Everyone should add Ron Swanson to this meme
Okay, meme answer time! This maybe got a little out of hand in parts, I can't lie. Also I kept the characters to Community, Parks & Rec and bandom.
The characters:
1. Leslie Knope
2. Tom Conrad
3. Ron Swanson
4. Max Steger
5. Abed Nadir
6. Jon Walker
7. Ann Perkins
8. Annie Edison
9. Ben Wyatt
10. Sean van Vleet
11. Britta Perry
12. Ryan Ross
13. Troy Barnes
14. Ryan Luciani
15. April Ludgate
The answers:
1 (Leslie) and 15 (April) find a baby. That's right, FIND a baby. Why is 12 (Ryan Ross) so freaked out? (And who on the list does the baby turn out to belong to?)
Leslie is on one of her "clean-up our parks!" sprees, which means it's a Tuesday. April is less than thrilled (even moreso than usual) because Leslie's forcing her to go and Andy can't come because he has, like, actual customers at the shoeshine bench. It's the worst. While they're cleaning, well April's version of cleaning which is picking up one piece of trash an hour, Leslie stops her.
"What, can I go home now?"
"No, April, listen! Don't you hear that?"
She does hear something but then she'd have to do something if she admitted it, so she just shakes her head. Leslie ignores it and drags April over to where the noise is coming from: an abandoned stroller, baby still inside.
"Oh my God! April! It's a baby!"
"Ewww."
"We have to rescue her!"
"We do?"
Leslie's ignores her again, already making silly baby faces at this...thing. This is really not how April wanted to spend the day.
They take the baby back to the Parks department, after putting out an alert to the police station. This baby is the total hit of the office, even Ron cracks a smile when it burps. Leslie is calling it Maddy (short for Madeline, after Madeline Albright) even when Tom points out that the baby is actually a boy. It's all pretty excruciating for April, until Andy comes in and starts playing music for it. Even she realizes that's pretty cute, even if the only song Andy keeps singing is "Sex Hair."
After an hour or so, a tall, skinny guy comes rushing into the Parks department. He's wearing a three piece suit, even though it's about 85 degrees outside.
"The police department told me you guys have my friend's baby?" he asked frantically, his eyes searching the department.
"And who are you, exactly?" Leslie asks skeptically.
"I'm Ryan Ross, I was babysitting my friend Jon's kid but while I was looking for the bathroom at the park, someone took him!"
"If you were watching him, why didn't you take him with you?" Leslie asks critically. She's bonded with little Maddy, she's not about to give him up that easily.
He stares at her. "Because you can't fit a baby in a bathroom stall. Or can you?"
She sighs, wheeling the stroller and baby over to him. "Alright, fine, but next time be more careful, okay?"
"And next time how about we not kidnap a baby?" April adds under her breath. Leslie shushes her.
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2, (Tomrad) 4, (Max) 6, (Jon) and 8 (Annie) form a band - What's their band name and what kind of music do they play? Also, where do they tour and WHO on the list do they tour with?
Their band name is The Adderalls and they play a frantic mix of grunge-inspired rock, 60s beach music and top 40 pop. It doesn't always work but when it does, it's pretty okay. Tom and Max are the guitarists, Jon is the vocalist and Annie is their drummer/manager (she was more organized than anyone they hired). They tour small clubs and coffee shops, depending on which set of songs they're playing. They're biggest touring buddies are Sean, Ryan J, Abed and Britta's band, The Super Romantics. Sean and Abed are the songwriters, using books and television as their inspiration, while Britta is their bassist who often interjects her political motives into their concerts. This annoys Ryan but since he also finds her totally hot, it often leads to lots of frenemy sex.
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3 (Ron) and 5 (Abed) get married. 9 (Ben) and 10 (Sean) are the attendants for 3 and 5 (respectively). 11 (Britta) is the official who marries them. And 14 (Ryan J) is the one who can't hold their peace. Tell me how 3 and 5 smooth this whollleee situation over.
(fyi, Ron and Abed getting married is like, the funniest image absolutely ever)
Ron Swanson and Abed Nadir are getting married. They are not in love, but they are facing a tricky health insurance situation, Abed needs it to stay in school but neither he or his dad can afford it and Ron can add him to his state health insurance. It physically pains Ron to think that he's costing the taxpayers money for this, but since he never uses it for himself (whiskey and scotch are all he needs for medicine), he figures it about evens out.
Ron asks Ben to be his Best Man. Leslie is a little put out by it, she is obviously Ron's Best (Wo)Man any day of the week, but then Ron allows her to plan the reception, as long as it involves lots of meat.
Troy is going to be out of town and he can't get out of it, so Sean is his Best Man. They met in an English class at Greendale and Sean never seemed weirded out by Abed's weirdness, (something about a friend of his being raised by wolves. Abed would watch that TV show) so he seemed like a fine replacement for Troy.
Britta is the one who officiates their wedding. She tries to make it as inclusive of all cultures as possible, even the ones Ron and Abed aren't associated with, and the ceremony ends up dragging on for almost an hour. Ryan J, in the audience as Sean's date, finally can't take it anymore and stands up, yelling "GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!" One look from Ron's mustache immediately sits him back down in his place.
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14 (Ryan J) and 7 (Ann) go to the zoo. What animals do they want to see most and why?
PUPPIES! but the zoo doesn't have puppies, unless you count baby wolves and Ryan has been expressly forbidden from ever seeing wolves in a zoo by Tom (he's sensitive about these things). But Ryan and Ann have fun, anyway. Ryan likes Ann's really lame puns and how hot she is, while Ann's nurturer/caretaker side is falling hard for Ryan's life of Ramen noodles and falling down. They spend a lot of time in the petting zoo (Lil' Sebastian is there, neither of them can resist) and even though Ryan ends up accidentally tripping over a goat, it's still a pretty awesome zoo date.
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1 (Leslie) is a homeless newsie. 3-8 (Ron, Max, Abed, Jon, Ann, Annie) are powerful gods that bless 1 with superpowers. What are these powers? And why is 11 (Britta) so interested in them?
Leslie has been living on the streets ever since her job application had been rejected by every government office in the city. She couldn't figure out why, it's not like the government normally turned it's back on its neediest citizens!
She knew she had it in her to become a kickass speaker of the little people but no one would give her the opportunity to do so. The closest she got was a menial job handing out newspapers in front of the library (she was that desperate). Every day she tried to talk to any government officials she saw about all the great ideas she had but they always ignored her. She was just about to give up, when one night, six, well, they weren't really people, more like beings, appeared to her.
"Hello, Leslie Knope. We are the guardians of the great powers," a young-looking girl with perfectly straight brown hair announced.
"You're what? What's going on here?"
"We're guardians of powers. We are here to grant you what you need to succeed," the other woman in the group said brightly.
"Rhymes, Ann? Really?" a younger guy with wild, crazy hair sighed.
"I still don't understand."
"We're here to give you superpowers, woman," the oldest of the beings spoke gruffy, his mustache twitching.
Leslie's eyes were wide with shock. "Really? Like Wonder Woman?"
"Technically, Wonder Woman is an Amazon and was born with powers, not granted them. This is more like Captain Marvel," this being was also young-looking but unlike the others, his voice was nearly robotic. Maybe these guys were robots, Leslie thought.
"Nerd," the last of the beings snickered.
Ann shoved him, "Jon, stop it."
"But still, you're giving me superpowers?"
"Yes," the first woman smiled. "We each hold different attributes close to our hearts and each of us will grant you something to help you on your quest. Ron, the God of Burliness what do you give Leslie?"
The gruff god stepped forward, wriggling his mustache. "I bequeath thee the power of the hunt."
"I'm actually a pretty good hunter, already," Leslie interrupted.
Ron huffed. "Hmmph. So, you do not want the power of excellent tracking and weapon making skills?"
"Oh! No, I'll take that."
He huffed again, shuffling forward to pat Leslie's shoulder. Suddenly, she knew everything there was to know about tracking someone and fashioning spears out of wood. She also started craving prime rib.
