Old Fanfiction Book Club: Rachel's Pokémon Journey, Part Ten
MADE IT. It's time for the final instalment of Rachel's Pokémon Journey in Old Fanfiction Book Club! Time to get no closure whatsoever, because I never finished the fic (although, to be fair, I doubt we'd have much closure if I'd finished it, giving how many plot threads I've already left dangling).
Previously on Old Fanfiction Book Club: Leena's paralysed, but who cares? More importantly, Rachel caught a new Pokémon!
Original author's note on chapter twenty: You may notice that in the three chapters (inc. this one) where I’ve stated ‘Paralyz Heal’, I have spelt it differently EVERY time. Not only that, but I skipped from chapter 18 straight to 20. Not only THAT, but I’ve gone back to using plain speech marks for the Pokémon. My excuse? Um... *runs away*
Hey, past self, I'm the one who's here to make fun of you! You're going to put me out of a job!
I've corrected the skip from 18 to 20 for this book club; the chapter that was originally listed as chapter twenty is the preceding chapter, chapter nineteen.
These two final chapters were both written in early 2003, at the age of fourteen.
In her joy at catching a new Pokémon, Rachel had completely forgotten about the problem at hand - that problem being, obviously, Leena’s paralysis and the fact that NOBODY had had the foresight to bring a Paralyz Heal.
What an organised group of trainers they were.
RACHEL, YOU'RE A TERRIBLE FRIEND
It was only after Cassie had explained that not only was she unable to use Recover on anyone other than herself, but it wasn’t able to cure status effects anyway, that the true weight of the situation struck them. Here was Leena, unable to move even a finger by herself, while they were lost in Mount Moon with no conceivable means of escape.
“I suppose I could fly her,” said Kyle doubtfully, “but only a little way. How far is the exit?”
I get the impression that Mount Moon has a fairly spacious system of caverns, but it must be very spacious if an Aerodactyl boy can fly through it.
“Skreeal?” asked Fred. Skreeal shook his head.
“I’m not familiar with this part of the caves...”
Fred caught Skreeal the Zubat in Viridian Forest, but it sounds like Skreeal has some experience with Mount Moon. Maybe he lived in Mount Moon and flew out to Viridian Forest to hunt for food? I never explain it, but that would probably make sense.
“How about my Paras?” suggested Rachel. “Maybe she knows a way out. Hey, she needs a name!”
Sparky rolled his eyes. “You’re worrying about that stupid bug thing’s NAME? It’s a bug. It doesn’t NEED a name.”
“She needs a name,” said Rachel firmly. “How about Callima?” She paused. “No, that’s the name of Radic’s Parasect... hmmm...”
ahahaha oh no
Sneaky reference to Zarla's Pokémon fanfiction here, which was fine when I was fourteen and there was no chance Zarla would actually see it but is very embarrassing right now. Zarla's been reading these entries! (Fourteen-year-old me would be thrilled to know this.)
“Maybe you could ask her,” suggested Danielle.
“Of course!” She opened the Pokéball, and her newly-acquired Paras appeared. “What do you want your name to be?”
Rachel was gradually tuning into the Paras’ strange clicking, chittering speech. “Your name is... sorry, could you repeat that?” The Paras rolled her eyes and tried again. “Your name is... Lumina? That’s a nice name...”
You know, gradually tuning in. Learning the basic Paras words, like 'hello' and 'yes' and 'Lumina'.
I did not consciously name Lumina the Parasect after Lumina the Clegencyana in Zarla's Radic-and-Red fic series, and I was extremely startled to come across the name in my nostalgic reread just a few days ago. In the 'Callima' line above, I explicitly contemplated and then rejected the idea of stealing a name from Zarla! And then I accidentally stole one from her anyway!
“That’s a clichéd name...” observed Star from his perch on Rachel’s shoulder.
Oh, yes, all those Luminas running around.
“You’re one to talk,” said Bulba softly, rubbing against Danielle’s legs.
OH, YES, ALL THOSE STARDREAMERS RUNNING AROUND
“I would’ve expected Sparky to say something like that,” said Secret thoughtfully. She frowned. “Hey...”
Wait a second, everyone was talking about the lighting problem in the preceding chapter! Secret's a Fire type; why doesn't she help?
“Where IS Sparky, anyway?” Water Gun voiced what they were all thinking.
A second later they found out, as Lumina cried out in pain and spun to face the smirking Pikachu. Without hesitation, she struck out with a pincer. Sparky was left very, VERY angry, with a bleeding scratch across his face.
Star raised his head and gazed at the newcomer with interest. “Hey, I think I might get to like this insect!”
~~~
“I... I don’t think I can carry her much further,” mumbled Kyle, setting Leena down, his wings limp from exhaustion.
“Not much further,” encouraged Lumina. “Come on, this way!”
Kyle raised his head to glare at the Paras. “You’ve been saying that for the last half-hour.”
Lumina raised her foreclaws in what could only be interpreted as a shrug.
