TW Fic: Nosce Te Ipsum (2/?)
Title: Nosce Te Ipsum (2/?)
Pairings/Characters: JackxIanto, Doctor, Astrid Perth
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Romance
Word Count: 3,824 words
Summary: Ianto finds himself lost in the worst way. The Doctor offers him a way out to heal and to find himself.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, BBC owns Torchwood and Doctor Who
Story Notes: Post End of Days and Last of the Timelords disregarding the whole of Torchwood Season 2 completely. This chapter comes with a retelling of Voyage of the Damned (i hope I didn't bollocks it up). This is a Ianto-centric fic of his rediscovery of his self-worth. Unbeta'ed.
A/N: After much thinking I've decided to incorporate the Whoniverse in here. I love Donna, but she won't be appearing until Chapter four to add spice to our Ianto/Doctor dynamic. Also I never liked Astrid's death in Voyage so I'm changing it. I'm pretty apprehensive about this chapter since I'm taking so much liberty with canon. Sorry in advanced if I inadvertently offend anyone. It's also turned out longer than I expected.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Ianto let the Doctor lead him to his blue box, his TARDIS, which was parked right in the middle of the Plas. It was only a few steps away from the lift entrance of the hub and Ianto resisted the urge to let go and go back down. Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe Jack and Gwen weren’t really kissing. Maybe he only saw it in a bad angle.
Ianto felt his heart clench at the possibility but then again he saw the evidence with his own eyes. He was just making excuses for the Captain, like he did when he came back from 1941. Then, he made excuses after excuses. Things like maybe Jack felt sorry for the man he took his name from, that Jack didn’t really fall for the man in just one night. Because that was impossible, right? Ianto tried to make sense of it all in his head, all the time trying to distance himself from Jack so he would not be unduly influenced into falling into bed with him again and forgetting everything. But Tosh’s romantic gushings had penetrated the shield he had put up. All the talk of Jack falling in love at first sight with a dead man had fallen on fertile ground. Because even a dead man could beat him for Jacks attention. He couldn’t even compete. What good can he do against Gwen’s warmth, Gwen’s vivacity and life?
Resolved and weary he followed the Doctor into the TARDIS. The man still hadn’t let go, then Ianto realised he was the one gripping hard. The Doctor hadn’t said anything even when Ianto could see his hand was red from the pressure. He registered bright lights and a very high ceiling when he was lead into a structure right in the middle. Ianto let go and slumped down on the grating floor, feeling warm and strangely comforted.
“Well…what do we have here? Ianto, I think the TARDIS’ trying to say hello” the Doctor said with one of his open mouthed grin as he looked up the flashing tower.
Ianto looked up. Ever since he had stepped foot inside a feeling had somehow permeated his numbed senses, like someone was giving him a big comforting hug. From his position on the floor he rubbed his hand on what might be the console as a response. The lights flashed even more brighter.
“Doctor, I need some of my things. Can we go to my flat first?” Ianto muttered.
The Doctor merely looked down on him and started maniacally touching knobs and cranking levers. “No need, The TARDIS can provide for you. I tell you what…I’ve got a collection of toothbrushes on board…not used of course…I wouldn’t give you a used one…I mean saliva is saliva but still everyone has different teeth. Actually, the hardest part of regenerations’ trying to get used to new teeth, have to get new toothbrushes everytime. And clothes! I’ve got four wardrobes wandering around somewhere, there should be something in there for you…”
“Doctor!” Ianto wondered if the man ever remembered to breathe. Fine chance they’d have in an emergency if the Timelord had to ‘regenerate’ because he died of asphyxiation due to over-talking “Where are you taking me then?”
The Doctor flashed his molars “Just in orbit, so I can show you your accommodation”
Ianto knew this was the Doctor’s way of acclimatising his passenger. He wondered if that’s what he did with his previous Companions or if he just threw them in the deep end. He also marvelled at the speed the Doctor insists on whisking off the planet.
