blushed after realizing what was happening, and let his arms drop off once she stopped coughing and could stand. He scratched the back of his head. “It happened in Charms too.” He admitted lightly, trying to dismiss the butterflies in his stomach. Even with that soot on her nose, she was still just as pretty. He rubbed the soot of her nose.
There was a tension in the air, so he turned to look at the bowl of fruit. “Maybe we’ll try Lumos again.”
sensibly: It wasn't as if her face could get any redder.
"Oh! I'm sorry!" she said quickly, nearly jumping off of him, cheeks flaming. Really, that was quite...what? Improper? Awkward? Either one of those adjectives would work. She felt a little bit shaky after that, but at least the explosion wasn't enough to turn her off learning. Or perhaps it was and she was just...no, no, no.
And then he wiped the soot off her nose. Such a comforting gesture. She felt like she was going to cry at any moment now, shaking to try and keep it all in.
But she didn't. Instead, she kissed him.
Part of her wasn't sure what she was doing. This wasn't like her; she wasn't this bold, ever. And- it had only been about two weeks or so since Caspian's...oh, she was a wicked, horrible girl and Susan knew it. But she didn't let go.
aboywhosliving: Before Harry could form any coherent response, she had kissed him. It felt so good to be this close again. His arms slid around her waist and he gently kissed back. He shouldn’t have, really, not when she was still mourning Caspian, but it couldn’t be helped. It felt right somehow. The butterflies were gone, and for a moment, it was just Susan, here in his arms.
They’d had such an easy friendship, he wasn’t sure if this would shatter that.
He knew he shouldn’t, but forbidden fruit was the sweetest, wasn’t it? So he kept holding on, hoping she wouldn’t step back and this all be a mistake.
sensibly: Wait- what was she doing?
Susan hadn't even- she hadn't thought things through, and she knew it. And it was so utterly, utterly stupid of her to do that. Acting on impulse had never been something she had done, so what had changed? She was hit with a barrage of emotions; the first and foremost being guilt. Oh, how could she? After seeing Caspian like that-
She pulled away, shaking. She had to. Staring down at her feet, hugging her arms tightly around herself, she bit back a sob but couldn't do the same for the tears that were forming.
"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to do that. I- oh, I'm so horrid. I got him killed, it was my fault, and- I shouldn't be allowed to be happy," she whispered, blinking back the tears as she looked up at him, flinching. "I'm so sorry, Harry."
But he'd kissed back- so what did that mean?
aboywhosliving: She backed away, and he let her, allowed his arms to simply fall to his side. Then she began crying, and saying she didn’t deserve to be happy. Harry simply wrapped his arms around her, somehow he felt she just needed someone to cry on. Not someone to be with romantically; just to be there. He gently pressed her face into his chest her tears soaking the shirt.
His eyes softened and he drew away, “Listen, it’s hard losing someone.” It was becoming clearer to him that Caspian had meant more to her than simply a friend. “It was the bloke that did the killing, not you. Simply because he was around you doesn’t make it your fault he was killed.” He held her chin up so she’d look him in the eyes. “Everyone deserves a chance to be happy.” Some squandered it and others utilized it.
The seventeen-year-old fell quiet and allowed her to do what she wanted. Cry on him, yell at him, shove him away, most anything.
But she’d kissed him… No. It was simply an outcry. He might like her, think her pretty, but he wasn’t going to take advantage of her unbalanced state, not again.
sensibly: She cried- sobbing quietly into his shirt for a moment. But there's always that period after a good cry, where one quiets down and becomes more solemn than anything else. And soon enough her sobs subsided, giving way to a sort of melancholy that was just as suffocating. "T-the man who- wanted me. He should've- it should've been me, not him. It's not fair." she said quietly, aware of how petulant she sounded, thinking that life was fair in any way.
He lifted her chin up, her reddened eyes meeting his green ones. And he was right, she knew he was right- but the guilt was still there, still evident. "It's horrid though- I shouldn't, I shouldn't be trying to get over this, and so soon as well." she said quietly as he fell silent.
Susan didn't let go, but instead her hands were gripping his shirt hem like a small, lost child and she leaned her head against him for a moment, his quiet companionship helping to calm her down.
"But I- I wanted to kiss you. But I didn't as well because that would be betraying- oh, I don't know what to think."
aboywhosliving: Betraying him.
Just like when Cho had wanted to speak to him about Cedric. She was gripping his shirt, so he kept his arms around her, letting her know she wasn’t alone. But he wasn’t a fifth-year anymore.
“You don’t have to get over him right now,” He whispered back. He fell silent again. He didn’t know what to say, he was, by no means, an expert on the minds and actions of girls. He laid his cheek on the side of her head. “And I’m going to repeat, everyone deserves a chance to be happy.” He wasn’t implying himself, specifically, only that she should wake up one day, happy to see the dawn, and ready to face the world.
Her blue eyes rimmed in red tears didn’t suit her at all. So he let her stay with him as long as she needed. Even after the kiss, all the awkwardness and insecurities vanished, leaving only two nearly adults supporting one another.
sensibly: This wasn't right. It was never her being supported by anyone, but her doing the mothering, the comforting. So this was a strange feeling. Her tears subsided and she hurriedly wiped them away, but didn't pull away from him. And it was true- what he was saying was reasonable and everything, coming from a boy who had lost so much, but...