“Having trouble...?” The strange voice seemed to come out of nowhere, and the shadowy form of a person moved towards them. Danielle blinked, startled.
“Well, yes... we can’t find the exit, and Leena’s paralyzed,” she explained, slightly suspicious of this newcomer. The more naïve Fred had no such misgivings.
“Can you help us?”
JB shot Fred a sceptical glance at what he saw as somewhat foolish trust.
Honestly, Danielle's the one I'd glance at here. At least Fred has the excuse of being naïve; Danielle just gave away a lot of information about us and how vulnerable we are right now despite having suspicions.
However, it was true that they needed help, however they could get it. The darkness made everything seem somewhat sinister, anyway. “If you have any Paralyz Heals... that might be useful...”
The young man ignored this, confirming JB’s suspicions that he could neither see nor hear him. Another drawback of being a ghost - if people didn’t expect to see you, they usually couldn’t. However, he was on some level relieved. “Don’t tell him I’m here,” he murmured to Rachel. She frowned slightly at this odd request, but nodded.
Everyone's suddenly so mistrustful, after twenty chapters of 'Hi! What's your name? Want to come with us on our journey across the country?'
I do find 'people only see you if they expect to' an interesting approach to ghosts.
“Yes,” the stranger said softly. “I know a short-cut to the exit. It’s this way.” He bent down and lifted Leena easily. “Is this the paralyzed girl you were talking about? I’ll carry her for you.”
Relieved of his burden, Kyle smiled gratefully. “Thank you... Please show us to the exit.”
As they stumbled along behind him, Rachel recalled all her Pokémon except Ivyith (who refused point-blank to be removed from around her neck) and Stardreamer, whom she relied on to tell her what was going on.
Forget our guide; can we trust the Dratini that personally demanded to be brought to Rachel and now insists on being wrapped around her throat?
“Well, it’s a guy... about 15 or so, can’t see all that well, I can only see his back... he’s got six Pokéballs on him. You can only have six with you at a time, right? I don’t think he’s got any Pokémon out at the moment. How can he just walk around like that? His balance is really good. That’s weird, I thought you humans were useless at seeing in the dark...”
“Oh, thanks,” whispered Rachel sarcastically.
'Hm, strong, good night vision, nice balance, is this guy some kind of Pokémorph?' asked one of the commenters, foolishly expecting there to be reasons for things.
“Hey, I’m only stating a fact... Okay then, he’s got weird hair. It’s all shiny. Shiiiiny. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiny...”
“Star, you’re not being incredibly helpful.”
“Sorry, sorry... anyway, we’re walking along a passage.”
“I never would’ve guessed.”
“Shut up! You told me to tell you what was going on, and I am! If you’re so smart, why can’t YOU see in the dark?”
“Fine, fine...”
“Good. Now that that’s clear...”
While Rachel and Star bickered, JB fell back to float alongside Cassie. He was still uncomfortable with floating and suchlike, but he knew he was going to have to get used to it.
I find the phrase 'floating and suchlike' inexplicably hilarious.
“What do you think of our guide?”
Cassie glanced at him, frowning slightly. “What do I think of him? Well, he’s very nice to help us out of here. He’s strong, he could pick Leena up really easily. That’s it.”
“I don’t trust him,” JB said bluntly. He felt a kind of kinship with Cassie and the other Pokémorphs - although their predicaments weren’t exactly the same as his, they were also very different from everyone they met - and so he felt he was able to share his feelings with them. In dying he, too, had become an outcast.
I can't mock the line 'In dying he, too, had become an outcast' because I was just so proud of it when I was fourteen.
“I know what you mean,” Cassie said softly. “I wanted to touch on his mind, to check his motives... but I think he might realise what I was trying to do, and I don’t know what he might do then...”
JB nodded.
“It’s probably nothing,” continued Cassie. “Maybe I’m just paranoid.”
“All the same, I think we should keep an eye on him.”
~~~
“Here we are!” said the young man brightly, leading them out of Mount Moon. The sunlight almost blinded them after having been in the darkness for so long, and most of them squeezed their eyes shut in pain.
JB, being dead and therefore not needing to close his eyes, was the only one who saw the stranger releasing a Hypno.
'Being dead and therefore not needing to close his eyes' is in fierce competition with 'He was still uncomfortable with floating and suchlike' for my favourite phrase of this chapter.
His command was almost too soft to be heard.
“Hypnosis.”
I can't believe this guy all my previously trusting characters inexplicably didn't trust turned out to be untrustworthy!
As the others slumped unconscious to the ground, JB hurled himself bodily at the man.
The fifteen-year-old man.
He was too panicked to give himself substantial form, however, and so passed straight through him. The Hypno’s Psychic type allowed him to see JB. Two thoughts immediately sped through the boy’s head.
Does Hypnosis affect Ghosts?
...Bugger.
And a second later JB too was sent to sleep.
You may have thought that JB's conditional invisibility would allow him to save us all, BUT NO. Rachel's Pokémon Journey is going to make you taste futility.
