( Purity test! )

OkCupid just linked me to my own profile as a match I may be interested in.

I really need to get laid, guys. Even my dating sites know that masturbation is the most action I get.

...Krista and Alex just BURST into my room in an absolute PANIC and interrupted the 4chan fest Lizzie and I are in the middle of. we're on a quest for motivational posters.

The problem:

"WE JUST MET TWO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER EVER MASTURBATED IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE"

They're seriously upset by this.

Good lord, I love college.