Even In Randomly-Generated Questions, Mark Corrigan Has A Miserable Time.
I think I am going to be answering the character-number questions in instalments, and here is the first! You may still ask questions, if you wish, but try to ask them before reading this entry; it's cheating if you know which numbers all the characters are.
I'm not answering the questions in order, by the way; these are just the ones I've answered so far, which are scattered all over the place.
Fandoms represented are Sherlock Holmes, Doctor Who, Peep Show, Supernatural, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Merlin, Final Fantasy XII, Pokémon and Revolutionary Girl Utena, and, naturally, Derren Brown, David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker are in here as well.
wanttobeatree:
Captain Jack Harkness and Charlie Brooker form a crime-fighting duo. Are they any good? How do they fare against their archnemesis, Ruby?
Hmmm. Harkness has experience in combat, and his immortality may prove useful in a career of crime-fighting; on the other hand, his experience running the spectacularly incompetent Torchwood Three does not bode success. Brooker, meanwhile, has watched Torchwood and so is aware of the team's incompetence, which will not help him and Harkness to work together, and I don't think he is much of a one for physical exertion. His main power is sarcasm, which is useful for a critic but perhaps less useful for a crimefighter.
Ruby, meanwhile, is a fairly powerful demon. And OH OH WAIT I HAVE JUST HAD A THOUGHT. Perhaps Ruby possesses Brooker! What fun! Not for Brooker, obviously. Anyway, she possesses Brooker because she knows the two of them are after her, and Harkness may well have some sort of demon-killing alien technology. This way, Harkness can't kill her without killing his partner. Your move, Harkness.
Harkness certainly considers killing Brooker for the sake of getting rid of Ruby, but in the end - no. He's tired of saying goodbye to people. He's not losing anyone else if he can help it.
Ruby leaves, eventually, with a reminder that she'll be back the moment they start trying to figure out what she's up to with Sam again. Brooker is left feeling like shit. Harkness probably offers him sex, which Brooker turns down; when he's already feeling low, the last thing he needs is to see a much more handsome man in the nude.
marginaliana:
Jeremy Usborne and Ruby are in the same fandom. What fandom is it and what are their positions in the fandom's largest ship war?
I am having trouble imagining a fandom that a thirtysomething loser in London and a centuries-old demon in America might share. Then again, a Supernatural fandom exists within the world of Supernatural, doesn't it? Ruby is probably the fandom's biggest troll. She doesn't need a sockpuppet for trolling; her regular account is her troll account. She does, however, have a sockpuppet account on which she occasionally, shamefully, posts twisted-and-yet-sort-of-romantic Sam/Ruby fanfiction.
Jeremy is a 'shipper of Dean/everyone, largely because he likes to imagine himself in the place of Dean whenever he reads fanfiction. He's written a few fics in which he clearly twists Dean into his own wish-fulfilment self-insertion. In a couple of places, he accidentally calls Dean 'Jeremy'.
They clash when Ruby comes across one of Jeremy's Dean/Ruby fics and flames it at length. Jeremy is so angered that he genuinely considers using the IP address to track this reviewer down and do something unpleasant to them in real life. Mark comes across him packing a bag for America and manages to talk him out of it. This is in part out of concern for the stranger and for Jeremy's criminal record, of course, but also because Jeremy is quite obviously planning to use Mark's money for plane tickets.
apiphile:
If Toph Bei Fong and Mark Corrigan were to run a shop, what would it sell? Would Jeremy Usborne or Utena Tenjou be the more difficult customer?
Hmmm, Toph and Mark don't really have many overlapping interests. Toph's a fighter, and Mark is interested in war, so I suppose it's conceivable that they might sell antique weapons. Toph doesn't use weapons, though. This really doesn't work. BUT IT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF, SO ANTIQUE WEAPON SHOP IT IS.
Oh, Utena is a perfectly lovely customer. She only brings difficulty in the sense that Mark falls hopelessly in love with her. He only partnered himself with Toph in running the shop because he knew she came in sometimes, and he spends all day waiting for her to visit. Toph thinks he is pathetic and tells him so. Utena likes the strange, awkward man in the weapon shop well enough, but she is entirely oblivious to the fact that she is The One.