Once the man stopped dashing around, he took Ianto’s hand and dragged him up. Ianto found himself wandering through corridors that strangely reminded him of the lower levels of the hub. He followed the Doctor through one of the many doors and into a large overwhelmingly masculine room. It reminded him of the master bedrooms in the great houses and castles he had visited as a child. It even had a roaring fireplace on the side with bookcases flanking it and two armchairs in front. Ianto wouldn’t be surprised if there was an antique chess table lurking somewhere. The whole room seemed to have been lifted straight from his imagination.
“Wow, she really went all out this time” The Doctor said as he made for the giant four-poster in the middle of the room and proceeded to bounce on it as if testing for spring resistance, only to be swallowed by the mattress. He eventually managed to wrestle himself out of the duvet, giving Ianto a sheepish look, complete with one hand scratching behind his head. Ianto hoped he didn’t have head lice.
“Listen, what I said outside, you know…the being alone together thing” this was accompanied by finger wiggles.
Ianto jus looked at him impassively.
“You know…!” The Doctor wheedled. “I don’t want you think it’s a…you know…”
“Know what?”
The man finally snapped. “Gah! Why is this so hard?!”
“Doctor, are you trying to say you don’t want us to be alone together” Ianto copied the finger wiggles “in the biblical sense?” he could feel his sense of humour slowly emerging from his numbed senses.
“What’s the bible got to do with it?” The Doctor blurted out, puzzled. “What’s the bible ever done to you?”
Ianto clamped down the urge to laugh “What did you mean then?”
“Right! I meant that you know, had a bit of trouble with my last Companion, the she-liked-me-like-that, sort of trouble. Martha, nice girl, saved the world, just a bit in love with me that’s all, you’d probably have liked her, good family…”
“Doctor! I’m not falling for you now or in the future, that’s exactly the sort of trouble I ran from. Besides, you‘re not even my type.” Ianto could not resist adding.
“Ah yes, sorry…just thought, you know, might as well make it clear between….What do you mean not your type?!” The Doctor fairly screeched.
“Doc--”
“I’ll have you know the Queen of Poosh thought I’m quite the specimen, kidnapped me for her harem, too! And Shakespeare checked me out! And Rose thought I’m not a bad-looking man, and did I mention Martha was in love with me?!”
“Doctor!”
“Glad we cleared that up! Now where do you want to go? Backwards? Forwards?”
Ianto felt his sanity shrinking in the darkest corner of his mind. He wondered briefly if he’ll ever need it again, travelling with the Doctor seems to be bad for it.
Before Ianto could answer the ship shuddered and shook mightily as if they had crashed into something big, which was ridiculous since they were drifting through open space. Unless a stray satellite managed to wander off its designated orbit and crash into the TARDIS.
They raced back into the main chamber. Once there they stood thunderstruck at the sight of a huge hull sticking in to the TARDIS wall. Loud horns sounded as Ianto picked up a large brown ring off the floor.
“What? What?! What?!” The Doctor shouted. Clearly he was not articulate when surprised. Ianto filed that bit of information to be used later.
“Doctor, look.” he said as he handed over the brown ring, which was clearly marked ‘TITANIC’.
The Doctor looked at the ring, looked up at the ship and said another “What?” in a deeper voice with less panic and more curiosity.
Ianto could not help but agree. Seems like they were going to the deep end after all.
*****************************************************************************************
The view of the earth from orbit was truly breath-taking if a little terrifying. He could imagine free-falling into the atmosphere and burning up even before he hit the ocean, the exhilaration and fear mixing up, until he knew not what he was feeling and the adrenaline just took over. Funny how similar the feeling would be like to actually falling for Jack. Terrifying yet exhilarating, you fight it with everything you’ve got, because you know that you’ll always feel like you’re fighting a loosing battle, because whatever you do, you can’t stop that niggle of worry and insecurity that you are never going to be enough for them.
Ianto had never really thought of himself as a confident man, it was just one of those things that he had to live with. Even while growing up he had always been insecure, with his looks, and too aware that he was an orphan, that no one wanted him enough to take him in their homes and in their hearts after his parents died.