"Thank you..." Susan said quietly, looking up and managing a weak sort of smile. "I- see, I'd like to think he's returned to Narnia. That's where all of us, the kings and queens were promised when we died, so- just maybe..." she sighed, running a hand through her hair and tugging slightly, showing that she was stressed.
"I- That's quite enough crying, don't you think?" the briskness, the no-nonsense tone was back in her voice now. "I don't mean to be a wet blanket or someone silly, carrying on like this."
She wanted to kiss him again. But- no. No, no, no.
aboywhosliving: He nodded, “Then he might have.” His arms slowly fell off and he picked the wand from her hand, stepping back. “We can try again later.” The tea kettle was whistling by now, so he left her and went to get it, picking two cups out of the cupboard (after looking around for where the teacups were in her house) and came back. He poured some tea and sat down on a cushion.
Maybe something else to keep her mind off Caspian. “Teach me the basics of archery.” Anyone could’ve guessed it was draw and fire, but he supposed there was no harm in asking about it. “Or, maybe, just the basics of a bow?” He picked up a fresh fruit and nibbled on it, waiting to be instructed.
sensibly: "Well then- it is a little silly to be asking that question without even being outside, isn't it? If you want to learn you're just going to have to do it yourself." she said simply, grabbing the ivory quiver strap and her bow and swinging them both around her shoulders. She was so eager- mostly because she needed something to take her mind off of what just happened. Opening the back door and not bothering with shoes tugged him outside to the unused field behind their house.
Wondering where to begin, Susan decided to show him an example, first. Nock, draw, release. Her arm movements were practiced and fluid. She drew the string to her ear, left eye squinting. Her target- an apple in a tree halfway across the field. She tired, watched the apple fall to the ground with her arrow through it. Except there must have been a slight breeze when she shot because it was slightly angled more to the left and not dead center.
She scrunched up her face, obviously displeased, but shook it off. She was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to these things. Susan retrieved the apple, pulling the arrow out and slicing it in half, handing one piece to him.
aboywhosliving: The wizard followed her outside. He watched her nock the bow, but as he followed the movements, he was lost between the release and hearing the thunk of arrow in the apple. He took the piece of apple and ate it, wiping his fingers on his pants.
He scratched the base of his neck. “Okay, so…” He looked at the bow and dropped his arms. Magic seemed so much easier than all that. But he wasn’t a typical wizard, so, without much of his magic, Harry decided maybe even this could be useful. “How do I do that?”
He saw her put the arrow onto the string, draw, and fire… but it all seemed a little ridiculous when he saw how easy she made it look. Not that he’d mention it, especially with the events earlier, but she somehow managed to be even more beautiful firing the bow.
sensibly: Susan smiled for a moment before guiding his shoulders to the correct stance. "Just, loosen up for a moment so I can get you in the proper position?" she straightened his shoulders, angled his body forward before looking satisfied. "I think this bow might be a little bit small for you- it was made for me. Or, whatever Father Christmas does to create his gifts." she said in all seriousness, before handing it to him.
She put her hands over his, guiding him. "This, is an arrow. Notice the little notch at the end of it, that's where you put it to the string. We should aim for something a bit bigger." she looked around for something suitable, and then ran up to a tree a few feet away. "I want you to try and hit this tree." she said, running back, obviously in her element. She was most herself in the woods, bare feet and loose hair and a stray flower petal stuck to her temple.
"Just- the biggest part of archery is determination. You want to hit it so badly that you will hit it."
aboywhosliving: The roles had reversed, now he was the uncertain student and she the teacher. He obeyed her instructions, but, like Susan had with the wand, as soon as she left to show him his target, he suddenly felt ridiculous and undertrained. Not to mention he felt it was easier to cast Lumos than to hit this tree with a weapon you’d never touched in your life.
Maybe that was just him.
Determination, was it?
He tried to remember how she’d done it, pulling up the arrow to nock it. He missed a few times, and the arrow flopped around quite a bit until he realized you shouldn’t hold the bow perfectly upright. He canted it slightly, enough that the arrow didn’t fall off and pulled it back. His elbow raised far above his cheek. Releasing it, the arrow stuck in the ground two feet from the tree.
He gave Susan a rather sheepish grin.
sensibly: Susan nodded in satisfaction. "Good! You just need to angle your arms higher, like such." bringing her head closer to his she manipulated his arms until they were in the right position. And then she handed him another arrow, the gold tip shaped like a lion's head glinting in the sunlight. "Also, try and pull the string back a little bit more, to at least your ear, that way you get a bit more power from it."
Her voice was patient, knowing that he probably felt strange right now. But archery was one of her favourite things to do, one of the only things she really excelled at. "Try again, please." she said with a smile, really caring whether he got it or not. It was something to direct her energies towards.