Jeremy enters the shop one day (he refuses to tell Mark what he was looking for afterwards; Mark worries about this for weeks) and is surprised and delighted to find Mark at the till. From that day, he comes in whenever Mark is working and perches on top of the display case, asking inane questions and poking at antique guns, as if they didn't already see enough of each other in the fucking flat.
misskass:
Toph Bei Fong doing a lap in the Reasonably Priced Car! How do they do?!
Well, er, Toph is blind. She 'sees' by interpreting vibrations in the earth, but in a car she's not in direct contact with the earth and, in any case, the vibration of the engine would probably throw her off. So Toph can't see the track at all. She probably can't even reach the pedals.
Not that she's going to let that stop her.
Toph puts some rocks on the pedals and Earthbends them downwards to operate them. Sokka, in the passenger seat and absolutely terrified, gives her steering instructions. They screech madly over the track. She's not at the top of the leaderboard; she ends up about a quarter of the way up, but, given that she is twelve years old, cannot see and has never operated a car before, that's pretty bloody impressive.
How would Dean Winchester deal with a ridiculous migraine? Would they call in Ruby or Captain Jack Harkness to deal with it?
Well, Ruby is quite possibly the cause of the migraine, so I feel Dean is unlikely to call on her. She'd only mock him, anyway. Sex, meanwhile, is Captain Jack's solution to everything, and, whilst Dean isn't about to dispute its power as a cure-all, he'd prefer to have it with a woman. He'd probably just keep slogging on through the pain and get pissed off if anyone suggested he might not be in peak physical condition.
How would Derren Brown react to being in their place of work/school/wherever they go during their day without any pants on?
I'm going to assume 'pants' refers to trousers, rather than underwear, because merely lacking underwear is unlikely to cause a scene. Derren strides out on stage before realising that, oh, dear, he's forgotten to put his trousers on; it's so easy to forget when there are so many things to think about. Having realised this, he proceeds to act as if nothing at all is amiss. The audience members begin to wonder whether they have simply imagined his trouserless state.
perrie:
Toph Bei Fong and Captain Jack Harkness wake up as Siamese twins one morning. What blunt instrument would David Mitchell use to force them apart and would they survive the op?
Mitchell is a cautious chap and would really prefer not to perform any potentially-lethal surgery for which he is unqualified, particularly when one of the subjects is a blind child. He calls a doctor for them instead. I fear that's not a terribly interesting answer. (Toph is incredibly angry about this situation. Both Harkness and Mitchell receive many a rock to the face.)
How many helium balloons could Derren Brown and Jeremy Usborne blow up in five minutes?
Six thousand. You don't see how this is possible, but Derren assures you that it is the case, and it certainly looks as if there are six thousand balloons here. Jeremy looks a bit dazed and won't stop smiling at you.
Two weeks pass before it occurs to you that humans don't breathe out helium.
derryderrydown:
Utena Tenjou is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. How's their lap and which of the TG4 do they shag?
I doubt Utena can drive, but she's a fast learner. Her lap isn't great, but it's not bad, considering she's only been taught to operate a car that day; she's around the middle of the board. She really, really wants to be allowed to try again, but, alas, she isn't given the chance.
She's not having sex with anyone right now, thank you. No, not even the Stig.
Sherlock Holmes, Dean Winchester and Charlie Brooker are on The Bubble. How did they get on in the house? Who wins? Who insults/flirts with David Mitchell the most?
This would be an amazing episode.
They don't really get along in the house. Brooker fucking hates Dean Winchester, the good-looking arsehole. He respects Holmes to some extent, because you've got to respect Sherlock Holmes, but he privately thinks he's a bit of an arrogant twat. Dean thinks they're both dicks, and in any case he's on edge because he should be hunting, dammit, why is he on some stupid British TV show? Nobody actually punches anyone else in the face, but there's a constant tension, a sense that face-punching might occur, and they're all aware of it.
Dean's pretty bored by the show itself; none of the news stories are unbelievable enough. Holmes wins, of course; he is able to pick up on incredibly tiny hints that news stories may not be legitimate. Mitchell is a bit starry-eyed, but he tries to hide it, not entirely successfully. He is so busy fanboying Holmes, in fact, that he entirely misses Brooker's flirtatious insults. This does not improve Brooker's opinion of Holmes.
dracothelizard:
Sherlock Holmes, Captain Jack Harkness, Jeremy Usborne and Mark Corrigan are in a cabin in the woods for some reason, stalked by one of the other numbers, who is a crazy killer who wants them all dead. Who survives, and which of the other numbers arrives to (attempt to) save the day?