The ceremony, for lack of a better word, continued. Max, the one with the wild hair, gave her the power of sound (superhearing), Abed, who Leslie still thought might be a robot, the power of The Kickpuncher (any kicks or punches she threw would have superstrength. Also Abed said she'd have "super cool sequels," whatever that meant), Jon the power of Doolittle (the ability to communicate with animals), Ann, the power of healing (she also gave her her phone number, which made Leslie blush) and Annie, the leader of them all, gave her the power of organization (when Leslie gave her a skeptical look, Annie promised that she needed it).
After they left, Leslie began her superheroing, which to her meant cleaning up the parks and doing everything she could to impress the goverment, hoping it would land her a job. Everyone in town seemed on board, except for one young woman, Britta. Britta hated the government and how it tore people apart and sponsored dictators in Honduras (she thinks it was Honduras). She protested in front of city hall everyday and it usually garnered her some decent attention, at least until that Leslie Knope had started making the government look so good.
Britta began following Leslie around, fascinated by her love of the government. Why would anyone who was doing so much good want to work for such evil?
"okay, Knope, what's the deal here?" Britta finally asked her after Leslie healed a girl who had fallen off the slide in the park. "Those slides are totally unsafe, why are you covering this little girl's scraped knee up?"
"The deal is that she was hurt and I healed her because that's what you're supposed to do when someone is hurt," Leslie snapped, crossing her arms. "I don't know what your deal is, Miss I Hate The Government. they're just trying to help!"
"By what, taking all of our money and giving it to big oil?"
Leslie sighed. "No, by paying the firefighters that saved you from carbon monoxide poisoning in your apartment last week and promoting recycling programs that you started the petition for."
"Yeah, well," was all Britta could mutter.
"Look, it's fine that you protest. We wouldn't have such a great community if it wasn't for wackos like you. But I'm just here to help make the community a little bit sunnier for everyone. And to keep people out of the library."
"What's wrong with the library?"
"Don't start," Leslie said sternly before smiling again. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have a lunch Ann-gagment to get to." She laughed at her own joke, while Britta raised her eyebrows. Leslie shrugged it off, "Ann will like it."
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2 (Tom) and 13 (Troy) are long lost twins. What happens next?
Tom always knew he was different. Not in the "I'm a little out of the box" kind of way, in the literal "I know that my adoptive parents found me in the woods when I was 7 after having lived with wolves since my birth parents had died in the forest when I was a baby" way. And even though he was grown up and out of school, he still had trouble grasping a lot of simple human interaction concepts. Apparently watching your friends sleep to make sure they're safe is "creepy."
His parents worried about him feeling alone, so they finally sat him down and told him a secret they had been keeping for years."
"Tom, when we found you, we looked everywhere in the news for records of your birth parents and your other family. It took awhile, but we did find something." They handed him a newspaper clipping about another boy being found in the same woods, surrounded by a wolf family. It was Tom's story, just with a different protagonist, this one named Troy Barnes.
"We think he's your brother."
Tom couldn't believe it and not just because Troy was black and Tom, well, wasn't. He didn't remember anyone other than the wolves being around. But, like his parents had pointed out, he had been pretty young and Troy had been found four years earlier than Tom.
Tom decided it was worth meeting Troy, regardless if they were actually related. It would be nice to know someone else who had a similar background and was hopefully just as weird as he was.
Turns out, Troy wasn't quite as weird as Tom. Being adopted at a younger age had probably helped, but he did have his own brand of weirdness. While Tom didn't understand people or emotions, Troy didn't seem to understand that Go-Gurt was actually just yogurt or that wiener dogs really are born that way. They still got along, though. Troy didn't have a problem with Tom's social ineptness, explaining that his best friend was basically part android. So even if they weren't actually twins or brothers at all, Tom felt like they'd be lifelong friends anyway.
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9, 10, 12, 14, and 15 (Ben, Sean, Ryan Ross, Ryan J and April) form a new Teen Titans team. What unlikely threat brings them together?
The threat of ANTIHIPSTERMINE, a giant robot that takes out ironic mustache emporiums and dive bars, is a threat that none of them can face alone but that they all fear. Okay, so Ben doesn't really think it's that big of a problem, oh no young people have to stop being dicks and pay taxes on their trust funds, oh no! But these are his friends and he's never been too popular in that department, so he'll help them with whatever they need. Plus he'd never be able to find a good plaid shirt again if Antihipstermine got its way.
Sean and Ryan J are trainees from Titans Chicago, where they were just recently added to the roster. Their leader, a werewolf named Tom, doesn't have the resources or supreme organization skills to train them, so he sent them to Ben for the time being. Sean is a flier with a sonically booming voice that can take out windows and stop someone in their tracks, while Ryan J doesn't have powers, but he is deadly with a bow and arrow. And he's pretty tough, especially for the number of times he gets hurt.
Ryan Ross is a time traveling android. Ben thought he would be a great addition just with that on his resume, he'd be like their very own Dr. Who/Data hybrid, but he really just spends a lot of time complaining about Pawnee's lack of white three-piece suits.
Finally, there's April, who can create portals to other dimensions. She's insanely powerful but it's hard to get her to care for more than two seconds to ever do anything. The only way Ben got her on the team was when she realized the gay bar she likes to hang out at would be a target for Antihipstermine.
Ben, who has the powers of a ninja crossed with a Jedi (his mentor, Leslie Knope, taught him everything he knows) brings them all together to take down this evil robot. It takes a lot of organizing, which is easier said than done with this crew, but Ben didn't toil in city government classes for years without learning how to balance and coordinate a motley bunch. That's basically all government is.
With some supreme coordination and a last second piece of effort from April, the team corners Antihipstermeme and sends him to another dimension to bother the cardigan wearing, PBR loving 20-somethings there.
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6 (Jon) and 10 (Sean) are trapped in a broom closet together because of the shenanigans of 3, (Ron) 12, (Ryan Ross) and 13 (Troy). What happens next?
Jon isn't a buzzkill, he enjoys a good practical joke as much as the next guy, but sometimes people just take it too far. Like right now, for example. Sure, locking him and Sean in this broom closet while on a wild goose chase for some whiskey Ron had told them he had stashed on the 4th floor of city had its laughs but Troy saying he was SURE Ryan had the key while Ryan saying he was POSITIVE Troy had it has extinguished any good natured laughs Jon had about the whole situation.
"This is the fucking worst," Jon muttered angrily for the dozenth time.
"It's not that bad," Sean insisted. "At least there's, uh, all these cleaning solution bottles for us to read when we get bored."
Jon laughed darkly. "What a plus."
"We could play a game?" Sean suggested after a few minutes of less than comfortable silence.
"A game?"
"Yeah, I do this with Max sometimes. I'll tell a story about Tom and you have to guess if it's real or not."
If this had been about any of his other friends, Jon would have thought this would be boring. But it was Tom, so he was all about it. So that's how they spent the two hours they were trapped in the closet, trading Tom Conrad stories, until Ryan and Troy finally let them out. The key had been in Troy's pocket the whole time and neither Jon nor Sean were surprised.
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Why do things get awkward when 1, 5, 7, 8, 9, and 15 (Leslie, Abed, Ann, Annie, Ben and April) decide to play a game of assassins?
Leslie is SUPER excited when it's announced that for April's birthday they're going to play Assassins. She has no idea what Assassins is, but it sounds fun! At April's party, Annie, who April doesn't even know how she got invited, she is way too excited to be here, lays out all the ground rules. To assassinate a fellow player, they must grab their name badges (which are super cute and glittery and took Annie like, hours to make. Leslie likes this girl) and hold onto them until they get assassinated and then give them to their assassin. The last person standing is the winner. Since the party is at a local park, they immediately split up and start the game. Leslie and Ann decide to work together until it gets down to the two of them. Unfortunately, that doesn't last long as Abed tricks Ann to giving him her badge when he feigns an ankle injury. Leslie ducks behind a trash can yelling that she'll avenge her.
