(no subject)
My big audition was successful. Quitting smoking must have worked. I also quit smoking before my cabaret and I guess that worked, too. Beta blockers are a miracle. I knew that I could never live up to my own expectations, but somehow I did, and for that I am so grateful. I am grateful for so many things. I wake up in the morning feeling such anticipation. I am thankful for my sight, my intelligence, my family, my health, my insurance, and for being born into this place in the world and society. I was born with more open doors than I deserve and it is my duty to acknowledge that every time I pass through one.
I am back to smoking again, though, and oh how I missed it. I was also reintroduced to somehow who I think I missed and I am glad of it, I suppose, though this time I swear I will not be hurt or sad. He said, "You know you're safe with me" and I did not answer, because I'm not, but also because I don't care. I will use him first, and every time we are together, I will win. I wish I could like the nice boys who like me and treat me well, but I want someone I can treat badly, who will treat me badly in return. We will see if anything happens where how we treat each other is even an issue.
To make money these days I play Glinda the Good Witch to hundreds of awestruck children. When I step onstage sometimes I hear murmurs of amazement. They see Glinda, and in them I see the happiness and failings of their parents, all in a cute little package.
I am back to smoking again, though, and oh how I missed it. I was also reintroduced to somehow who I think I missed and I am glad of it, I suppose, though this time I swear I will not be hurt or sad. He said, "You know you're safe with me" and I did not answer, because I'm not, but also because I don't care. I will use him first, and every time we are together, I will win. I wish I could like the nice boys who like me and treat me well, but I want someone I can treat badly, who will treat me badly in return. We will see if anything happens where how we treat each other is even an issue.
To make money these days I play Glinda the Good Witch to hundreds of awestruck children. When I step onstage sometimes I hear murmurs of amazement. They see Glinda, and in them I see the happiness and failings of their parents, all in a cute little package.