(no subject)

[rimah]

I think the ambiguous thing I'd been waiting to happen before going back to school happened last night shortly after I'd prayed. This entire break i'd felt like I'd been in a transition state, in between two unknown slightly murky occurrences. I even told my mother that I felt this sort of intuition-like feeling that something, I had no clue what at all, needed to occur before I could go back to school so that I can possibly change and understand things better. It wasn't a completely positive occurrence but I feel like this was definitely what I needed. I'd felt like I'd been stuck in the second quarter of a book for too long without the right questions to push the story along, catalyze character development, and possibly reach a conclusion (surely not anytime soon, I'm very aware of this). I think the right questions are going to be answered. I just find it a little ironic that in order for things to get easier for me at school I ultimately needed them to get harder everywhere else. I sincerely hope this works. I think I'm in the hardest phase of my life right now, I just hope I react in a way that will leave me with not an ounce of the self-reproach or regret that i feel everyday. One of my biggest concerns right now is dealing with perception and how we interpret the intentions of others. I know I've been wrong in my interpretations, I dont expect to get everything right or always know best and I pay for it sometimes. But I also know that the same kind of errors in interpretation have been directed towards me. The hardest thing to do is to explain one's intentions or feelings about anything when perception clouds another's view of a situation and prevents them from empathizing or understanding because they are incapable of relaying the basic trust necessary for those two to occur.
I've spent too much time thinking about this in one sitting. I'm going to try to be productive.