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[rialc]

I really need to vent, to talk to someone, to be held, to be told its going to be ok, and then to stand and be strong and walk away. I don't know if livejournal is even a good thing anymore. I just sit here and my thoughts get all discombobulated, and misinterpreted. I need my best friend. I don't have one anymore. Its really sad to wake up

Comments

Be still and know that I am God.....

[anonymous]

Clair, you know, sweetie, have you ever considered that God is just wanting you to become quiet in your spirit? Have you ever considered that He is longing to do a new work in your life and it can't be accomplished if you keep looking to the past and holding on to the past? I think you really want to move forward, but your fears and insecurities are keeping you tied to the past. None of your friends are going to help you walk this journey. That is why it seems that perhaps all of the props in your life are being stripped away. God just wants you all to Himself and HE wants to be your all in all. You just need to surrender all of this stuff in your life to Him and embrace the future He has for you...whatever that may mean. Transition is always hard. Ask any woman who has given birth. It is painful, but it must happen before the birth (of a new thing, a new future, a new hope, a new start) can be realized. It is during that crucial time that we want to reach back and grab what seems comfortable to us and we risk aborting what the Lord desires to do in us and through us. ("Look not to the former things of the past, but reach forward....") But you do not necessarily have the power within yourself to even surrender all. It is God who will work that surrender in you. Have you ever read Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray? Try to get that and read it.
Alot of new stuff has and is taking place in your life....I know it feels yucky, but it is good stuff, Clair. Have you ever put on a pot of potatoes to boil? Did you notice all that white crud that floats to the top? To me, that is what is taking place in your life....all of the crud is rising to the top so that the Lord can skim it off. When you see the crud, don't let it frighten you and don't believe the lie that you haven't changed and that things won't ever be any different. It will. It already is different. YOU are different.
I know you don't know who I am, but please know that I pray for you often and I am trusting the Lord to have HIS will in your life. Don't give up. Don't look back. Keep moving forward, sweetie.

Re: Be still and know that I am God.....

[rialc]

You are exactly right. I do want to surrender it all. That is exactly what I want to do right now! I want to become the new person God is calling me to, but like you said, its so hard. Especially when the old ways are so familiar and comfortable. I know my friends love me. I also know my family loves me. Its just hard to pick the high road. That's where I am right now. That middle point where I have to let go, every day until it becomes habit to let go. I wake up every morning and pray please Lord, make me more your servant today so that others may see you and your love in and through me. In reguards to Joseph my constant prayer is that God makes me more a best friend and less of an ex. Things are still so awkward between us sometimes and it is just because we are both so afraid of the other being our ex, or should I say he is afraid of me being his ex. I usually don't even know when I'm being an ex rather than a friend. I suppose that would be my homeschooling talking. If you know where I can get that book, please help me get my hands on it. And thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I am trying, I'm trying so hard, and for once I feel like someone realizes this.

A quote

[anonymous]

"God does not ask you to give the perfect surrender in your strength, or by the power of your will; God is willing to work it in you. Do we not read: "It is God that worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13)? And that is what we should seek-to go on our faces before God, until our hearts learn to believe that the everlasting God himself will come in *to turn out what is wrong*."
"....All these searchings and hungerings and longings that are in your heart, I tell you, they are the drawings of the divine magnet, Christ Jesus."
"....Externally, you can see no sign of the mighty power of the Spirit, but the Spirit of God is there. And even so, while you are feeble and fighting and trembling, with faith in the hidden work of God's Spirit do not fear, but yield yourself."
"It is God who will enable you to carry out the surrender."

Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray

Clair, this is just a little paperback book that cost me all of $4 (at Family Christian Bookstore in Gainesville), but the meat of the message has proven invaluable to my life. I don't have the answers for you and I know you feel you are in such a hard place, but I do know and believe that He is at work in you and He will complete that work. Be willing to let go of anything and everything to have all of Him. And that means any relationships...whether ex or friend. Take inventory of where your mind battles are at and where you are exhausting your energies, then ask yourself if these need to be in your life....at least during this season of your life. You know, when you go on a diet and you totally do without sugar for awhile so that your body can detox and you can get in control of your eating? Later on you can reintroduce sugar back into your diet, but not until your body is ready to handle it again. If you say you are just going to wean yourself off of sugar, you never really let go of it, do you? Somtimes you may find that you have to completely let go of relationships to detox and get your life back in control...then come back together when you are stronger, more ready to handle it.
Love to you, sweetie, and lots of prayers!

Re: A quote

[rialc]

Who are you?!?