Originally, the line 'Does Hypnosis affect Ghosts?' was 'Hypnosis affects Ghosts', but I changed it when someone told me that I was wrong and Hypnosis only affected the first-generation Ghost Pokémon because of their dual Poison type.
I've just looked it up, and THEY WERE WRONG, I WAS RIGHT, FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD ME IS FEROCIOUSLY VINDICATED RIGHT NOW.
I'm annoyed that I listened! I preferred the original line, and this means that there's a mistake in the next chapter, when I try to explain why Hypnosis affected JB! Screw you, whoever mistakenly corrected my Pokémon fic twenty years ago.
Original author's note on chapter twenty-one: Quite a short chapter today, I’m afraid...
It had been almost too easy.
Not all of them had trusted him. That much was obvious. But they had no other choice, did they?
Looking over the unconscious group in front of him, Kuja could hardly suppress a snicker.
SURPRISE, IT'S THE VILLAIN OF FINAL FANTASY IX THE GUY WHO KILLED SPARKY'S PREVIOUS TRAINER
You'd think Sparky would have reacted to his voice, come to think of it, even if he couldn't actually see Kuja in the dark. And I suspect Pikachu might have reasonable night vision, given that you can encounter Raichu in the Unknown Dungeon.
I said in the previous instalment that Kuja wasn't literally intended to be the Final Fantasy IX character, but, given Stardreamer's fascination with his shiny shiny hair, I suspect this Kuja's hair is also silver.
Suddenly he frowned.
“Kiris?”
Didn't quite call his Hypno Kiros. Juuuust managed to avoid stealing another Final Fantasy name. It's called Kiris, my own invention, original name, do not steal.
Yes? His Hypno communicated with him by way of a permanent mental link. It had taken some effort to establish, but now they could speak fast and effortlessly.
Suddenly dropping in a weird little worldbuilding detail! You'd think Kuja would be able to psychically speak to Kiris in return, if they've got a 'mental link', but he appears to be speaking aloud. Perhaps, much like Final Fantasy IX's Kuja, he just likes the sound of his own voice.
“Why did you use another Hypnosis? There were only eight...”
Nine.
Nine? He frowned again and turned around, searching for the ninth. Suddenly he caught something in the corner of his eye and stared at it. Gradually, as he was actually looking for it, the form of JB became visible. “Is that the ninth?”
Of course.
Kuja reached down to roll JB over in order to see his face - and was somewhat disconcerted to find that his hand passed through the boy’s shoulder. “Ah, this is the one that we - who died. I should have known this would happen...”
He's evidently about to say 'this is the one that we killed' here. But why did you kill him??? How does this possibly benefit you?
Also: why should you have known 'this' would happen? Does 'this' refer to JB becoming a ghost? Is it common knowledge that you end up becoming a ghost if a Psychic Pokémon mind-controls you to your doom?
A thought occurred to him, and he paused. “But Hypnosis doesn’t affect pure Ghost...”
Wrong! You were right the first time, fourteen-year-old Riona! Have faith in yourself!
He was trying to become more substantial - he became Ghost/Normal, briefly.
“Convenient.”
I DIDN'T HAVE TO INCLUDE THIS BULLSHIT EXPLANATION, THE PERSON WHO COMPLAINED WAS WRONG, I'M SO ANNOYED
We should hurry, remarked Kiris. Before the authorities arrive.
“Indeed.” Kuja set the girl he had been charged to carry down on the ground. “I remember JB had quite a high-level Geodude. Unfortunately it would appear that the ghost of JB only has the ghosts of JB’s Pokéballs. A pity.”
WHY DID YOU KILL HIM
Kuja knows about JB's Geodude because Kiris told him about it after going into JB's mind. He doesn't actually know JB. That might lead to a coherent motive or something, and we can't have that.
I reasoned that ghost-JB must have the ghost clothes he was wearing when he died (someone would have commented if he'd shown up nude, after all), so it makes sense that he'd also have ghost Pokéballs apparently attached to his belt. Unfortunately, I suspect his actual Pokéballs are still in the ocean.
So far, Kuja's done nothing to substantially differentiate himself from the Kuja of Final Fantasy IX. Maybe it is the same character.
He crouched down. “This girl - Leena, was it?”
Yes.
“What are in these Pokéballs?” he asked, detaching two Pokéballs from her belt and holding them up.
Kiris’ eyes glowed briefly. An Eevee. A Marril.
“Levels?”
Both of them in the mid-20s.
Kuja nodded, then turned back to examine Leena’s prone form. “And a Dratini! Those are very rare!” He glanced around, and his gaze fell on the snoring Sparky. “Ah, it’s the rat. I don’t see Kasumi here, though. What happened to her?”
Oh, huh, Kuja evidently didn't attack Kasumi with the intention of killing her. AND YET HE STILL MURDERED JB FOR NO REASON.
She shrugged. Are you going to take the Pikachu?