The killer is going to be the Master, I suspect. That increases their chances of survival a little, because he's going to want to play with them rather than killing them outright.
Harkness survives, of course, and Holmes is probably observant enough to save himself. Jeremy and Mark, on the other hand, are probably in quite a lot of trouble. But I can't let them be killed! That would be awful! I was going to say 'perhaps Harkness can make use of his immortality to distract the Master whilst they escape', but Harkness is, of course, the leader of Torchwood, and their track record when it comes to saving people is not spectacular. Realistically speaking, Mark is probably killed. Jeremy is devastated, despite the fact that he probably inadvertently caused Mark to fall into the Master's hands whilst trying to save his own skin, and so am I.
Utena tries to save the day. She has the Master at the point of her sword, and then she hesitates. He smirks; he knew she was going to do that. He knocks her out, rather than killing her; he's taken a bizarre liking to her. That's his eventual downfall.
The Master and Balthier Bunansa are in a Pokemon battle, what Pokemon do they have, and who wins?
The Master has a Clefairy, of course. A bit too cutesy, oddly sinister, comes from the moon: I think he'd like it enormously. Balthier has an assortment of flying Pokémon - Pidgeotto, Swellow, Skarmory - and a Lopunny, although he'll never admit aloud that he caught it because it reminded him of Fran, from whom he was separated when a faulty Teleport Stone threw him into the Pokémon world.
Despite having only one Pokémon to Balthier's four, the Master wins, mainly due to flagrant cheating. Having had his Clefairy sing Balthier to sleep, he acquires Balthier's Pokémon and goes on his merry way.
Merlin decides to play Cupid for David Mitchell and Ruby. How does that go?
So badly. Merlin thinks that Mitchell seems lonely and probably needs a girlfriend; he thinks that Ruby is pretty and seems smart, so she is probably perfect for him! :D
It has not yet occurred to Merlin that causing people to fall in love using one's magic may not be a method entirely without flaw. Furthermore, his spell doesn't work on Ruby, because, unbeknownst to him, she isn't human. So all he succeeds in doing is making Mitchell even more unhappy, because now he's pining after someone who isn't interested in him, constantly worrying that perhaps he's being too obvious, perhaps he's coming across as weird or creepy or presumptuous. Ruby, meanwhile, he can't help noticing, is always going off with that tall, frustratingly handsome American. Merlin is forced to acknowledge that his efforts may not have been a success.
(Am I imagining things, or could Mitchell/Guinevere be incredibly cute?)
darkest_alchemy:
Sherlock Holmes and Ruby buy a puppy together. What sort of puppy would they get and what would they name it?
Holmes and Ruby? Er. I have absolutely no idea why they would be buying a dog together, but they get a hellhound puppy, because Ruby feels a hellhound may be useful at some point and Holmes is incredibly fascinated by it. Watson is very alarmed indeed to find himself suddenly sharing living quarters with a ferocious invisible dog. This really is the final straw, Holmes!
Utena Tenjou wakes up and finds they have turned into a vampire. How do they react?
She is distressed! Drinking others' blood against their will is not a very princely thing to do.
Himemiya, upon discerning the cause of Utena's unhappiness, cheerfully invites Utena to drink her blood; she wouldn't mind at all, she says. Utena is extremely freaked out by this.
Mark Corrigan starts to realise they may have sexual feelings for Toph Bei Fong. What action do they decide to take on this and what's the outcome of their decision?
Oh, dear, that's not good. As if Mark didn't loathe himself enough, now he finds himself being sexually attracted to a twelve-year-old. He decides to repress, repress, repress, avoid Toph at all costs and try incredibly fucking hard to make sure that his desire never comes to light.
Because the universe hates Mark Corrigan, it comes to light, and it does so at the most inconvenient moment possible. Toph doesn't care, because he's no threat to her, but everyone in his block of flats now thinks he's a paedophile, and, Mark thinks, miserably, he supposes they're right.
bubbles_san
Sherlock Holmes and Mark Corrigan are kidnapped by ZOMBIES. It is up to Jeremy Usborne and Derren Brown to save them. Do they succeed, or are Holmes and Mark left to have their brains eaten?
