do I hafta go?
Tomorrow morning I leave bangor at 8:25, for an excitement filled day of dragging my georgia (my gaint laptop) AND my guitar around airports wishing I could just DRIVE because a 19 hour drive would be more pleasant than THIS misery.
however, before that I can happen I will have to PACK. but, the thing is, I dont *want* to go! I know I post this "I dont wanna go" post before I go anywhere, spain, earlham for spring semester, mexico...earlham ever...and I always end up being excited to be there...but why would I want to leave here right now? the weather has gotten real nice, people I love keep coming to visit, my child sister gets home on saturday (*sniffles*)! There are still things I wantt o do, and people I want to see....and my daddy is here only for a short time before he takes off, and its lame that that whole time I should be packing...
plus, with my mom at the festival, I havent seen her for more than a few minutes at a time in DAYS! eeek!
anyway, enough with that angst, the truth is I'm just scared to go back to senior year. it's a big deal, there's a lot to do, and a lot that was supposed to be done that isnt. I also have a couple of weird situations I have to figure out -- such as the situation with the (platonic) love of my life -- I have to somehow let her know gently that although *I* origionally brought up the whole issue in the first place, she has thoroughly scared me away with her crazy, and while I *adore* her and am looking forward to a year as friends, I cant dive into anything more serious than that. I cant even fathom trying, the potential for emotional distress is just TOO high. and that's the last thing I need while I am trying to juggle what seems like too many classes and senior projects...etc. etc.
plus, its the end of an era; who knows how it will be to all be living in our own singles in different dorms, or off campus! eek! and then, a year from now, who knows where the shit I'll be. I've toyed with everything from right here to boston to mexico...gracious, maybe even indiana, and who knows where I'll be headed....
AAAH!!!!!!
okay, that said, this has been a kick ass week! Leon's wife Tai (my bosses at the deli) made me an incredible going away cake, gabi and charlie came and spent tuesday night, and then gio got added to the mix LAST NIGHT, my dad is visiting which means the food is AWESOME At casa conway right now, we've got the rest of house to watch...we're going to see an exciting movie in bahhabah tonight (called "On a Clear Day" -- looks fabulous)...enjoying the last hurrah of my summer, I suppose. I should get back to it....
however, before that I can happen I will have to PACK. but, the thing is, I dont *want* to go! I know I post this "I dont wanna go" post before I go anywhere, spain, earlham for spring semester, mexico...earlham ever...and I always end up being excited to be there...but why would I want to leave here right now? the weather has gotten real nice, people I love keep coming to visit, my child sister gets home on saturday (*sniffles*)! There are still things I wantt o do, and people I want to see....and my daddy is here only for a short time before he takes off, and its lame that that whole time I should be packing...
plus, with my mom at the festival, I havent seen her for more than a few minutes at a time in DAYS! eeek!
anyway, enough with that angst, the truth is I'm just scared to go back to senior year. it's a big deal, there's a lot to do, and a lot that was supposed to be done that isnt. I also have a couple of weird situations I have to figure out -- such as the situation with the (platonic) love of my life -- I have to somehow let her know gently that although *I* origionally brought up the whole issue in the first place, she has thoroughly scared me away with her crazy, and while I *adore* her and am looking forward to a year as friends, I cant dive into anything more serious than that. I cant even fathom trying, the potential for emotional distress is just TOO high. and that's the last thing I need while I am trying to juggle what seems like too many classes and senior projects...etc. etc.
plus, its the end of an era; who knows how it will be to all be living in our own singles in different dorms, or off campus! eek! and then, a year from now, who knows where the shit I'll be. I've toyed with everything from right here to boston to mexico...gracious, maybe even indiana, and who knows where I'll be headed....
AAAH!!!!!!
okay, that said, this has been a kick ass week! Leon's wife Tai (my bosses at the deli) made me an incredible going away cake, gabi and charlie came and spent tuesday night, and then gio got added to the mix LAST NIGHT, my dad is visiting which means the food is AWESOME At casa conway right now, we've got the rest of house to watch...we're going to see an exciting movie in bahhabah tonight (called "On a Clear Day" -- looks fabulous)...enjoying the last hurrah of my summer, I suppose. I should get back to it....