“Not worth it. I only take four or five Pokémon at a time. You should know that.”
For... a reason?
How about the half-Pokémon?
NO, DON'T JUST MOVE ON, EXPLAIN WHY KUJA HAS PLACED A LIMIT ON HIS THEFT OF CREATURES THAT LIVE IN EASILY TRANSPORTED BALLS
I realise the reason is 'it's not going to be much of a Pokémon journey if all the Pokémon get stolen', but surely Kuja isn't just acting for my benefit as the writer!
He paused, looking over at Cassandra and Kyle. “...I don’t know if it’s possible to catch them.”
We could experiment.
“I don’t want to risk waking them up. We don’t know how powerful that Mewtwo-girl is.” Walking past Rachel, Kuja suddenly did a double-take. “Is that another Dratini? Amazing!”
Two Dratini! Astonishing! Also I guess there are a couple of people who are half-Pokémon for some reason, whatever.
(Kuja's not a member of Team Rocket, so there's no reason he'd know about the splicing project; he's just a thief! And a murderer, although WHO KNOWS WHY.)
Will you take it?
“I can’t leave a find like this!” Crouching down, he tried to loosen Ivyith from around Rachel’s neck.
The Dratini woke up.
She did NOT appreciate being stolen.
“TINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” screamed Ivyith, letting loose with a Thunderbolt. Kuja gritted his teeth, but managed to keep from crying out - he was not hurt too badly.
Rachel herself was not so lucky.
This is why you don't wear your Pokémon around your neck, Rachel.
“AAAAAHHHH!” Her eyes snapping open, the girl spasmed in pain as her Dratini unintentionally sent the electricity into her owner as well. Seeing that his opportunity was gone, Kuja pulled back, seized Leena and ran.
If it's not clear (at least one commenter wasn't sure why he took her), Kuja runs off with Leena because he wants her Dratini. He didn't intend to abduct anyone from the scene, but he's just woken everyone up and realised he doesn't have time to remove the Dratini Leena's wearing like a scarf, after his unsuccessful attempt to get Rachel's. Easier to grab the paralysed person, get out of there and remove the Dratini at his leisure.
Woken by Rachel’s scream, Michael opened his eyes blearily and rolled over. “Wha... what’s happening?” The other members of the party were slowly awakening. Michael crawled over to Rachel.
“I think she’s Paralyzed...”
“Of course Leena’s Paralyzed, Michael, don’t state the obvious,” mumbled Jed.
Nobody cares about Leena's paralysis at all, do they?
“No... I mean Rachel...”
“Rachel?”
Danielle’s concerned face swam into her vision. “Rachel, what’s wrong?”
Rachel, of course, is much more important. Everyone cares about her. Nobody's going to wander off to catch a Paras in this dire situation.
Rachel tried to move her mouth and failed - the onslaught of electricity had completely Paralyzed her.
You'd think this problem would have arisen earlier, given that we're travelling with Sparky.
This is the last chapter of the fic I ever wrote, but I remember that, for the next chapter, the plan was that Rachel would wake in hospital and learn that, although they had managed to cure most of her paralysis, her vocal cords were permanently paralysed and she was unable to speak.
I had not given any thought at all to how I'd handle this plot development on a practical level, which perhaps is why I never got around to it.
I hesitate to admit to this plan, because, continuing my general pattern of thievery, it displays slightly-more-than-acceptable levels of inspiration from Zarla's Radic-and-Red Pokémon series, in which Radic is blinded partway through.
Kyle, meanwhile, had noticed something else.
“Hey, where’s Leena?”
“He’s taken Leena! That guy, he took Leena!” JB’s panicky voice.
And even in the midst of the disaster, Sparky bounded onto Danielle’s shoulder and hissed urgently in her ear. “Quickly, let’s get out of here before he brings her back!”
THE FINAL LINE I POSTED IN THE FIC IS STOLEN FROM ANOTHER SOURCE
HOW APT
(It's a Red Dwarf reference, if you're wondering.)
And that's all that exists of Rachel's Pokémon Journey, my first real effort at fanfiction!
The writing is clumsy. The attempts at plot are incoherent nonsense, abandoned as soon as they're introduced. I clearly had no idea how human beings interacted, and I stole concepts from everything I could get my hands on.
But, looking back at this fic, I do have a certain fondness for it. I was just a kid having fun, trying out this 'writing' thing and starting to learn how it worked. I loved the Pokémon world, and this was a way I could spend some time there, on an adventure with my friends and my brothers (and, you know, an evil Pikachu that hated me for no reason).
Plus, if I'd never been brave enough to start writing in spite of my inexperience, I'd have missed out on all the joy writing has given me over the last twenty years.
In November 2019, nineteen years after twelve-year-old Riona started writing Rachel's Pokémon Journey, adult Riona visited a pop-up Pokémon Center in London. I bought a soft toy Vulpix and named her Secret. She's sitting on my desk as I write this.