He straightened the evening jacket he filched from the Doctor’s expansive wardrobe and turned to watch the other man talk with sweet little Astrid. Ianto could tell from the way they were talking that it wouldn’t be far before the Doctor had another guest on board. And he didn’t mind that. From what he’d seen of Astrid he could tell she was ready for an adventure, eager to see all there is to see out there, with. He knew Astrid would bring all her wonder and awe into whatever adventure they manage to get themselves into. He and the Doctor needed unvarnished reactions, he definitely craved the innocence and light that Astrid would bring and he knew he could not be that person for the Doctor for he knew of his own darkness. He had seen the dregs and destruction of the universe. All he had seen of whatever was out there was pain and suffering. Maybe it was a good thing that he accepted the Doctor’s invitation. Maybe it was time for him to see the all wonders the universe could offer.
“So you two travel a lot?” Astrid asked, clutching the tray she was holding like a lifeline.
“All the time, just for fun. Well…that’s the plan, never quite works.” the Doctor said as he threw a grin at Ianto. He snorted. According to Jack the Doctor attracted trouble wherever he went.
Astrid gave them a wistful smile. “Must be rich though.”
Before he could answer the Doctor whispered “Haven’t got a penny…stowaway.” he motioned at both Ianto and himself.
“You’re kidding.” Astrid said disbelieving.
“It’s true.” Ianto whispered with a smile. “Got here by accident.”
“No! How’d you get on board?”
“Ask him.” Ianto pointed to the Doctor.
The Doctor was only too happy to explain “I’ve got this sort of ship thing, I was just rebuilding her and showing Ianto around. Just picked him up earlier. Left the defences down, bumped into the Titanic and here we are. Bit of a party so I thought why not, Ianto and I could do with a party.”
“I should report you” Astrid said, looking around.
The Doctor took up her bluff “Go on then”
Ianto groaned “Doctor”
Astrid just grinned at them and turned to go but not before promising to come back with drinks, on the house.
“Fantastic staff” the Doctor said as he watched her make her way through the room.
Ianto nodded. “She seems quite sweet.”
“What do you think?” The Doctor asked, a serious expression on his face. Ianto wouldn’t be surprised if the Timelord had been snooping around his mind again.
“I think we should take her with us. She’s wasted here on this lot” Ianto said as he pointed out a group of revellers, laughing, he presumed at a couple sitting a few tables over. The malicious amusement they exuded was giving Ianto a headache.
“You’re right, bunch of snobs.” The Doctor turned to see who they were laughing at “Should we go say Hi?” he said with a glint in his eyes.
Ianto could tell that the Doctor was up to no good, Jack got the exact same glint in his eyes whenever he wanted to humiliate someone. Ianto felt a tactical approach would be best, it would not be a good idea to draw attention to them. So he nudged the Doctor towards the couple, who was extremely glad of the company. They explained that ever since they came aboard, everyone had been treating them like a spectacle, avoiding them but not ignoring them altogether. All because they won their tickets in a competition and not bought them, like all the rich snobs around them. Ianto found the couple quite amiable and up-beat. Nothing seems to get them down, and they obviously loved each other a great deal. He felt his heart clench with envy.
Sensing Ianto’s black mood surfacing the Doctor quickly nudged him with his elbow. Ianto was given a wink and an eyebrow waggle before the Doctor inconspicuously showered the posh bullies with their drinks of choice. Ianto found himself laughing with Morvin and Foon. Grateful for the effort, he gave the Doctor a sincere smile.
Ianto was just reaching for a buffalo wing when the announcement came for ticket Red 6-7. The Doctor seemed keen to go but Ianto passed on the chance to teleport to Earth, having just come from there. He felt that it was something Astrid would enjoy more so he urged the Doctor to grab her as a plus one instead. But before he dashed off, he asked Ianto for his mobile, which he still kept useless in his trouser pocket. The Doctor flashed his sonic screwdriver at it.
“Universal roaming, in case anything happens.” the Timelord imparted before he tossed the mobile back to Ianto.
Ianto raised his eyebrows. He couldn’t imagine what he would use it for. The Doctor didn’t have one and he probably didn’t know Ianto’s number. He stuffed it back into his pocket, but just as he decided to explore the ship, it vibrated.
