(no subject)
To anyone who might have been concerned about me after my last post:
I'm fine. It was just something I wasn't quite prepared to deal with. Its ok though. I'm fine, life is still good. I'm all better now, back on track, and not to be worried about. :D You can still love me though! I like that. ;) When people love me. Anywho... Life goes on...
So I think God continues to do amazing things in my life if I continue to let go. I'm almost getting scared now. Good scared, but scared just the same. I'm so excited about going back to school in the fall! I know that's step #1 for now. I don't, however, know where the heck the money is going to come from, but God will provide. He always has until now, why should this be any different. GC for now, after this semester, I have no idea where I'll be. I might be at GC, NGCSU, Toccoa, Pensicolla, or back up in MT. Those are the options I'm seriously looking at and praying about right now. The first three are God's idea, the last two are more my selfish desires. Who knows... *shrugs shoulders*
Had a movie night with my sister last night. Went well all things considered. I wish I could understand why she can't accept me. I try. I'm trying so hard. As far as I can tell from our conversation last night, she won't accept me unless I'm Catholic, especially after everything I've put her and the family through. I wish I could make her see just how sorry I am for every thing she has had to go through on account of me. I wish she could understand that I want with every atom of my being to make things better. That I hate what has happened to me and to them. That I do blame myself. That I know its my fault, even though my therapists all say its their's. There are just some things that I can't change about myself. There are some things that are really and truely a part of me, and I know that hurts you. It hurts you just like what you do to me hurts me. I just want her to know I love her. She's going to be engaged soon. Then there will be a wedding to plan. My fear is that at most I will be invited to come find a seat at the ceremony. My little sister is getting married and I don't get to help with a thing. That hurts like a jagged knife that gets twisted and janked. I just want to be there, to be a member of the family again. I'm trying to right some of my wrongs. I am. I guess sometimes it just doesn't matter. Oh well. I love you anyhow Elyse, I always will. Maybe someday we will find a middle ground and be able to just be sisters. I hope so. I miss my little sister. The one I grew up with and I loved a lot.
Anyhow, back to work and being bored. Just wanted to say hello. I hate to leave my lj on such a sour note! Especially when I am not upset anymore. No reason to worry the world over silly little me anymore! Love to you all, and enjoy your holiday weekend! *hugs*
I'm fine. It was just something I wasn't quite prepared to deal with. Its ok though. I'm fine, life is still good. I'm all better now, back on track, and not to be worried about. :D You can still love me though! I like that. ;) When people love me. Anywho... Life goes on...
So I think God continues to do amazing things in my life if I continue to let go. I'm almost getting scared now. Good scared, but scared just the same. I'm so excited about going back to school in the fall! I know that's step #1 for now. I don't, however, know where the heck the money is going to come from, but God will provide. He always has until now, why should this be any different. GC for now, after this semester, I have no idea where I'll be. I might be at GC, NGCSU, Toccoa, Pensicolla, or back up in MT. Those are the options I'm seriously looking at and praying about right now. The first three are God's idea, the last two are more my selfish desires. Who knows... *shrugs shoulders*
Had a movie night with my sister last night. Went well all things considered. I wish I could understand why she can't accept me. I try. I'm trying so hard. As far as I can tell from our conversation last night, she won't accept me unless I'm Catholic, especially after everything I've put her and the family through. I wish I could make her see just how sorry I am for every thing she has had to go through on account of me. I wish she could understand that I want with every atom of my being to make things better. That I hate what has happened to me and to them. That I do blame myself. That I know its my fault, even though my therapists all say its their's. There are just some things that I can't change about myself. There are some things that are really and truely a part of me, and I know that hurts you. It hurts you just like what you do to me hurts me. I just want her to know I love her. She's going to be engaged soon. Then there will be a wedding to plan. My fear is that at most I will be invited to come find a seat at the ceremony. My little sister is getting married and I don't get to help with a thing. That hurts like a jagged knife that gets twisted and janked. I just want to be there, to be a member of the family again. I'm trying to right some of my wrongs. I am. I guess sometimes it just doesn't matter. Oh well. I love you anyhow Elyse, I always will. Maybe someday we will find a middle ground and be able to just be sisters. I hope so. I miss my little sister. The one I grew up with and I loved a lot.
Anyhow, back to work and being bored. Just wanted to say hello. I hate to leave my lj on such a sour note! Especially when I am not upset anymore. No reason to worry the world over silly little me anymore! Love to you all, and enjoy your holiday weekend! *hugs*