The Surprisingness Is In Itself Surprising.
I BET YOU THOUGHT I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE CHARACTER-NUMBER QUESTIONS, DIDN'T YOU? WELL, I, ER, DID. BUT ONLY TEMPORARILY.
Previous instalments: one, two. Fandoms are, as before, Supernatural, High School Musical, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy XII, Prison Break, Doctor Who, Scrubs, House, Silent Hill, Top Gear, Life on Mars, Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes.
tronella:
Gene Hunt is pestering James Sunderland for a date, so Sunderland lies and says he is dating Phineas Nigellus. What does Phineas Nigellus think when he hears about it?
Well, I imagine he asks Sunderland why on Earth he didn't claim that he was dating someone who, you know, wasn't a portrait. James just looks confused. Phineas Nigellus, who has very little respect for Sunderland's intelligence, rolls his eyes and goes to tell Hunt the truth, because a Sunderland who is desperately trying to fend off an amorous Hunt is a Sunderland who isn't disturbing Phineas' quiet portraitish existence.
redfiona99:
Sam Winchester is a superhero. What is his secret power?
He has unnatural powers of observation! Come on, nobody really believes that someone could notice a freaking fingernail in a chalklike wall in an poorly-lit room. Or a small symbol on the inside of a vase he was just walking past. Honestly, Sam, you're not hiding your secret identity of Observation Man terribly well.
emmarrrrr:
T-BAG, SEIFER AND JD BECOME HOUSE'S NEW DUCKLINGS. WHAT MADNESS ENSUES?
Well, I imagine House hates JD's cheerful optimism and decides to try to pull him down into Cynical Bastard Land. This fails. JD falls a little in love with House, because he's a brilliant doctor and JD is sure that he cares. Deep down! Very deep down!
Seifer resents House for not respecting him. JD reminds him a little of Zell, so he decides to amuse himself by mocking him, but quickly becomes frustrated when the attention inexplicably seems to make JD happy.
House's success rate drops dramatically after T-Bag is hired. JD quietly and nervously informs House that T-Bag has a habit of killing patients if they offend him in some way and maybe they should do something about that. T-Bag's placement does not last long.
Michael Scofield meets Dean Winchester, who is inexplicably a famous person (rockstar, actor, idk). How do they react?
I don't think Scofield is the sort to really be starstruck. If Dean were famous, though, Scofield might have heard about the fact that he has a brother who is more important to him than anything else in the world (not that Dean would actually say 'my brother is the most important thing in my life' in an interview or anything, but Scofield could have read between the lines), and so he might try to get Dean to help him and Burrows.
Sam Winchester and Captain Jack Harkness end up on opposite sides of a war (shipwar, anything) and are actually SEKRIT CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. Banter ensues.
THAT'S NOT A QUESTION.
I'm not sure how Sam Winchester and Jack Harkness could have been childhood friends, as they grew up on different planets in significantly different times. Er, opposite sides of a war...
MAYBE CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS IS A HUNTER AND HE HAS HEARD OF THE WHOLE 'POSSIBLY-DEMONIC POWERS' THING.
YES.
So he tracks the kid down, and - gasp! - it is, entirely inexplicably, his childhood friend! (SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN THEY BE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? THIS MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Shall we change it to 'young adulthood shag'?) And, er...
All right, so 'I'm sorry, I know you're a good guy but I have to kill you for the sake of mankind' is not a situation that allows for much banter or, indeed, anything other than Dean Winchester killing Jack Harkness a million times. Let's try the 'shipwar' approach.
You know that Sam Winchester is a firm supporter of entirely monogamous Harry/Ginny. Jack Harkness, on the other hand, likes to write fanfiction about gigantic Hogwarts orgies. They Internet-meet when Sam discovers Harkness' fanfiction and, mistaking him for Dean, drops him a review criticising pretty much everything about it, with repeated references to the fact that Harry would never betray Ginny like that. Whilst an innuendo-laden reply would not generally tip Sam off to the fact that the writer is not in fact Dean, the fact that the innuendo actually seems to be directed at him at first alarms him and then makes him realise that perhaps this is a case of mistaken identity. They trade a few e-mails back and forth, both mocking each other's pairing preferences in a reasonably good-natured way (Sam feels very strongly about Harry/Ginny, but sexytimeagent seems an intelligent person, if disturbingly Deanlike at times, and Sam rather enjoys speaking to him, so he is willing to set aside their differences). Eventually, Sam realises that this is the guy who - oh, he'd forgotten, but now it's coming back: the bar, the smoke, the grin, the horrible mistake in the corner of the bathroom - and he breaks off their correspondence with no explanation.