Jack. Twenty-three missed calls and fifteen text messages. Ianto felt his stomach drop. Of course. He had a job, he couldn’t just up and leave Torchwood. Especially with Torchwood’s most wanted. Only Jack could do that. And maybe Gwen. But he was sure they’d have seen the CCTV by now. Maybe even guessed where he had gone. He walked blindly forward, trying to think of what to say, what to do. He didn’t even know if he should read the texts. Ianto wondered if the Doctor knew this would happen when he modified his phone. He probably did, the sly bugger. He came to his senses when he almost tripped over a Host.
“I’m sorry.” he gasped.
“Information: Are you well, sir?”
Ianto felt somehow uneasy around Hosts. He knew, theoretically, they were machines but he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for them. He supposed that was because they're modelled after humans and they were treated so badly. He had seen a drunk man pour a bottle of wine over a Host earlier, and the one that he and the Doctor talked to was carted off like a sack of flour when it broke down. So he gave the one in front of him a smile and apologised again before walking towards the window.
He had made up his mind. Ianto may be many things, but coward wasn’t one of them. The phone rang twice before Jack picked it up. He sounded calm, not angry at all, but Ianto felt apprehensive all the same.
“Where are you?”
Ianto swallowed the lump on his throat and tried to sound nonchalant. “I’m sure you’ve figured it out, sir.”
There was silence on the line. “Sir?”
“Ianto, why did you go with him?” Jack sounded pained for some reason.
It took all of Ianto’s strength to say “Because I’m not needed there anymore.”
“Ianto-”
“I’ve left messages on my station, sir. In case I was killed or compromised there are instructions there for my replacement. I understand your position, Captain, you’d have to delete me in the personnel files. I’d rather you don’t declare me dead altogether but it’s up to you, sir.” he tilted his head up, willing himself not to cry. This was harder than he’d expected.
“Ianto, please, you have to let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. You’ve made your choice and I’ve made mine.”
“Are you coming back?”
Ianto had not thought that far ahead. He knew his flat would have to be packed up. His bank accounts closed. His passport, driver’s licence and national insurance would be blacked out. He’d done it himself enough times. But he also had a back up. When he was still hopeful of Lisa’s recovery, he had prepared new identities and enough money to start a new life with her. He had kept it hidden even after Lisa’s death, not really thinking he would ever have to use it. So theoretically if he didn’t die or get stranded in another planet or a different time, he could still make a life back on Earth.
“Not in the considerable future” he finally answered. “I have to go, sir.”
“Wait! When you decide to come back, and I know you will, you’ll always have a place here. So for now you‘re a Torchwood agent assigned as a liaison to one of Torchwood’s Ally.”
“Sir-”
“Let me talk. I want you to take care of yourself, ok? I know travelling with the Doctor is dangerous, so I want you to call one of us to check in anytime you can.”
Ianto almost laughed. He couldn’t imagine calling any of the others voluntarily. Especially not Gwen or Owen.
“Ianto, promise me.”
“Alright.” he acceded. “I’ve really got to go, sir.”
“Ok, ok.” he heard Jack sigh “Ianto, be careful.”
“I will, sir. Bye.” he cut off the connection quickly, irrationally not wanting to hear Jack express the same sentiment.
Things went to hell not long after that.
******************************************************************************************
Ianto concentrated on not drawing attention to himself as he crept towards the forklift parked on the other side of the room. Picking his way carefully past debris and the occasional fire. He looked back at Astrid, who was holding a lose pipe, and motioned for her to be quiet. Spying a decapitated Host head on the floor he grabbed it, satisfied that it seemed heavy enough for the job he intended to use it for.
He got on the forklift, placing the head on his lap. “Get the Doctor away from the Hosts.” he told Astrid as he turned on the machine.
“…Host! Kill him.” He heard Capricorn order as he revved up the engine and charged towards the man/cyborg. He didn’t give anyone time to react as he raced across the room, fitting the forks under the man/cyborg’s wheel, with a satisfying bang. Angered beyond reason for the senseless killing of so many people on board and the utterly ridiculous logic behind the massacre, Ianto barely noticed the Hosts reacting, throwing their halos in his direction.
