.::.missing him.::.
Its times like these that these demons eat me inside out. ya sure its christmas time...its the holidays i should be happy...but the holidays were our time...when we met and when we fell in love...and the new year was when we were torn apart...forced to survive long distance...then february came and he was gone. December 19th...the day i met him..he was already infactuated with me from pics he had seen..but when he first saw me in person he was captured...dont ask me, because i do not know. but as the day went on more and more about me amazed him and it become harder and harder for him to talk to me...he was shocked at how much we had in common...and that night as we walked in the snow to the store we fell in love...in one day i fell for someone more than i ever have befor...i had never believed in love at first sight till that night...and suddenly i was in love. He was the sweetest guy i had ever known...and he loved everything about me...december 23rd i had to leave..had to go back to my dads for christmas stuff...but december 26th i was back there with him....until december 29th...that day..the worst day of my life...they tricked me and amanda and heather into goin to walmart to see michelle..told us she wanted to talk to us...we got there and waited for her to finish with her customer..and when she did...the worst words came out of her mouth..those heartbreaking earth shattering words..."dad wanted you girls out of the house because he is kicking "him" out" and right then and there in the middle of walmart i bust into tears....blinding tears...i couldnt see 1 inch in front of my face...they tried to comfort me there...but i couldnt...i left....i walked all around that store...and then over to the mall where about 30 minutes later he showed up...he needed to see me he said...needed to see me before he left...about 6 hours away...he was so mad..he threw a shopping cart...wanted to hold me and love me...didnt want to say goodbye...bc he WOULD see me again!! i watched him get in the car and then leave and the tears came all over again....i walked back into the mall and amanda and heather saw me and ran to me to hug me....they knew how much i loved him...afterall it was amanda's step brother...they took me all over walmart we bought a camera and they did stupid stuff with me and took pics to try and cheer me up...and they did for a while...but then we left and it came all over again....i didnt realize that amanda didnt want me with him...until a few weeks later she called me and told me he had called them and said he didnt want to be with me anymore...actually it was his girlfriend that called..said he hated me...i got off that phone and i started going hysterical...my dad's girlfriend could hear me across the house and came to my room to see if i was okay...and i wasnt...they didnt know about him...bc i wasnt supposed to be with him...but i found out about a week later when i called him that it wasnt true...that the girl never called...and that it was all a lie and amanda had lied to me...and that he had got into a fight with a longtime friend because they had thrown some of the stuff i gave him [including the cd he took and left his lighter in place of when he left that day]outside and he lost the frog with the penny i gave him. about a month later i got to see him...only for like 15 mins though...it was weird i didnt know how to act around him...bc i knew it was ending...i knew he was gonna be gone from me forever. the next week i broke up with him bc i couldnt stay with him...even if he was going to move to washington to be with me when i got here...about a month after that [march] i moved to washington and now i havent talked to or seen him since that was dec 03-feb 04....and i stil miss him everyday..and when i really want to remember him i spray the cologne he wore on my pillows and the shirt he gave me and sleep in it. god how i miss and love him!