Jeremy gives Mark a call to say 'don't worry, mate, I'll save you'. Mark is entirely unreassured by this. What's he going to do, play his terrible music at them?
On his quest to rescue his friend, Jeremy runs into Derren Brown and, because he is firmly convinced that Derren has genuine magical powers and can do anything, begs him for help. Derren, of course, has an array of psychological techniques, but their usefulness against essentially mindless creatures is questionable (even if they're apparently mentally capable enough to kidnap people), and both of them would prefer not to get too close to the zombies. It's a fairly pathetic rescue effort.
In the end, the only person to whom Mark can look for help is his fellow captive. Holmes makes a valiant effort to fight his way through the zombies, and he manages to incapacitate a few, but he is bitten multiple times in the attempt. He's still human, for now, but they both know he won't be for long.
When Mark is a zombie, he resolves, he is going after Jeremy. This is probably Jeremy's fault.
lotus0kid:
Utena Tenjou, Toph Bei Fong, and Jeremy Usborne are gods in the Greek/Roman style (complete with mandatory togas). What are their respective domains, and how do they bring about the Apocalypse?
Utena is the goddess of bravery. Toph is the goddess of strength. Jeremy is convinced he's the god of music and refuses to listen when Toph informs him that he is, in fact, the god of slacking.
The Apocalypse comes about when Toph is finally sick of Jeremy's terrible musicianship and tells him to shut up already. Utena's siding with Toph. Jeremy, extremely pissed off by this, is going to play his music REALLY REALLY LOUDLY, IF YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS, THIS IS CONTAGIOUS blasts over the Earth for a full week. People panic, go mad, riot in the streets. Volcanoes erupt in protest at the terrible music. The planet is left unrecognisable. Utena, horrified, descends to help the survivors.
"Nice going," Toph says.
Jeremy doesn't care. He knows his music is brilliant.
shark_hat:
Captain Jack Harkness lends the Master a book or film that has been very influential for him. What is it, and how does the Master react?
I am having trouble imagining that Harkness would have any interest in expanding the Master's cultural horizons. Perhaps he lends the Master the Kama Sutra in the hope that he'll be less focused on world domination if he just gets laid. The Master laughs a great deal and asks whether Jack is offering a practical demonstration. He isn't. Well, maybe... no.
timydamonkey:
What would Mark Corrigan, David Mitchell and Toph Bei Fong do if they were ambushed by werewolves?
Mitchell is running and running and running and then stops short, so astonished that he forgets about the imminent dismemberment aspect of the situation, because the alarmed-looking man on the other side of the clearing looks exactly like him. Has he already been killed? Is he going to be trapped here for ever, talking to himself? It certainly sounds like his idea of Hell.
But, no, the snarling is getting louder behind him and he should probably keep running.
His double runs alongside him, asking in a panicked pitch who the fuck he is and what the fuck those things chasing them are. Mitchell doesn't answer, trying to save his breath (his lungs are fucking burning, he's never been a good runner), and before long his double shuts up as well. The wolves are gaining, and Mitchell is going to be eaten before he has the chance to find out why he apparently has an identical twin, and then there's a loud crack and they're enclosed by a wall of rock. Mitchell barely manages to stop in time to avoid careering headfirst into it. His double fails and yelps in pain.
The wall is high. The wolves can't get in. They can't get out, but the wolves can't get in, and that's enough for Mitchell for the moment. He's not even going to question the wall's appearance; he's got quite enough to wonder about before he gets anywhere near that.
"I'll take care of it," yells what sounds like a child's voice, adding yet another question to his long list.
Mitchell, exhausted, stumbles over to his doppelganger. His legs feel as if they're being operated by strings. The double is conscious but bleeding; it looks as if his nose might be broken. Mitchell sits heavily down next to him and decides that he never wants to stand up again.
Outside the walls, Toph beats up the wolves using nothing but the forest floor. She hopes those idiots are going to be grateful.
How would Dean Winchester fare against a Boggart?
The Boggart takes the form of an evil Sam. Dean freaks out, fights him, tries to reason with him and eventually, finding he has no other choice, is forced to kill him. He never mentions it to the real Sam, and he never quite stops dwelling on it in some corner of his mind.
