(no subject)
as im standing here in this deep abyss, everything starts crumbling before my very eyes. why is it everything in my life falls apart, but everyone else seems so "together."
anyways as the sun comes up, a new day is here. i guess i should learn to take one day at a time and not to dwell on the past. i guess everything has just been harder since my grandfather passed away. it wouldve been different if he wasnt my best friend and if he didnt live beside me my whole life. to walk over to my grams and not see my pap has to be the hardest thing ive ever done. even harder than all the diagnostic testing i went through to get diagnosed. everything still feels empty. nothing really makes me smile anymore.
well brandi is no longer living with me. if you do everything you possibly can for a person and get NO respect in return, what are you supposed to do? for my own sanity it was just better for her to leave. i felt horrible doing it, but i had to do what was right for me in the long run.
basically im finding out who my real friends are. i guess i only really have a handful of people i can call friends anymore. in the past year ive lost so many friends its ridiculous. i guess im too nice and people just take advantage of me. well now i see it. ashlee, brittany, and lia. yeah talk about some fucking friends right there. more like a bunch of immature highschoolers. all they do is fuck people over. you make plans with them, and then three hours later they call you and tell you it sounds like a bad idea and that maybe we should hang out another day. well fuck that. they must think im an idiot. i thought lia was my friend, seeing how she talks shit about ashlee and britt as well... but its nice to catch someone in the act of lying. lia says shes not allowed to hang out. funny how she shows up with ashlee later at burger king when i went there to visit ellie with becky. yeah fuck her. she knew i seen her too, because she turned her head. well two can play this game you little cunt. i was going to give her one of my snakes too because she liked them so much. i swear i am nothing but nice, and all i do is get fucked over. i took lia to wilkesbarre with me, and do you think she offered me any gas money? no. exactly. people just fuck me over all the time. i used to drive all those girls around when they had no ride, and now all they do is fuck me over. well im through with it. im through with having friends. im through with everything in general. i dont know, maybe its just me? maybe i am actually a bad person. maybe its all my fault. maybe they just dont have enough fucking guts to tell me to my face that they dont like me. maybe i am only good enough for rides.
maybe i really have no friends at all.
maybe i just want to drive my car off a bridge and see what happens.
maybe i dont know how to pick friends.
maybe no one likes me.
all i want to do is run away and start new.
anyways as the sun comes up, a new day is here. i guess i should learn to take one day at a time and not to dwell on the past. i guess everything has just been harder since my grandfather passed away. it wouldve been different if he wasnt my best friend and if he didnt live beside me my whole life. to walk over to my grams and not see my pap has to be the hardest thing ive ever done. even harder than all the diagnostic testing i went through to get diagnosed. everything still feels empty. nothing really makes me smile anymore.
well brandi is no longer living with me. if you do everything you possibly can for a person and get NO respect in return, what are you supposed to do? for my own sanity it was just better for her to leave. i felt horrible doing it, but i had to do what was right for me in the long run.
basically im finding out who my real friends are. i guess i only really have a handful of people i can call friends anymore. in the past year ive lost so many friends its ridiculous. i guess im too nice and people just take advantage of me. well now i see it. ashlee, brittany, and lia. yeah talk about some fucking friends right there. more like a bunch of immature highschoolers. all they do is fuck people over. you make plans with them, and then three hours later they call you and tell you it sounds like a bad idea and that maybe we should hang out another day. well fuck that. they must think im an idiot. i thought lia was my friend, seeing how she talks shit about ashlee and britt as well... but its nice to catch someone in the act of lying. lia says shes not allowed to hang out. funny how she shows up with ashlee later at burger king when i went there to visit ellie with becky. yeah fuck her. she knew i seen her too, because she turned her head. well two can play this game you little cunt. i was going to give her one of my snakes too because she liked them so much. i swear i am nothing but nice, and all i do is get fucked over. i took lia to wilkesbarre with me, and do you think she offered me any gas money? no. exactly. people just fuck me over all the time. i used to drive all those girls around when they had no ride, and now all they do is fuck me over. well im through with it. im through with having friends. im through with everything in general. i dont know, maybe its just me? maybe i am actually a bad person. maybe its all my fault. maybe they just dont have enough fucking guts to tell me to my face that they dont like me. maybe i am only good enough for rides.
maybe i really have no friends at all.
maybe i just want to drive my car off a bridge and see what happens.
maybe i dont know how to pick friends.
maybe no one likes me.
all i want to do is run away and start new.