He quickly raised the forks, holding the man/cyborg helplessly off the ground. He gave the panicking Capricorn a grim smile before he vaulted out of the seat, slamming and wedging the Host head down onto the accelerator. With a satisfying roar, and agonised wail from Capricorn, the forklift raced to the edge and into the Nuclear Storm Drive down below.
He turned as a he saw flash of yellow jumped in front of him. He was just in time to catch Astrid as she fell to the ground, one of the Hosts’ halo stuck on her chest and down her abdomen. He heard the Doctor, still being held back by Hosts, give a great shout of despair.
“No, no, no…” he muttered incoherently. He didn’t know what to do, if he yanked off the blade, she‘ll bleed to death, but if he left it….
“Oh god, you’re going to be alright, you‘re going to be alright…Doctor!”
Astrid still had her eyes open staring at him in shock. “You’re ok?”
Ianto brought her closer “I'm ok. You saved me… Doctor! Help!” he shouted desperately.
The Doctor finally managed to wrestle free of the Hosts, running to their side and taking one of Astrid’s hands on his. “No, no, no, this wasn’t supposed to happen. There’s nothing we can do.”
Ianto shared an anguished look with the Doctor. Slumping defeated next to the dying woman, Ianto handed her over to the Doctor, taking her other hand in his blood-soaked ones. They stayed with her until her last breath, both men trying to ease her passing. Until finally she slumped, lifeless in the Doctor’s arms.
Ianto saw suppressed fury and cold determination take-over the Doctor’s face. “Stay here, Ianto. Take care of her.”
“Where’re you going?”
“I’m going to stop this ship crashing if it’s the last thing I do.” the Timelord gritted through clenched teeth.
Ianto looked around. “What about the Hosts?”
“Controller’s dead, they revert to the next highest authority.” he gave Ianto a feral smile. “and that’s me.”
“Good luck, Doctor.”
“You hold on tight, its gonna be a rough ride.” the Doctor said before running out of the room, two Hosts following behind him.
******************************************************************************************
Ianto waved goodbye to an ecstatic Mr Copper, feeling slightly worried. A nice man with a lot of money in a strange planet. He wondered if he should tell the Captain about him, ask him to keep an eye out for Mr Copper, just in case. Despite the Doctor’s warnings, he did have a habit of over-talking.
“Ianto!” The Doctor called from inside the TARDIS.
Ianto looked at the sky once more, savouring the feeling of the Not-snow falling on him before he turned and went inside.
“She’s ok then” he said as he joined the Doctor in front of the console. Ianto ran his right hand lightly over the controls, caressing, making sure she was whole.
The Doctor looked up and smiled “Survive anything.”
“I think I’ll give Torchwood a call, keep an eye out for Mr Copper, just in case.”
The Doctor looked wary. “Is that wise?”
Ianto hastened to explain “Don’t worry, they won’t do anything to him, the Captain will make sure of that.”
“Hmmm…stranded in a different planet, I suppose he’ll need all the help he can get.”
Ianto nodded and slumped down on the grating “Doctor, I’m sorry.”
“For what?” asked the Doctor, startled.
Ianto leaned wearily on the console, utterly exhausted and emotionally fraught “It’s my fault she died. She shouldn’t have had to protect me. I should’ve made her stay with Mr Copper and Brigston.”
The Doctor followed him on the floor “It wasn’t your fault. If it was anybody‘s fault, it was Capricorn’s.”
“But I should have made her stay upstairs.”
“She was stubborn, strong, she wouldn’t have wanted to be left behind if she could help.”
“But-”
“Ianto, don‘t underestimate the value of what she did.”
“That’s not it. She should be alive, Doctor. It should’ve been me!”
The Timelord looked at him sharply. “Then live the life she gave you…make her sacrifice worth it.”
Ianto looked back, surprised. And ashamed.
The Doctor stood up suddenly “Come on then! Where do you want to go?”
And just like that, Ianto felt, oh, so slightly better.
TBC...
What do you think? Too much? I'm being too ambitious...*eeee* keep in mind its unbeta'ed so any mistake (i'm sure there's tons) is all mine