Leslie's first kill is April who wasn't making an effort to kill or hide, at all. "Can I go make out with Andy, now?"
"Just use protection!" Leslie shouted, gleefully stuffing April's badge in her pocket.
From her totally covert hiding place behind one of the benches, Leslie watches Ben take down Abed by getting him flustered enough about a Star Wars question that he forgets to guard his badges. Ben had also taken down Annie, who had gotten distracted when she realized the butterfly sticker on her badge had fallen off, so it was down to the two of them.
"You'll never get me, Benjie Wyatt!" Leslie cackled. "I know this park better than anything, you'll never be able to find me!"
"Even better than the squirrels?" Ben asked skeptically.
"Yes!" Leslie said without hesitation.
He shook his head. "I bet you do. So, why don't you just come take my badges and be the winner?"
Leslie narrowed her eyes at him. "What are you talking about? What is this?"
"I'm just saying that you're obviously going to win, so why don't you just get it over with so we can go eat some cake?"
Leslie wasn't sure about this. She didn't like winning anything in a cheap way, but on the other hand, that cake had Sweet'ums brand frosting on it. Hmm. "Okay, okay, deal."
She and Ben met in the middle, his badges already bunched together in one hand and her hand out ready for them. Before he hands them over, Ben smiles and suggests, "Good game hug?"
Leslie, who still has some butterflies from the last time they hugged at the Harvest Festival, smiles back. "Sure."
Ben leans down and hugs her tight and Leslie's insides get all fluttery. Then she feels her badges being snuck out of her blazer pocket. "HEY!"
"Sorry, Knope," Ben smirks, pulling out all her badges and thus, assassinating her. "All's fair in love and war, right?"
Leslie punches him in the arm, before storming off. "I take back what I said about you not being a jerk, because you are a jerk Ben. I mean, Mean Ben."
As she stomps off, already dialing Ann's number on her cell phone, she hears Ben mutter a very loud, "This is why I should never take Tom Haverford's advice. Fuck."
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13 (Troy) and 2 (Tom) walk in on a bank robbery. What do they do?
Tom freezes. He is not the guy you call on in a crisis situation, and he's okay with that. He has other good qualities, he thinks. But sober bravery is not one of them (and drunk bravery is usually just stupidity clouded by booze). He just stands against the nearest wall, hoping the robbers don't notice him.
Troy, on the other hand, is all about chivalry and kicking some ass. He has a feeling he saved the entire school from a zombie attack once, but maybe that was just a dream or a TV pilot Abed told him about. Either way, it sounds awesome and Troy knows for sure that he is awesome as shit. So, when he walks in on some guys in black ski masks harassing a bank teller for money, he shouts, "Hey! You mess with the Troy and you get the horns!"
The bank robber swivels around, pointing a gun at Troy. "What did you say?"
Troy gulps, slowly melting into the floor. "I did not think this through. Nothing! I said nothing."
Thankfully, the police show up pretty soon after that and no one has to learn that both Troy and Tom peed their pants.
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11, 5, and 14 go on a roadtrip. Where do they go and what kind of shenanigans do they get up to? Britta, Abed and Ryan J
They are going on a roadtrip to see the Robocop statue that Detroit is building. Abed is super pumped about it (well as much as Abed can be super pumped) and Ryan is always up for a good roadtrip, as long as he doesn't have to share a hotel bed with his bandmates (he loves them but between the snoring and waking up to a camera in his face, it's hard to get a good night's sleep). Britta is also tagging along, feigning interest in the Robocop statue so that she try and detour them to see Abed's mother. Her house is on the way and she really thinks Abed needs to face her and deal with that whole situation, despite everyone telling her that was a terrible idea.
The roadtrip itself is pretty great, Ryan knows where all the fun tourist traps and good gas stations are, and Abed has an endless supply of DVDs to watch in the car. Britta even finds herself having fun, even if accidentally.
When they get close to Detroit, it means they're getting close to where Abed's mom lives. Britta not so subtly tries to detour them there but Abed sees right through it. Of course he knew that was the only reason Britta came along but he didn't say anything since they were getting along so well. She was the Ross to his Phoebe, they didn't get a lot of storylines together, so he liked when they got to.
Ryan breaks the tension by cracking bad jokes that make Abed smile, in his own Abed way. Britta decides to keep driving past the exit to his mom's house and onto the Robocop statue.
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1, 3, 7, and 9 decide to start a business together. What sort of business is it? Leslie, Ron, Ann, Ben
(an all Parks and Rec one! weird when that happens)
Leslie gets this great idea for an all-purpose camping and park enjoyment supply store. It would not only sell tents and sleeping bags and lanterns for camping, but all your parks needs, like walking sticks and pullout benches for the Pawnee citizens that just want to sit more.
Ann is not sure it will be a hit, but she always supports Leslie 110%, so she agrees to help her with it. Besides, she's seen Leslie's house, she's going to need help organizing the store.
Ron is in when Leslie asks him for help in choosing what kind of fishing gear she should sell. He's not one for working, but he is always one for helping people kill animals the most effectively.
Ben, despite knowing nothing about camping or the outdoors, offers his services as bookkeeper. Leslie is surprised, he can barely unfurl a sleeping bag, but he seems really eager to help so she lets him join in. Besides, the more the merrier!
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3 (Ron) is 8's (Annie) new assistant! 11 (Britta) is a rival co-worker gunning for 3's job. How is his or her chances? Is 8 satisfied with job 3 is doing? what does 8 think of 11?
(loling so hard at Ron being anyone's assistant)
Annie is the new city manager for Pawnee. She rose quickly through the ranks but her ambition is up there with Leslie Knope's, it's unstoppable. Ron had been wanting that position for himself, as long as it meant he didn't have to work very hard. So, when Annie asked him to be her assistant with the caveat that he'd be first in line when she got promoted (which she promised would be soon), Ron reluctantly took the job.
He immediately regretted it. Being a mini-Leslie, Annie was always working and doing fifteen things at once, which left Ron very little time to carve wooden ducks. He quickly notices Britta, who also works for the library scoping out his new position. Being in the library business, Ron knows she has to be cutthroat and he's pretty wary of her moving in on his job. She starts making anonymous tips that Ron isn't doing his job to Annie, which he would be mad about but she's not lying. Eventually, he gets tired of all of it and quits so Britta can take the damn job if she wants it so much. Annie loves Britta, she's a much better assistant than Ron ever was, but she's really going to have to talk to her about those inappropriate jackets and tight jeans she wears all the time.
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7 (Ann) and 15 (April) are running for class president. 2 (Tom) is running 7's campaign and 4 (Max) is running 15's campaign. Who wins? Who is more likely to sabotage the competitor? Will they get away with it?
April couldn't give a shit about class elections, they were pointless and boring. But when she found Ann was running, Ann the girl who had kissed Andy even though she totally knew April liked him, she decided to run, just to make sure Ann didn't win.
Ann is having fun with her campaign, her friend Tom Conrad is helping her make posters and taking these really nice but kind of serious photos of her for them. He thinks they should be totally grass-roots, even though Ann's parents offered some money to help with the campaign, Tom refused. he says if they do everything themselves, they'll definitely win.
April, on the other hand, is pulling out all the stops trying to crush Ann. She even got Max, the kind of quiet kid who hangs out in the AV lab to help her by cutting into all of Ann's campaign videos and looping images of knee surgeries over her face. Max really didn't get they were doing this, but he enjoyed a challenge and didn't care who won, so he went along with it.
In the end, April's efforts are for naught and Ann comes away with the win. It is high school and Ann is hot and that's all she really needed going for her. April's not that upset, though. Being class president would have required, like, work.
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1, 9, and 6 (Leslie, Ben and Jon) are superheroes. What are their powers? 13 and 14 (Troy and Ryan J) are super-villains, what are their powers? Who is rivals with who? When 13 and 9 are revealed to have a secret relationship, how does 1 react? Can 9's sweet lovin' redeem 13?