"If you hit a better target I'll- give you another kiss." she'd blurted it out without thinking and looked rather embarrassed by it, flushing wildly.
aboywhosliving: He took the criticisms in stride. He allowed her to manipulate his posture, and put the arrow on the string. His green eyes flickered over to Susan as she spoke. After all, he was a hero, wasn’t he? And if he really was a storybook character, then it would make sense?
He narrowed his eyes at the target and pulled back the bow to his cheek, trying to remember how she looked. Just like magic, it took determination. He steeled himself and focused on hitting his target. His muscles tightened and he released the string. The string whipped across his inner forearm, stinging it, but he ignored it.
Through the glasses, he watched the arrow fly, slightly off, but it struck the tree nonetheless. Part of him wanted to claim the kiss, but he saw how embarrassed Susan had been. “Give me a rain check,” He offered as he handed back the bow. But she seemed so close… And the blush on her cheeks made it more tempting.
sensibly: He hit it, and she gave a little cry of excitement. And then- oh, her promise. She still looked unsure, but- as a queen she had always learned to keep her promises.
"I erm, well I-" she began awkwardly, noting how close they seemed. So Susan leaned in, stopping for a moment, hesitating. But then kissed him, tentatively, shyly- as if it were something she wanted but was almost too guilty to allow herself. Because her mind was just a muddle of thoughts then, a toxic mix of guilt and sadness. She wanted to kiss Harry, wanted to move on but- that would make it seem like Caspian hadn't been important to her, which he had. She might've even loved him, but- they never had a chance to develop much beyond friendship.
She didn't pull away, didn't flinch when he touched her. And everything- all the memories of T-Bag and what Shira had said to her and all of that, simply melted away. She was probably a very awkward kisser, having only done it a few times anyways.
aboywhosliving: Then she was kissing him again. It was all over again. He could no more resist this kiss than the first one. He dropped the bow and wrapped his arms around her, pulling the girl closer. Again, the awkwardness, the discomfort at not knowing what to do, it all vanished. She was in his arms again, and it didn’t matter they’d only been friends a week at best, not anymore.
Then the reality of it hit him. Harry pulled back and looked her dead in the eyes, “Are you sure about this?” He stepped away. He wasn’t going to be a rebound. Those always hurt more. He scooped the bow up from the ground and handed it to her. If she really felt as strong about Caspian as he was beginning to think, it would be better to not encourage this… But, damn, he liked it.
sensibly: Wait, wait- what was she doing?
Susan was just digging herself deeper into a hole, and soon it'd get to a point where she couldn't turn back. T-Bag seemed a distant memory but that reluctance was still there, and it scared her. She'd only known him for a week and- she was kissing him? What if he hurt her? She definitely wouldn't be able to cope this time around if he did. The only reason she could cope with all the horrid people out there is because she knew that they were horrid, but she also knew that her brother was here, that Peter was here, that there were people she could trust.
She looked him in the eyes and then had to flinch. "I-I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep- doing this. It's not fair to you." She said softly, biting her bottom lip hard. This wasn't like her. Whatever happened to being cautious and consistent?
"But I- I haven't known you for very long and it's so- strange, all of this, I mean. I don't want to get hurt again." The last part was a mumble, barely audible.
aboywhosliving: Harry didn’t know what to say for a while. It was the first drops of rain he felt on his arms and face that pulled him out of thinking. He barely heard Susan’s mumbling. The boy took her hand and began to walk inside. He’d only walked a few feet when the light rain turned into a full-out downpour.
Already the falling rain was soaking his clothes, his glasses useless in all the rain. He just began jogging inside, making sure not to run so fast Susan slipped on their way inside the house.
sensibly: "Wait. One second."
Just as they were entering the house she pulled away- albeit gently, and sat on the front steps, slowly becoming more and more soaked from the rain. She'd always liked rain; it was cleansing, refreshing. There were rivulets of water running down her face, but she didn't mind that in the least. Again, the rain made her forget, and that was always something she could be grateful for.
A few more moments until she was thoroughly soaked, fingers pruning from the moisture they absorbed, she headed back inside. She felt heavy, the wool of her skirt having successfully absorbed enough water to weigh her down. She smiled- somewhat sheepishly.
"Sorry- I just had to think, for a moment."
aboywhosliving: Harry kept out of the rain. It was warm and sticky from the water. The walk home would be annoying, if not unbearable.
When Susan was done he held the door open and followed her inside. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times, fingering the mess. “Since I’m already soaked, I think I’ll go or something.” He also didn’t want to drip water all over the house. He already was on the wood. In hindsight, had he been in England, he could’ve used magic to dry himself off, but with how unpredictable the spells were here, Harry decided it might be best to suffer through it the way he had before discovering magic.
sensibly: Susan bit her lip, watching him. She'd been such an idiot, this whole time.
"Erm well, I can offer you an umbrella then?" she ran upstairs, not caring that she was dripping on the wood for now, grabbing the item from her bedroom and rushing downstairs with it. "Not that it would make much of a difference but it might help?" she added later, somewhat sheepishly. They stood there, awkwardly in the main hall, and for a moment she really didn't know what to say. Susan sighed, tugging a curl for a moment before releasing it.
