I've only read the first, like, 3 paragraphs, but I just wanted to say that I love the imagery and it seems like the sort of fic that I can sink into. Okay, back to reading. I just had to comment right away..will comment after i finish :)
Okay, I just finished and must say that that is one of the best fanfics I've ever read. I noticed the thing about the cel phone too, but ignored it :p and there were a few minor grammar/spelling things, but other than that, I thought it was brilliantly written and the ending nearly made me cry (in a good way)
Thank you very much! I'll take the cellphone out, I think, and I'll try to find the spelling and grammar stuff. So, thank you very much! My mind probably wouldn't even realized I had a problem there! Thank you!
I think this is very well-written, the imagery is very vivid and you've a good grasp on dialogue. However, I was completely thrown by the uncertainty of the piece and its time period. Is this an AU? Quite a bit of canon is disregarded (Regulus's death, for example), not to mention some of the slang (Regulus would likely not have used the word "tool," when speaking to Sirius, as it's a more recent and American term) and the appearance of a "cell" phone. Not only were there no cell phones in the late '70s/early '80s, when this would have taken place were it not an AU, but it would have been termed a mobile phone by the properly British.
So, I would label this as an AU, or get yourself a fact-checking, Britpicking beta and let them have a go at it, because if you fix those minor details this would be a perfectly awesome fic. You obviously have talent, particularly for Unresolved Sexual Tension.
BREATH - BREATHE! OMG I AM IDIOT. Ok, thank you very much! And, well, sorry about the Americanisms. I'm so clumsy with brit slang; I usually fall back on what I know.
And, man, those last two lines took me a while. :D So I'm glad they were appreciated.
I agree about the britpicking. No Samuel Adams. And I doubt there'd be that kind of heat. I was there in late July/early August, and there was a heat wave in England with highs of 81. And before and after, the highs were high 60s and stuff. And 81's nothing. Of course, I'm in Houston, so... ;-)
Samuel Smith! Did I write Adams? Because I meant Smith. *notes the down to look for in the second edit* I'll double check on the temperature stuff as well. I did a little research, but it wasn't that in-depth. :(
My! You community folk are really helpful! Thank you so much!
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I've only read the first, like, 3 paragraphs, but I just wanted to say that I love the imagery and it seems like the sort of fic that I can sink into.
Okay, back to reading. I just had to comment right away..will comment after i finish :)
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Okay, I just finished and must say that that is one of the best fanfics I've ever read. I noticed the thing about the cel phone too, but ignored it :p and there were a few minor grammar/spelling things, but other than that, I thought it was brilliantly written and the ending nearly made me cry (in a good way)
love it! :D
Kat
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So, I would label this as an AU, or get yourself a fact-checking, Britpicking beta and let them have a go at it, because if you fix those minor details this would be a perfectly awesome fic. You obviously have talent, particularly for Unresolved Sexual Tension.
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And, man, those last two lines took me a while. :D So I'm glad they were appreciated.
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You are talented. You've created something totally... entrancing. ^_^;
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I agree about the britpicking. No Samuel Adams. And I doubt there'd be that kind of heat. I was there in late July/early August, and there was a heat wave in England with highs of 81. And before and after, the highs were high 60s and stuff. And 81's nothing. Of course, I'm in Houston, so... ;-)
But all in all, brava.
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My! You community folk are really helpful! Thank you so much!
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