Leslie is Clone-erella, she's able to produce copies of herself so she can multiple places at one, Ben has the brain of a super computer and is Numbers Boy (Man he often corrects but Leslie just pats him on the head) and Jon is Cat's Meow, he can turn into any kind of feline.
Troy is PunchKicker/KickPuncher, half-man, half-machine, all kicking and punching. Ryan is The Dancemaster, a villain who is nearly unstoppable, but only when he has music to dance to.
Our heroes and our villains have a lively rivalry, often fighting whenever Troy and Ryan are trying their next big scheme to steal money from the big corporations downtown. Leslie really enjoys taking them down, in particular. She gets a little bloodthirsty, even.
However, nothing beats her bloodthirst when she discovers Ben and Troy in a strong and intimate embrace in their superhero loft.
"Leslie, I can explain-," Ben starts.
"No! You're a hero, Ben, you can't be fraternizing with the enemy! And that is the enemy!" she yells, pointing at Troy. "Also he's like, half-machine, how does that even work?"
"Really awesomely," Troy grins. Ben elbows him to shut up.
"The machine part of him is the only person that has ever understood me and my mind," Ben explains. "And the rest of him, well," he motions up and down to Troy's abs. "Yeah."
Leslie sighs. "I suppose I get that, but still, Troy is evil! You can't just let him get away with all these robberies and break-ins he and The Dancemaster keep committing!"
"Well, we've been talking and Troy says he wants to join us, actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah!" Troy says happily. "You guys have a pretty sweet pad, way better than the villain hideout. I'm all about the good side, now."
Leslie still isn't so sure, she stations one of her clones to follow Troy around. Why she didn't do that years ago is actually kind of surprising, she really should have. It saved so much time and energy. In the end, Ben had redeemed Troy. he really did love the amenities of being a superhero.
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3, 7, 9 and 14 are world famous Olympians. (Ron, Ann, Ben, Ryan J). What sport do they play? Which sport do 6 and 15 commentate for? (Jon and April) Why is 9 pissed that 3 won a medal and not them?
Ron is obviously a world famous shooting Olympian. he finds the pomp and circumstance of the Olympics pretty uncomfortable but any chance to shoot something is something he will take. Ann is a swimmer and even though she's nowhere near the best on the American squad, she gets a lot of attention for how damn good she looks in a bathing suit. Ben is a skier, training for the Olympics is what he created Ice Town for, after all. And Ryan is a featherweight wrestler, he's a lot tougher than he looks.
Jon and April are the commentators for the track and field events. April's commentating gets a lot of flak for her complete disinterest in every event, so Jon often has to take over and be overly enthusiastic for the both of them, until he gets in trouble for making passive aggressive remarks against a couple of sprinters from Nevada.
Ben is pissed that Ron won a medal and not him because shooting is not a sport. It's hunting and hunting is bogus and Ron did not ruin his entire life by building a wintry theme park when he was 18 and then spending the next 20 years training his ass off for this moment to lose and then see Ron Swanson walk away with a medal for doing something he does for fun. it is not fair.
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1 (Leslie) and 8's (Annie) best friend's die, leaving them as joint guardians if their baby. What rom-com shenanigans ensue and why does 2 (Tom) want to punch them both?
Aww this probably means Ann died. :(
Annie and Leslie raise little baby Sandra in an environment of Baby Einstein albums, daily trips to the Park and almost obsessive conditioning to be the smartest, highest achieving little girl in the entire world. Seriously, this kid does not grow up to president, both of them are going to be severely disappointed.
But neither of them are really prepared for how hard raising a baby is. Also messy. Leslie's used to getting her hands dirty but the baby has ruined her best work blazers. Annie is less prepared and she spends many nights crying and fretting that they're ruining little Sandra already. The only way Leslie can calm her down is by holding her tight and telling her it's gonna be okay.
Tom is their neighbor and while he has nothing against them, he wants to punch something every time he hears this. He can deal with a kid crying, that's what babies do, right? But Annie's crying is even higher pitched and it goes on way longer than he can handle. Leslie's helping is obviously not doing much.
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4 and 5 rob a bank in the old west! (Max and Abed)
Max and Abed bond at an early age in the dusty town they grew up in Wyoming. Abed was seen as touched in the head for his ability to remember mundane details about pretty much anything, while Max had an extraordinary ear for sound and spent of his time learning to play the piano and any other instrument he could get his hand on. They weren't normal by anyone's standards, so they found some solace in each other.
They still close friends as they grow up and attempt to make a living as a musician and a bartender, respectively, but times are tough and it's hard to make ends meet. The only people that ever seem to have any money are bankrobbers so Max and Abed decide to give it a shot.
It does not go amazing. Neither of them are very threatening looking, so it's hard to get the tellers to cooperate, but they do make off with a couple hundred bucks, which will get them by for awhile.
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3 and 7: high school AU! First kiss! (Ron and Ann)
Ann is always a little vulnerable when she breaks up with somebody. Even though she's always the one doing the dumping, she tends to make really rash decisions after she gets out of a relationship. So when she goes to this party the Saturday after she breaks up with Andy, she maybe drinks a lot, way more than she's used to, and she maybe corners Ron, the burly football player who basically runs the shop department, despite being a sophomore. He's also the only 16 year old she's even known to actually grow a mustache. But he's manly, way manlier than Andy ever was. He was so needy and immature and Ann wants the exact opposite of that right now.
"Hi Ron," she slurs, leaning against him.
"Do I know you?"
And that's all the introduction she needs, Ann kisses him. His mustache tickles, though, so it doesn't last long. Ron looks flattered but unamused.
"Okay, woman, you should probably leave and have someone take you home."
"Don't call me woman! That's weird," Ann frowns.
Sighing, Ron grabs the blonde dancing near them. "Knope, right?"
"Yup!" She says brightly.
"Can you take her home? I know you said you weren't drinking."
"I sure can!" Leslie interjects, taking Ann's hand. "I'm Leslie, who are you?"
"Ann and you're not drunk? Are you sure?" she sure is bouncing around a lot for a sober person.
"Yes!"
"You're like this normally?"
Leslie nods again, squeezing Ann's hand. Now, Ann kinda wants to kiss her too. She really needs to not get drunk after a breakup.
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10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15 are playing Spin the Bottle! WHAT SHENANIGANS ENSUE. (Sean, Britta, Ryan Ross, Troy, Ryan J and April)
Troy widely considers himself the makeup king, so when this party decides it needs a little Spin The Bottle, he is all over it. Guys, girls, whatever, he just wants to make out. Ryan Luciani feels the same way, one of the reasons why they get along so well.
The circle, which is them, Britta, April, Sean and the other Ryan, is set. It's pretty obvious how everyone keeps trying to aim their bottle spins for Sean, but who can blame them, look at his mouth. April freaks everyone out when she decides to give hickeys instead of kissing but Ryan J does not mind one bit. He also likes making out with the other Ryan, mostly because he thinks Ryan Squared would be an awesome band name. Britta and Troy end up kissing for a lot longer than anyone else in the circle and when they finally break apart, they both feel like something else was there than just a kiss, but they both keep it to themselves.
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1 is sick! 9 tends their fevered brow! (Leslie and Ben)
So "Flu Season" by with more Ben the nurse! hooray!
The damn flu came back to Pawnee right after the Harvest Festival ended. It wasn't as bad as before and now that there's not as much work to be done, Leslie does take a day off (but just one and only after she went in for a few hours to make some phonically). Normally, Ann would take care of her, but she's swamped at the hospital and Leslie's flu isn't bad enough for her to be admitted, this time, so Ben offers to stop by and check on her. Like last time, she is still trying to work, despite a fever and the puke bucket by her bed. Ben forcibly takes her phone and all her checklists and padfolios away and threatens to call another sick day in for her if she doesn't rest and get better today. She finally relents and lies down while Ben makes her some of his homemade chicken soup. There are no waffles here, so maybe this time she'll actually have some.