If any of you want to dig up your early writing and annotate it yourselves, I'd love to see it! I've had a lot of fun with this project, even if it's been a bit of an embarrassing experience sometimes; I hope you've enjoyed it too.
Previously on Old Fanfiction Book Club: Leena's paralysed, but who cares? More importantly, Rachel caught a new Pokémon!
Original author's note on chapter twenty: You may notice that in the three chapters (inc. this one) where I’ve stated ‘Paralyz Heal’, I have spelt it differently EVERY time. Not only that, but I skipped from chapter 18 straight to 20. Not only THAT, but I’ve gone back to using plain speech marks for the Pokémon. My excuse? Um... *runs away*
Hey, past self, I'm the one who's here to make fun of you! You're going to put me out of a job!
I've corrected the skip from 18 to 20 for this book club; the chapter that was originally listed as chapter twenty is the preceding chapter, chapter nineteen.
These two final chapters were both written in early 2003, at the age of fourteen.
In her joy at catching a new Pokémon, Rachel had completely forgotten about the problem at hand - that problem being, obviously, Leena’s paralysis and the fact that NOBODY had had the foresight to bring a Paralyz Heal.
What an organised group of trainers they were.
RACHEL, YOU'RE A TERRIBLE FRIEND
It was only after Cassie had explained that not only was she unable to use Recover on anyone other than herself, but it wasn’t able to cure status effects anyway, that the true weight of the situation struck them. Here was Leena, unable to move even a finger by herself, while they were lost in Mount Moon with no conceivable means of escape.
“I suppose I could fly her,” said Kyle doubtfully, “but only a little way. How far is the exit?”
I get the impression that Mount Moon has a fairly spacious system of caverns, but it must be very spacious if an Aerodactyl boy can fly through it.
“Skreeal?” asked Fred. Skreeal shook his head.
“I’m not familiar with this part of the caves...”
Fred caught Skreeal the Zubat in Viridian Forest, but it sounds like Skreeal has some experience with Mount Moon. Maybe he lived in Mount Moon and flew out to Viridian Forest to hunt for food? I never explain it, but that would probably make sense.
“How about my Paras?” suggested Rachel. “Maybe she knows a way out. Hey, she needs a name!”
Sparky rolled his eyes. “You’re worrying about that stupid bug thing’s NAME? It’s a bug. It doesn’t NEED a name.”
“She needs a name,” said Rachel firmly. “How about Callima?” She paused. “No, that’s the name of Radic’s Parasect... hmmm...”
ahahaha oh no
Sneaky reference to Zarla's Pokémon fanfiction here, which was fine when I was fourteen and there was no chance Zarla would actually see it but is very embarrassing right now. Zarla's been reading these entries! (Fourteen-year-old me would be thrilled to know this.)
“Maybe you could ask her,” suggested Danielle.
“Of course!” She opened the Pokéball, and her newly-acquired Paras appeared. “What do you want your name to be?”
Rachel was gradually tuning into the Paras’ strange clicking, chittering speech. “Your name is... sorry, could you repeat that?” The Paras rolled her eyes and tried again. “Your name is... Lumina? That’s a nice name...”
You know, gradually tuning in. Learning the basic Paras words, like 'hello' and 'yes' and 'Lumina'.
I did not consciously name Lumina the Parasect after Lumina the Clegencyana in Zarla's Radic-and-Red fic series, and I was extremely startled to come across the name in my nostalgic reread just a few days ago. In the 'Callima' line above, I explicitly contemplated and then rejected the idea of stealing a name from Zarla! And then I accidentally stole one from her anyway!
“That’s a clichéd name...” observed Star from his perch on Rachel’s shoulder.
Oh, yes, all those Luminas running around.
“You’re one to talk,” said Bulba softly, rubbing against Danielle’s legs.
OH, YES, ALL THOSE STARDREAMERS RUNNING AROUND
“I would’ve expected Sparky to say something like that,” said Secret thoughtfully. She frowned. “Hey...”
Wait a second, everyone was talking about the lighting problem in the preceding chapter! Secret's a Fire type; why doesn't she help?
“Where IS Sparky, anyway?” Water Gun voiced what they were all thinking.
A second later they found out, as Lumina cried out in pain and spun to face the smirking Pikachu. Without hesitation, she struck out with a pincer. Sparky was left very, VERY angry, with a bleeding scratch across his face.
Star raised his head and gazed at the newcomer with interest. “Hey, I think I might get to like this insect!”
~~~
“I... I don’t think I can carry her much further,” mumbled Kyle, setting Leena down, his wings limp from exhaustion.
“Not much further,” encouraged Lumina. “Come on, this way!”
Kyle raised his head to glare at the Paras. “You’ve been saying that for the last half-hour.”
Lumina raised her foreclaws in what could only be interpreted as a shrug.
“Having trouble...?” The strange voice seemed to come out of nowhere, and the shadowy form of a person moved towards them. Danielle blinked, startled.