That's not really what you asked for, either. Sigh.
(EDIT: I have just realised that in the first of these instalments I claimed that Sam was a Harry/Hermione 'shipper. WAY TO BE INTERNALLY CONSISTENT, SELF. (P.S. THIS IS SARCASTIC.)
Er, well, I suppose this means that a poll on Sam Winchester's 'shipping preferences is probably coming soon to a Livejournal near you. You're looking forward to it already. I can tell.)
the_wanlorn:
T-Bag, Seifer, and Scofield are ATTACKED BY ZOMBIES.
I find it quite interesting that T-Bag and Seifer are so often put together in these questions. As are T-Bag and Pyramid Head. Apparently, twelve/twenty and eight/twelve are appealing number combinations.
Anyway! Seifer is a good fighter, and Scofield is very intelligent and resourceful, so they probably wouldn't do too badly. T-Bag's skills lie mainly in being charming and manipulative, which aren't really that much use against zombies, but he tags along with Seifer and Scofield. Seifer's all for kicking him out and leaving him to the mercy of the zombie hordes, but Scofield, although he doesn't like T-Bag, although he knows having T-Bag around is rarely a good thing, can't quite bring himself to leave him to die.
Which is his downfall, because of course T-Bag is bitten and conceals it from his travelling companions so they won't kill him before he turns.
Yeah. It doesn't end well.
amy_wolf:
Dean Winchester is trapped in Silent Hill, trying to find Zell Dincht, who may or may not be dead. James Sunderland is accompanying Dean, and is either a real person or a Silent Hill-generated illusion, a la Maria. Go!
The hospital is dark and abandoned, and glass cracks under their feet as they walk. Dean can hear Sam's breathing; it's too fast, too loud in the narrow corridor. Sam has been borderline freaking out ever since they drove into this town. Dean doesn't know why; they've been in creepier places than this.
"What are you doing here?" the guy they picked up in the park asks.
There's suddenly a loud hissing noise, and Dean frowns and pulls the EMF reader out of his pocket. Something's wrong; the lights are flashing in random patterns, and it's crackling and shrieking like an untuned radio. "You hear about that kid?" he asks, tapping the reader. "People disappear here. I'm trying to find out why."
"People like your brother?"
"What're you talking about?" Dean asks, looking up.
Sam's gone.
People go to this town and they disappear, they never come back, and Sam's fucking gone.
The Master and Seifer are the Stars in a Reasonably-Priced Car on Top Gear. The Master is flirting with Jeremy throughout the interview, which is interrupted after the Stig breaks in, sweeps Seifer up in a passionate embrace (no actual kissing necessary), and carries him off the set.
Although Seifer had the faster lap time, the Master's flirting is a cover for a subtle hypnotism that leads Jeremy to put him at the top of the leader board. Seifer protests that that can't be right, there's no way in hell anyone could knock eight full seconds off the fastest lap time, and his mood is not improved when the Stig suddenly appears and sweeps him up into his arms.
Seifer is furious. He fights and rants and swears, and the Stig, entirely unperturbed, carries him outside, sets him down in the car and waits with arms folded. After a moment, Seifer realises that the Stig admired his lap so much that he wants to see it again. He's too pissed off to be flattered, though.
And, er, I haven't quite managed to answer draegonhawke's question yet, but the question itself is amazing, so here it is.
draegonhawke:
Michael Scofield, Sam Winchester, and Balthier Bunansa accidentally initiate the apocalypse (EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: this entry was made well before Sam Winchester actually did exactly this in Supernatural canon). Whoops. Well, somehow, James Sunderland always knew it was going to happen, and prepared for the day by forming T-Bag, Jack Harkness, and Zell Dincht into a crack squadron to safeguard the Earth and all the people in it. Unfortunately, said crack squad needs vital information from Jeremy Clarkson, which they attempt to retrieve only to discover that in a shocking twist of fate, Dean Winchester ate Clarkson (seven ate nine! hee!). (Pyramid Head, having witnessed this act, was so emotionally scarred that it felt the need to hide itself in a psychiatric ward in New Jersey.) (I find this hard to believe.)
Scofield, Sam, and Balthier, having realized their mistake, go to seek assistance in rectifying it from Seifer Almasy, but are mugged on the way by the crime-causing duo Phineas Nigellus and Sherlock Holmes (AHAHAHA MOST UNLIKELY CRIMINAL DUO EVER) and left bleeding on the Mancunian way. They wake up in 1973, where they meet Sharpay Evans working out the final kinks on her time machine; Sharpay sends them back to the present, but remains in 1973 in order to rescue Allison Cameron, who has become the prisoner of '70s villain the Master.
