It Had to End
30 Days of Shipping Day 14: A couple you liked even though you knew it would end up badly
Title: It Had to End
Fandom: M*A*S*H*
Characters/Pairing: Hawkeye/BJ
Rating: PG
Orientation: Slash
Word Count: 624
Prompt: Love Bingo Fill: “Feelings”
Dark Bingo Fill: “Parting Ways”
The damned war was over, finally. Word had come down that they were done, finished, packing it up and going home. The 4077 was officially on notice to dismantle for good and all.
Hawkeye was giddy with anticipation as he headed back to the swamp after the meeting with Colonel Potter. Swimming deliriously in the overwhelming feelings of happiness that he could not contain, he slammed into the tent and threw himself down on his bunk, thinking about all that waited for him. Home. Warm winter nights with radiators pumping out all the heat he could possibly want to warm him. A hammock in the shade and spiked lemonade in the summer heat. Nights on the porch talking with his dad. Home was the most wonderful word he knew.
BJ sauntered in, smiling, as everyone in the camp would soon be smiling as the news was made common knowledge. He stared around the tent as Hawkeye had just done. “We’re going home.” His eyes flitted across Hawkeye, prone on his bunk and his smile faded slightly as another realization set in.
It was over, all of it. Some of Hawkeye’s joy dissipated as he stared at his best friend, the guy that had gotten him through the years since Trapper had left. BJ had made it all somewhat bearable. He had been a sympathetic ear, listening to Hawkeye’s rants. From the start, he had been an eager and imaginative cohort in any shenanigans Hawkeye could come up with to pass the interminable time outside the operating room.
He had never expected to find physical comfort with another man, but he had been in Korea for far too long and the winter nights were cold. They had pushed their bunks together during one snowstorm and warm bodies pressed together, too long without slaking needs of a sexual nature had led to a little exploration. Exploration had led to experimentation and before long, Hawkeye was involved in a torrid physical affair with his best friend.
“We knew it was coming,” BJ said, sitting down on the end of his bunk and staring at Hawkeye. He was wringing his hands, the way he always did when he was nervous. “We knew it wasn’t forever.”
“Yeah. We knew.” The knowledge didn’t make the reality of their imminent parting hurt any less. Everyone left him eventually. Trapper, Henry, Radar, they had all left him. It was why he usually didn’t let people get close. But even he, a dedicated loner, had needed companionship through this dreadful horror show his country had sent him into, and so he had chanced it with BJ. He was good at hiding his feelings, he had never let BJ know exactly how he felt about what they were doing. His friend might have called it off, if he knew how Hawkeye truly felt about him.
BJ would go home to his wife and his kids and he would resume his old life. He had a partner to go back to. Hawkeye would go home alone and try to forget what he had learned about himself in Korea.
“Hawkeye, are you okay?” BJ peered at him with concern on his handsome face. Hawkeye was going to miss that face.
“Yeah, sure. Fine.” He forced a smile to his face and jumped up from his bunk. “We’re going home!” He went over to the still and picked up their mugs sitting beside it. “This calls for a little celebratory toast!” He passed BJ a mug and raised his. “To the end of this stinking war.”
“To home,” BJ said with a nod.
Hawkeye drank deeply and buried his true feelings deep inside. He wouldn’t voice them. He couldn’t, it wouldn’t be fair to BJ.
The End Originally posted at http://rinkafic.dreamwidth.org/