"I'm sorry, well- if this was awkward or uncomfortable or anything." she said softly with another sigh, face looking somewhat pinched, worried. "I didn't mean to- I just, don't know what I'm feeling right now. So, thank you for a lovely time, though. The magic- it was quite interesting." and then she managed a smile, handing him the umbrella.
aboywhosliving: Harry waited for her to get the umbrella and took it. He didn’t know what to say. He scratched his head again, fiddling with his mess of hair. Belatedly, he realized his glasses were still splattered with water, and decided to dry them off at home. The boy stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Susan in a half-hug. Harry then placed a kiss on her cheek and stepped back. “Thank you too.”
He turned around and walked out the door, opening the umbrella and walking out into the rain, heading towards home.
[ooc: Fin.]
What: Meeting for magic practice
Where: Susan’s house
When: Day 134 (backlogged a day)
aboywhosliving: Harry walked along the streets, to the house he’d dropped Susan off at after tea. His wand was a comforting feeling as he clenched it, ready to defend himself if he was attacked. Granted, he hadn’t yet, but you never could be cautious enough. Susan had wanted the magic practice, and he was more than willing to get out of the crazy household and spend time with someone around his age that wasn’t from his world.
Habitually, his fingers ran through his hair as he walked up to the door. He released the wand in his jean pocket and rapped on the door. He resisted the urge to adjust the glasses slipping down his nose, vivid green eyes tracing the wood grains. He hoped she was home; it always was awkward to not get an answer.
sensibly: A week had passed, and coping wasn't getting any easier.
She didn't know what was supposed to happen- that one day she'd suddenly stop having nightmares and flashbacks- images of his body burnt nearly permanently into her retinas? They said time was supposed to heal, but- patience had never been her strong point and Susan would very much liked to know where the hurting stopped and said 'healing', whatever it was, began. Susan sat curled up on a couch inside the house she shared with her brother, close to dozing off- which would be a relief; a good night's sleep without nightmares would be more than she would ask for. Until there was a knock at the door and she froze. Edmund had a key- so, who was it?
As usual her mind flitted to the most horrible conclusions- that it was Shira or 'Travis Woods', if that was his name, or the other man- the one who had said he'd kill her siblings. She grabbed the bow and quiver on the table beside her and went to the door, taking a peek through the window to see who it was and then opening it, giving a smile of relief.
"Harry!" she smiled in genuine happiness, something that really hadn't occurred since that day. Strangely enough it had been with him that she was happy then, and now it was the same.
Well, stranger things had occurred, had they not?
aboywhosliving: He gave her a smile. She was a friend that didn’t blame him for keeping himself secret for so long, a friend who didn’t run around the house yelling. Harry found himself returning the smile, keeping the blame and doubts within his mind, and never noticing a brief flicker of depression flicker across. James had come and gone. At least they hadn’t found a body. From what he read, even that wasn’t a good sign.
Harry shoved his hands in his pockets, withdrawing the wand in his right hand. “You wanted practice.” Another smile. She relaxed and disconcerted him, stronger than the last time he’d seen her, on the doorstep. He kept the smile on his face, “I try to keep all my promises.” But he had failed at keeping his future father safe, hadn’t he? Would he exist if he went back? How did Rivelata affect the timelines of others’? As his mind wandered through all the questions, most of which hurt to think about, his face fell slightly, betraying the inner concentration.
He ruffled his hair absently. “You still up for it?”
sensibly: She acted on impulse.
Susan stepped forward, tentatively at first and then more and more sure until she reached him and hugged him tight. For a moment she thought she might sob but stayed away from that temptation, letting him go with one squeeze. "Well, thank you! I'm quite looking forward to it, really," she said. What she really didn't mention was that she was looking forward to it because he made her happy, made her forget for just a few moments.
But did she want to forget, and possibly betray Caspian's memory? That was the question that plagued her.
"Come in, please!" she said, hanging up the quiver quickly to the side and opening the door wide for him. "Oh, if I'd known I would've bought biscuits or something at the market. But we do have tea, so that's a relief." she quickly went into mother mode as she went into the kitchen and quickly grabbed two teacups and set the kettle to boil, just like Mum had always taught her. After all- it was important to treat your guests well.
She brought some fruit on a plate along with two forks and set them down on the table. "Please, sit. Make yourself at home." Susan smiled, the very image of a perfect hostess, really.
Pushing some stray hair off of her face she leaned in against the table. "So, where does one start? Isn't it confusing?"
aboywhosliving: Harry let his arms slide around Susan as she hugged him, and made no protest when she let go, following her into the house. He still stood when she came back with the fruit, and shrugged. It was going to be a new test of his skills to teach someone to cast magic. Even the DA was made up of witches and wizards who could already use magic.
“Not at all,” He reassured her. Thinking on what to start with he began, “Well… Lumos is pretty easy.” He held the wand aloft and whispered the incantation, a simple Latin word. The end of the wand shone brightly, though, because of the crystal’s interference, the wand flickered off and on before truly being a viable light. He whispered, “Nox,” and it flickered out, far quicker than normal.
But he wasn’t going to tell her that.