The characters:
1. Leslie Knope
2. Tom Conrad
3. Ron Swanson
4. Max Steger
5. Abed Nadir
6. Jon Walker
7. Ann Perkins
8. Annie Edison
9. Ben Wyatt
10. Sean van Vleet
11. Britta Perry
12. Ryan Ross
13. Troy Barnes
14. Ryan Luciani
15. April Ludgate
The answers:
1 (Leslie) and 15 (April) find a baby. That's right, FIND a baby. Why is 12 (Ryan Ross) so freaked out? (And who on the list does the baby turn out to belong to?)
Leslie is on one of her "clean-up our parks!" sprees, which means it's a Tuesday. April is less than thrilled (even moreso than usual) because Leslie's forcing her to go and Andy can't come because he has, like, actual customers at the shoeshine bench. It's the worst. While they're cleaning, well April's version of cleaning which is picking up one piece of trash an hour, Leslie stops her.
"What, can I go home now?"
"No, April, listen! Don't you hear that?"
She does hear something but then she'd have to do something if she admitted it, so she just shakes her head. Leslie ignores it and drags April over to where the noise is coming from: an abandoned stroller, baby still inside.
"Oh my God! April! It's a baby!"
"Ewww."
"We have to rescue her!"
"We do?"
Leslie's ignores her again, already making silly baby faces at this...thing. This is really not how April wanted to spend the day.
They take the baby back to the Parks department, after putting out an alert to the police station. This baby is the total hit of the office, even Ron cracks a smile when it burps. Leslie is calling it Maddy (short for Madeline, after Madeline Albright) even when Tom points out that the baby is actually a boy. It's all pretty excruciating for April, until Andy comes in and starts playing music for it. Even she realizes that's pretty cute, even if the only song Andy keeps singing is "Sex Hair."
After an hour or so, a tall, skinny guy comes rushing into the Parks department. He's wearing a three piece suit, even though it's about 85 degrees outside.
"The police department told me you guys have my friend's baby?" he asked frantically, his eyes searching the department.
"And who are you, exactly?" Leslie asks skeptically.
"I'm Ryan Ross, I was babysitting my friend Jon's kid but while I was looking for the bathroom at the park, someone took him!"
"If you were watching him, why didn't you take him with you?" Leslie asks critically. She's bonded with little Maddy, she's not about to give him up that easily.
He stares at her. "Because you can't fit a baby in a bathroom stall. Or can you?"
She sighs, wheeling the stroller and baby over to him. "Alright, fine, but next time be more careful, okay?"
"And next time how about we not kidnap a baby?" April adds under her breath. Leslie shushes her.
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2, (Tomrad) 4, (Max) 6, (Jon) and 8 (Annie) form a band - What's their band name and what kind of music do they play? Also, where do they tour and WHO on the list do they tour with?
Their band name is The Adderalls and they play a frantic mix of grunge-inspired rock, 60s beach music and top 40 pop. It doesn't always work but when it does, it's pretty okay. Tom and Max are the guitarists, Jon is the vocalist and Annie is their drummer/manager (she was more organized than anyone they hired). They tour small clubs and coffee shops, depending on which set of songs they're playing. They're biggest touring buddies are Sean, Ryan J, Abed and Britta's band, The Super Romantics. Sean and Abed are the songwriters, using books and television as their inspiration, while Britta is their bassist who often interjects her political motives into their concerts. This annoys Ryan but since he also finds her totally hot, it often leads to lots of frenemy sex.
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3 (Ron) and 5 (Abed) get married. 9 (Ben) and 10 (Sean) are the attendants for 3 and 5 (respectively). 11 (Britta) is the official who marries them. And 14 (Ryan J) is the one who can't hold their peace. Tell me how 3 and 5 smooth this whollleee situation over.
(fyi, Ron and Abed getting married is like, the funniest image absolutely ever)
Ron Swanson and Abed Nadir are getting married. They are not in love, but they are facing a tricky health insurance situation, Abed needs it to stay in school but neither he or his dad can afford it and Ron can add him to his state health insurance. It physically pains Ron to think that he's costing the taxpayers money for this, but since he never uses it for himself (whiskey and scotch are all he needs for medicine), he figures it about evens out.
Ron asks Ben to be his Best Man. Leslie is a little put out by it, she is obviously Ron's Best (Wo)Man any day of the week, but then Ron allows her to plan the reception, as long as it involves lots of meat.
Troy is going to be out of town and he can't get out of it, so Sean is his Best Man. They met in an English class at Greendale and Sean never seemed weirded out by Abed's weirdness, (something about a friend of his being raised by wolves. Abed would watch that TV show) so he seemed like a fine replacement for Troy.
Britta is the one who officiates their wedding. She tries to make it as inclusive of all cultures as possible, even the ones Ron and Abed aren't associated with, and the ceremony ends up dragging on for almost an hour. Ryan J, in the audience as Sean's date, finally can't take it anymore and stands up, yelling "GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!" One look from Ron's mustache immediately sits him back down in his place.
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14 (Ryan J) and 7 (Ann) go to the zoo. What animals do they want to see most and why?
PUPPIES! but the zoo doesn't have puppies, unless you count baby wolves and Ryan has been expressly forbidden from ever seeing wolves in a zoo by Tom (he's sensitive about these things). But Ryan and Ann have fun, anyway. Ryan likes Ann's really lame puns and how hot she is, while Ann's nurturer/caretaker side is falling hard for Ryan's life of Ramen noodles and falling down. They spend a lot of time in the petting zoo (Lil' Sebastian is there, neither of them can resist) and even though Ryan ends up accidentally tripping over a goat, it's still a pretty awesome zoo date.
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1 (Leslie) is a homeless newsie. 3-8 (Ron, Max, Abed, Jon, Ann, Annie) are powerful gods that bless 1 with superpowers. What are these powers? And why is 11 (Britta) so interested in them?
Leslie has been living on the streets ever since her job application had been rejected by every government office in the city. She couldn't figure out why, it's not like the government normally turned it's back on its neediest citizens!
She knew she had it in her to become a kickass speaker of the little people but no one would give her the opportunity to do so. The closest she got was a menial job handing out newspapers in front of the library (she was that desperate). Every day she tried to talk to any government officials she saw about all the great ideas she had but they always ignored her. She was just about to give up, when one night, six, well, they weren't really people, more like beings, appeared to her.
"Hello, Leslie Knope. We are the guardians of the great powers," a young-looking girl with perfectly straight brown hair announced.
"You're what? What's going on here?"
"We're guardians of powers. We are here to grant you what you need to succeed," the other woman in the group said brightly.
"Rhymes, Ann? Really?" a younger guy with wild, crazy hair sighed.
"I still don't understand."
"We're here to give you superpowers, woman," the oldest of the beings spoke gruffy, his mustache twitching.
Leslie's eyes were wide with shock. "Really? Like Wonder Woman?"
"Technically, Wonder Woman is an Amazon and was born with powers, not granted them. This is more like Captain Marvel," this being was also young-looking but unlike the others, his voice was nearly robotic. Maybe these guys were robots, Leslie thought.
"Nerd," the last of the beings snickered.
Ann shoved him, "Jon, stop it."
"But still, you're giving me superpowers?"
"Yes," the first woman smiled. "We each hold different attributes close to our hearts and each of us will grant you something to help you on your quest. Ron, the God of Burliness what do you give Leslie?"
The gruff god stepped forward, wriggling his mustache. "I bequeath thee the power of the hunt."
"I'm actually a pretty good hunter, already," Leslie interrupted.
Ron huffed. "Hmmph. So, you do not want the power of excellent tracking and weapon making skills?"
"Oh! No, I'll take that."
He huffed again, shuffling forward to pat Leslie's shoulder. Suddenly, she knew everything there was to know about tracking someone and fashioning spears out of wood. She also started craving prime rib.
