It's Like I Can't Stop What I'm Feeling
I really, really want to talk about what's going on, about how i feel.
But every time i type something up, it feels somehow false. Like the only possible way to convey how i'm feeling is actually a bundle of expressions and hand gestures that no one can make into, well, anything.
I feel like putting my hand through my computer monitor. Not because i'm particularly in the mood to hurt myself or my computer monitor, that's just how i feel right now. Which isn't a feeling at all, i'm very aware of that.
I'm getting really sick of my life. Not because anything in my life sucks all that much, but because i don't care. I have a shitty job and i don't care. I have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, and i don't care. I don't have a boyfriend, nor is it even remotely likely that i ever will, and i don't care. There's all these things that society tells me should be important, that i should have some /drive/ to attain or accomplish, that just don't matter. I care about peoples faces and how they smell and what things look like. I care about the color yellow.
And all any of this leaves me with is the intense desire to know what the fuck is wrong with me so i can stop trying to be something i'm not. Fucking fuck.
But every time i type something up, it feels somehow false. Like the only possible way to convey how i'm feeling is actually a bundle of expressions and hand gestures that no one can make into, well, anything.
I feel like putting my hand through my computer monitor. Not because i'm particularly in the mood to hurt myself or my computer monitor, that's just how i feel right now. Which isn't a feeling at all, i'm very aware of that.
I'm getting really sick of my life. Not because anything in my life sucks all that much, but because i don't care. I have a shitty job and i don't care. I have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, and i don't care. I don't have a boyfriend, nor is it even remotely likely that i ever will, and i don't care. There's all these things that society tells me should be important, that i should have some /drive/ to attain or accomplish, that just don't matter. I care about peoples faces and how they smell and what things look like. I care about the color yellow.
And all any of this leaves me with is the intense desire to know what the fuck is wrong with me so i can stop trying to be something i'm not. Fucking fuck.