(no subject)
You learn....
You learn a lot in life. And like all I suppose we all knew that. But it is something about that statement. Something about it that I actually analyze it for once. I analyze and understand how correct that statement is. It’s been a while since I’ve written in my own words. I assume it is for the simple fact that I am just shocked that I found someone. Someone essentially worth talking about. I spend so much time looking for others and for the first time someone actually stumbled upon me. I guess that is how you distinguish between fantasy and reality. When you get tired of openhandedly giving all the time. Then when you least expect it you discover that you can actually give and receive equally never having to regret anything that would come out of it.
You gain knowledge that you can certainly trust someone. You can give someone your all and expect nothing from him or her but their heart. And when they do declare confidently that they would never hurt you, you do have a choice to believe or too not. But whether you choose to or not you either risk loosing someone important or you take the risk of getting hurt because of the trust you bestowed upon that person.
You learn in life that you can actually weep and have it mean something. Have it mean something to you but most of all have it mean something to that special, extraordinary, unusual (lol) distinct, and exceptional someone. And once he kisses you so gently, and sympathetically; he tells you that everything will be ok, and then he tells you the motivational explanation of why things will guaranteed be fine he cries as well, pouring his heart out. Then while you look into that persons eyes, you do see that truth and honesty that lies deep inside a person. So deep that for only a split second you can see it, but its there.
You learn that sometimes things don't go the way that you’d want them to go, but it is those times that truly show you your true colors. And once you find those true colors you learn who is utterly and romantically appropriate for you. It is the those colors that might seem black to many but white and pure to him and only him. He is the one that truly cares. The one who blinds himself from the truth and sees you not for the person you where, but for the person you are today, in the present.
Maybe it is time that I figure out the person I truly am. The person who I was meant to be instead of the person that I try to be to make myself look excellent. Maybe it is time for me to grow up and show bear witness to myself that I am loved and cared for. And that I can and will have a chance with a guy. Maybe it is time for me to realize that something's are to good to be true. But if they are there, and stick around for a while then they are to good, but you learn to realize that it is very much true. Maybe it time to realize that I cannot hide the feelings that I feel. I need to show them, express them, and each one both bad and good I shall love and cherish. It is those feelings that keep me human and sane. You learn to see true beauty when beauty is only in the eye of the beholder. You learn to love when others love you not. But you learn to understand to the fullest and regret nothing and live happily.
Two weeks ago I was a nothing. I was a nothing because I believed I was nothing. But like I always did I forged my smile, imitated happiness, and invented the thought that things would be fine. I never really knew though if that point in time would come. That special moment came however. That moment where I can honestly say that I am happy. I am happy because I can truly say that things will be ok. Someone special showed me this. It is that someone that I truly care about. Someone special gave me the truth, and I believed him in every aspect of my life. So here I am saying that things will be different. I will go about life in a new way. Happy and joyful, never giving up. Its time for me to say hello to the new Luis and goodbye to the old, for he is gone, gone forever and shall he return... who knows, but if he does then I will vanquish him once more. A special someone made me realize that I am truly beautiful both inside and out. A special someone made me realize everything that I have just mentioned in this entry. This special someone did not even realize they did it. But he did. And if he shall read this entry then he will know who he is. And if he never comes across this entry, then I will continue to write without him knowing that he is special to me in every way imaginable.