fuck
To start things off, do you ever feel crowded yet so alone, at the same time? I grow so weary of this redundant life of mine, sometimes. Everyone wants something from me. When they're upset, they want me to console them. When they need advice, they expect me to provide it. When they're depressed, they need me to entertain them. Help me, they plead. Always. Help ME. But where are they when i need help? Nowhere to be found. They don't want me when i'm not happy. When i'm not cheerful and goofy. And even the ones that will stay and listen make it obvious how unenthusiastic they are about the prospect. "Yah, that sucks." they'll murmer in response to my confessions. Wow. How insightful. Thank you. I didn't know it sucked. I was dejected because i thought it was fucken awesome. Spare me. Spare me your generic words of understanding. You don't understand. You can't empathize with me. If you could... fuck, if you even tried, you'd be able to summon up more than that pathetic display of consolation.
Is that why they come to me? Because i try to offer more? Because even when i don't understand and even when i haven't experienced anything like they have, i make the effort to give them whatever input, no matter how small, that i can. Heh. Perhaps they think to themselves well, rita's a smart girl. she'll be able to figure it out. And you know what? I will figure it out. By myself. I hope that helps absolve any guilt you might have for using such a halfass excuse for justifying your own selfishness. But i wonder how you would feel if i used the same thought process when you came running to me. I doubt that thought had ever crossed your mind. You're too caught up in your own "problems" to think outside the little safety box you've created for yourself. But, hey, run that game... continue to be an ungrateful sponge. It seems to be working out for you and many others.
I'll watch my own back. It's become apparent that i'm the only who who gives a flying fuck what happens to it. Now here comes a chorus of "I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!" Do you think i honestly believe everyone who reads my journal is a victim of the same neglect i am? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but the majority of you are probably ignorant of reality if you all think you're in the exact same position as me. But don't let that stop you. If you genuinely believe you can identify with me, by all means, preach it. This isn't directed at one person particular. It's directed at so many people i've met in the past, present, and probably will in the future. If you think you're in that group... you probably are.
Is that why they come to me? Because i try to offer more? Because even when i don't understand and even when i haven't experienced anything like they have, i make the effort to give them whatever input, no matter how small, that i can. Heh. Perhaps they think to themselves well, rita's a smart girl. she'll be able to figure it out. And you know what? I will figure it out. By myself. I hope that helps absolve any guilt you might have for using such a halfass excuse for justifying your own selfishness. But i wonder how you would feel if i used the same thought process when you came running to me. I doubt that thought had ever crossed your mind. You're too caught up in your own "problems" to think outside the little safety box you've created for yourself. But, hey, run that game... continue to be an ungrateful sponge. It seems to be working out for you and many others.
I'll watch my own back. It's become apparent that i'm the only who who gives a flying fuck what happens to it. Now here comes a chorus of "I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!" Do you think i honestly believe everyone who reads my journal is a victim of the same neglect i am? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but the majority of you are probably ignorant of reality if you all think you're in the exact same position as me. But don't let that stop you. If you genuinely believe you can identify with me, by all means, preach it. This isn't directed at one person particular. It's directed at so many people i've met in the past, present, and probably will in the future. If you think you're in that group... you probably are.