Again, the hesistation assaulted him as he handed over the wand. “’Lumos’ lights it, ‘Nox’ puts it out.”
sensibly: Susan took the wand, still slightly amazed at even the slightest bit of magic that he had done. This was probably the most basic spell of them all, so here's hoping she could do this. But really, it felt slightly ridiculous- she wasn't a witch or anything of the sort, she was just a normal girl. From Finchley, for Aslan's sake! But- no, no. Here she wasn't anybody's queen, she was just Susan, nothing more and the idea that she could do magic, well that was just strange in itself.
Waving it tentatively, she said the 'magic word'. It sounded like Latin; so perhaps all spell words were Latin? "Lumos." her voice was quiet, unsure. This was probably one of the things that required confidence, which she just didn't-
Wait. What- the tip shone weakly, with not very much power at all. In fact the light was so weak it was barely visible, and it flickered out quickly enough. But still- she had done magic. "Was that- perhaps that was just a trick of my eyes?"
aboywhosliving: The wand flickered slightly. He was impressed. It had taken him a few tries himself in Rivelata to get Lumos to work to the point where it stayed on until he spoke ‘nox’, but, then again, Susan wasn’t from his world. No, he was constantly reminded by that fact while he was around her.
Harry gave her an encouraging smile. “Not at all. Have confidence.”
It was already impressive what she could manage through the crystal’s influence. His green eyes met her blue ones, his stomach clenching slightly. “Try again,” he managed. She was pretty, he noted absently as he watched. Maybe more than Cho or Ginny. He was having trouble recalling their faces, many of the faces he’d left at home when he was taken.
The only friendly faces he could recall clearly were those of Ron and Hermione, his two best friends.
sensibly: She nodded, trying to concentrate more now that she knew she wasn't making a huge fool of herself. "I'll try." their eyes met and she held the gaze, looking into eyes so vivid they almost hurt. "Once more, then?" Susan said with a smile as she waved the wand once more. "Lumos!" with more conviction this time and she gasped, she really did, like a delighted child when the light grew stronger.
It was much more vivid this time, and it didn't go out within a few seconds. She held the wand tip close to her face, illuminating everything around her. This was simply amazing, it made her excited, was something to keep her mind off of everything that had happened. But she turned to look at him and noticed the slight grimace that crossed his face.
"Nox." Susan said softly, watching the light fade with a smile. "Harry? Is something the matter? You just looked- a little strange for a second there." then again, perhaps she was prying into nothing.
aboywhosliving: Harry gave her a nod when the wand lit. His face fell, but when she spoke, it immediately lost the grimace. “Hard time remembering faces.” He missed home, missed all its dangers and quirks. He gently took the wand and swished his hand, flicking it slightly. “Wingardium leviosa.” A piece of fruit floated upwards, his wand’s tip directing it. He only let it float for a little bit before letting it land on his plate.
“Your turn.” He handed his wand handle first and allowed his hand to slip over hers. “Swish and flick, just as I did.” A tingling sensation ran up his fingers as they guided her movements, running through them a few times before releasing her, stepping back, and letting her to do it herself.
But she’d been so close…
No. It didn’t matter. She had a long time before she’d stop blaming herself for Caspian’s death. He conveniently ignored his own blame regarding his father. He waited for something to explode, like Seamus had in Charms his first year.
sensibly: She watched him carefully, saw him use the same words and the same movements that he had in the tea shop. His hand slipped over hers and she flushed slightly before shaking her head vigorously. Concentrate. "Alright. I'll try, but, isn't this a fairly complicated spell?" she asked, still a little bit unsure. Without his guiding hands hers felt clumsy and shaky.
"W-Wingardium leviosa." she said, but tripped over the last syllable- these Latin words were strange to her tongue. So instead of the piece of fruit floating, there was an explosion instead. Susan was winded, knocked backwards into Harry, gasping for breath. There was a lot of smoke, soot on the bridge of her nose as she waved it away.
"Maybe that was too advanced for me?" she inquired, leaning back into him without realizing it.
aboywhosliving: Harry shook his head as he heard her stumbling over the words. Like it had in Charms, the fruit seemed to explode into fragments and Susan was knocked into him. His arms wrapped around her, just as it would if he’d been holding her this whole time. She was having trouble breathing, so he gently moved her away from the floating core of the fruit and the smoke.
Then she leaned against him. All the insecurities that plagued him around girls vanished in a split second. Everything seemed better in that instant. His arms tightened in response, not really of his own will. Already he was holding onto her, smelling the smoke still in her hair, a mixture of soot and fruit.
He blushed after realizing what was happening, and let his arms drop off once she stopped coughing and could stand. He scratched the back of his head. “It happened in Charms too.” He admitted lightly, trying to dismiss the butterflies in his stomach. Even with that soot on her nose, she was still just as pretty. He rubbed the soot of her nose.
There was a tension in the air, so he turned to look at the bowl of fruit. “Maybe we’ll try Lumos again.”
sensibly: It wasn't as if her face could get any redder.
"Oh! I'm sorry!" she said quickly, nearly jumping off of him, cheeks flaming. Really, that was quite...what? Improper? Awkward? Either one of those adjectives would work. She felt a little bit shaky after that, but at least the explosion wasn't enough to turn her off learning. Or perhaps it was and she was just...no, no, no.