“Well, yes... we can’t find the exit, and Leena’s paralyzed,” she explained, slightly suspicious of this newcomer. The more naïve Fred had no such misgivings.
“Can you help us?”
JB shot Fred a sceptical glance at what he saw as somewhat foolish trust.
Honestly, Danielle's the one I'd glance at here. At least Fred has the excuse of being naïve; Danielle just gave away a lot of information about us and how vulnerable we are right now despite having suspicions.
However, it was true that they needed help, however they could get it. The darkness made everything seem somewhat sinister, anyway. “If you have any Paralyz Heals... that might be useful...”
The young man ignored this, confirming JB’s suspicions that he could neither see nor hear him. Another drawback of being a ghost - if people didn’t expect to see you, they usually couldn’t. However, he was on some level relieved. “Don’t tell him I’m here,” he murmured to Rachel. She frowned slightly at this odd request, but nodded.
Everyone's suddenly so mistrustful, after twenty chapters of 'Hi! What's your name? Want to come with us on our journey across the country?'
I do find 'people only see you if they expect to' an interesting approach to ghosts.
“Yes,” the stranger said softly. “I know a short-cut to the exit. It’s this way.” He bent down and lifted Leena easily. “Is this the paralyzed girl you were talking about? I’ll carry her for you.”
Relieved of his burden, Kyle smiled gratefully. “Thank you... Please show us to the exit.”
As they stumbled along behind him, Rachel recalled all her Pokémon except Ivyith (who refused point-blank to be removed from around her neck) and Stardreamer, whom she relied on to tell her what was going on.
Forget our guide; can we trust the Dratini that personally demanded to be brought to Rachel and now insists on being wrapped around her throat?
“Well, it’s a guy... about 15 or so, can’t see all that well, I can only see his back... he’s got six Pokéballs on him. You can only have six with you at a time, right? I don’t think he’s got any Pokémon out at the moment. How can he just walk around like that? His balance is really good. That’s weird, I thought you humans were useless at seeing in the dark...”
“Oh, thanks,” whispered Rachel sarcastically.
'Hm, strong, good night vision, nice balance, is this guy some kind of Pokémorph?' asked one of the commenters, foolishly expecting there to be reasons for things.
“Hey, I’m only stating a fact... Okay then, he’s got weird hair. It’s all shiny. Shiiiiny. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiny...”
“Star, you’re not being incredibly helpful.”
“Sorry, sorry... anyway, we’re walking along a passage.”
“I never would’ve guessed.”
“Shut up! You told me to tell you what was going on, and I am! If you’re so smart, why can’t YOU see in the dark?”
“Fine, fine...”
“Good. Now that that’s clear...”
While Rachel and Star bickered, JB fell back to float alongside Cassie. He was still uncomfortable with floating and suchlike, but he knew he was going to have to get used to it.
I find the phrase 'floating and suchlike' inexplicably hilarious.
“What do you think of our guide?”
Cassie glanced at him, frowning slightly. “What do I think of him? Well, he’s very nice to help us out of here. He’s strong, he could pick Leena up really easily. That’s it.”
“I don’t trust him,” JB said bluntly. He felt a kind of kinship with Cassie and the other Pokémorphs - although their predicaments weren’t exactly the same as his, they were also very different from everyone they met - and so he felt he was able to share his feelings with them. In dying he, too, had become an outcast.
I can't mock the line 'In dying he, too, had become an outcast' because I was just so proud of it when I was fourteen.
“I know what you mean,” Cassie said softly. “I wanted to touch on his mind, to check his motives... but I think he might realise what I was trying to do, and I don’t know what he might do then...”
JB nodded.
“It’s probably nothing,” continued Cassie. “Maybe I’m just paranoid.”
“All the same, I think we should keep an eye on him.”
~~~
“Here we are!” said the young man brightly, leading them out of Mount Moon. The sunlight almost blinded them after having been in the darkness for so long, and most of them squeezed their eyes shut in pain.
JB, being dead and therefore not needing to close his eyes, was the only one who saw the stranger releasing a Hypno.
'Being dead and therefore not needing to close his eyes' is in fierce competition with 'He was still uncomfortable with floating and suchlike' for my favourite phrase of this chapter.
His command was almost too soft to be heard.
“Hypnosis.”
I can't believe this guy all my previously trusting characters inexplicably didn't trust turned out to be untrustworthy!
As the others slumped unconscious to the ground, JB hurled himself bodily at the man.
The fifteen-year-old man.
He was too panicked to give himself substantial form, however, and so passed straight through him. The Hypno’s Psychic type allowed him to see JB. Two thoughts immediately sped through the boy’s head.
Does Hypnosis affect Ghosts?
...Bugger.
And a second later JB too was sent to sleep.
You may have thought that JB's conditional invisibility would allow him to save us all, BUT NO. Rachel's Pokémon Journey is going to make you taste futility.
