Death.
My baby died. Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to birth a dead baby.
After my mom and my sister left, and Hasan went to tell his mom... I just can't stop crying. I can't take my mind away from it.
I was so ready and so happy and excited to make our family complete... and even though things were hard I never ever in a million years expected to hear her say "There is no heartbeat". I never expected to feel like my heartbeat stopped, too.
I can't dialogue all these emotions now... I just want to cry to someone. I want to sit and bawl my eyes out and get all snotty and feel reassured that whoever it is doesn't feel awkward at all but feels right where they should be. Crying alone makes the monster seem bigger.
For the first time in my life, I experienced death "close" to me. I always said I didn't quite understand what it feels like to lose someone because no one close to me has ever died. Now I know, and it's way way too close.
I've never in my life felt so sad and alone.
After my mom and my sister left, and Hasan went to tell his mom... I just can't stop crying. I can't take my mind away from it.
I was so ready and so happy and excited to make our family complete... and even though things were hard I never ever in a million years expected to hear her say "There is no heartbeat". I never expected to feel like my heartbeat stopped, too.
I can't dialogue all these emotions now... I just want to cry to someone. I want to sit and bawl my eyes out and get all snotty and feel reassured that whoever it is doesn't feel awkward at all but feels right where they should be. Crying alone makes the monster seem bigger.
For the first time in my life, I experienced death "close" to me. I always said I didn't quite understand what it feels like to lose someone because no one close to me has ever died. Now I know, and it's way way too close.
I've never in my life felt so sad and alone.