This meme is always far too much fun. More to come!
I'm not answering the questions in order, by the way; these are just the ones I've answered so far, which are scattered all over the place.
Fandoms represented are Sherlock Holmes, Doctor Who, Peep Show, Supernatural, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Merlin, Final Fantasy XII, Pokémon and Revolutionary Girl Utena, and, naturally, Derren Brown, David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker are in here as well.
wanttobeatree:
Captain Jack Harkness and Charlie Brooker form a crime-fighting duo. Are they any good? How do they fare against their archnemesis, Ruby?
Hmmm. Harkness has experience in combat, and his immortality may prove useful in a career of crime-fighting; on the other hand, his experience running the spectacularly incompetent Torchwood Three does not bode success. Brooker, meanwhile, has watched Torchwood and so is aware of the team's incompetence, which will not help him and Harkness to work together, and I don't think he is much of a one for physical exertion. His main power is sarcasm, which is useful for a critic but perhaps less useful for a crimefighter.
Ruby, meanwhile, is a fairly powerful demon. And OH OH WAIT I HAVE JUST HAD A THOUGHT. Perhaps Ruby possesses Brooker! What fun! Not for Brooker, obviously. Anyway, she possesses Brooker because she knows the two of them are after her, and Harkness may well have some sort of demon-killing alien technology. This way, Harkness can't kill her without killing his partner. Your move, Harkness.
Harkness certainly considers killing Brooker for the sake of getting rid of Ruby, but in the end - no. He's tired of saying goodbye to people. He's not losing anyone else if he can help it.
Ruby leaves, eventually, with a reminder that she'll be back the moment they start trying to figure out what she's up to with Sam again. Brooker is left feeling like shit. Harkness probably offers him sex, which Brooker turns down; when he's already feeling low, the last thing he needs is to see a much more handsome man in the nude.
marginaliana:
Jeremy Usborne and Ruby are in the same fandom. What fandom is it and what are their positions in the fandom's largest ship war?
I am having trouble imagining a fandom that a thirtysomething loser in London and a centuries-old demon in America might share. Then again, a Supernatural fandom exists within the world of Supernatural, doesn't it? Ruby is probably the fandom's biggest troll. She doesn't need a sockpuppet for trolling; her regular account is her troll account. She does, however, have a sockpuppet account on which she occasionally, shamefully, posts twisted-and-yet-sort-of-romantic Sam/Ruby fanfiction.
Jeremy is a 'shipper of Dean/everyone, largely because he likes to imagine himself in the place of Dean whenever he reads fanfiction. He's written a few fics in which he clearly twists Dean into his own wish-fulfilment self-insertion. In a couple of places, he accidentally calls Dean 'Jeremy'.
They clash when Ruby comes across one of Jeremy's Dean/Ruby fics and flames it at length. Jeremy is so angered that he genuinely considers using the IP address to track this reviewer down and do something unpleasant to them in real life. Mark comes across him packing a bag for America and manages to talk him out of it. This is in part out of concern for the stranger and for Jeremy's criminal record, of course, but also because Jeremy is quite obviously planning to use Mark's money for plane tickets.
apiphile:
If Toph Bei Fong and Mark Corrigan were to run a shop, what would it sell? Would Jeremy Usborne or Utena Tenjou be the more difficult customer?
Hmmm, Toph and Mark don't really have many overlapping interests. Toph's a fighter, and Mark is interested in war, so I suppose it's conceivable that they might sell antique weapons. Toph doesn't use weapons, though. This really doesn't work. BUT IT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF, SO ANTIQUE WEAPON SHOP IT IS.
Oh, Utena is a perfectly lovely customer. She only brings difficulty in the sense that Mark falls hopelessly in love with her. He only partnered himself with Toph in running the shop because he knew she came in sometimes, and he spends all day waiting for her to visit. Toph thinks he is pathetic and tells him so. Utena likes the strange, awkward man in the weapon shop well enough, but she is entirely oblivious to the fact that she is The One.
