Being the Bigger Person

[rinnytintinny]

For a long time this has bothered me. Really bothered me. If being the bigger person gets you ahead then why haven't I seen any improvement? Right, I know, I can't control everyone but it's exhausting being so nice to someone who treats you like an enemy, who's always defensive against you, always competitive, when you're not trying to compete

Comments

[nixxfey]

There are many times when I have had to act the "bigger person" and it hasn't improved the situation at all.

Usually in these situations I figure the person will not change and so I change my expectations to match who they are. As long as I expect them to act they way they always have acted and not change for the better I find it easier to manuver around them and not be disappointed.

Also, some people forget to think before they speak. They forget that what they say may have an effect and change the atmosphere around them. I know, counter to what you do, but I was that way for a long time growing up. I would speak what was on my mind regardless of if it matched what I felt for real or not. It's not that I lied but rather that there was no stop for thoughts erupting into comments that would hurt. Over time I learned to develop what I call "filters" that filter out the random stuff in my head that is unnecessary for people to know. I'm not saying this is what's going on, because honestly I don't know.

It's easier to change yourself to expect them to always act this way; then to expect them to change and act like the bigger person when they obviously haven't done that.