(no subject)

[rimah]

i think i'm still unsure about what I initially thought about the incident. I'm scared. Introspection is always a good thing I suppose, but with me I can delve into things in a way that becomes self-destructive and I know that that's not what I want of this situation right now. I know I talk a lot of shit and I exaggerate when I'm raging mad but how fair is it for someone to take literally something said during times of frustration? I don't enjoy lying so I try to steer clear of it and if I do say something and I'm aware of it I'll admit it when it's brought into question. I dont know. I still haven't decided whether or not I should be mad that someone else reads my Internet conversations behind my back on my own computer (not my laptop). I think I'm more disappointed that they'd trust something I say when I'm scared/frustrated/pissed off/confused (choose any) rather then actually spend half a second consulting me on my view of the situation or why I get so angry/scared/frustrated/whatever. No one else is held to the same standards, why should I be the exception to the rule? I already have enough trouble communicating with other people in general, let alone when I'm frustrated. Can't I at least have an outlet to just scream sometimes and not be taken so literally? Everyone's entitled to scream sometimes?

I thought things were more conclusive and that the questions I began asking myself a couple of days ago about how to deal with this ongoing situation would lead to answers but somehow i've only stumbled on more questions, and been riddled with doubt. Everyday I wonder more and more why exactly I was born the way I was or why I'm constantly facing the situations that I'm in and why I can't seem to find an effective way to end it all. I have no idea where I'm going anymore, though I dont really think I ever did.