Originally, the line 'Does Hypnosis affect Ghosts?' was 'Hypnosis affects Ghosts', but I changed it when someone told me that I was wrong and Hypnosis only affected the first-generation Ghost Pokémon because of their dual Poison type.
I've just looked it up, and THEY WERE WRONG, I WAS RIGHT, FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD ME IS FEROCIOUSLY VINDICATED RIGHT NOW.
I'm annoyed that I listened! I preferred the original line, and this means that there's a mistake in the next chapter, when I try to explain why Hypnosis affected JB! Screw you, whoever mistakenly corrected my Pokémon fic twenty years ago.
Original author's note on chapter twenty-one: Quite a short chapter today, I’m afraid...
It had been almost too easy.
Not all of them had trusted him. That much was obvious. But they had no other choice, did they?
Looking over the unconscious group in front of him, Kuja could hardly suppress a snicker.
SURPRISE, IT'S THE VILLAIN OF FINAL FANTASY IX THE GUY WHO KILLED SPARKY'S PREVIOUS TRAINER
You'd think Sparky would have reacted to his voice, come to think of it, even if he couldn't actually see Kuja in the dark. And I suspect Pikachu might have reasonable night vision, given that you can encounter Raichu in the Unknown Dungeon.
I said in the previous instalment that Kuja wasn't literally intended to be the Final Fantasy IX character, but, given Stardreamer's fascination with his shiny shiny hair, I suspect this Kuja's hair is also silver.
Suddenly he frowned.
“Kiris?”
Didn't quite call his Hypno Kiros. Juuuust managed to avoid stealing another Final Fantasy name. It's called Kiris, my own invention, original name, do not steal.
Yes? His Hypno communicated with him by way of a permanent mental link. It had taken some effort to establish, but now they could speak fast and effortlessly.
Suddenly dropping in a weird little worldbuilding detail! You'd think Kuja would be able to psychically speak to Kiris in return, if they've got a 'mental link', but he appears to be speaking aloud. Perhaps, much like Final Fantasy IX's Kuja, he just likes the sound of his own voice.
“Why did you use another Hypnosis? There were only eight...”
Nine.
Nine? He frowned again and turned around, searching for the ninth. Suddenly he caught something in the corner of his eye and stared at it. Gradually, as he was actually looking for it, the form of JB became visible. “Is that the ninth?”
Of course.
Kuja reached down to roll JB over in order to see his face - and was somewhat disconcerted to find that his hand passed through the boy’s shoulder. “Ah, this is the one that we - who died. I should have known this would happen...”
He's evidently about to say 'this is the one that we killed' here. But why did you kill him??? How does this possibly benefit you?
Also: why should you have known 'this' would happen? Does 'this' refer to JB becoming a ghost? Is it common knowledge that you end up becoming a ghost if a Psychic Pokémon mind-controls you to your doom?
A thought occurred to him, and he paused. “But Hypnosis doesn’t affect pure Ghost...”
Wrong! You were right the first time, fourteen-year-old Riona! Have faith in yourself!
He was trying to become more substantial - he became Ghost/Normal, briefly.
“Convenient.”
I DIDN'T HAVE TO INCLUDE THIS BULLSHIT EXPLANATION, THE PERSON WHO COMPLAINED WAS WRONG, I'M SO ANNOYED
We should hurry, remarked Kiris. Before the authorities arrive.
“Indeed.” Kuja set the girl he had been charged to carry down on the ground. “I remember JB had quite a high-level Geodude. Unfortunately it would appear that the ghost of JB only has the ghosts of JB’s Pokéballs. A pity.”
WHY DID YOU KILL HIM
Kuja knows about JB's Geodude because Kiris told him about it after going into JB's mind. He doesn't actually know JB. That might lead to a coherent motive or something, and we can't have that.
I reasoned that ghost-JB must have the ghost clothes he was wearing when he died (someone would have commented if he'd shown up nude, after all), so it makes sense that he'd also have ghost Pokéballs apparently attached to his belt. Unfortunately, I suspect his actual Pokéballs are still in the ocean.
So far, Kuja's done nothing to substantially differentiate himself from the Kuja of Final Fantasy IX. Maybe it is the same character.
He crouched down. “This girl - Leena, was it?”
Yes.
“What are in these Pokéballs?” he asked, detaching two Pokéballs from her belt and holding them up.
Kiris’ eyes glowed briefly. An Eevee. A Marril.
“Levels?”
Both of them in the mid-20s.
Kuja nodded, then turned back to examine Leena’s prone form. “And a Dratini! Those are very rare!” He glanced around, and his gaze fell on the snoring Sparky. “Ah, it’s the rat. I don’t see Kasumi here, though. What happened to her?”
Oh, huh, Kuja evidently didn't attack Kasumi with the intention of killing her. AND YET HE STILL MURDERED JB FOR NO REASON.
She shrugged. Are you going to take the Pikachu?
“Not worth it. I only take four or five Pokémon at a time. You should know that.”
For... a reason?
How about the half-Pokémon?
