F r e e F a l l i n . . .
First of all, my computer is retarded, I hate it and I just might stop using it altogether, forever.
So, I've been in a piss and vineger mood lately and who's to say that it's gone for good? I wish that I could control it better, but alas I cannot. I apologize to anyone that I've whined to and thank you for listening. I apologize to anyone I freaked out on (especially Anne and Cassie). And I'm even sorry for not being able to put my own problems aside to listen to you. Although, I don't really think anyone should be mad at me for not listening to them... I mean, I know that when I'm feeling down or something and I know someone else is going through something I don't go to them because I know they have their own problems, and I don't expect them to ask me what's wrong because, let's be honest we're all self-concerned before we can care about others. And, honestly, I think that's the best way to be because if you're spending all of your time worrying about other people and their emotions how are you supposed to take care of yourself? And sure, you should feel comfortable depending on others, but let's be honest again, 9 times out of 10, others let you down.
Things are slowly getting better, but then again, I haven't seen the cause of my unhappiness since Friday at dinner. I think this is one of those things I'll never really get over, I'll just learn to accept it, you know? I went out with Jesse on Saturday night. (By the way, my horoscope for Sat was "It's time for you to turn off the stereo and stop listening to that sad music. You're in charge of your life -- only you -- and you can make the best of every moment if you set your mind to it.") He always takes my mind off of my terrible life. I really like him, but as was the case during winter break, I don't really know where we stand. I don't want to pursue anything, I mean the kid goes to school in New Hampshire, but if we were more serious I could see myself being loyal. Ha, loyal, what a dumb word, it almost implies that you're a dog or animal of some sort.
Anyway... I don't know, life's a funny thing. Sometimes I have a hard time pin-pointing the humor in it, but it is quite funny.
As much as I hate the fact that daylight savings time steals an hour, I LOVE the way the sun is just now setting and it's 7.00 pm!! And I learned to play row row row your boat on the guitar. Now, before you judge and say what a childish thing that is, let us remember that I am a horn player, not a strings player. And no worries to those of you that think you started the guitar trend and are ready to reply with some rude comment about me being a poser or something ridiculous like that... I'm only playing for the fun of it. If I decide I like it and keep playing, cool; if I don't, that's cool, too. I really don't give a shit...