A New Day
I never made any New Year's resolutions this year. I try to come up with at least a few things, but it pretty much slipped my mind until last week. For more than a few reasons, I've decided to come up with some. The last few weeks have been sort of a wake-up call to me that it's time for some serious change.
I resolve to to weigh no more than 199 pounds by the end of 2009.
I've been avoiding getting back into shape for no small number of reasons, ranging from general business, an unusually dense bout of illnesses (probably due in no small part to stress), money issues, and all in all a lack of motivation. Well, it's time to change that. I'm tired of being this big, and I'm going to do something about it.
I resolve to man up and take responsibility for myself.
I complain. A lot. Sometimes about petty things, sometimes about important ones, but I complain a lot. And I've come to realize that I really don't have a lot to talk about, other than things I feel I'm doing wrong, or things I want advice on, or things I can't figure out. I've spent the last ten weeks in particular taking a lot of advice from a lot of people about a girl I like (generally without me necessarily asking for or wanting the advice), rather than just strapping a sack and asking her out.
"You gotta shit or get off the pot." -- Randall Graves (Clerks.)
As a sidenote, I'm not exactly the biggest believer in mysticism or anything paranormal, but... I can't help but be shaken by some extremely vivid dreams this past week. Primarily those involving the girl I spoke about above. I get the feeling (reinforced by the very specific nature of these dreams) that I'm losing my window to say something to her. And I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't say something.
I resolve to drink significantly less in the coming months.
Last night, I drank myself to oblivion at a party. I blacked out, for the fourth time -- the first time in seven months. And I had absolutely no reason to. The first two times it happened on accident. I didn't know what I was doing. The third, well... that's a story for another day. Not only did I have no reason to drink that much, but it ruined what was honestly the best chance I had to finally talk to the girl about stuff. I came home at about 4am, having been blacked out for hours. I threw up in the toilet and, judging by the rather nasty note on the medicine cabinet, I didn't exactly clean up properly. I went into my room and continued to throw up, finally snapping out of the blackout at about 4:30am. Just in time to start cleaning up and realizing what I'd been doing. No one (myself included) has the full picture of what happened to me last night, and as I slowly start putting the pieces together, I become more and more ashamed of myself. What I've been doing to myself is pathetic and it needs to stop, now. My family has a history of alcoholism, and I feel that I'm standing on the precipice of a very dark chapter of my life if I don't get a handle on it, right now.
I resolve to obtain both degrees I currently seek by June 2010.
I am a terrible student. What's interesting is that before WPI I had failed only one class in my life, by a single point. Since coming to WPI I have NR'd at least fifteen courses. I have punted at least one course every term for the last thirteen consecutive terms. My degree in theatre is almost complete, but my math degree is not. I haven't passed a math course in years, and it's for completely the wrong reasons. Starting in D Term, that will change, for good.
I resolve to, beginning in D Term 2009, NR no more courses at WPI.
I gotta shit or get off the pot. There's no more time to screw around, and in looking at how I'm doing at this school scholastically I'm becoming a bigger and bigger joke by the day. It's time to be responsible, for once.
I resolve to be a better friend.
I have been fortunate enough to have a large group of amazing friends, whom I've let down too many times. They've helped me through some pretty difficult times, and it's about time I really start to repay the favor.
And last but not least...
I resolve to get my life in order.
All of it. My room is a mess, my money is drying up very fast, and every window of opportunity I have is quickly closing, from love to school to work to my life after WPI. There isn't much time, but I can still fix things, and I can still make it work.
I spent almost the entire day in my room, more hungover than I think I've ever been in my life, ashamed at how I acted and pissed at myself for utterly sabotaging myself. But it's a new day, and you can always change.
I resolve to to weigh no more than 199 pounds by the end of 2009.
I've been avoiding getting back into shape for no small number of reasons, ranging from general business, an unusually dense bout of illnesses (probably due in no small part to stress), money issues, and all in all a lack of motivation. Well, it's time to change that. I'm tired of being this big, and I'm going to do something about it.
I resolve to man up and take responsibility for myself.
I complain. A lot. Sometimes about petty things, sometimes about important ones, but I complain a lot. And I've come to realize that I really don't have a lot to talk about, other than things I feel I'm doing wrong, or things I want advice on, or things I can't figure out. I've spent the last ten weeks in particular taking a lot of advice from a lot of people about a girl I like (generally without me necessarily asking for or wanting the advice), rather than just strapping a sack and asking her out.
"You gotta shit or get off the pot." -- Randall Graves (Clerks.)
As a sidenote, I'm not exactly the biggest believer in mysticism or anything paranormal, but... I can't help but be shaken by some extremely vivid dreams this past week. Primarily those involving the girl I spoke about above. I get the feeling (reinforced by the very specific nature of these dreams) that I'm losing my window to say something to her. And I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't say something.
I resolve to drink significantly less in the coming months.
Last night, I drank myself to oblivion at a party. I blacked out, for the fourth time -- the first time in seven months. And I had absolutely no reason to. The first two times it happened on accident. I didn't know what I was doing. The third, well... that's a story for another day. Not only did I have no reason to drink that much, but it ruined what was honestly the best chance I had to finally talk to the girl about stuff. I came home at about 4am, having been blacked out for hours. I threw up in the toilet and, judging by the rather nasty note on the medicine cabinet, I didn't exactly clean up properly. I went into my room and continued to throw up, finally snapping out of the blackout at about 4:30am. Just in time to start cleaning up and realizing what I'd been doing. No one (myself included) has the full picture of what happened to me last night, and as I slowly start putting the pieces together, I become more and more ashamed of myself. What I've been doing to myself is pathetic and it needs to stop, now. My family has a history of alcoholism, and I feel that I'm standing on the precipice of a very dark chapter of my life if I don't get a handle on it, right now.
I resolve to obtain both degrees I currently seek by June 2010.
I am a terrible student. What's interesting is that before WPI I had failed only one class in my life, by a single point. Since coming to WPI I have NR'd at least fifteen courses. I have punted at least one course every term for the last thirteen consecutive terms. My degree in theatre is almost complete, but my math degree is not. I haven't passed a math course in years, and it's for completely the wrong reasons. Starting in D Term, that will change, for good.
I resolve to, beginning in D Term 2009, NR no more courses at WPI.
I gotta shit or get off the pot. There's no more time to screw around, and in looking at how I'm doing at this school scholastically I'm becoming a bigger and bigger joke by the day. It's time to be responsible, for once.
I resolve to be a better friend.
I have been fortunate enough to have a large group of amazing friends, whom I've let down too many times. They've helped me through some pretty difficult times, and it's about time I really start to repay the favor.
And last but not least...
I resolve to get my life in order.
All of it. My room is a mess, my money is drying up very fast, and every window of opportunity I have is quickly closing, from love to school to work to my life after WPI. There isn't much time, but I can still fix things, and I can still make it work.
I spent almost the entire day in my room, more hungover than I think I've ever been in my life, ashamed at how I acted and pissed at myself for utterly sabotaging myself. But it's a new day, and you can always change.