Jeremy enters the shop one day (he refuses to tell Mark what he was looking for afterwards; Mark worries about this for weeks) and is surprised and delighted to find Mark at the till. From that day, he comes in whenever Mark is working and perches on top of the display case, asking inane questions and poking at antique guns, as if they didn't already see enough of each other in the fucking flat.
misskass:
Toph Bei Fong doing a lap in the Reasonably Priced Car! How do they do?!
Well, er, Toph is blind. She 'sees' by interpreting vibrations in the earth, but in a car she's not in direct contact with the earth and, in any case, the vibration of the engine would probably throw her off. So Toph can't see the track at all. She probably can't even reach the pedals.
Not that she's going to let that stop her.
Toph puts some rocks on the pedals and Earthbends them downwards to operate them. Sokka, in the passenger seat and absolutely terrified, gives her steering instructions. They screech madly over the track. She's not at the top of the leaderboard; she ends up about a quarter of the way up, but, given that she is twelve years old, cannot see and has never operated a car before, that's pretty bloody impressive.
How would Dean Winchester deal with a ridiculous migraine? Would they call in Ruby or Captain Jack Harkness to deal with it?
Well, Ruby is quite possibly the cause of the migraine, so I feel Dean is unlikely to call on her. She'd only mock him, anyway. Sex, meanwhile, is Captain Jack's solution to everything, and, whilst Dean isn't about to dispute its power as a cure-all, he'd prefer to have it with a woman. He'd probably just keep slogging on through the pain and get pissed off if anyone suggested he might not be in peak physical condition.
How would Derren Brown react to being in their place of work/school/wherever they go during their day without any pants on?
I'm going to assume 'pants' refers to trousers, rather than underwear, because merely lacking underwear is unlikely to cause a scene. Derren strides out on stage before realising that, oh, dear, he's forgotten to put his trousers on; it's so easy to forget when there are so many things to think about. Having realised this, he proceeds to act as if nothing at all is amiss. The audience members begin to wonder whether they have simply imagined his trouserless state.
perrie:
Toph Bei Fong and Captain Jack Harkness wake up as Siamese twins one morning. What blunt instrument would David Mitchell use to force them apart and would they survive the op?
Mitchell is a cautious chap and would really prefer not to perform any potentially-lethal surgery for which he is unqualified, particularly when one of the subjects is a blind child. He calls a doctor for them instead. I fear that's not a terribly interesting answer. (Toph is incredibly angry about this situation. Both Harkness and Mitchell receive many a rock to the face.)
How many helium balloons could Derren Brown and Jeremy Usborne blow up in five minutes?
Six thousand. You don't see how this is possible, but Derren assures you that it is the case, and it certainly looks as if there are six thousand balloons here. Jeremy looks a bit dazed and won't stop smiling at you.
Two weeks pass before it occurs to you that humans don't breathe out helium.
derryderrydown:
Utena Tenjou is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. How's their lap and which of the TG4 do they shag?
I doubt Utena can drive, but she's a fast learner. Her lap isn't great, but it's not bad, considering she's only been taught to operate a car that day; she's around the middle of the board. She really, really wants to be allowed to try again, but, alas, she isn't given the chance.
She's not having sex with anyone right now, thank you. No, not even the Stig.
Sherlock Holmes, Dean Winchester and Charlie Brooker are on The Bubble. How did they get on in the house? Who wins? Who insults/flirts with David Mitchell the most?
This would be an amazing episode.
They don't really get along in the house. Brooker fucking hates Dean Winchester, the good-looking arsehole. He respects Holmes to some extent, because you've got to respect Sherlock Holmes, but he privately thinks he's a bit of an arrogant twat. Dean thinks they're both dicks, and in any case he's on edge because he should be hunting, dammit, why is he on some stupid British TV show? Nobody actually punches anyone else in the face, but there's a constant tension, a sense that face-punching might occur, and they're all aware of it.
Dean's pretty bored by the show itself; none of the news stories are unbelievable enough. Holmes wins, of course; he is able to pick up on incredibly tiny hints that news stories may not be legitimate. Mitchell is a bit starry-eyed, but he tries to hide it, not entirely successfully. He is so busy fanboying Holmes, in fact, that he entirely misses Brooker's flirtatious insults. This does not improve Brooker's opinion of Holmes.
dracothelizard:
Sherlock Holmes, Captain Jack Harkness, Jeremy Usborne and Mark Corrigan are in a cabin in the woods for some reason, stalked by one of the other numbers, who is a crazy killer who wants them all dead. Who survives, and which of the other numbers arrives to (attempt to) save the day?