And then he wiped the soot off her nose. Such a comforting gesture. She felt like she was going to cry at any moment now, shaking to try and keep it all in.
But she didn't. Instead, she kissed him.
Part of her wasn't sure what she was doing. This wasn't like her; she wasn't this bold, ever. And- it had only been about two weeks or so since Caspian's...oh, she was a wicked, horrible girl and Susan knew it. But she didn't let go.
aboywhosliving: Before Harry could form any coherent response, she had kissed him. It felt so good to be this close again. His arms slid around her waist and he gently kissed back. He shouldn’t have, really, not when she was still mourning Caspian, but it couldn’t be helped. It felt right somehow. The butterflies were gone, and for a moment, it was just Susan, here in his arms.
They’d had such an easy friendship, he wasn’t sure if this would shatter that.
He knew he shouldn’t, but forbidden fruit was the sweetest, wasn’t it? So he kept holding on, hoping she wouldn’t step back and this all be a mistake.
sensibly: Wait- what was she doing?
Susan hadn't even- she hadn't thought things through, and she knew it. And it was so utterly, utterly stupid of her to do that. Acting on impulse had never been something she had done, so what had changed? She was hit with a barrage of emotions; the first and foremost being guilt. Oh, how could she? After seeing Caspian like that-
She pulled away, shaking. She had to. Staring down at her feet, hugging her arms tightly around herself, she bit back a sob but couldn't do the same for the tears that were forming.
"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to do that. I- oh, I'm so horrid. I got him killed, it was my fault, and- I shouldn't be allowed to be happy," she whispered, blinking back the tears as she looked up at him, flinching. "I'm so sorry, Harry."
But he'd kissed back- so what did that mean?
aboywhosliving: She backed away, and he let her, allowed his arms to simply fall to his side. Then she began crying, and saying she didn’t deserve to be happy. Harry simply wrapped his arms around her, somehow he felt she just needed someone to cry on. Not someone to be with romantically; just to be there. He gently pressed her face into his chest her tears soaking the shirt.
His eyes softened and he drew away, “Listen, it’s hard losing someone.” It was becoming clearer to him that Caspian had meant more to her than simply a friend. “It was the bloke that did the killing, not you. Simply because he was around you doesn’t make it your fault he was killed.” He held her chin up so she’d look him in the eyes. “Everyone deserves a chance to be happy.” Some squandered it and others utilized it.
The seventeen-year-old fell quiet and allowed her to do what she wanted. Cry on him, yell at him, shove him away, most anything.
But she’d kissed him… No. It was simply an outcry. He might like her, think her pretty, but he wasn’t going to take advantage of her unbalanced state, not again.
sensibly: She cried- sobbing quietly into his shirt for a moment. But there's always that period after a good cry, where one quiets down and becomes more solemn than anything else. And soon enough her sobs subsided, giving way to a sort of melancholy that was just as suffocating. "T-the man who- wanted me. He should've- it should've been me, not him. It's not fair." she said quietly, aware of how petulant she sounded, thinking that life was fair in any way.
He lifted her chin up, her reddened eyes meeting his green ones. And he was right, she knew he was right- but the guilt was still there, still evident. "It's horrid though- I shouldn't, I shouldn't be trying to get over this, and so soon as well." she said quietly as he fell silent.
Susan didn't let go, but instead her hands were gripping his shirt hem like a small, lost child and she leaned her head against him for a moment, his quiet companionship helping to calm her down.
"But I- I wanted to kiss you. But I didn't as well because that would be betraying- oh, I don't know what to think."
aboywhosliving: Betraying him.
Just like when Cho had wanted to speak to him about Cedric. She was gripping his shirt, so he kept his arms around her, letting her know she wasn’t alone. But he wasn’t a fifth-year anymore.
“You don’t have to get over him right now,” He whispered back. He fell silent again. He didn’t know what to say, he was, by no means, an expert on the minds and actions of girls. He laid his cheek on the side of her head. “And I’m going to repeat, everyone deserves a chance to be happy.” He wasn’t implying himself, specifically, only that she should wake up one day, happy to see the dawn, and ready to face the world.
Her blue eyes rimmed in red tears didn’t suit her at all. So he let her stay with him as long as she needed. Even after the kiss, all the awkwardness and insecurities vanished, leaving only two nearly adults supporting one another.
sensibly: This wasn't right. It was never her being supported by anyone, but her doing the mothering, the comforting. So this was a strange feeling. Her tears subsided and she hurriedly wiped them away, but didn't pull away from him. And it was true- what he was saying was reasonable and everything, coming from a boy who had lost so much, but...
"Thank you..." Susan said quietly, looking up and managing a weak sort of smile. "I- see, I'd like to think he's returned to Narnia. That's where all of us, the kings and queens were promised when we died, so- just maybe..." she sighed, running a hand through her hair and tugging slightly, showing that she was stressed.
"I- That's quite enough crying, don't you think?" the briskness, the no-nonsense tone was back in her voice now. "I don't mean to be a wet blanket or someone silly, carrying on like this."