NO, DON'T JUST MOVE ON, EXPLAIN WHY KUJA HAS PLACED A LIMIT ON HIS THEFT OF CREATURES THAT LIVE IN EASILY TRANSPORTED BALLS
I realise the reason is 'it's not going to be much of a Pokémon journey if all the Pokémon get stolen', but surely Kuja isn't just acting for my benefit as the writer!
He paused, looking over at Cassandra and Kyle. “...I don’t know if it’s possible to catch them.”
We could experiment.
“I don’t want to risk waking them up. We don’t know how powerful that Mewtwo-girl is.” Walking past Rachel, Kuja suddenly did a double-take. “Is that another Dratini? Amazing!”
Two Dratini! Astonishing! Also I guess there are a couple of people who are half-Pokémon for some reason, whatever.
(Kuja's not a member of Team Rocket, so there's no reason he'd know about the splicing project; he's just a thief! And a murderer, although WHO KNOWS WHY.)
Will you take it?
“I can’t leave a find like this!” Crouching down, he tried to loosen Ivyith from around Rachel’s neck.
The Dratini woke up.
She did NOT appreciate being stolen.
“TINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” screamed Ivyith, letting loose with a Thunderbolt. Kuja gritted his teeth, but managed to keep from crying out - he was not hurt too badly.
Rachel herself was not so lucky.
This is why you don't wear your Pokémon around your neck, Rachel.
“AAAAAHHHH!” Her eyes snapping open, the girl spasmed in pain as her Dratini unintentionally sent the electricity into her owner as well. Seeing that his opportunity was gone, Kuja pulled back, seized Leena and ran.
If it's not clear (at least one commenter wasn't sure why he took her), Kuja runs off with Leena because he wants her Dratini. He didn't intend to abduct anyone from the scene, but he's just woken everyone up and realised he doesn't have time to remove the Dratini Leena's wearing like a scarf, after his unsuccessful attempt to get Rachel's. Easier to grab the paralysed person, get out of there and remove the Dratini at his leisure.
Woken by Rachel’s scream, Michael opened his eyes blearily and rolled over. “Wha... what’s happening?” The other members of the party were slowly awakening. Michael crawled over to Rachel.
“I think she’s Paralyzed...”
“Of course Leena’s Paralyzed, Michael, don’t state the obvious,” mumbled Jed.
Nobody cares about Leena's paralysis at all, do they?
“No... I mean Rachel...”
“Rachel?”
Danielle’s concerned face swam into her vision. “Rachel, what’s wrong?”
Rachel, of course, is much more important. Everyone cares about her. Nobody's going to wander off to catch a Paras in this dire situation.
Rachel tried to move her mouth and failed - the onslaught of electricity had completely Paralyzed her.
You'd think this problem would have arisen earlier, given that we're travelling with Sparky.
This is the last chapter of the fic I ever wrote, but I remember that, for the next chapter, the plan was that Rachel would wake in hospital and learn that, although they had managed to cure most of her paralysis, her vocal cords were permanently paralysed and she was unable to speak.
I had not given any thought at all to how I'd handle this plot development on a practical level, which perhaps is why I never got around to it.
I hesitate to admit to this plan, because, continuing my general pattern of thievery, it displays slightly-more-than-acceptable levels of inspiration from Zarla's Radic-and-Red Pokémon series, in which Radic is blinded partway through.
Kyle, meanwhile, had noticed something else.
“Hey, where’s Leena?”
“He’s taken Leena! That guy, he took Leena!” JB’s panicky voice.
And even in the midst of the disaster, Sparky bounded onto Danielle’s shoulder and hissed urgently in her ear. “Quickly, let’s get out of here before he brings her back!”
THE FINAL LINE I POSTED IN THE FIC IS STOLEN FROM ANOTHER SOURCE
HOW APT
(It's a Red Dwarf reference, if you're wondering.)
And that's all that exists of Rachel's Pokémon Journey, my first real effort at fanfiction!
The writing is clumsy. The attempts at plot are incoherent nonsense, abandoned as soon as they're introduced. I clearly had no idea how human beings interacted, and I stole concepts from everything I could get my hands on.
But, looking back at this fic, I do have a certain fondness for it. I was just a kid having fun, trying out this 'writing' thing and starting to learn how it worked. I loved the Pokémon world, and this was a way I could spend some time there, on an adventure with my friends and my brothers (and, you know, an evil Pikachu that hated me for no reason).
Plus, if I'd never been brave enough to start writing in spite of my inexperience, I'd have missed out on all the joy writing has given me over the last twenty years.
In November 2019, nineteen years after twelve-year-old Riona started writing Rachel's Pokémon Journey, adult Riona visited a pop-up Pokémon Center in London. I bought a soft toy Vulpix and named her Secret. She's sitting on my desk as I write this.
If any of you want to dig up your early writing and annotate it yourselves, I'd love to see it! I've had a lot of fun with this project, even if it's been a bit of an embarrassing experience sometimes; I hope you've enjoyed it too.