Don't Fuck Your Smartphone, Date.
For Christmas, my brother Fred gave me AI: The Somnium Files, a new addition to my collection of weird videogames about murder. The basic concept is 'a buddy cop mystery, but the buddy cops are a man and his artificially intelligent eyeball'.
The protagonist is called Date. His artificially intelligent eyeball is called an 'AI-ball', because of course she is. (She's known as Aiba for short.)
Within the first half-hour of AI: The Somnium Files, Date's eyeball snorted an entire potted iris up her nose, thus enabling herself to press a light switch.
Later, the eyeball saved Date's life by yelling, 'LOOK, A PORNO MAG AT YOUR FEET,' thus making him duck down and dodge a bullet. There was a shootout, and then Date asked, 'So, where's this magazine?'
(A while back, I ranked the protagonists of my Japanese murder videogames by how horny they are. Date definitely belongs in the 'extremely horny' bracket.)
I've been playing this while
th_esaurus has been playing Death Stranding, so we've just been swapping stories about our weird videogames.
RD: UHHHHHHH i just got a new package to deliver and the guy assigning it to me was casually like "oh there's also human sperm and eggs in this package so the cities don't devolve into incestuous cesspools ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "
Riona: Meanwhile, in my game, the protagonist's eyeball tries to lift up a floor lamp. 'This is really hard,' she complains. The protagonist's response is 'What's harder: that or what I've got in my pants?'
RD: is he going to fuck the eyeball
RD: do you have some kind of visual of the eyeball because i CANNOT PICTURE THIS
RD: RIONA SAM JUST TOOK A SHIT AND THE TOILET AUTOMATICALLY MADE A GRENADE OUT OF HIS POO
Riona: I laughed aloud at this. This game sounds incredible.
RD: well i delivered my sperm package. good job me
Riona: Why carefully preserve packages of sperm for all that distance when you can just head to the destination and come through the letterbox?
RD: RIONA NO
I've played about ten hours of AI: The Somnium Files, and I'm delighted that it's twice as weird and murder-filled as I could have hoped. I don't know why this game exists, but I'm enjoying it a lot.
The protagonist is called Date. His artificially intelligent eyeball is called an 'AI-ball', because of course she is. (She's known as Aiba for short.)
Within the first half-hour of AI: The Somnium Files, Date's eyeball snorted an entire potted iris up her nose, thus enabling herself to press a light switch.
Later, the eyeball saved Date's life by yelling, 'LOOK, A PORNO MAG AT YOUR FEET,' thus making him duck down and dodge a bullet. There was a shootout, and then Date asked, 'So, where's this magazine?'
(A while back, I ranked the protagonists of my Japanese murder videogames by how horny they are. Date definitely belongs in the 'extremely horny' bracket.)
I've been playing this while
th_esaurus has been playing Death Stranding, so we've just been swapping stories about our weird videogames.
RD: UHHHHHHH i just got a new package to deliver and the guy assigning it to me was casually like "oh there's also human sperm and eggs in this package so the cities don't devolve into incestuous cesspools ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "
Riona: Meanwhile, in my game, the protagonist's eyeball tries to lift up a floor lamp. 'This is really hard,' she complains. The protagonist's response is 'What's harder: that or what I've got in my pants?'
RD: is he going to fuck the eyeball
RD: do you have some kind of visual of the eyeball because i CANNOT PICTURE THIS
RD: RIONA SAM JUST TOOK A SHIT AND THE TOILET AUTOMATICALLY MADE A GRENADE OUT OF HIS POO
Riona: I laughed aloud at this. This game sounds incredible.
RD: well i delivered my sperm package. good job me
Riona: Why carefully preserve packages of sperm for all that distance when you can just head to the destination and come through the letterbox?
RD: RIONA NO
I've played about ten hours of AI: The Somnium Files, and I'm delighted that it's twice as weird and murder-filled as I could have hoped. I don't know why this game exists, but I'm enjoying it a lot.