The ceremony, for lack of a better word, continued. Max, the one with the wild hair, gave her the power of sound (superhearing), Abed, who Leslie still thought might be a robot, the power of The Kickpuncher (any kicks or punches she threw would have superstrength. Also Abed said she'd have "super cool sequels," whatever that meant), Jon the power of Doolittle (the ability to communicate with animals), Ann, the power of healing (she also gave her her phone number, which made Leslie blush) and Annie, the leader of them all, gave her the power of organization (when Leslie gave her a skeptical look, Annie promised that she needed it).
After they left, Leslie began her superheroing, which to her meant cleaning up the parks and doing everything she could to impress the goverment, hoping it would land her a job. Everyone in town seemed on board, except for one young woman, Britta. Britta hated the government and how it tore people apart and sponsored dictators in Honduras (she thinks it was Honduras). She protested in front of city hall everyday and it usually garnered her some decent attention, at least until that Leslie Knope had started making the government look so good.
Britta began following Leslie around, fascinated by her love of the government. Why would anyone who was doing so much good want to work for such evil?
"okay, Knope, what's the deal here?" Britta finally asked her after Leslie healed a girl who had fallen off the slide in the park. "Those slides are totally unsafe, why are you covering this little girl's scraped knee up?"
"The deal is that she was hurt and I healed her because that's what you're supposed to do when someone is hurt," Leslie snapped, crossing her arms. "I don't know what your deal is, Miss I Hate The Government. they're just trying to help!"
"By what, taking all of our money and giving it to big oil?"
Leslie sighed. "No, by paying the firefighters that saved you from carbon monoxide poisoning in your apartment last week and promoting recycling programs that you started the petition for."
"Yeah, well," was all Britta could mutter.
"Look, it's fine that you protest. We wouldn't have such a great community if it wasn't for wackos like you. But I'm just here to help make the community a little bit sunnier for everyone. And to keep people out of the library."
"What's wrong with the library?"
"Don't start," Leslie said sternly before smiling again. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have a lunch Ann-gagment to get to." She laughed at her own joke, while Britta raised her eyebrows. Leslie shrugged it off, "Ann will like it."
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2 (Tom) and 13 (Troy) are long lost twins. What happens next?
Tom always knew he was different. Not in the "I'm a little out of the box" kind of way, in the literal "I know that my adoptive parents found me in the woods when I was 7 after having lived with wolves since my birth parents had died in the forest when I was a baby" way. And even though he was grown up and out of school, he still had trouble grasping a lot of simple human interaction concepts. Apparently watching your friends sleep to make sure they're safe is "creepy."
His parents worried about him feeling alone, so they finally sat him down and told him a secret they had been keeping for years."
"Tom, when we found you, we looked everywhere in the news for records of your birth parents and your other family. It took awhile, but we did find something." They handed him a newspaper clipping about another boy being found in the same woods, surrounded by a wolf family. It was Tom's story, just with a different protagonist, this one named Troy Barnes.
"We think he's your brother."
Tom couldn't believe it and not just because Troy was black and Tom, well, wasn't. He didn't remember anyone other than the wolves being around. But, like his parents had pointed out, he had been pretty young and Troy had been found four years earlier than Tom.
Tom decided it was worth meeting Troy, regardless if they were actually related. It would be nice to know someone else who had a similar background and was hopefully just as weird as he was.
Turns out, Troy wasn't quite as weird as Tom. Being adopted at a younger age had probably helped, but he did have his own brand of weirdness. While Tom didn't understand people or emotions, Troy didn't seem to understand that Go-Gurt was actually just yogurt or that wiener dogs really are born that way. They still got along, though. Troy didn't have a problem with Tom's social ineptness, explaining that his best friend was basically part android. So even if they weren't actually twins or brothers at all, Tom felt like they'd be lifelong friends anyway.
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9, 10, 12, 14, and 15 (Ben, Sean, Ryan Ross, Ryan J and April) form a new Teen Titans team. What unlikely threat brings them together?
The threat of ANTIHIPSTERMINE, a giant robot that takes out ironic mustache emporiums and dive bars, is a threat that none of them can face alone but that they all fear. Okay, so Ben doesn't really think it's that big of a problem, oh no young people have to stop being dicks and pay taxes on their trust funds, oh no! But these are his friends and he's never been too popular in that department, so he'll help them with whatever they need. Plus he'd never be able to find a good plaid shirt again if Antihipstermine got its way.
Sean and Ryan J are trainees from Titans Chicago, where they were just recently added to the roster. Their leader, a werewolf named Tom, doesn't have the resources or supreme organization skills to train them, so he sent them to Ben for the time being. Sean is a flier with a sonically booming voice that can take out windows and stop someone in their tracks, while Ryan J doesn't have powers, but he is deadly with a bow and arrow. And he's pretty tough, especially for the number of times he gets hurt.
Ryan Ross is a time traveling android. Ben thought he would be a great addition just with that on his resume, he'd be like their very own Dr. Who/Data hybrid, but he really just spends a lot of time complaining about Pawnee's lack of white three-piece suits.
Finally, there's April, who can create portals to other dimensions. She's insanely powerful but it's hard to get her to care for more than two seconds to ever do anything. The only way Ben got her on the team was when she realized the gay bar she likes to hang out at would be a target for Antihipstermine.
Ben, who has the powers of a ninja crossed with a Jedi (his mentor, Leslie Knope, taught him everything he knows) brings them all together to take down this evil robot. It takes a lot of organizing, which is easier said than done with this crew, but Ben didn't toil in city government classes for years without learning how to balance and coordinate a motley bunch. That's basically all government is.
With some supreme coordination and a last second piece of effort from April, the team corners Antihipstermeme and sends him to another dimension to bother the cardigan wearing, PBR loving 20-somethings there.
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6 (Jon) and 10 (Sean) are trapped in a broom closet together because of the shenanigans of 3, (Ron) 12, (Ryan Ross) and 13 (Troy). What happens next?
Jon isn't a buzzkill, he enjoys a good practical joke as much as the next guy, but sometimes people just take it too far. Like right now, for example. Sure, locking him and Sean in this broom closet while on a wild goose chase for some whiskey Ron had told them he had stashed on the 4th floor of city had its laughs but Troy saying he was SURE Ryan had the key while Ryan saying he was POSITIVE Troy had it has extinguished any good natured laughs Jon had about the whole situation.
"This is the fucking worst," Jon muttered angrily for the dozenth time.
"It's not that bad," Sean insisted. "At least there's, uh, all these cleaning solution bottles for us to read when we get bored."
Jon laughed darkly. "What a plus."
"We could play a game?" Sean suggested after a few minutes of less than comfortable silence.
"A game?"
"Yeah, I do this with Max sometimes. I'll tell a story about Tom and you have to guess if it's real or not."
If this had been about any of his other friends, Jon would have thought this would be boring. But it was Tom, so he was all about it. So that's how they spent the two hours they were trapped in the closet, trading Tom Conrad stories, until Ryan and Troy finally let them out. The key had been in Troy's pocket the whole time and neither Jon nor Sean were surprised.
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Why do things get awkward when 1, 5, 7, 8, 9, and 15 (Leslie, Abed, Ann, Annie, Ben and April) decide to play a game of assassins?
Leslie is SUPER excited when it's announced that for April's birthday they're going to play Assassins. She has no idea what Assassins is, but it sounds fun! At April's party, Annie, who April doesn't even know how she got invited, she is way too excited to be here, lays out all the ground rules. To assassinate a fellow player, they must grab their name badges (which are super cute and glittery and took Annie like, hours to make. Leslie likes this girl) and hold onto them until they get assassinated and then give them to their assassin. The last person standing is the winner. Since the party is at a local park, they immediately split up and start the game. Leslie and Ann decide to work together until it gets down to the two of them. Unfortunately, that doesn't last long as Abed tricks Ann to giving him her badge when he feigns an ankle injury. Leslie ducks behind a trash can yelling that she'll avenge her.