She wanted to kiss him again. But- no. No, no, no.
aboywhosliving: He nodded, “Then he might have.” His arms slowly fell off and he picked the wand from her hand, stepping back. “We can try again later.” The tea kettle was whistling by now, so he left her and went to get it, picking two cups out of the cupboard (after looking around for where the teacups were in her house) and came back. He poured some tea and sat down on a cushion.
Maybe something else to keep her mind off Caspian. “Teach me the basics of archery.” Anyone could’ve guessed it was draw and fire, but he supposed there was no harm in asking about it. “Or, maybe, just the basics of a bow?” He picked up a fresh fruit and nibbled on it, waiting to be instructed.
sensibly: "Well then- it is a little silly to be asking that question without even being outside, isn't it? If you want to learn you're just going to have to do it yourself." she said simply, grabbing the ivory quiver strap and her bow and swinging them both around her shoulders. She was so eager- mostly because she needed something to take her mind off of what just happened. Opening the back door and not bothering with shoes tugged him outside to the unused field behind their house.
Wondering where to begin, Susan decided to show him an example, first. Nock, draw, release. Her arm movements were practiced and fluid. She drew the string to her ear, left eye squinting. Her target- an apple in a tree halfway across the field. She tired, watched the apple fall to the ground with her arrow through it. Except there must have been a slight breeze when she shot because it was slightly angled more to the left and not dead center.
She scrunched up her face, obviously displeased, but shook it off. She was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to these things. Susan retrieved the apple, pulling the arrow out and slicing it in half, handing one piece to him.
aboywhosliving: The wizard followed her outside. He watched her nock the bow, but as he followed the movements, he was lost between the release and hearing the thunk of arrow in the apple. He took the piece of apple and ate it, wiping his fingers on his pants.
He scratched the base of his neck. “Okay, so…” He looked at the bow and dropped his arms. Magic seemed so much easier than all that. But he wasn’t a typical wizard, so, without much of his magic, Harry decided maybe even this could be useful. “How do I do that?”
He saw her put the arrow onto the string, draw, and fire… but it all seemed a little ridiculous when he saw how easy she made it look. Not that he’d mention it, especially with the events earlier, but she somehow managed to be even more beautiful firing the bow.
sensibly: Susan smiled for a moment before guiding his shoulders to the correct stance. "Just, loosen up for a moment so I can get you in the proper position?" she straightened his shoulders, angled his body forward before looking satisfied. "I think this bow might be a little bit small for you- it was made for me. Or, whatever Father Christmas does to create his gifts." she said in all seriousness, before handing it to him.
She put her hands over his, guiding him. "This, is an arrow. Notice the little notch at the end of it, that's where you put it to the string. We should aim for something a bit bigger." she looked around for something suitable, and then ran up to a tree a few feet away. "I want you to try and hit this tree." she said, running back, obviously in her element. She was most herself in the woods, bare feet and loose hair and a stray flower petal stuck to her temple.
"Just- the biggest part of archery is determination. You want to hit it so badly that you will hit it."
aboywhosliving: The roles had reversed, now he was the uncertain student and she the teacher. He obeyed her instructions, but, like Susan had with the wand, as soon as she left to show him his target, he suddenly felt ridiculous and undertrained. Not to mention he felt it was easier to cast Lumos than to hit this tree with a weapon you’d never touched in your life.
Maybe that was just him.
Determination, was it?
He tried to remember how she’d done it, pulling up the arrow to nock it. He missed a few times, and the arrow flopped around quite a bit until he realized you shouldn’t hold the bow perfectly upright. He canted it slightly, enough that the arrow didn’t fall off and pulled it back. His elbow raised far above his cheek. Releasing it, the arrow stuck in the ground two feet from the tree.
He gave Susan a rather sheepish grin.
sensibly: Susan nodded in satisfaction. "Good! You just need to angle your arms higher, like such." bringing her head closer to his she manipulated his arms until they were in the right position. And then she handed him another arrow, the gold tip shaped like a lion's head glinting in the sunlight. "Also, try and pull the string back a little bit more, to at least your ear, that way you get a bit more power from it."
Her voice was patient, knowing that he probably felt strange right now. But archery was one of her favourite things to do, one of the only things she really excelled at. "Try again, please." she said with a smile, really caring whether he got it or not. It was something to direct her energies towards.
"If you hit a better target I'll- give you another kiss." she'd blurted it out without thinking and looked rather embarrassed by it, flushing wildly.
aboywhosliving: He took the criticisms in stride. He allowed her to manipulate his posture, and put the arrow on the string. His green eyes flickered over to Susan as she spoke. After all, he was a hero, wasn’t he? And if he really was a storybook character, then it would make sense?
He narrowed his eyes at the target and pulled back the bow to his cheek, trying to remember how she looked. Just like magic, it took determination. He steeled himself and focused on hitting his target. His muscles tightened and he released the string. The string whipped across his inner forearm, stinging it, but he ignored it.
