Random Thoughts
Well, now that the alcohol has worn off and reality has set in...today isn't great. First off, I missed an assignment, my first one, for my 930A class today. Then, on my way to class, a particular someone doesn't even recognize me as I walk to class, which sucks, then there is a lovely pizza party at the math house, which wasn't bad, since there was pineapple and arizona tea (two of my vices). Then, I have to be faced with the harsh reality that there is no way in hell that anything will happen between the person that I am currently day-dreaming about. Furthermore, those that I still kinda like, over an extended period of time, still do not realize that I am anything worth having a relationship with. Such frustration having only women and gay men tell you how beautiful and wonderful you really are... It sucks having negative views about yourself, but for me it's so hard to change, as I was told negative for so long, and they're easier to believe. I miss Steve, though, because of Steve, I'm spending time with Sam, which is cool, because I never get to! I don't really know what I wanna do about Birthday Ball here either. Maybe I just won't go, but then I'd feel so bad about missing Hanh's and Shia's last bday ball. *Sigh* I hate waiting for my life to begin, it seems so far away, but keeps getting closer, and it's so frustrating to keep waiting. I just wish I could see parts of my future, if I get my PhD, if I even go to grad school, if I go to law school instead, if I get married...and so on. I'm afraid of who I will choose. Or, if I'd get a second chance. I wonder if I'd stay in Maryland, or if I'd leave and go somewhere different. If I would get my corvette...which would be sweet! I wonder what I would amount to...or how I'd look in 5, 10, 20, 30 years?!