it's december

[ringlat]

another year almost gone. i've got to step up my diet - can't EVER eat things that i'll probably get "sick" of, at least not until i'm out of this house. my body/mind clearly can't handle both the mental stress of this place and eating even very slightly processed food, and now because i ate some i basically went sleep deprived for almost a week,

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[ringlat]

No, I mean, this food controls my personality. When I eat any kind of processed food the things that would normally just roll off my back instead stick to it for like, days, for NO reason other than that my brain's messed up from the food. Every time "bad stuff" or "bad people" happens that I can't ignore, every time I get actually depressed, it's conveniently within 4 days (usually 2) after I eat some processed food.

I get much more irritated and sensitive to bad events/people in general, lose ability to concentrate (on studying etc) and then since it also makes me unable to sleep well for several days afterwards, everything always gets compounded because I'm also badly sleep-deprived. So like, I go for a week barely studying and barely sleeping and getting into arguments, just because I wanted to eat a sausage that had one too many preservatives in it on Sunday. It's an incredibly stupid decision I keep making and my life is a billion times better when I don't eat this shit but every time I just think "oh I'll lose some sleep, whatever" and completely forget about just how bad exactly it actually gets.

And now I'm deciding, I can't do this to myself, I don't want to live my life with what'll add up to years of completely preventable bad feelings/years of wasted time... Especially if I'm gonna be in Japan!!

[nightnightnight]

Oh wow, I'm sorry. Can you see a psychiatrist?

[nightnightnight]

Oh wow, I'm sorry. Can you see a psychiatrist?

[ringlat]

I've seen them before but because the problems come from my home life and will keep coming until I get out of here, the therapists can't ever really help. They basically just say "try to get out of there, try to find a job, don't give up, don't starve" and it's like.... yeah. Instead I need "hey I found you work!" haha.