(no subject)
I can keep writing, but I can keep sighing. I listen to the saddest songs I can dig up, and surprise myself by crying whenever I turn around. It's behind me, it's all behind me and I feel like I'll just never feel ever again. For the happiest I've felt, I've never been so sad. I've never felt so addicted. And I've never felt so helpless.
I can't keep doing this. I feel like I'll just fall apart in the hands of some guy and let him kiss me in a fucking mall and I'll regret it but it's something I want more than anything, but from the perfect one. Maybe I'm obsessing. Maybe I'm losing my mind, because nothing feels real anymore. I have to keep reminding myself that I really do exist and I choke up. Everything I touch disappears. And I'm scared. Scared out of my mind. I've gone back to worrying about my weight. I've gone back to this loneliness that I just can't shake and I'm frightened and trembling like a child and I need to be held. Oh god do I need arms around me. But I have to wait. Patience isn't a fucking virtue, it really isn't. Whomever made that up can fuck me. I can't take waiting. I can't. I just can't. Words keep failing me and confusion ensues even when I said it wouldn't. But it's not confusion about how I feel. It's confusion on what to do next. Because I'm just sick of crying over him. He's worth it, but I'm sick of it because I'm just so alone in my bed. On my hard wood floor. With the minor chords pouring out of the speakers and the ceiling looking so far away.
emofuck. no thank you.
I can't keep doing this. I feel like I'll just fall apart in the hands of some guy and let him kiss me in a fucking mall and I'll regret it but it's something I want more than anything, but from the perfect one. Maybe I'm obsessing. Maybe I'm losing my mind, because nothing feels real anymore. I have to keep reminding myself that I really do exist and I choke up. Everything I touch disappears. And I'm scared. Scared out of my mind. I've gone back to worrying about my weight. I've gone back to this loneliness that I just can't shake and I'm frightened and trembling like a child and I need to be held. Oh god do I need arms around me. But I have to wait. Patience isn't a fucking virtue, it really isn't. Whomever made that up can fuck me. I can't take waiting. I can't. I just can't. Words keep failing me and confusion ensues even when I said it wouldn't. But it's not confusion about how I feel. It's confusion on what to do next. Because I'm just sick of crying over him. He's worth it, but I'm sick of it because I'm just so alone in my bed. On my hard wood floor. With the minor chords pouring out of the speakers and the ceiling looking so far away.
emofuck. no thank you.