Through the glasses, he watched the arrow fly, slightly off, but it struck the tree nonetheless. Part of him wanted to claim the kiss, but he saw how embarrassed Susan had been. “Give me a rain check,” He offered as he handed back the bow. But she seemed so close… And the blush on her cheeks made it more tempting.
sensibly: He hit it, and she gave a little cry of excitement. And then- oh, her promise. She still looked unsure, but- as a queen she had always learned to keep her promises.
"I erm, well I-" she began awkwardly, noting how close they seemed. So Susan leaned in, stopping for a moment, hesitating. But then kissed him, tentatively, shyly- as if it were something she wanted but was almost too guilty to allow herself. Because her mind was just a muddle of thoughts then, a toxic mix of guilt and sadness. She wanted to kiss Harry, wanted to move on but- that would make it seem like Caspian hadn't been important to her, which he had. She might've even loved him, but- they never had a chance to develop much beyond friendship.
She didn't pull away, didn't flinch when he touched her. And everything- all the memories of T-Bag and what Shira had said to her and all of that, simply melted away. She was probably a very awkward kisser, having only done it a few times anyways.
aboywhosliving: Then she was kissing him again. It was all over again. He could no more resist this kiss than the first one. He dropped the bow and wrapped his arms around her, pulling the girl closer. Again, the awkwardness, the discomfort at not knowing what to do, it all vanished. She was in his arms again, and it didn’t matter they’d only been friends a week at best, not anymore.
Then the reality of it hit him. Harry pulled back and looked her dead in the eyes, “Are you sure about this?” He stepped away. He wasn’t going to be a rebound. Those always hurt more. He scooped the bow up from the ground and handed it to her. If she really felt as strong about Caspian as he was beginning to think, it would be better to not encourage this… But, damn, he liked it.
sensibly: Wait, wait- what was she doing?
Susan was just digging herself deeper into a hole, and soon it'd get to a point where she couldn't turn back. T-Bag seemed a distant memory but that reluctance was still there, and it scared her. She'd only known him for a week and- she was kissing him? What if he hurt her? She definitely wouldn't be able to cope this time around if he did. The only reason she could cope with all the horrid people out there is because she knew that they were horrid, but she also knew that her brother was here, that Peter was here, that there were people she could trust.
She looked him in the eyes and then had to flinch. "I-I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep- doing this. It's not fair to you." She said softly, biting her bottom lip hard. This wasn't like her. Whatever happened to being cautious and consistent?
"But I- I haven't known you for very long and it's so- strange, all of this, I mean. I don't want to get hurt again." The last part was a mumble, barely audible.
aboywhosliving: Harry didn’t know what to say for a while. It was the first drops of rain he felt on his arms and face that pulled him out of thinking. He barely heard Susan’s mumbling. The boy took her hand and began to walk inside. He’d only walked a few feet when the light rain turned into a full-out downpour.
Already the falling rain was soaking his clothes, his glasses useless in all the rain. He just began jogging inside, making sure not to run so fast Susan slipped on their way inside the house.
sensibly: "Wait. One second."
Just as they were entering the house she pulled away- albeit gently, and sat on the front steps, slowly becoming more and more soaked from the rain. She'd always liked rain; it was cleansing, refreshing. There were rivulets of water running down her face, but she didn't mind that in the least. Again, the rain made her forget, and that was always something she could be grateful for.
A few more moments until she was thoroughly soaked, fingers pruning from the moisture they absorbed, she headed back inside. She felt heavy, the wool of her skirt having successfully absorbed enough water to weigh her down. She smiled- somewhat sheepishly.
"Sorry- I just had to think, for a moment."
aboywhosliving: Harry kept out of the rain. It was warm and sticky from the water. The walk home would be annoying, if not unbearable.
When Susan was done he held the door open and followed her inside. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times, fingering the mess. “Since I’m already soaked, I think I’ll go or something.” He also didn’t want to drip water all over the house. He already was on the wood. In hindsight, had he been in England, he could’ve used magic to dry himself off, but with how unpredictable the spells were here, Harry decided it might be best to suffer through it the way he had before discovering magic.
sensibly: Susan bit her lip, watching him. She'd been such an idiot, this whole time.
"Erm well, I can offer you an umbrella then?" she ran upstairs, not caring that she was dripping on the wood for now, grabbing the item from her bedroom and rushing downstairs with it. "Not that it would make much of a difference but it might help?" she added later, somewhat sheepishly. They stood there, awkwardly in the main hall, and for a moment she really didn't know what to say. Susan sighed, tugging a curl for a moment before releasing it.
"I'm sorry, well- if this was awkward or uncomfortable or anything." she said softly with another sigh, face looking somewhat pinched, worried. "I didn't mean to- I just, don't know what I'm feeling right now. So, thank you for a lovely time, though. The magic- it was quite interesting." and then she managed a smile, handing him the umbrella.
aboywhosliving: Harry waited for her to get the umbrella and took it. He didn’t know what to say. He scratched his head again, fiddling with his mess of hair. Belatedly, he realized his glasses were still splattered with water, and decided to dry them off at home. The boy stepped forward and wrapped an arm around Susan in a half-hug. Harry then placed a kiss on her cheek and stepped back. “Thank you too.”
He turned around and walked out the door, opening the umbrella and walking out into the rain, heading towards home.
[ooc: Fin.]