Crack Squad T-Bag, Harkness, and Zell are working as hard as they can to solve the apocalypse when JD arrives to tell them that they must seek to undo it at the source, and this can only be accomplished by use of a time machine. He recommends Gene Hunt as the most likely one to have a time machine lying around, and while Harkness and Zell think it's a great idea, T-Bag decides to find the people responsible for this in the first place under the assumption that no one voluntarily tries to start the apocalypse, and they might be willing to help (yeah, T-Bag, that's what you say, but we all know you just want to kill them). Harkness and Zell leave with JD, and T-Bag strikes out on his own.
Scofield, Sam, and Balthier (have I mentioned how awesome this trio is?) return to the scene of their crime only to be intercepted by Dr Cox, who warns them that the apocalypse is unstable and should not be tampered with. As if to prove this very fact Selphie Tilmitt falls out of a rift in time and space before them, followed shortly thereafter by Cameron, who was not rescued by Sharpay but rather fell through, well, a rift in space and time.
Harkness and Zell arrive with their secret weapon, the Janitor, who has convinced them that the only way to end the madness is to kill the instigators (well, that does sound like the Janitor, but I'm rather surprised that T-Bag is the only one of the Team Earth Rescue who isn't trying to kill Team Whoops, Started The Apocalypse). Harkness, Zell, and the Janitor threaten to kill Scofield, Sam, and Balthier for beginning the apocalypse. T-Bag comes in at the last moment to prevent them from doing so (HOW IMPLAUSIBLE), makes a passionate speech, and in doing to reminds them of their first plan of finding a time machine. Scofield remembers Sharpay's time machine, and Cameron agrees that surely Sharpay's time machine would be sufficient, and they hatch a cunning plan to retrieve it.
This involves calling up James Sunderland to get him to hit T-Bag and Scofield with a car hard enough to send them back to 1973, where they have to rescue Sharpay from the Master before bringing the time machine (and Sharpay!) back to the present day, where they undo the apocalypse and facilitate Sharpay's joyful reunion with Cameron. Afterward, everyone there goes out for beer.
Write any scene or scenes from that story.
Right. Um. Wow.
I'll, er, I'll see whether I can manage anything in the future.
Previous instalments: one, two. Fandoms are, as before, Supernatural, High School Musical, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy XII, Prison Break, Doctor Who, Scrubs, House, Silent Hill, Top Gear, Life on Mars, Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes.
tronella:
Gene Hunt is pestering James Sunderland for a date, so Sunderland lies and says he is dating Phineas Nigellus. What does Phineas Nigellus think when he hears about it?
Well, I imagine he asks Sunderland why on Earth he didn't claim that he was dating someone who, you know, wasn't a portrait. James just looks confused. Phineas Nigellus, who has very little respect for Sunderland's intelligence, rolls his eyes and goes to tell Hunt the truth, because a Sunderland who is desperately trying to fend off an amorous Hunt is a Sunderland who isn't disturbing Phineas' quiet portraitish existence.
redfiona99:
Sam Winchester is a superhero. What is his secret power?
He has unnatural powers of observation! Come on, nobody really believes that someone could notice a freaking fingernail in a chalklike wall in an poorly-lit room. Or a small symbol on the inside of a vase he was just walking past. Honestly, Sam, you're not hiding your secret identity of Observation Man terribly well.
emmarrrrr:
T-BAG, SEIFER AND JD BECOME HOUSE'S NEW DUCKLINGS. WHAT MADNESS ENSUES?
Well, I imagine House hates JD's cheerful optimism and decides to try to pull him down into Cynical Bastard Land. This fails. JD falls a little in love with House, because he's a brilliant doctor and JD is sure that he cares. Deep down! Very deep down!
Seifer resents House for not respecting him. JD reminds him a little of Zell, so he decides to amuse himself by mocking him, but quickly becomes frustrated when the attention inexplicably seems to make JD happy.
House's success rate drops dramatically after T-Bag is hired. JD quietly and nervously informs House that T-Bag has a habit of killing patients if they offend him in some way and maybe they should do something about that. T-Bag's placement does not last long.
Michael Scofield meets Dean Winchester, who is inexplicably a famous person (rockstar, actor, idk). How do they react?
