I'm tired...
... of work. Of dealing with things I don't feel motivated to do anymore. Of feeling so uninspired whenever I'm at work, thinking I would rather be somewhere else.
... of being so insecure about myself. Of talking about being somewhere else when I don't even even do anything about it. When I push away other opportunities because I don't think I'd want that either, or I don't think I could hack that either.
... of still being treated like a kid sometimes. Of having to say no to people because I was told no. Though, it doesn't happen as often to me, and I don't mind as much, but when it also happens even to my other siblings.
... of listening to them complain, unable to say anything because the one they complain about doesn't even listen.
... of feeling stupid, just because that's the way I was talked to. I know she doesn't mean to sound like that, but it still hurts. It even hurts when she talks like that about other people and to other people.
... of always being quiet. Of keeping all these things inside. Of being the one stuck in the middle because I don't want to take sides. Of hurting others because they don't know what side I'm on. Of not caring when I actually do care. Of still doing it because I don't want a fight, and I can somehow accept the silence and the pretense more than an actual fight.
... of pretending things are okay, when they're not. Of not knowing that they haven't been okay for years and years.
I'm just tired.
... of being so insecure about myself. Of talking about being somewhere else when I don't even even do anything about it. When I push away other opportunities because I don't think I'd want that either, or I don't think I could hack that either.
... of still being treated like a kid sometimes. Of having to say no to people because I was told no. Though, it doesn't happen as often to me, and I don't mind as much, but when it also happens even to my other siblings.
... of listening to them complain, unable to say anything because the one they complain about doesn't even listen.
... of feeling stupid, just because that's the way I was talked to. I know she doesn't mean to sound like that, but it still hurts. It even hurts when she talks like that about other people and to other people.
... of always being quiet. Of keeping all these things inside. Of being the one stuck in the middle because I don't want to take sides. Of hurting others because they don't know what side I'm on. Of not caring when I actually do care. Of still doing it because I don't want a fight, and I can somehow accept the silence and the pretense more than an actual fight.
... of pretending things are okay, when they're not. Of not knowing that they haven't been okay for years and years.
I'm just tired.