The killer is going to be the Master, I suspect. That increases their chances of survival a little, because he's going to want to play with them rather than killing them outright.
Harkness survives, of course, and Holmes is probably observant enough to save himself. Jeremy and Mark, on the other hand, are probably in quite a lot of trouble. But I can't let them be killed! That would be awful! I was going to say 'perhaps Harkness can make use of his immortality to distract the Master whilst they escape', but Harkness is, of course, the leader of Torchwood, and their track record when it comes to saving people is not spectacular. Realistically speaking, Mark is probably killed. Jeremy is devastated, despite the fact that he probably inadvertently caused Mark to fall into the Master's hands whilst trying to save his own skin, and so am I.
Utena tries to save the day. She has the Master at the point of her sword, and then she hesitates. He smirks; he knew she was going to do that. He knocks her out, rather than killing her; he's taken a bizarre liking to her. That's his eventual downfall.
The Master and Balthier Bunansa are in a Pokemon battle, what Pokemon do they have, and who wins?
The Master has a Clefairy, of course. A bit too cutesy, oddly sinister, comes from the moon: I think he'd like it enormously. Balthier has an assortment of flying Pokémon - Pidgeotto, Swellow, Skarmory - and a Lopunny, although he'll never admit aloud that he caught it because it reminded him of Fran, from whom he was separated when a faulty Teleport Stone threw him into the Pokémon world.
Despite having only one Pokémon to Balthier's four, the Master wins, mainly due to flagrant cheating. Having had his Clefairy sing Balthier to sleep, he acquires Balthier's Pokémon and goes on his merry way.
Merlin decides to play Cupid for David Mitchell and Ruby. How does that go?
So badly. Merlin thinks that Mitchell seems lonely and probably needs a girlfriend; he thinks that Ruby is pretty and seems smart, so she is probably perfect for him! :D
It has not yet occurred to Merlin that causing people to fall in love using one's magic may not be a method entirely without flaw. Furthermore, his spell doesn't work on Ruby, because, unbeknownst to him, she isn't human. So all he succeeds in doing is making Mitchell even more unhappy, because now he's pining after someone who isn't interested in him, constantly worrying that perhaps he's being too obvious, perhaps he's coming across as weird or creepy or presumptuous. Ruby, meanwhile, he can't help noticing, is always going off with that tall, frustratingly handsome American. Merlin is forced to acknowledge that his efforts may not have been a success.
(Am I imagining things, or could Mitchell/Guinevere be incredibly cute?)
darkest_alchemy:
Sherlock Holmes and Ruby buy a puppy together. What sort of puppy would they get and what would they name it?
Holmes and Ruby? Er. I have absolutely no idea why they would be buying a dog together, but they get a hellhound puppy, because Ruby feels a hellhound may be useful at some point and Holmes is incredibly fascinated by it. Watson is very alarmed indeed to find himself suddenly sharing living quarters with a ferocious invisible dog. This really is the final straw, Holmes!
Utena Tenjou wakes up and finds they have turned into a vampire. How do they react?
She is distressed! Drinking others' blood against their will is not a very princely thing to do.
Himemiya, upon discerning the cause of Utena's unhappiness, cheerfully invites Utena to drink her blood; she wouldn't mind at all, she says. Utena is extremely freaked out by this.
Mark Corrigan starts to realise they may have sexual feelings for Toph Bei Fong. What action do they decide to take on this and what's the outcome of their decision?
Oh, dear, that's not good. As if Mark didn't loathe himself enough, now he finds himself being sexually attracted to a twelve-year-old. He decides to repress, repress, repress, avoid Toph at all costs and try incredibly fucking hard to make sure that his desire never comes to light.
Because the universe hates Mark Corrigan, it comes to light, and it does so at the most inconvenient moment possible. Toph doesn't care, because he's no threat to her, but everyone in his block of flats now thinks he's a paedophile, and, Mark thinks, miserably, he supposes they're right.
bubbles_san
Sherlock Holmes and Mark Corrigan are kidnapped by ZOMBIES. It is up to Jeremy Usborne and Derren Brown to save them. Do they succeed, or are Holmes and Mark left to have their brains eaten?
