i think too much
what some people might call "bringing others down to feel better about yourself," i call "seeing where a person is coming from." i can never forgive a person until i spend scrupulous amounts of time contemplating their suffering or point of view, all in an effort to dissect and dismiss their hurtful or confusing behavior. it makes sense in some ways...as in there really is no reason to act with cruelty unless one feels disturbance within themselves. i think everyone should be viewed simply as human beings, not as being purely "evil" or a bitch or whatever. yet i realize the convenience in that. and i realize that it easily falls into the realm of trampling your way to the top. but who knows. what i'm basically saying is that i wish i could be more simple in my thinking about things. like instead of overly drawn out analyzation and obsession, i'd rather just be blunt and to the point...like "wow, this hurts and it's not ok. i'm going to have to stay away from this person." end of thought process concerning them.
when the past haunts you it is so hard to find fresh inspiration. it's so hard to stay aware of life's current lessons, adventures or whatever. i'm not really thinking of anything or anyone specific here...just getting tired of the way i deal with things. the concept of letting go does not come easy to me. or even scarier, the anger fades so quick but the wounds remain. it's almost as though i never fully hold anyone responsible. i always let it fall back upon my shoulders. i heard in some class or something that if a person doesn't feel angry about some sort of mistreatment, it means that they are still blaming themselves. i don't know if that's true, but it makes somewhat of sense.
i feel sick still and have laundry and reading to do. i'd much rather just lay around and contemplate all day...two of my favorite things...ha ha...ok, an end to this at last! bye
when the past haunts you it is so hard to find fresh inspiration. it's so hard to stay aware of life's current lessons, adventures or whatever. i'm not really thinking of anything or anyone specific here...just getting tired of the way i deal with things. the concept of letting go does not come easy to me. or even scarier, the anger fades so quick but the wounds remain. it's almost as though i never fully hold anyone responsible. i always let it fall back upon my shoulders. i heard in some class or something that if a person doesn't feel angry about some sort of mistreatment, it means that they are still blaming themselves. i don't know if that's true, but it makes somewhat of sense.
i feel sick still and have laundry and reading to do. i'd much rather just lay around and contemplate all day...two of my favorite things...ha ha...ok, an end to this at last! bye