Leslie's first kill is April who wasn't making an effort to kill or hide, at all. "Can I go make out with Andy, now?"
"Just use protection!" Leslie shouted, gleefully stuffing April's badge in her pocket.
From her totally covert hiding place behind one of the benches, Leslie watches Ben take down Abed by getting him flustered enough about a Star Wars question that he forgets to guard his badges. Ben had also taken down Annie, who had gotten distracted when she realized the butterfly sticker on her badge had fallen off, so it was down to the two of them.
"You'll never get me, Benjie Wyatt!" Leslie cackled. "I know this park better than anything, you'll never be able to find me!"
"Even better than the squirrels?" Ben asked skeptically.
"Yes!" Leslie said without hesitation.
He shook his head. "I bet you do. So, why don't you just come take my badges and be the winner?"
Leslie narrowed her eyes at him. "What are you talking about? What is this?"
"I'm just saying that you're obviously going to win, so why don't you just get it over with so we can go eat some cake?"
Leslie wasn't sure about this. She didn't like winning anything in a cheap way, but on the other hand, that cake had Sweet'ums brand frosting on it. Hmm. "Okay, okay, deal."
She and Ben met in the middle, his badges already bunched together in one hand and her hand out ready for them. Before he hands them over, Ben smiles and suggests, "Good game hug?"
Leslie, who still has some butterflies from the last time they hugged at the Harvest Festival, smiles back. "Sure."
Ben leans down and hugs her tight and Leslie's insides get all fluttery. Then she feels her badges being snuck out of her blazer pocket. "HEY!"
"Sorry, Knope," Ben smirks, pulling out all her badges and thus, assassinating her. "All's fair in love and war, right?"
Leslie punches him in the arm, before storming off. "I take back what I said about you not being a jerk, because you are a jerk Ben. I mean, Mean Ben."
As she stomps off, already dialing Ann's number on her cell phone, she hears Ben mutter a very loud, "This is why I should never take Tom Haverford's advice. Fuck."
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13 (Troy) and 2 (Tom) walk in on a bank robbery. What do they do?
Tom freezes. He is not the guy you call on in a crisis situation, and he's okay with that. He has other good qualities, he thinks. But sober bravery is not one of them (and drunk bravery is usually just stupidity clouded by booze). He just stands against the nearest wall, hoping the robbers don't notice him.
Troy, on the other hand, is all about chivalry and kicking some ass. He has a feeling he saved the entire school from a zombie attack once, but maybe that was just a dream or a TV pilot Abed told him about. Either way, it sounds awesome and Troy knows for sure that he is awesome as shit. So, when he walks in on some guys in black ski masks harassing a bank teller for money, he shouts, "Hey! You mess with the Troy and you get the horns!"
The bank robber swivels around, pointing a gun at Troy. "What did you say?"
Troy gulps, slowly melting into the floor. "I did not think this through. Nothing! I said nothing."
Thankfully, the police show up pretty soon after that and no one has to learn that both Troy and Tom peed their pants.
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11, 5, and 14 go on a roadtrip. Where do they go and what kind of shenanigans do they get up to? Britta, Abed and Ryan J
They are going on a roadtrip to see the Robocop statue that Detroit is building. Abed is super pumped about it (well as much as Abed can be super pumped) and Ryan is always up for a good roadtrip, as long as he doesn't have to share a hotel bed with his bandmates (he loves them but between the snoring and waking up to a camera in his face, it's hard to get a good night's sleep). Britta is also tagging along, feigning interest in the Robocop statue so that she try and detour them to see Abed's mother. Her house is on the way and she really thinks Abed needs to face her and deal with that whole situation, despite everyone telling her that was a terrible idea.
The roadtrip itself is pretty great, Ryan knows where all the fun tourist traps and good gas stations are, and Abed has an endless supply of DVDs to watch in the car. Britta even finds herself having fun, even if accidentally.
When they get close to Detroit, it means they're getting close to where Abed's mom lives. Britta not so subtly tries to detour them there but Abed sees right through it. Of course he knew that was the only reason Britta came along but he didn't say anything since they were getting along so well. She was the Ross to his Phoebe, they didn't get a lot of storylines together, so he liked when they got to.
Ryan breaks the tension by cracking bad jokes that make Abed smile, in his own Abed way. Britta decides to keep driving past the exit to his mom's house and onto the Robocop statue.
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1, 3, 7, and 9 decide to start a business together. What sort of business is it? Leslie, Ron, Ann, Ben
(an all Parks and Rec one! weird when that happens)
Leslie gets this great idea for an all-purpose camping and park enjoyment supply store. It would not only sell tents and sleeping bags and lanterns for camping, but all your parks needs, like walking sticks and pullout benches for the Pawnee citizens that just want to sit more.
Ann is not sure it will be a hit, but she always supports Leslie 110%, so she agrees to help her with it. Besides, she's seen Leslie's house, she's going to need help organizing the store.
Ron is in when Leslie asks him for help in choosing what kind of fishing gear she should sell. He's not one for working, but he is always one for helping people kill animals the most effectively.
Ben, despite knowing nothing about camping or the outdoors, offers his services as bookkeeper. Leslie is surprised, he can barely unfurl a sleeping bag, but he seems really eager to help so she lets him join in. Besides, the more the merrier!
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3 (Ron) is 8's (Annie) new assistant! 11 (Britta) is a rival co-worker gunning for 3's job. How is his or her chances? Is 8 satisfied with job 3 is doing? what does 8 think of 11?
(loling so hard at Ron being anyone's assistant)
Annie is the new city manager for Pawnee. She rose quickly through the ranks but her ambition is up there with Leslie Knope's, it's unstoppable. Ron had been wanting that position for himself, as long as it meant he didn't have to work very hard. So, when Annie asked him to be her assistant with the caveat that he'd be first in line when she got promoted (which she promised would be soon), Ron reluctantly took the job.
He immediately regretted it. Being a mini-Leslie, Annie was always working and doing fifteen things at once, which left Ron very little time to carve wooden ducks. He quickly notices Britta, who also works for the library scoping out his new position. Being in the library business, Ron knows she has to be cutthroat and he's pretty wary of her moving in on his job. She starts making anonymous tips that Ron isn't doing his job to Annie, which he would be mad about but she's not lying. Eventually, he gets tired of all of it and quits so Britta can take the damn job if she wants it so much. Annie loves Britta, she's a much better assistant than Ron ever was, but she's really going to have to talk to her about those inappropriate jackets and tight jeans she wears all the time.
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7 (Ann) and 15 (April) are running for class president. 2 (Tom) is running 7's campaign and 4 (Max) is running 15's campaign. Who wins? Who is more likely to sabotage the competitor? Will they get away with it?
April couldn't give a shit about class elections, they were pointless and boring. But when she found Ann was running, Ann the girl who had kissed Andy even though she totally knew April liked him, she decided to run, just to make sure Ann didn't win.
Ann is having fun with her campaign, her friend Tom Conrad is helping her make posters and taking these really nice but kind of serious photos of her for them. He thinks they should be totally grass-roots, even though Ann's parents offered some money to help with the campaign, Tom refused. he says if they do everything themselves, they'll definitely win.
April, on the other hand, is pulling out all the stops trying to crush Ann. She even got Max, the kind of quiet kid who hangs out in the AV lab to help her by cutting into all of Ann's campaign videos and looping images of knee surgeries over her face. Max really didn't get they were doing this, but he enjoyed a challenge and didn't care who won, so he went along with it.
In the end, April's efforts are for naught and Ann comes away with the win. It is high school and Ann is hot and that's all she really needed going for her. April's not that upset, though. Being class president would have required, like, work.
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1, 9, and 6 (Leslie, Ben and Jon) are superheroes. What are their powers? 13 and 14 (Troy and Ryan J) are super-villains, what are their powers? Who is rivals with who? When 13 and 9 are revealed to have a secret relationship, how does 1 react? Can 9's sweet lovin' redeem 13?