I don't think Scofield is the sort to really be starstruck. If Dean were famous, though, Scofield might have heard about the fact that he has a brother who is more important to him than anything else in the world (not that Dean would actually say 'my brother is the most important thing in my life' in an interview or anything, but Scofield could have read between the lines), and so he might try to get Dean to help him and Burrows.
Sam Winchester and Captain Jack Harkness end up on opposite sides of a war (shipwar, anything) and are actually SEKRIT CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. Banter ensues.
THAT'S NOT A QUESTION.
I'm not sure how Sam Winchester and Jack Harkness could have been childhood friends, as they grew up on different planets in significantly different times. Er, opposite sides of a war...
MAYBE CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS IS A HUNTER AND HE HAS HEARD OF THE WHOLE 'POSSIBLY-DEMONIC POWERS' THING.
YES.
So he tracks the kid down, and - gasp! - it is, entirely inexplicably, his childhood friend! (SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN THEY BE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? THIS MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Shall we change it to 'young adulthood shag'?) And, er...
All right, so 'I'm sorry, I know you're a good guy but I have to kill you for the sake of mankind' is not a situation that allows for much banter or, indeed, anything other than Dean Winchester killing Jack Harkness a million times. Let's try the 'shipwar' approach.
You know that Sam Winchester is a firm supporter of entirely monogamous Harry/Ginny. Jack Harkness, on the other hand, likes to write fanfiction about gigantic Hogwarts orgies. They Internet-meet when Sam discovers Harkness' fanfiction and, mistaking him for Dean, drops him a review criticising pretty much everything about it, with repeated references to the fact that Harry would never betray Ginny like that. Whilst an innuendo-laden reply would not generally tip Sam off to the fact that the writer is not in fact Dean, the fact that the innuendo actually seems to be directed at him at first alarms him and then makes him realise that perhaps this is a case of mistaken identity. They trade a few e-mails back and forth, both mocking each other's pairing preferences in a reasonably good-natured way (Sam feels very strongly about Harry/Ginny, but sexytimeagent seems an intelligent person, if disturbingly Deanlike at times, and Sam rather enjoys speaking to him, so he is willing to set aside their differences). Eventually, Sam realises that this is the guy who - oh, he'd forgotten, but now it's coming back: the bar, the smoke, the grin, the horrible mistake in the corner of the bathroom - and he breaks off their correspondence with no explanation.
That's not really what you asked for, either. Sigh.
(EDIT: I have just realised that in the first of these instalments I claimed that Sam was a Harry/Hermione 'shipper. WAY TO BE INTERNALLY CONSISTENT, SELF. (P.S. THIS IS SARCASTIC.)
Er, well, I suppose this means that a poll on Sam Winchester's 'shipping preferences is probably coming soon to a Livejournal near you. You're looking forward to it already. I can tell.)
the_wanlorn:
T-Bag, Seifer, and Scofield are ATTACKED BY ZOMBIES.
I find it quite interesting that T-Bag and Seifer are so often put together in these questions. As are T-Bag and Pyramid Head. Apparently, twelve/twenty and eight/twelve are appealing number combinations.
Anyway! Seifer is a good fighter, and Scofield is very intelligent and resourceful, so they probably wouldn't do too badly. T-Bag's skills lie mainly in being charming and manipulative, which aren't really that much use against zombies, but he tags along with Seifer and Scofield. Seifer's all for kicking him out and leaving him to the mercy of the zombie hordes, but Scofield, although he doesn't like T-Bag, although he knows having T-Bag around is rarely a good thing, can't quite bring himself to leave him to die.
Which is his downfall, because of course T-Bag is bitten and conceals it from his travelling companions so they won't kill him before he turns.
Yeah. It doesn't end well.
amy_wolf:
Dean Winchester is trapped in Silent Hill, trying to find Zell Dincht, who may or may not be dead. James Sunderland is accompanying Dean, and is either a real person or a Silent Hill-generated illusion, a la Maria. Go!
The hospital is dark and abandoned, and glass cracks under their feet as they walk. Dean can hear Sam's breathing; it's too fast, too loud in the narrow corridor. Sam has been borderline freaking out ever since they drove into this town. Dean doesn't know why; they've been in creepier places than this.
"What are you doing here?" the guy they picked up in the park asks.
There's suddenly a loud hissing noise, and Dean frowns and pulls the EMF reader out of his pocket. Something's wrong; the lights are flashing in random patterns, and it's crackling and shrieking like an untuned radio. "You hear about that kid?" he asks, tapping the reader. "People disappear here. I'm trying to find out why."
"People like your brother?"
"What're you talking about?" Dean asks, looking up.
Sam's gone.
