(no subject)
Yes, I know again I slacked and let this journal go. Been so busy lately with school. Oh it's soooo sucky that Bush won again. Oh well... gotta deal with it and move on. But I was struck with some really bad news and been doing really bad since I found out. Thought maybe writing in this journal might help me deal with things. I found out Wed. night my mom had lung cancer. Its really fucking with me. Found out more women die of lung cancer than of breast cancer. There is no cure for lung cancer but they can pro-long your life by trying to keep in under control with treatments. Most people find out they have lung cancer when it's too late. There really aren't any symptoms for it. Luckily my mom isn't terminal right now, but if she had never mention this soreness in her chest (like a pulled muscle) when she went for a check up, they would have never found out she had it and lung cancer spreads fast. They are hoping to be able to control it. Thing is if you've smoked for 5 or more years you have already done so much damage to your lungs that it takes 20 to 25 yrs for your lungs to slightly get a little better. And if it's in your genes and you've smoked for even just a few yrs... its not a matter of if you'll get lung cancer... it's a matter of when for most people. Even though I don't smoke I still have a great chance (because its now in my genes) of getting lung cancer just from second hand smoke. What sucks the most right now is I'm in Boston and I'm not with my mom. I might move back for the summer and if my mom is doing well then maybe come back to Boston. I'm not doing so well emotionally. I had to run in the bathroom before class cause just seeing the kids smoking outside the college made me break down. My mom doesn't know this... I need to be positive for her so when I talk to her I try to sound upbeat. But I know when I come in for Thanksgiving the first time I see my mom after getting off the plane I might break down... I don't want to but so much pain is eating me up inside. At night I sometimes shut myself up in the bathroom and turn on all the water so my roomates can't hear me cry. My mom is the most wonderful person I know and if she can't fight this... I don't know... I don't won't to think of it.