No, not bitchy. Disappointed, get it right...door handle

[ribbonsofivy]

The most memories I have are always the ones that have the most shit people in them. All the "friends" that I care for the most and speak the best of, put the highest up there, do the most for, always end up letting me down. I understand that all of your time is not going to be spent with just and only me. Thats a given, thats only human nature, but why must they always go about spending that other time (with the other people) and hide it in the most grimey ways? And what really gets me down in my gut, yknow that strong pull you get inside when something really horrible comes to light and it just sucks at you from the inside and soon the pain wells up inside your throat kinda feeling, is that they always get "caught" somehow. Like im a jealous wife who gets in the car later with you and i see her scarf on the floor, or I find the movie ticket stubs on the floor that fell out of your jean pockets. Is it necessary for me to play that role for you? Did you really have to assign me that character in the play of your life? Why did you have to go through such a big production to try to keep the fact that you did something and didnt include me a secret? Now I know that one could argue 'well they do that because they care so much about you that they didnt want you to get hurt?' yes and no. Yes I would be hurt that you decided to see other mutual or non mutual friends and didnt think Id quite fit and help you enjoy that time better, again its only natural, but it hurts unnecessarily much more when you go through the trouble of trying to lie and cover it all up like Im not a smart girl who can piece two an two together, or go back through old news feeds and pictures. No youre not doing it to protect me really, for some odd reason youre "guilty" and thats why you hide it. I just dont understand it. Everytime I decide 'this person means a lot to me and I will do all I can in my power to be the best friend I can be to them' they flip the dice and instead of being a ten they turn out to be snake eyes.

Maybe my new years resolution shouldve been 'No more shit from shit people'