Jeremy gives Mark a call to say 'don't worry, mate, I'll save you'. Mark is entirely unreassured by this. What's he going to do, play his terrible music at them?
On his quest to rescue his friend, Jeremy runs into Derren Brown and, because he is firmly convinced that Derren has genuine magical powers and can do anything, begs him for help. Derren, of course, has an array of psychological techniques, but their usefulness against essentially mindless creatures is questionable (even if they're apparently mentally capable enough to kidnap people), and both of them would prefer not to get too close to the zombies. It's a fairly pathetic rescue effort.
In the end, the only person to whom Mark can look for help is his fellow captive. Holmes makes a valiant effort to fight his way through the zombies, and he manages to incapacitate a few, but he is bitten multiple times in the attempt. He's still human, for now, but they both know he won't be for long.
When Mark is a zombie, he resolves, he is going after Jeremy. This is probably Jeremy's fault.
lotus0kid:
Utena Tenjou, Toph Bei Fong, and Jeremy Usborne are gods in the Greek/Roman style (complete with mandatory togas). What are their respective domains, and how do they bring about the Apocalypse?
Utena is the goddess of bravery. Toph is the goddess of strength. Jeremy is convinced he's the god of music and refuses to listen when Toph informs him that he is, in fact, the god of slacking.
The Apocalypse comes about when Toph is finally sick of Jeremy's terrible musicianship and tells him to shut up already. Utena's siding with Toph. Jeremy, extremely pissed off by this, is going to play his music REALLY REALLY LOUDLY, IF YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS, THIS IS CONTAGIOUS blasts over the Earth for a full week. People panic, go mad, riot in the streets. Volcanoes erupt in protest at the terrible music. The planet is left unrecognisable. Utena, horrified, descends to help the survivors.
"Nice going," Toph says.
Jeremy doesn't care. He knows his music is brilliant.
shark_hat:
Captain Jack Harkness lends the Master a book or film that has been very influential for him. What is it, and how does the Master react?
I am having trouble imagining that Harkness would have any interest in expanding the Master's cultural horizons. Perhaps he lends the Master the Kama Sutra in the hope that he'll be less focused on world domination if he just gets laid. The Master laughs a great deal and asks whether Jack is offering a practical demonstration. He isn't. Well, maybe... no.
timydamonkey:
What would Mark Corrigan, David Mitchell and Toph Bei Fong do if they were ambushed by werewolves?
Mitchell is running and running and running and then stops short, so astonished that he forgets about the imminent dismemberment aspect of the situation, because the alarmed-looking man on the other side of the clearing looks exactly like him. Has he already been killed? Is he going to be trapped here for ever, talking to himself? It certainly sounds like his idea of Hell.
But, no, the snarling is getting louder behind him and he should probably keep running.
His double runs alongside him, asking in a panicked pitch who the fuck he is and what the fuck those things chasing them are. Mitchell doesn't answer, trying to save his breath (his lungs are fucking burning, he's never been a good runner), and before long his double shuts up as well. The wolves are gaining, and Mitchell is going to be eaten before he has the chance to find out why he apparently has an identical twin, and then there's a loud crack and they're enclosed by a wall of rock. Mitchell barely manages to stop in time to avoid careering headfirst into it. His double fails and yelps in pain.
The wall is high. The wolves can't get in. They can't get out, but the wolves can't get in, and that's enough for Mitchell for the moment. He's not even going to question the wall's appearance; he's got quite enough to wonder about before he gets anywhere near that.
"I'll take care of it," yells what sounds like a child's voice, adding yet another question to his long list.
Mitchell, exhausted, stumbles over to his doppelganger. His legs feel as if they're being operated by strings. The double is conscious but bleeding; it looks as if his nose might be broken. Mitchell sits heavily down next to him and decides that he never wants to stand up again.
Outside the walls, Toph beats up the wolves using nothing but the forest floor. She hopes those idiots are going to be grateful.
How would Dean Winchester fare against a Boggart?
The Boggart takes the form of an evil Sam. Dean freaks out, fights him, tries to reason with him and eventually, finding he has no other choice, is forced to kill him. He never mentions it to the real Sam, and he never quite stops dwelling on it in some corner of his mind.
This meme is always far too much fun. More to come!