Leslie is Clone-erella, she's able to produce copies of herself so she can multiple places at one, Ben has the brain of a super computer and is Numbers Boy (Man he often corrects but Leslie just pats him on the head) and Jon is Cat's Meow, he can turn into any kind of feline.
Troy is PunchKicker/KickPuncher, half-man, half-machine, all kicking and punching. Ryan is The Dancemaster, a villain who is nearly unstoppable, but only when he has music to dance to.
Our heroes and our villains have a lively rivalry, often fighting whenever Troy and Ryan are trying their next big scheme to steal money from the big corporations downtown. Leslie really enjoys taking them down, in particular. She gets a little bloodthirsty, even.
However, nothing beats her bloodthirst when she discovers Ben and Troy in a strong and intimate embrace in their superhero loft.
"Leslie, I can explain-," Ben starts.
"No! You're a hero, Ben, you can't be fraternizing with the enemy! And that is the enemy!" she yells, pointing at Troy. "Also he's like, half-machine, how does that even work?"
"Really awesomely," Troy grins. Ben elbows him to shut up.
"The machine part of him is the only person that has ever understood me and my mind," Ben explains. "And the rest of him, well," he motions up and down to Troy's abs. "Yeah."
Leslie sighs. "I suppose I get that, but still, Troy is evil! You can't just let him get away with all these robberies and break-ins he and The Dancemaster keep committing!"
"Well, we've been talking and Troy says he wants to join us, actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah!" Troy says happily. "You guys have a pretty sweet pad, way better than the villain hideout. I'm all about the good side, now."
Leslie still isn't so sure, she stations one of her clones to follow Troy around. Why she didn't do that years ago is actually kind of surprising, she really should have. It saved so much time and energy. In the end, Ben had redeemed Troy. he really did love the amenities of being a superhero.
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3, 7, 9 and 14 are world famous Olympians. (Ron, Ann, Ben, Ryan J). What sport do they play? Which sport do 6 and 15 commentate for? (Jon and April) Why is 9 pissed that 3 won a medal and not them?
Ron is obviously a world famous shooting Olympian. he finds the pomp and circumstance of the Olympics pretty uncomfortable but any chance to shoot something is something he will take. Ann is a swimmer and even though she's nowhere near the best on the American squad, she gets a lot of attention for how damn good she looks in a bathing suit. Ben is a skier, training for the Olympics is what he created Ice Town for, after all. And Ryan is a featherweight wrestler, he's a lot tougher than he looks.
Jon and April are the commentators for the track and field events. April's commentating gets a lot of flak for her complete disinterest in every event, so Jon often has to take over and be overly enthusiastic for the both of them, until he gets in trouble for making passive aggressive remarks against a couple of sprinters from Nevada.
Ben is pissed that Ron won a medal and not him because shooting is not a sport. It's hunting and hunting is bogus and Ron did not ruin his entire life by building a wintry theme park when he was 18 and then spending the next 20 years training his ass off for this moment to lose and then see Ron Swanson walk away with a medal for doing something he does for fun. it is not fair.
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1 (Leslie) and 8's (Annie) best friend's die, leaving them as joint guardians if their baby. What rom-com shenanigans ensue and why does 2 (Tom) want to punch them both?
Aww this probably means Ann died. :(
Annie and Leslie raise little baby Sandra in an environment of Baby Einstein albums, daily trips to the Park and almost obsessive conditioning to be the smartest, highest achieving little girl in the entire world. Seriously, this kid does not grow up to president, both of them are going to be severely disappointed.
But neither of them are really prepared for how hard raising a baby is. Also messy. Leslie's used to getting her hands dirty but the baby has ruined her best work blazers. Annie is less prepared and she spends many nights crying and fretting that they're ruining little Sandra already. The only way Leslie can calm her down is by holding her tight and telling her it's gonna be okay.
Tom is their neighbor and while he has nothing against them, he wants to punch something every time he hears this. He can deal with a kid crying, that's what babies do, right? But Annie's crying is even higher pitched and it goes on way longer than he can handle. Leslie's helping is obviously not doing much.
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4 and 5 rob a bank in the old west! (Max and Abed)
Max and Abed bond at an early age in the dusty town they grew up in Wyoming. Abed was seen as touched in the head for his ability to remember mundane details about pretty much anything, while Max had an extraordinary ear for sound and spent of his time learning to play the piano and any other instrument he could get his hand on. They weren't normal by anyone's standards, so they found some solace in each other.
They still close friends as they grow up and attempt to make a living as a musician and a bartender, respectively, but times are tough and it's hard to make ends meet. The only people that ever seem to have any money are bankrobbers so Max and Abed decide to give it a shot.
It does not go amazing. Neither of them are very threatening looking, so it's hard to get the tellers to cooperate, but they do make off with a couple hundred bucks, which will get them by for awhile.
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3 and 7: high school AU! First kiss! (Ron and Ann)
Ann is always a little vulnerable when she breaks up with somebody. Even though she's always the one doing the dumping, she tends to make really rash decisions after she gets out of a relationship. So when she goes to this party the Saturday after she breaks up with Andy, she maybe drinks a lot, way more than she's used to, and she maybe corners Ron, the burly football player who basically runs the shop department, despite being a sophomore. He's also the only 16 year old she's even known to actually grow a mustache. But he's manly, way manlier than Andy ever was. He was so needy and immature and Ann wants the exact opposite of that right now.
"Hi Ron," she slurs, leaning against him.
"Do I know you?"
And that's all the introduction she needs, Ann kisses him. His mustache tickles, though, so it doesn't last long. Ron looks flattered but unamused.
"Okay, woman, you should probably leave and have someone take you home."
"Don't call me woman! That's weird," Ann frowns.
Sighing, Ron grabs the blonde dancing near them. "Knope, right?"
"Yup!" She says brightly.
"Can you take her home? I know you said you weren't drinking."
"I sure can!" Leslie interjects, taking Ann's hand. "I'm Leslie, who are you?"
"Ann and you're not drunk? Are you sure?" she sure is bouncing around a lot for a sober person.
"Yes!"
"You're like this normally?"
Leslie nods again, squeezing Ann's hand. Now, Ann kinda wants to kiss her too. She really needs to not get drunk after a breakup.
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10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15 are playing Spin the Bottle! WHAT SHENANIGANS ENSUE. (Sean, Britta, Ryan Ross, Troy, Ryan J and April)
Troy widely considers himself the makeup king, so when this party decides it needs a little Spin The Bottle, he is all over it. Guys, girls, whatever, he just wants to make out. Ryan Luciani feels the same way, one of the reasons why they get along so well.
The circle, which is them, Britta, April, Sean and the other Ryan, is set. It's pretty obvious how everyone keeps trying to aim their bottle spins for Sean, but who can blame them, look at his mouth. April freaks everyone out when she decides to give hickeys instead of kissing but Ryan J does not mind one bit. He also likes making out with the other Ryan, mostly because he thinks Ryan Squared would be an awesome band name. Britta and Troy end up kissing for a lot longer than anyone else in the circle and when they finally break apart, they both feel like something else was there than just a kiss, but they both keep it to themselves.
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1 is sick! 9 tends their fevered brow! (Leslie and Ben)
So "Flu Season" by with more Ben the nurse! hooray!
The damn flu came back to Pawnee right after the Harvest Festival ended. It wasn't as bad as before and now that there's not as much work to be done, Leslie does take a day off (but just one and only after she went in for a few hours to make some phonically). Normally, Ann would take care of her, but she's swamped at the hospital and Leslie's flu isn't bad enough for her to be admitted, this time, so Ben offers to stop by and check on her. Like last time, she is still trying to work, despite a fever and the puke bucket by her bed. Ben forcibly takes her phone and all her checklists and padfolios away and threatens to call another sick day in for her if she doesn't rest and get better today. She finally relents and lies down while Ben makes her some of his homemade chicken soup. There are no waffles here, so maybe this time she'll actually have some.