reviving the dead to vent

Jan 24, 2007 01:58

I come back to this journal only to mention the scraps it seems. I haven't been able to write online comfortably again just yet but I'm kind of excited because of the money I've been able to save. I make an extra 600 dollars in tips in just one week added to my paycheck (which isn't bad in itself), well that's if the weather remains cold as it has been, which is why I probably also came down with a 102 fever yesterday though luck has been good to me and it broke by the time I had to work again tonight. I hate my superficial job though it pays well and is bringing me closer to what I truly want to do. I never thought you could make so much being a damn hostess though if it's a restaurant where Angelina and Brad like to dine one might be surprised. I've seen them up close and in person and I hardly remember him because I stared at her the entire night. Too bad she was thinner and blonder than I'd ever seen her before so she wasn't exactly the Angelina I'd adored. I wanted to see a curvier raven-haired Angelina. I'll admit it, this is how I loved her. Jake Gyllenhaal was the only other one I was thrilled to meet simply because he was so damn cool and down to earth. He acted as if he was like everyone else rather than swiftly escaping the restaurant like the power couple themselves. People literally attempt to draw blood just to get a reservation. They scowl and scream at me if we have nothing available. I'm hating NYC now. Me, the girl who was in love with this city for so long. My spirit is dying here for to thrive you have to be one of the rich ones and in order to be one you have to either be born with a silver spoon in your mouth or just be very ambitious, which I am not, for I cannot be ambitious on the concept of making money alone. I see myself as becoming a Holly Golightly sometimes although any realistic person knows she was really giving blowjobs in that powder room. It's impossible to live in New York comfortably, without a career, and I do these meaningless things that at least do not compromise my dignity so that I can save enough to be safe enough to eventually take a chance. I'm still trying to choose. I'm so tired of New York. I'm still trying to figure out which city I want to make my new home and I'm a little afraid that I won't like it any better than here.



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