need him to know how much he hurt me, how sad i am, how humiliated i am. i think he does. fighting the urge to remind him while knowing it won't change anything, so what's the point? won't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he destroyed me ( Read more... )

it's funny. so i started eating less again on oct. 30. had a bad day on nov. 18th. then another on dec. 3rd. and that's it. haven't fucked up once since then, in two months. i'm not as bad as i used to be. but i control me. maybe i just have better reasons now.

ahh fuck it. relationship is spiralling out of control, so i'll be better in every other fucking way. 15 more pounds and then i'll get my shit together.

all but two pairs of my shorts can be taken off without undoing the button. all of my jeans and pants other than those bought in the last two months can as well ( Read more... )

miserable. school is kicking my ass, my boyfriend abandoned me for taiwan and doesn't give a shit about it, i'm fucking up all my friendships, my family continues to ostracize me for being different.

old habits die hard, my friends.

fell hard for my rebound, rebound moved to taiwan.

but now i have a clearer idea of the person i want to be, and the kind of person i want to be with.

i just want four walls and adobe slats for my girls.

happy. excited.

i'll love again. and it will be fantastic. and i'll be better.

I feel an incredible sense of guilt over how and what happened. He was good to me. He loved me. He wasn't perfect, he wasn't even great, but he was great to me. It wasn't meant to be and that's obvious but why aren't we friends? I miss my best friend. I miss the way he made me relax. I hope he's doing okay. I hope he's happy. Words can't describe ( Read more... )

so we sortof broke up. well, i guess we did. i feel really lost. and incredibly, incredibly sad. and the only thing making me feel a bit better is that i'm going to see him tomorrow. so that doesn't make sense.

too many things ending, too many thoughts. my head feels fuzzy and i cant think straight.

i'm a fucking mess.

really confused. really sad.