heh.. sheepish
thanks for responding to my vent and for caring enough to. i was right i feel better this morning. and instead of going to a bar and ordering shots til i went home with the next thing that hit on me, i put my kid to bed, tipped my hat at me mum and went to tell my boyfriend off.... heh.. that endedcd up with me talking and him listening and then both of us talking and then everythings fine.. a couple of things that were misconstrued were clarified.. ie from now on i wont think we have def. plans until he gets off work and confirms that hes not an cranky asshole at that moment, and the big problem which is actually personal was resolved as well turns out he thought it wouldnt be fair to me. i will judge whats fair to me thank you very much mister lore. yesterdays badness rode in on a wave of financial budgeting, getting over being sick, stressing over finding little rays birthday gift, an ex reaching out of the past to bitch slap me with stuff etc.. so i wasnt prepared nor could i handle me and d's interaction. i got to hit something repeatedly with a stick though so that helped. between that and the rant i forced you guys to read along with me and him talking resolved everything. in good news... linstead of an apartment we have been thinking of financing a house... thats a huge step( and the reason i was doing finacial planning yesterday) and thats causing stress of its own... the only two times ive lived with some one its ended badly( one trip to jail(not for me) and one plane ticket back home to colorado for the other one) and while i want to live with with all of me.. there are parts of me that are balky and scared of getting completely destroyed as i was the first time i ever lived with someone. its like the heart that im handing d is a bunch of diffrent patch jobs and im afraid if he even breathes on it wrong it will fall apart and i will go back to being someone i dont want to be. about what i said yesterday.. i do like me.. i like that i dont smoke anymore, that i only drink with d and then that thats decreasing, i like that i dont want to be with anyone else but him that i cant wait to live with him, that im making awesome grades in school.. i like the goodytwo shoes me... its just the bad girl had slightly better defensive armor.. dont get me wrong she still got hurt.. but she channeled it into other things.. the goody me has two options clean an already clean house and play with my kid with tears running down her face.. or eat half the house...i didnt do either.. iplayed with my son, watched dinner. anyway what i trying to say is i like me.. i just have to develop another interest that allows me to unleash all my negative emotions without imploding.. look at me emotionally spent again. goodmorning guys.. im off to watch Cars with my son and take a nap.