People go to this town and they disappear, they never come back, and Sam's fucking gone.
The Master and Seifer are the Stars in a Reasonably-Priced Car on Top Gear. The Master is flirting with Jeremy throughout the interview, which is interrupted after the Stig breaks in, sweeps Seifer up in a passionate embrace (no actual kissing necessary), and carries him off the set.
Although Seifer had the faster lap time, the Master's flirting is a cover for a subtle hypnotism that leads Jeremy to put him at the top of the leader board. Seifer protests that that can't be right, there's no way in hell anyone could knock eight full seconds off the fastest lap time, and his mood is not improved when the Stig suddenly appears and sweeps him up into his arms.
Seifer is furious. He fights and rants and swears, and the Stig, entirely unperturbed, carries him outside, sets him down in the car and waits with arms folded. After a moment, Seifer realises that the Stig admired his lap so much that he wants to see it again. He's too pissed off to be flattered, though.
And, er, I haven't quite managed to answer draegonhawke's question yet, but the question itself is amazing, so here it is.
draegonhawke:
Michael Scofield, Sam Winchester, and Balthier Bunansa accidentally initiate the apocalypse (EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: this entry was made well before Sam Winchester actually did exactly this in Supernatural canon). Whoops. Well, somehow, James Sunderland always knew it was going to happen, and prepared for the day by forming T-Bag, Jack Harkness, and Zell Dincht into a crack squadron to safeguard the Earth and all the people in it. Unfortunately, said crack squad needs vital information from Jeremy Clarkson, which they attempt to retrieve only to discover that in a shocking twist of fate, Dean Winchester ate Clarkson (seven ate nine! hee!). (Pyramid Head, having witnessed this act, was so emotionally scarred that it felt the need to hide itself in a psychiatric ward in New Jersey.) (I find this hard to believe.)
Scofield, Sam, and Balthier, having realized their mistake, go to seek assistance in rectifying it from Seifer Almasy, but are mugged on the way by the crime-causing duo Phineas Nigellus and Sherlock Holmes (AHAHAHA MOST UNLIKELY CRIMINAL DUO EVER) and left bleeding on the Mancunian way. They wake up in 1973, where they meet Sharpay Evans working out the final kinks on her time machine; Sharpay sends them back to the present, but remains in 1973 in order to rescue Allison Cameron, who has become the prisoner of '70s villain the Master.
Crack Squad T-Bag, Harkness, and Zell are working as hard as they can to solve the apocalypse when JD arrives to tell them that they must seek to undo it at the source, and this can only be accomplished by use of a time machine. He recommends Gene Hunt as the most likely one to have a time machine lying around, and while Harkness and Zell think it's a great idea, T-Bag decides to find the people responsible for this in the first place under the assumption that no one voluntarily tries to start the apocalypse, and they might be willing to help (yeah, T-Bag, that's what you say, but we all know you just want to kill them). Harkness and Zell leave with JD, and T-Bag strikes out on his own.
Scofield, Sam, and Balthier (have I mentioned how awesome this trio is?) return to the scene of their crime only to be intercepted by Dr Cox, who warns them that the apocalypse is unstable and should not be tampered with. As if to prove this very fact Selphie Tilmitt falls out of a rift in time and space before them, followed shortly thereafter by Cameron, who was not rescued by Sharpay but rather fell through, well, a rift in space and time.
Harkness and Zell arrive with their secret weapon, the Janitor, who has convinced them that the only way to end the madness is to kill the instigators (well, that does sound like the Janitor, but I'm rather surprised that T-Bag is the only one of the Team Earth Rescue who isn't trying to kill Team Whoops, Started The Apocalypse). Harkness, Zell, and the Janitor threaten to kill Scofield, Sam, and Balthier for beginning the apocalypse. T-Bag comes in at the last moment to prevent them from doing so (HOW IMPLAUSIBLE), makes a passionate speech, and in doing to reminds them of their first plan of finding a time machine. Scofield remembers Sharpay's time machine, and Cameron agrees that surely Sharpay's time machine would be sufficient, and they hatch a cunning plan to retrieve it.
This involves calling up James Sunderland to get him to hit T-Bag and Scofield with a car hard enough to send them back to 1973, where they have to rescue Sharpay from the Master before bringing the time machine (and Sharpay!) back to the present day, where they undo the apocalypse and facilitate Sharpay's joyful reunion with Cameron. Afterward, everyone there goes out for beer.
Write any scene or scenes from that story.
Right. Um. Wow.
I'll, er, I'll see whether I can manage anything in the future.